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Discussion Starter #1
Do you ? Also, do you recognise the healthy trait or not ?
I read some of your comments about being creepy, but is it that creepy to care for another fellow human being etc ?

Sometimes I do feel like I am losing my sense of self, as there are So many types of people out in the world now with different perspective of what is the "right thing to do". Especially with this "new age" phenomena. I find it odd to be dictated by someone else who have not lived through the life experience even before they tell me what I should do etc. Also, this shadow spotting business is pretty common nowadays in the new internet age. I find that odd. Recently, I got offended when someone dug out my past and basically aired my laundry publically. Or is this common now to accept the bad aspect of yourself too ? Shouldn't people grow at their own pace?
 

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Even though the motives maybe good, that doesn't necessarily make the process good. I'm honestly troubled by the fact anyone can dig up anything in my past, because that doesn't allow me to forget about the past and move on. The fact that information is flying along is great, but there are somethings that shouldn't be said till the time is right, and these stuff are normally within social areas. Personal stuff. Well, the age of information is soon about to start, and privacy is slowing disappear.

*100 years from now.
"Daddy, what does privacy mean?"
"I'm not sure son why don't you ask your great-grandfather. I remember him talking about it when I was a child."
 

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Well, *healthy* for me might be hell for another INFP. I'm not a 4/INFP, I'm a 9/INFP. Healthy for me is happiness, creativity, inspirational, doing my own thing/independent, no physical/emotional pain. I love contentment. See... I think contentment and happiness is bliss.

What do you see as healthy Bago?
 

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All of your questions are pretty much relative to the individual. Aside from the extremes, there's a lot of middle ground on what's healthy and what's not.

I guess an aspect of a healthy INFP is that they're generally content with their environment (or the parts that matter), not bugging out on trying to control things outside of their influence, and realize that every crusade can't be won.

Sometimes the advice given by people younger than yourself can be pretty good, even if they may have not been on this earth longer than you have. That's a judgement call on your end, I just tend to generally consider all the possibilities for myself. If the advice doesn't apply, I chuck it.

Your post seems to be written towards someone in particular.....just a feeling. Either way, the last thing I have to say is that people snooping around for someone's dirty laundry is just bad manners. Doesn't matter if people are forcing somebody to "accept" they're bad aspects......golden rule applies.
 

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I think to what extent you recognize hapiness and wellnes in another reguardless of type, is to what extent you see it in yourself.

And what's this about someone telling you what to do because they're new age? Sounds like a lot of bull to me. I just try to do what's right -for myself, and try not to hurt anyone in the process, but sometimes that dosen't allways work. Anyways, we're all going allong at our own pace anyways, so might as well enjoy the ride, although it's no fun to be running from your past. @Bago Did you at least get revenge on the person who exposed your dark secrets?
 

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-It is not creepy to care for another with your heart. You can do so easily without being really "creepy". Some people are too prone to easily hurl insults to that which they cannot easily relate to, and the warmth and genuine care of many INFPs can be deemed "creepy" by those who fail to understand it (even INFPs can misunderstand each other, as evident even on these forums, and as has been my experience in real life.) Their loss, and not the INFP's fault.

-You should be who you are, and interpret your life according to your own path-the path less travelled is indeed very often the INFP path, although not necessarily so.

-Whoever dug up your past in that way (especially if it was maliciously done) WAS unhealthy (whatever type he/she was). My past is done, and I have the right to grow at my own pace; I am allowed mistakes as a human being, regardless type, age, and who I am.

-In my opinion, a healthy any type is happy with who he/she is, and what his/her preferences and tendencies are. They don't wish to be like somebody else, but are utterly content with themselves, even as they realize they are in the end still a work in progress. Self-acceptance is thus one of the keys to being personally happy and healthy. I should add that a negative, overly cynical individual is usually not healthy (usually, at least). Accepting ourselves and others as we/they are is a very healthy trait, and a rather easy one to spot.

Wishing you well.
 

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Yeah...me...haha..No. I would say a 'healthy' INFP is someone who has learned who they are, what is important to them for themselves independent of what is important of others--I think this is something that happened to me as I have gotten older. A healthy INFP accepts their differences and strengths..Learns maybe to not be so sensitive, develops their other functions. For me I have definitely had to learn to become assertive in life because I would say our personality is quite the minority -in fact i know no other INFP's IRL...Basically just say to people.."Ok, you don't understand because you are not me. I'm not you. I'm different. Get over it. My needs are different than yours." In the past that was hard.
 

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@Bago, sorry that has happened to you! There is no excuse, and it is a very low-life method used to punish a person no matter which type such person is, INFP or not. I think I got disillusioned with my previous perceptions that INFP = a saint, an non-hurtful, nonjudgmental, well-meaning all the time - person. That was naive in my case.

