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Confidence - con·fi·dent (knf-dnt)
adj.
1. Marked by assurance, as of success.
2. Marked by confidence in oneself; self-assured. See Synonyms at sure.
3. Very bold; presumptuous.
4. Obsolete Confiding; trustful.

I am a very competent person and very confident in my abilities. However, in todays society "confidence" is shown by having a large social circle/being a social butterfly.

I am more anti-social than social, primarily because I have better things to do than get to you know, for example BETTER MYSELF. The best way to put it is my priority is on my career, developing my skills, self-development and in this part I am a lone wolf. HOWEVER, when I am out (for example friends have invited me out for dinner, clubbing, "social event") my focus is shifting entirely from that state of mind to gregarious. When I am not "training" in a lack for better words, my mindset shifts to gregarious.

The reason I ask this is because I wonder whether I am an ENTJ or INTJ. The ENTJ description fits me perfectly, but I am not much of an "extrovert" ? I do enjoy discussing philosophy, issues etc with people but I would never alter my "training" schedule for a social event. Can you ENTJs relate?
 

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I'm also anti-social in the sense I don't seek out people or pursue friendships diligently. Although when spending time with people I'm very social and their company doesn't bother me. You'll just never see me plan an outing and more than likely I'll gracefully decline any that I'm invited to.
 

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I recognize this. I presume it is because of our lack of Fe.

XNTJs really don't have any social functions at all. Te organizes and objectifies. Ni is anti-social, dreamy, detached and weird. Se seeks out new vistas and indulges in the now, but is not necessarily social, just very attentive. Fi seems to be the exception as it allows us to empathise, but it is internal, it is in the inferior position, and it is not limited to humans.

I theorize that for an XNTJ, some kind of pet is in most cases enough social contact. Most of us gladly turn down a party to indulge in work instead. I know I do. If I want to make someone happy, I can take a break and go feed my turtles. They are thankful and cute, and that's good enough for me.

We simply do not have a large emotional need of people. The difference between an ENTJ and an INTJ is not that an ENTJ is more "social". He/She is just more likely to frequently go out into the world and set plans in motion, take command and organize things. An ENTJ is also more conscious of reality and is in a sense even colder than an INTJ.

Having an urge to be social just for the sake of being social is probably an effect of Fe, which we lack.
 

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I am not anti-social. I like people and I am interested in what they have to say. I often start conversations with strangers, and one of the reason I like traveling by train so much is because it's a great possibility to talk to other Kowalski - about politics, pollution, fashion, economy, whatever :D I am going to Warsaw [capital city] tomorrow and I am really excited by the journey.

On the other hand my ENTP husband [tertiary Fe] used to call me "his little introvert" because I don't party the way he does. We have a really different understanding of what "being social" means. We argued about it a lot - he likes being a part of the crowd, I don't. For him "being social" means going out every weekend, getting drunk, dancing, being surrounded by other people. Every time we went to a concert he was first to go near stage and dance there, because, as he told me once, he really likes to feel the physical pressure of others, to smell their sweat. Bleeeh :D He told me many times that I should get wasted from time to time, to loosen up a bit and take an ecstasy pill or something, be more spontaneous in general.

I like going out, I like dancing and I get drunk occasionally and I am not a "drug virgin" either. But in my case I should rather say that I don't mind it, because I don't feel the urge to do so. I get really angry when somebody pressures me to "have fun" and socialize though.

I had a huge fight with my ENTP on New Years Eve once. We were short on money but he bought us tickets to some ball. I said that I really don't understand why people get so excited about this. What's the big deal? I should celebrate because the date changes and instead of 2005 we write 2006? It's like I am expected to be happy on that day - and what if I am not? And why in God's name should I pay more than usual for the same glass of wine? Makes no sense to me [Fi talk]. Hehehehe, apparently I made no sense to my ENTP^^ He called me a weirdo [Fe talk]. I said that it was going to be the last time I went to New Years Eve ball - and I am boycotting this occasion ever since :D [geeee, I really am stubborn jerk^^]

But the question was - do I relate? Of course I do.
 

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I'm either ENTP or ENFP, and I actually do like to go out and do things with people. Which is probably either from my tertiary Fe (if ENTP) or the fact that I'm an extroverted feeler (if ENFP). My Ne makes me hyper and talkative, which doesn't really tend to interfere with my desire to socialize. :wink:

I think ENTJs are so busy "getting things done" that they're just too busy to while away the time with others so they can get ahead. So they'd probably rather spend their Saturday nights alone at the office, filing or typing up memos, when everyone else on the planet is out enjoying themselves. Although I've seen them when they actually do let loose, and it's..... :crazy:

Although I tend to think that being able to win people over is a necessity when it comes to getting ahead. Even competent and inwardly confident people don't seem to do as well as the charismatic ones. Generally speaking. In some industries I imagine there would be exceptions.
 

