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For me it would have to be the relationship itself just being in one would feel incredible.
Do you think about sex a lot in a relationship or is it about the relationship itself
[INFP]
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29,882 Posts
Sex is a short lived high that just comes from natural urges. A relationship in itself has the potential to be much more satisfying.
Simply put, my orgasm doesn't last as long as the fun I might have with my partner doing what ever no matter how boring it maybe. I cherish the thought of slow dancing and snuggling up for a movie more unless I'm indeed harbouring a raging libido at that moment.
Simply put, my orgasm doesn't last as long as the fun I might have with my partner doing what ever no matter how boring it maybe. I cherish the thought of slow dancing and snuggling up for a movie more unless I'm indeed harbouring a raging libido at that moment.
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3,468 Posts
I have the circumstance of not being able to disconnect my emotional from the physical.
So when in a proper relationship it is something that comes up because it is very much a part of the relationship as a whole.
Bear in mind sex isn't simply defined as the physical act alone and can encompass a large number of things a couple can do together.
At least taking that definition in mind that would be my view on it.
So when in a proper relationship it is something that comes up because it is very much a part of the relationship as a whole.
Bear in mind sex isn't simply defined as the physical act alone and can encompass a large number of things a couple can do together.
At least taking that definition in mind that would be my view on it.
Well, like the above posters already said, sex is a quick and short lived boost of chemicals which temporarily satisfy you. A long lasting relationship is a slow and long lived boost of chemicals which is usually tied to sex anyway.
Although I must confess, although orgasms are short, as a teenager I do have a lot of them :tongue:
Although I must confess, although orgasms are short, as a teenager I do have a lot of them :tongue:
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3,628 Posts
Sex is bliss but it has to be the connection - an understanding and a secret synchronising with the other person that's not even seen by anyone else. That - is unsurpassed.
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626 Posts
I think about sex a lot in relationships, because it's important, and it's something I enjoy. If I don't enjoy it, it does kind of put a damper on things. But good sex has a lot to do with good communication and a level of comfort that you really can only find in a close relationship with somebody. Whether that individual is just your friend or a romantic partner might be flexible, but there still need to be a level of intimacy there (for me personally) in order for it to be enjoyable.
I've only ever really had one one night stand with someone I genuinely didn't have a romantic interest in. He was attractive, and good at it, but I really just wanted to get it over with because it was just an overall uncomfortable feeling for me to be sharing myself with someone in that way whom I didn't care deeply for. I don't know how else to explain it.
It's not that I consider sex an act of love - I don't necessarily think that it is. I think two people can love each other very much and never have sex. I think people can have sex all the time and not love each other at all. I think two people who love each other are able to have sex with one another without feeling like it's driven by love, too - Sometimes you just want to fuck.
I have no qualms with anyone who is okay with pursuing relationship-less sex. It doesn't bother me when other people do it, as long as they aren't endangering themselves or anyone else. It's just something that I found personally uncomfortable and probably wouldn't do again, because I prefer to do it with someone who I share a relationship with.
I've only ever really had one one night stand with someone I genuinely didn't have a romantic interest in. He was attractive, and good at it, but I really just wanted to get it over with because it was just an overall uncomfortable feeling for me to be sharing myself with someone in that way whom I didn't care deeply for. I don't know how else to explain it.
It's not that I consider sex an act of love - I don't necessarily think that it is. I think two people can love each other very much and never have sex. I think people can have sex all the time and not love each other at all. I think two people who love each other are able to have sex with one another without feeling like it's driven by love, too - Sometimes you just want to fuck.
I have no qualms with anyone who is okay with pursuing relationship-less sex. It doesn't bother me when other people do it, as long as they aren't endangering themselves or anyone else. It's just something that I found personally uncomfortable and probably wouldn't do again, because I prefer to do it with someone who I share a relationship with.
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7,597 Posts
Pretty much this.
I do have a high sex drive and will initiate sex a lot in a relationship, but there has to be that connection with him. I'm known to make guys wait until I can actually see a future with them. Can I see myself marrying them? Do I see it lasting? All questions I ask before I get in bed with a guy. If I don't feel like a guy is my best friend and more as well connected with him on a spiritual level, I probably won't ever initiate the deed and I'll be wondering what the hell he's doing if he tries to initiate.
I found it to be important piece in the puzzle of a relationship. I wouldn't have a relationship without sex. It's as important aspect in a relationship for me as the need for romance for example. It's not the first thing what I seek from a relationship, but it's indeed important part of it.
I find it awesome to have a significant other that is as open to sex as me, in it's all aspects. From hardcore BDSM to sweet cuddling on sunday mornings. All sex is beautiful.
(With exception of non-consensual sex, which is wrong.)
I find it awesome to have a significant other that is as open to sex as me, in it's all aspects. From hardcore BDSM to sweet cuddling on sunday mornings. All sex is beautiful.
(With exception of non-consensual sex, which is wrong.)
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1,129 Posts
Sex in a relationship is the most fulfilling for me. I thrive on discovering more about a woman's dreams, secrets, and inner world. Much like pandora's box, the contents within are too tempting not to pry open. Sex is part of that multifaceted key to open up and build that connection.
However, without that connection, sex itself is usually just an atavistic release for me. I have a pretty high libido, so it'd be hard to turn down a casual fling.....unless I don't find her remotely attractive.
However, without that connection, sex itself is usually just an atavistic release for me. I have a pretty high libido, so it'd be hard to turn down a casual fling.....unless I don't find her remotely attractive.
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Most of the time I crave the companionship, the connection.
(Its the almost unbareable loneliness that I struggle to bare most of all.
)
(Its the almost unbareable loneliness that I struggle to bare most of all.