I personally do not like healthy or unhealthy INFP term. I am not meaning to offend here. I just think it is not completely true term to describe something that is happening to people. I think the reasoning comes from Jung's shadow term and is getting misinterpreted - it became somewhat common therm here. Sorry, I do not mean to offend you by this; it is just somewhat bothersome to hear for me a long time ago I heard it here even before you mentioned it. I know that you are well-meaning in the case. I think that any person or type for that matter could experience unhealthy or healthy states, which does not have anything to do with its personality type (that could be subcategorized into unhealthy or healthy). Besides, I think health is a larger concept than just mental or physical state of an individual. I prefer World Health Organization definition of health. It is more a state than a person. Forgive the information; I do not mean to lecture, but how to say it differently what bothers me.

I feel somewhat the same - "Sometimes I do feel like I am losing my sense of self, as there are So many types of people out in the world now with different perspective of what is the "right thing to do". - Meaning I am not losing sense of self, but I am not relating too much sometimes to a prevalent set of mind - generational differences I guess. I also think that younger generations might think that they know everything when they do not (this is normal for their age). On the other hand, older people than "Ys" could be the same, so one has to pick and choose with what they relate too. Also, a lot of younger generation of people are more informed, generally speak their mind more easily, and are rather perceptive and intellectual in their worldviews than my generation was when we were their age. I would not know if not for this forum. However, sometimes some of them do not like to be told something about them neither no matter how obvious, and might misinterpret well-meaning older person (than them) and their intentions. I would think that is better to live and let live - in the terms how someone lives their life and what their tastes are for music or the like, not to judge what some people do or not do or their tastes whether judgement comes from a younger or an older person. There are cultural differences too that come out whether you want them to come out or not. Giving advice irks some people too as I noticed - again assuming a person is being harsh or judgemental or nosy even. I think sometimes, I should walk on eggshels almost. It makes me anxious and not willing to come here.

I agree with @IcariusDreams that being nice toward someone is considered "creepy" by some INFPs. I would add - someone doubting that one is not genuine is pet-peeve of mine regarding this forum INFP, because I mean what I think and feel. I wonder that the world in general is not "nice" so any niceness or warmth could be misinterpreted as not genuine or critical even in some.

I also dislike generalizations about a particular group of people, or any group for that matter. A word "some" should be used. If one is religious so he/she has to be some kind of fanatic, completely disregard science, push you to believe what you believe, and be a close-minded person. When you generalize - they who is being close-minded? That is not true in my experience although it happens that many religious people are like that more than I personally like. I dislike "holier than you attitude in terms of authenticity" - "I am more authentic than you because I am E4." There should be a way not to jump to such type of conclusions - it is hurtful to another person.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Well, *healthy* for me might be hell for another INFP. I'm not a 4/INFP, I'm a 9/INFP. Healthy for me is happiness, creativity, inspirational, doing my own thing/independent, no physical/emotional pain. I love contentment. See... I think contentment and happiness is bliss.

What do you see as healthy Bago?
As without anxiety. I never associated the "healthy" or "unhealthy" terms emotionally. The more I see these terms, the more I adopt it for some reasons, and I guess this is not good either.

I understand contentment, and peace. Recently, I felt so peaceful just thinking about things. Happy, wanted things. This gives me contentment.
 

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Some people like to think they have all the answers. They like to cram their ideas down your throat in their attempt to help you or maybe to just feed their ego. Who cares. Don't let them bother you!
I think you're right and you should just grow at your own pace, adopting your own ideas as you go. There are some things you just have to learn for yourself in your own way!
 

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@Steppenwolf2 - I get what you mean... I have been thinking about that a lot recently too. Whether I have truly thrown away my own culture, which I probably have done. That is one thing. I moved recently and found myself liking this small town idea, and is suits me so well. Brings back memory of how I used to live as a child, and it feels peaceful.

@Kindofblue - It happens to be an INFP guy. We were kind of seeing each other, and then we were not, and we both hurt each other by posting things about each other onto our own FB, which we both took to heart at well. However, in doing so, I think after he met me, he also befriended other females too, and then it started to go downhill from there, cos these girls started to side with him, and "judged" our relationship etc... It's how I then got into anxiety mode. Instead of talking to each other about it, he will post songs instead, and then his friends will also post songs with lyrics which attacks me as a chinese, or whatever. On some level, there were a bit of racism embedded in there somewhere ! He's half italian, and is very open-minded. He wears his heart on his sleeve so much more than to think before he does something, and to keep harmony. (Which is what confucianism is supposed to be about, and the culture that I am from.) Even speaking with you guys now, made me feel that I have lost all that too... I'm not sure if I am doing a "thinking aloud" kind of post.
 

