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I think I didn't fill in the "Prefix" for this post, so I will post it again.

I hate when people misunderstand me. I want to have as much understanding as possible and communicate on the deepest level possible. If I try explaining myself multiple times and the person still doesn't understand, I get very aggravated. If they just admit they can't relate, that makes it a little easier. And if I can see I was unclear I don't get upset at all. I will try to re-explain myself and if that works I'm very happy. I don't expect anyone to *totally* understand me, but there are some basic things and beliefs/statements I make that are important to me to be understood.
 

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I'm a 5w4 with a strong 4 wing and I can definitely feel that way. I withdraw pretty quickly if I feel misunderstood. I guess it's just that I have this feeling that I'm 'weird' anyway, so when someone misunderstands me, it's like they are just reinforcing it 'yeah, you're right, you ARE weird." It can be a very isolating feeling for me. I know I don't handle it so well sometimes. I try to tell myself that I just can't expect people to understand me and that it's okay if they don't, but I still find myself taking it personally more often than not. I think my sexual dominant variant plays in here too. Even being a withdrawn type, I do have a great desire to connect with people intimately and I can feel rejected when I'm misunderstood.
 
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I withdraw pretty quickly if I feel misunderstood. I guess it's just that I have this feeling that I'm 'weird' anyway, so when someone misunderstands me, it's like they are just reinforcing it 'yeah, you're right, you ARE weird." It can be a very isolating feeling for me. I know I don't handle it so well sometimes. I try to tell myself that I just can't expect people to understand me and that it's okay if they don't, but I still find myself taking it personally more often than not. I think my sexual dominant variant plays in here too. Even being a withdrawn type, I do have a great desire to connect with people intimately and I can feel rejected when I'm misunderstood.
I can totally relate.
 

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I go to great lengths to ensure that others understand me. I use examples and odd analogies ad nauseam. Therefore I get quite peeved when superiors or other intelligent people become literal, concrete, or plain idiotic on matters that I've thoroughly explained. Do I take it personally? Only if I'm appraoched as being an idiot for their incompetency.
 

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Yes, in most cases I do take it personally. Especially when someone specifically asks how I feel about something and then disregards what I tell them because that's not how I "appear" to them. Like if I tell someone I'm happy and they keep on insisting I'm not!
 

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To most loud mouthed, ghetto and ignorate people...I come across as stuck-up, phoney and preppy.
When all it is, is me understanding that there's a difference in what we both find "fun" and entertaining.....
 

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It makes me angry to no end when people assume things on what they see and tell me that I am a certain way because I come off as that certain way to them. When I'm misunderstood most of the times, that's how I feel. Maybe why I take things like this so personally?
 

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It really depends. Now and then I can come off as hyper-sensitive, but that isn't so.... for most people or situations I am lenient to the point of letting everything slide, only certain persons and situations (things they misunderstood) really set off that need.

It also depends on how I'm "misunderstood".

For example--- someoone tells me I am "really nice" or "bitchy", "shy" or "crazy and outgoing". These are all traits that someone have seen in me, although they are conflcting statements, and I have been told all of these, by separate people, or the same people at separate times. It's just a matter of seeing me in different situations or with different people. For example, I am radically different with those I am 'close' to or have ties with than even aquaintances I see every day. It's a total 180. But anyways, so I don't think of myself as "really nice" or as "bitchy", or as shy or crazy and outgoing, I see myself in terms of why these traits may be manifested. So when somoene tells me these things, I will not be offended, because I understand that is there perception of me. I am not an extrovert. my traits are not manifested for all to see; I do not constantly project who I am. And I'd be uncomfortable if people DID know everything about me or how I see myself unless I chose to expose it with them. So it doesn't really matter what they think the "sum" of my personality is when I know it is only part of the whole.

What would offend me is when someone contradicts my authority on myself. For example, I got unusually upset at a friend when she told me that I am always analytical and never easy-going and I told her, "Oh, that's not true, there's different sides to everyone". And she told me, "I think you'd like to think that". I got really defensive and angry/hurt over that. I didn't care so much that she said she thought I was never easy-going, but the part where she contradicted that I havew self authority, that made it seem like she had ultimate perception of me and I didn't, really made me angry. It invalidated all other aspects of myself and most importantly, my self-understanding. Which is my identity. So when she said that, it frightened me in the way I suppose an 'attack' does. Whereas other people's statements on their perceptions of me don't really feel like attacks.

It's a weird difference, I guess. Because if someone said, "You are bitchy", I probably wouldn't say, "Oh, I don't think so, there's other sides to me." But with my friend I felt I had space to defend myself and that she should better know the differents ides of me, so I did that. With soemone I didn't really know who called me bitchy, if I corrected them and they said, "oh sure think what you like", that would also offend me greatly, but I never press the issue and let them go their way and me go mine... I don't know why that is not the preferable choice of action for a friend. It saves conflict. I suppose I didn't expect a friend to respond so to me!

Similarly my dad offends me all the time by telling me what I'm thinking or feeling. I think he can't read what's going on with me, Fi is his very last function, and a lot of time i find it preferabble to leave things unsaid, especially negative impressions I'm having or even my own, private happy thoughts, but this makes him uncomfortable and he'll like, paste words over the silence. "Now, I know you're mad at me...", "That's stupid, adverseaffects is thinkign", "I know you don't want to hear this because you need to feel superior but blah blah blah". It's just that he's always wrong about what I am thinkinga nd why. He can tell if something is bothering me, but he can't understand the legitimacy of the reasons or the thought-process behind it, and if I try to explain he can't understand it and thus it is considered not valid or real, so he goes on projecting reasons onto me. Thus I don't talk, and he feels the need to project reasons onto that too.
And yes, this offends me. I don't like when people speak for me or act like they know my motivations. If they do know them and say soemthing accurately, I won't mind, but if they're wrong I get worked up in a flurry.
 

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While I was writing a response to this, I got frustrated at myself for not getting to the point where I could be understood coherently, and deleted everything. I've gotten used to not being understood and try to work it out in my head clearly now before even getting the response that I'm being misunderstood. So I confuse myself with the other person's imagined view in mind and it's like I don't even say what I'm trying to say anymore, I say what I think the other person is capable of understanding. :mellow:
 

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WOAH! Please don't tell me type 4's are ALL girls. :shocked:

For me, I most definitely take it personally! When my way of living, philosophy, or point of view is rejected by another person without a shred of consideration, it's like a slap in the face.

They say to be understood, you must first understand others.....but that really doesn't seem to be working too well.

@adverseaffects
I too also hate when people assume they know my motivations. It really wouldn't bother me if they kept it to themselves but a majority of the time, they feel the need to explain to me the reason I'm doing something is because of x and y. They couldn't be further from the truth. As 4's, we take pride in having different sides in our complex identity and when someone fails to see this, it is very frustrating.
 

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YES, omg. i felt so misunderstood as a kid- i always felt like my parents misunderstood me and saw the worst of intentions when really they were good, that i was seen as 'weird' by other kids and that opening my mouth would only cause trouble. it's better now, of course, but i can barely tolerate teasing or feeling not as intelligent or informed as others in conversations.

when i was in my 20s and a party girl i learned to be confident and funny- i got used to being social and really liked it. but now that i stay home a lot i feel so socially awkward and like i don't make sense. i try and skip it to avoid messing up.
 
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