)
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3,433 Posts
a relationship without sex is friendship/companionship. These type of relationships are purely based on personality and emotional compatibility. However, at the age of 26 I want sex. I love, need and crave it. If I could, I would have it once or twice a day.
My desire for sex is dependent on two factors:
1. The degree of trust/intimacy/closeness with him
2. The degree to which he desires me
It's near impossible for me to "want" someone in that light unless it's mutual.
My pleasure is heavily dependent on my partners..
1. The degree of trust/intimacy/closeness with him
2. The degree to which he desires me
It's near impossible for me to "want" someone in that light unless it's mutual.
My pleasure is heavily dependent on my partners..
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8,685 Posts
I experience just plain ol' lust, honestly.
One day this gorgeous barista in a cuban cafe gave me the most seductive, lingering glance, with a soft brush against my hand as he handed me my change.... I thought about him for MONTHS. I was SHAKEN. You know that movie Unfaithful, where the guy almost casts this spell on the married woman, and it's just his gaze & air about him, and their relationship is simply about lust? It was that kind of effect, where someone really gets under your skin in a way that feels more profound than JUST sexual attraction, more like they embody rather romantic ideas of sensuality and eroticism.
This is stirring enough to make me think I'd be content with JUST this when I am feeling more misanthropic and doomed to die alone a crazy cat lady. I'm like, "Okay, just give me the lust; screw the messy, emotional crap!". But I have a stronger sense of morality that keeps me from going down that path.
So the desire for a relationship is there as well, but sex is a part of that desire.
One day this gorgeous barista in a cuban cafe gave me the most seductive, lingering glance, with a soft brush against my hand as he handed me my change.... I thought about him for MONTHS. I was SHAKEN. You know that movie Unfaithful, where the guy almost casts this spell on the married woman, and it's just his gaze & air about him, and their relationship is simply about lust? It was that kind of effect, where someone really gets under your skin in a way that feels more profound than JUST sexual attraction, more like they embody rather romantic ideas of sensuality and eroticism.
This is stirring enough to make me think I'd be content with JUST this when I am feeling more misanthropic and doomed to die alone a crazy cat lady. I'm like, "Okay, just give me the lust; screw the messy, emotional crap!". But I have a stronger sense of morality that keeps me from going down that path.
So the desire for a relationship is there as well, but sex is a part of that desire.
A lot of this rings true for me. Although, I'd say that while each act of sex is not a symbol of love or about a deep connection in itself, that it can just be about the physical pleasure, I require it to still be in the context of a loving, committed relationship. That context will allow me to feel a security & rightness that can un-inhibit; and the foundation you have with the person (in terms connection, communication, commitment) can be a much better springboard for mutually satisfying, creative, passionate sex. I'm just not detached, so the casual thing is a no-go from an emotional perspective, not even including my moral stance.
If you're in it with the sex-first mentality, then don't expect your relationship to last even a week.
For the first several times, no matter how hot your SO is, sex will be the best feeling in the world. Then, like all marginal satisfactions, it will eventually peak and slope downwards. For the first time in my life, I've experienced the honeymoon stage and the after-honeymoon stage just recently.
For the first year, I only thought about how great my girlfriend is. Now, my views change although she didn't. It's natural. Everyone goes through this. Relationships take a lot of effort especially to appreciate each other.
For the first several times, no matter how hot your SO is, sex will be the best feeling in the world. Then, like all marginal satisfactions, it will eventually peak and slope downwards. For the first time in my life, I've experienced the honeymoon stage and the after-honeymoon stage just recently.
For the first year, I only thought about how great my girlfriend is. Now, my views change although she didn't. It's natural. Everyone goes through this. Relationships take a lot of effort especially to appreciate each other.
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429 Posts
I think of the relationship itself and how I might help the other person - sex doesn't come into it really ^^' but I am a sentimental asexual so yeah...
the problem is that in today's society, sex comes before a relationship, so like with anything that has a series of steps that precede each other, wanting the second step too much ahead of the first is probably not the best way to end up getting there.
you can't be focusing on your job interview for a dream job as your current priority when you should be focusing on getting past your final school exams :wink:
before someone wildly misunderstands, i'm not saying pursue sex as a primary goal, but just take things one step at a time. it doesn't even have to be sex, but even with a partner who wants to wait to have sex, there's the courtship, etc. to consider. that's why people who enjoy flirting and the courtship stage are often successful at getting into relationships. one step at a time.
INFP girls are typically more receptive than assertive in courtship (by far). as a guy, if you want an INFP girl, you have to be the man. that doesn't mean to act like a *******, INFP women actually often prefer more metrosexual guys, but you have to be assertive and forthcoming without taking it too far. pursuing INFP women is like a tightrope, even more so than with most women- not forthcoming enough and she'll lose interest, too much and she'll get scared off or lose interest.
basically, the right distance from her level of comfort that i try to maintain is when she's feeling slightly nervous, but not enough that she feels like bailing, so you have to basically judge by how she's acting and what her body language is like as to what she's comfortable with. it's a lot like trying to entice a stranger cat over so that you can stroke it- you have to be assertive but gentle, too much and it'll run off. once she gets used to the idea that "when you make her slightly nervous, it's not a bad thing" over time, you can escalate and she'll be much more ok with it. it takes time and patience though.
being an introvert, you could give her a sense of "kindred spirit" though that might make her feel more comfortable in terms of being friends first, but i would make no guarantees that you'd make it out of the friend zone this way.
On every level.
If he is into me physically but finds me repulsive on an emotional/mental plane, I'd feel disrespected.
If it's vice versa, I'd just be self conscious. When it comes to "etiquette" I do prefer the man to make the first move, but once we're in a relationship I have zero quarrels initiating,although I am more of the submissive type. Anything genuine, is acceptable
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