Do you tend to relate to INFJ's often?

I had an INFJ friend. We have an exceptional history, and I'd say she is about the closest friend I have ever had. It might have something to do with my development of the 'Feelings' side, as I grew up. I would say earlier on in life I started out as INTJ, but there was a period of about two years where I temporarily switched to an INFP. This is behind me now, and we find it harder to relate in the present.
She is oversensitive to natural human error in conversations, and I can't say anything without offending her, or getting the wrong message across. We have nothing in common, as she's following the model of a media-infatuated, Mother Teresa figure, whereas I lack empathy to the extent I'm verging on autistic, and am more of an intellectual. It got to the stage where we were having arguments every second week; which didn't seem to bother me, but just destroyed her. We don't talk much anymore, and the only thing she does is annoy me with her assumptions..

I find that the most intense and short lived social relationships are with Fs.

Very rarely. I find they can have a tendency to appear very opinionated and certain about their interpretations of my actions & motives and it pisses me off. The way I appear opinionated and certain about completely non-personal things, and it pisses them off. I have rarely, if ever, lasted ten minutes in conversation with most - though most of my encounters were when we were younger, and hella more stubborn, which explains a lot of it. I think INXJs can often appear more certain/opinionated than they are, though, & I'm trying to apply that interpretation to them as well as INTJs. Often, though, there is a very visceral reaction of discomfort even in reading some posts. I think it also plays into flashes of my abusive ISFJ mother -- some FJ things really just freak me out.

And yet somehow I started dating one & we were pretty good friends before... he's done the same completely misguided responses and unnecessary advice thing that usually annoys me, but responds extremely well to my clarifications, so there is no head-butting. I made the effort to give him chances to back off and re-evaluate, he didn't take my clarifications as an attack, the way it usually happens, and so far he's taken the chance every time and come back with a better theory/acknowledged the validity of my interpretation, never claiming or appearing to believe (as seemed so often to happen with INFJs), that he knows me better than I do myself. Plus we had a ridiculously awesome discussion about probabilistic meta-analysis. I think the fact that we have had such long, involved discussions really helps - too often assumptions would be made about what I mean and probably the other way, but with our ridiculously verbose e-mail thread we can each go on and on as much as we like & things get clearer. Talking to another Dom-Ni can be really really cool. And no one is overstating statistical outliers! I may be interpreted sometimes, rather than just listened to, but at least he takes into account all the data, not just pieces that suit a particular theory.

I can see patterns that link back to things going wrong before, but since we're sidestepping these (so far - touch wood), I'm hoping to be able to build in the opposite direction, and be less annoyed by INFJs in general, rather than treating him as an exception. About time I did something about that knee-jerk response. Although some are also clearly crackpots or too F to be compatible with someone like me.

lirulin said:

claiming or appearing to believe (as seemed so often to happen with INFJs), that he knows me better than I do myself.

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My mom is INFJ, and this describes her really well. It irritates me to no end. Mind you, she knows me quite well (being my mother and all), but it still pisses me off! lol

In many things, my mom and I are quite similar and get along quite well. We are both as stubborn as an ox. We both are very opinionated. Where we differ is that she's more idealistic and I'm more pragmatic. I have to be careful when we're having a discussion about something that's important to her, and I point out how some of her ideals might not work in the real world. Often we agree about the ideals themselves, but we look at them differently.

She really stresses things like following your heart and not just your head. I respect that, but I don't understand it at all. I understand that it works for her to make decisions that way, but for me, it simply doesn't. I suppose that's a result of the difference between her Fe and my Fi. Reading about MBTI has helped me understand my mom much better; I'm able to see how a lot of our differences are simply the result of how we think, and not necessarily one of us being "right" and the other "wrong".

jbking said:

I can sometimes test as an INFJ, so I do have some traits in common in a way. I like their ability to decide by their heart and use feelings to make the world a better place. If I had to pick a dislike it would be that where I can see an obvious rational call, they may see divided loyalties and have a tough time trying to give a fair decision at the end.

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I don't decide by the heart unless it deals with people/emotional situations. The feeling in my opinion reflects your decision making/opinions based on values overshadowing practicality during decision making.

Ex: I dislike the BP oil spill not only because of the damages and cost but I feel BP was reckless and making profit-oriented decisions rather than the environment, it's the attitude.

It's not easy to explain in all honesty but INFJs evaluate from a value/meaning perspective first and we are more inclined to look at it from a that perspective.

The stereotype of feelers are more irrational is close-minded as in thinkers don't care about people.

bluestocking girl said:

My mom is INFJ, and this describes her really well. It irritates me to no end. Mind you, she knows me quite well (being my mother and all), but it still pisses me off! lol

In many things, my mom and I are quite similar and get along quite well. We are both as stubborn as an ox. We both are very opinionated. Where we differ is that she's more idealistic and I'm more pragmatic. I have to be careful when we're having a discussion about something that's important to her, and I point out how some of her ideals might not work in the real world. Often we agree about the ideals themselves, but we look at them differently.

She really stresses things like following your heart and not just your head. I respect that, but I don't understand it at all. I understand that it works for her to make decisions that way, but for me, it simply doesn't. I suppose that's a result of the difference between her Fe and my Fi. Reading about MBTI has helped me understand my mom much better; I'm able to see how a lot of our differences are simply the result of how we think, and not necessarily one of us being "right" and the other "wrong".

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I have to admit, I do feel that way with some people and this might not solely stem from being an INFJ but enneagram type 4. Type 4's are more individualistic. But I do feel like my feeling can much better in analyzing people situations. Feeling works I would say as a guide in terms of consequences and opinions, you are more likely to realize "Uh-oh, if I do X I'm going to piss off ___", it also works in terms of values.