Personality Cafe banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,473 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
This is something that I've been thinking about this for the past few days.

- How do you try to relate to others and/or put yourself in their shoes?
- Do you share stories with others as a way of showing that you've been in their situation and can understand where they are coming from?
- Do you use other methods in relating to others?
- What methods do you think INFJ's use most often and how do you think these methods compare to those that other types use?

I have made a similar thread in the INFP forum to see how the two types compare.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
167 Posts
Using Ni gives us an advantage of knowing how people feel in situations. I often enjoy stirring coffee (metaphorically that is) and listening to people's stories and somehow my intuition just allows me to relate to them as does the Extraverted feeling.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
802 Posts
Yes, sometimes I share stories. I'll share my own experiences, and sometimes I'll share those of my friends, although I always share my friends' stories without revealing whose story it is. I try to protect my friends' privacy while putting their experiences to good use. I also speak through metaphors and parables. Maybe that's why I became an English major. :mellow:

I never used to be touchy-feely, but one of my housemates loves being touched. She'll hug me, pat me on the head or arm, etc., and I've learned to use touch as a means of communicating comfort, too. There's actually some science behind it. Oxytocin, which is released during touch, "evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security. . . Many studies have already shown a correlation of oxytocin with human bonding, increases in trust, and decreases in fear." (Oxytocin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,361 Posts
Online, yea I mostly share an experience/story I have of my own, but sometimes you don't need it. You can just imagine it and it opens up these possibilities.. which lead to questions you can ask the person to break things down further.

I also like to know what their interests are.. Can be music, art, clothes, food etc. I think you can learn a lot about a personality with that, and also by how they are responding to these questions --you can observe how much the topic means to them.

Whatever it is, I think INFJs are creating a giant map.. web..network of all these things that link together. Nothing is ever finalized, it's always growing (or cutting things out). In my experience with other types, I find some can just box you in, almost like a stereotype. I feel that some always want the 'answer' or conclusion about you or anything right away. I guess I like to leave things hanging or let them figure it out themselves, it's much more maybe flexible... It allows for change.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
946 Posts
Heh, I tend to tell a brief outline of what happened, then go into the moral of it... sidetracked with a couple metaphors. This thoroughly confuses them and makes them forget about their issue.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
849 Posts
Oh my gosh all the time. It's one of the first things I read about INFJs and knew I could relate to.

We're known for telling parables. Stories that we weave together (only sometimes loosely based on reality) that illustrate a moral lesson. I use this CONSTANTLY. To communicate, to relate, but mostly to help people obtain clarity on a situation without coming across judgemental.

ie. Saying "there once was a woman who ...[insert made up story about well-meaning nagging wife who ends up losing her husband, missing all of the things about him that used to drive her crazy, then leaps happily and thankfully back into his arms when he returns]" is gentler and more effective way of saying "you're nagging your husband to death and you need to stop it." But it achieves the same objective. She'll think twice about tearing her husband to shreds the next time she sees his socks on the floor, if she even notices the socks. It's kind of a lost art. I can get very dramatic when I tell a parable. Very animated and descriptive. In my experience the more real it is and the more it hits home and pulls on heartstrings the better. So I go all out. I've even branched out and started telling fables.... talking animals and ants living in matchboxes, etc... it's more effective with kids.

I've read that some INFJs feel guilt because they use this practice frequently without knowing that it's actually a morally correct useful practice, not deceptive. And in hindsight feel guilty for lying. Stop it if that's you. You're not lying.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
543 Posts
This describes exactly how it works with me except the guilty feeling part. When I try to explain something, It's always clearer when I use analogies and 'parables' and I feel better myself weaving such.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top