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I hate conversing (since the majority of conversing doesn't meet my standards of what conversation is). That by itself can make one seem anti-sociable (anti-social means more...criminal and psychopathic). I'm not insecure enough to worry about being seen alone or not filling the room with pointless jabber. I'll only speak when it's necessary or if someone interests me, which is rare.

I thought I was an INTJ for a whole year. It was only till I realised I couldn't stand being alone and though it made me uncomfortable when someone pointed out I wasn't making conversation and "being a loner" and not being sociable (which everyone so happens to be, which implies pretentiousness cause not everyone can be sociable) I was completely okay around people and not drained and when around my friends (that I like) I actually got energized by their presence.

But I'm surrounded by social retards who think they're charming and sociable because they talk to lots of people on facebook, while the reality is, they have to resort to facebook to learn social skills and facebook is actually limiting their skills.

Anyway, yes, my reason for not being sociable is because I want to do better things with my time, a little similar to you, it's because I don't see the logic behind constantly communicating. It gets nothing done. I'd rather catch up on my homework, for example, if a teacher is late to class than blab to everyone.

Maybe I'm just bitter because nobody talks about things that interest me.
 

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Confident? Hell yea!
Gregarious? Given the right moment, event, or people, most definitely!
Sociable? Easy to talk to? Yep! and Sometimes.
Seek out interaction for the sake of interaction? Nope. (unless hitting on a hot chicka!)
Abstained from social events to get work done? More than once, more than 3 times, more than 10 times.
Thought I was an INTJ at one point? Yes, actually!
Drained of energy when lacking the sheer presence of people? Surprisingly yes!

I've noticed I am able to concentrate and have a certain level of energy with the presence of people around me (even if there is no social engagement). Good ol' extro.

But if isolated in a room for too long, then the mind wanders, and the energy-level falls - hence typing on these forums :p
 

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I'm glad you mentioned this, because I've been wondering whether I am INTJ or ENTJ. The ENTJ description has always fit me better, but I tend to act very introverted sometimes, especially in school. Probably a "I have something to get done right now, leave me alone" sorta thing.

But, yes, I certainly have the same situation going on here.
 
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I have a tendency to act introverted too, but I'm most definitely extroverted. Not all extroverts are outgoing social butterflies. It just means we get energized by social interactions. The issue is, I like my social interactions to be meaningful.

If I have a day at work when I work on the computer all day - I come home miserable and tell my wife how much I hate my job. If I have a day at work when I'm in meetings all day, have to give presentations, etc, I come home feeling like a million bucks even if I'm stressed.

Friday night comes along and my friends ask me to go out - I don't want to. My introvert wife begs me to go (and take her with me) because it will be fun. I reluctantly go - end up having a great time and stay up late talking with my friends. My wife gets bored and wants to go home.

Also, I don't like going out because its too spontaneous and lacks contingency. I don't want to go out to some undetermined bar for an undetermined length of time with an undetermined group of people and have no way to get home. I like my outings to be planned: we are going bowling, going to a baseball game, going to the renaissance fair, etc. By the way, want to see an ENTJ out of his element? Take him to something like a renaissance fair where people are acting and stuff. It was really awkward for me haha.
 

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Oh god, I couldn't agree more. Never ask me to act in character. I just can't do it.
Jim Carrey, and Harrison Ford are both entj.

Very much relative. I wouldn't mind acting, although not being sarcastic during the whole play would definitely be difficult :)
 

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yeah this sounds very normal because being an entj unless your in the spotlight at a social function than why be there....I think a big misconception is that entjs need to be around people all the time i dont think this is true its more of a desire to be looked up at by other people so you strive to be the best at what you do and want to be. Good social skills is just a tactic to help you get what you want.
 

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ENTJs are outgoing. We, or at least I, DESIRE social interaction--without it, we're nothing. If you're anti-social, then you're highly an INTJ with a well-developed Te function. The fact that you're doubting your personality because of how un-social you are most likely means you're an INTJ. Your question is also extremely common, which fundamentally involves introversion, extroversion, and socializing. If you're still unsure, then answer the following questions:

1. You've been invited to a big house party after you're done with finals. Lots of your friends are going, and they're expecting you to come. Do you choose to go or not to go?

2. You've been assigned a project to do, and you have the option of working in a group or working by yourself. If you choose to work as a group, then more work will be assigned. Vice versa. Would you rather ACTIVELY be involved with the 5-people group and instantly get your ideas out there with a possible argument amongst the group, or on your own, devising your own plans for the project without the need of anyone since they are so "ignorant" and you're not?

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I'm a very social ENTJ with a large circle of friends. I can't ever imagine ENTJs being "anti-social". Sounds more like an INTJ.
 
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