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A healthy person (not just INFP) is someone who makes decisions on how they want to live their life, takes actions on those decisions and accepts the consequences of those actions.
 
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(on the concept of healthy vs. unhealthy)

Personally, I prefer the terms "stable and unstable" over "healthy and unhealthy".

In my own case, I would say that I could shift from stable to unstable or back within in a short duration of time (relatively speaking). What I mean is, I could be having a good year and then something happens which causes me to feel less stable which causes me to regress some, but when the issue that triggered my "fall" is resolved, or at least managed, I can move back into more of a stable mode. I have to work harder to keep my less 'pleasant' qualities from manifesting during less-stable times. (that is when the demons creep)





I think there are ways to help yourself stay in a more stable mode, but sometimes its really out of your control. You could be the "healthiest" INFP in the world, but, say, if tragedy strikes, some amount of instability might be inevitable. That being said, I now see that there are things we can do to equip ourselves during times of difficulty to keep ourselves from regressing too far from that more stable or 'healthy' place. I wish I would have known this earlier, but... learning now is better than learning never I suppose.
 

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Ms. @Bago,

It's rather sad that these people ganged up like that on you, like little children, making a huge Facebook spectacle (and "battle" to boot) against you, especially with racist undertones. You should not feel too bad about this, as if somehow this is "your fault", beacause these immature people need a lot of growing up to do (we all need to "grow up" in some fashion, but what I mean to say is that they didn't have the manners to treat the issue appropriatedly-this should have never been made public, because it was a private issue.) This situation has unfairly affected your personal life to this day, although in the end, all this is for the best. Another life lesson, and time to move on following your heart, and whatever makes you really happy. You deserve to feel "liberated" from this series of incidents once and for all, and to just focus on what you really want out of life-never forget that you are a beautiful person, and indeed deserve the best.

As for you being "healthy" or not, feeling down and confused is normal, especially seeing what has transpired in your life, but you need not feel like this forever. :) You are already evidently starting to feel better, and there's no need to think as if you are doing something wrong, or as if you must indeed be "unhealthy" at present. Too much is made out of the terms. What matters is that you enjoy life on your own terms, which might be quite different than those from everybody else. The people involved in this incident, as I said before, were clearly "unhealthy" themselves, and i'ts not fair that you should feel too guilty because of these hot-headed individuals. It's over, done, and out. Life is beautiful and inspiring, and there's always a better tomorrow, which I am sure you will keep forging for yourself.

Follow your dream, to the very end-life shall always remain an exciting, never-ending journey of learning and self-discovery.
 

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Some people know how to help themselves so they try to help others that way, and it only hurts the other person. Other living creatures aren't products of ourself, they exist by their own set or rules; . That's why we feel emotions, have our own consciosness, ect., to be able to regulate OURSELVES, not someone else knows what we feel or think. Part of respect is raelizing we all helf self-autonomy.... you can't help anyone by forcing them to be more like youreslf, or live according to your worldview, or at their style or pace. That can only hurt anyone, beacuse even if it could have potentially solved the problem, it creates a new problem, the problem the person loses self-respect, self-autonomy, and reacts against this invasive new authority.

I am using "you" in the general sense, not referring to you, bago. So that person who was attempting to help you was really taking away your power, bago, and i think you should ignore them!! I too have been troubled by this; helpful sentiments coming in hurtful packages, and what to make of them!! I would feel obligated to accept the advice or not fight the control, beacuse they would say, "Now don't get mad, you can see I am right, I am only trying to help you," but they are not in the position to decide what I do and do not do, or know what I do and do not see... people are more complicated than give them the X to their equation and it is suddenly solved, often people problems in processes in life they MUST work out the long way, because the process is the learning experience, not the solution... so keep on doing your thing and ignore the help or the words that seem to take away from your world-view... in each of us there is a different universe, if we start applying the phyiscs of someone else's universe to our own eco-system it falls apart!
 

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Some people know how to help themselves so they try to help others that way, and it only hurts the other person. Other living creatures aren't products of ourself, they exist by their own set or rules; . That's why we feel emotions, have our own consciosness, ect., to be able to regulate OURSELVES, not someone else knows what we feel or think. Part of respect is raelizing we all helf self-autonomy.... you can't help anyone by forcing them to be more like youreslf, or live according to your worldview, or at their style or pace. That can only hurt anyone, beacuse even if it could have potentially solved the problem, it creates a new problem, the problem the person loses self-respect, self-autonomy, and reacts against this invasive new authority.

I am using "you" in the general sense, not referring to you, bago. So that person who was attempting to help you was really taking away your power, bago, and i think you should ignore them!! I too have been troubled by this; helpful sentiments coming in hurtful packages, and what to make of them!! I would feel obligated to accept the advice or not fight the control, beacuse they would say, "Now don't get mad, you can see I am right, I am only trying to help you," but they are not in the position to decide what I do and do not do, or know what I do and do not see... people are more complicated than give them the X to their equation and it is suddenly solved, often people problems in processes in life they MUST work out the long way, because the process is the learning experience, not the solution... so keep on doing your thing and ignore the help or the words that seem to take away from your world-view... in each of us there is a different universe, if we start applying the phyiscs of someone else's universe to our own eco-system it falls apart!
I think that is why mine had been keep falling apart. There was an ESFJ recently who said that to me, and I cut her off and out of my life. My mood lifted so much. I could not be there for her any more. she was about to force her religion onto me, and I flipped. Then she cried that she should not be made to feel upset by sharing caring feelings, and I felt so bad. Yet, it was her who told me not to be a doormat ! I finally figured that she was treating me and projecting me as a doormat and be a doormat too. She was about to absorb me into her life, and get me to date her brother, and things will go well and we will be together etc... That was crazy.

It seemed so obvious with the ESFJ and the way she behaved, but it was not so clear cut with this INFP and his friends, and how he also tried to absorb me into his friendship group and hence he was trying to create a life for himself and me. I thought I could do it, but I couldn't and I remember feeling anxious that same night. Lots of things happened, and he called me names when things were not going well etc. I went ESTJ psycho on him privately via messaging and told him off. I won't go into details of the nature of the issue. But yes, I realised my annoyance and anger.

I am thankful for you guys to rationalise this situation with me, cos I could not see the wood for the trees. The answer seems so simple! I have since moved away from that environment and onto a new job elsewhere. However, I ended up stepping up to the challenge and faced head on these people by joining this silly group, and the kind of sniding seemed to have toned down etc. Then the INFP contacted me back and apologised.... but in my mind, it opened a whole can of worms and thoughts, memories, questioning of Self etc. It gave me a sinking feeling though when I realised that I also hurt this INFP guy, I don't know why. So, we are currently trying to be friends.
 

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There are 2 infp girls in my class. I know this because they raised their hands when the counselor asked who was an infp. I actually suspected that one of them might of been an infp too. They seem so happy and they are always talking to people. I admire one them because I saw her artwork while she was doing it in class and it was so nice and creative and she just looks like she has a lot of life in her. The other one seems like a total sweetheart. Then you look at me. All depressed and out of place. I barely took the test about a month ago and am still learning about the types and cognitive functions. I thought there was just infp's and that's all but It didn't make sense because the positive stuff , I couldnt really relate to when I first read it and all the negatives were exact. I think I was an unhealthy infp when I first found out about mbti because I was really jaded , I guess im average right now? I'm starting to forgive everyone and try to be positive and feel a little more empathy, I have some bad times too though but I don't understand, how do you become healthy? is it just something that happens? I dont even know how I became unhealthy? I barely even found out that there is unhealthy and average and healthy ??? o_O Is it to do with the body??? Like unhealthy because you dont eat right or something? I rarely sleep...can that cause unhealthy? I know what the signs are to unhealthy, average, and healthy but I just don't understand how people become those?? I want to be healthy and I also read somewhere else about mature Fi's? is that the same as being healthy? I want it. I really want a mature fi and ni ? how do you do that though? Do people just get them as they age??
 

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Some people like to think they have all the answers. They like to cram their ideas down your throat in their attempt to help you or maybe to just feed their ego. Who cares. Don't let them bother you!
I think you're right and you should just grow at your own pace, adopting your own ideas as you go. There are some things you just have to learn for yourself in your own way!
Holy crap, is that how you guys really feel? For me, when I hear about something that is bothering someone and I've had experience in that situation. I truly just want to help and give some insight in what I went through and the process that took me to fix it. I def by no means, mean to force ideas/opinions onto anyone. Most of the time I am just trying to relate and whatever advise I do give is more of a take it or leave it kinda thing. And my whole thinking is that I do appreciate feedback from others on what I am doing wrong and I just want to give back; and you're right, I do feel better knowing that I may have helped someone else out so they don't have to go through the same pains I did.

However, I do totally agree with you that everyone does grow at their own pace. Since even as INFPs we are all totally unique and that a lot of life's problems need to be experienced first hand to have it resonate within us so we can fully feel and understand it.

This is why I love this community.. I enjoy learning from like minded people who are ahead of me and I guess I do need to take it easy on the advice giving.
 
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