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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I read a passage from a book that was written the same phrase as this. It almost went straight to my heart because I know what it's like to live with someone who does not give emotional support under the same roof as I do. There are a lot of things I've learned so far. Someone you love whether it would be a family member, a spouse, or a friend you are close with, they'll love you no matter what. Unconditionally. Yet not everyone receives this love or affection. They do perhaps love you, but not the warm feeling of love. Not empty either. Just cold and distant. The good thing that comes out of cold love is that you grow out of it and you find out that you don't need to rely on anyone on this earth. You become detached from it and independent instead of seeking validation or affirmation. Of course, dreaming about someone who will love you in return is the most wonderful thing anyone could ask for. Platonic or romantic, it doesn't matter. I realized if you have high expectations of someone, you will get disappointed in the end.

Anyway,

I wanted to know anyone's thoughts on this? Do you think a cold's love is the most loveliest form of love?

Edit: I'm new to this forum and just joined today
 

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The love I feel for family and co. is somewhat cold and distant like that, so I understand what you're saying. Can't say it's the loveliest love though since in theory I know more expressive displays of love are better appreciated.
I've know plenty of people where I'm technically close to them and I feel what I understand to be love for them, I like their presence and want them to be well / safe, but it feels distant anyway. I don't feel like I'm being connected with (not deeply anyway), though I'll adapt and connect to their spaces in the temporary time I'm around them.


But yes, high expectations for people is usually going to hurt.
 

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I like your idea of thinking positively about "cold love." I do think it gave more room (for me at least) to be my own person. Sometimes the very emotive, emotionally responsive reactions are more manipulative in a way, and indirect. And I feel like I was given the chance to develop my own feelings and imagination in private easier, because I wasn't expected to smile or do whatever positive response people are supposed to do with more emotional support.
 

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Unconditional love doesn't exist, especially when you define it as reciprocating support, validation and affirmation. Even parental love isn't unconditional since it expects love in return and often enough, expects their children to behave in the manner they wish, withholding approval and validation when their children don't meet their subjective expectations.
 

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Unconditional love doesn't exist, especially when you define it as reciprocating support, validation and affirmation. Even parental love isn't unconditional since it expects love in return and often enough, expects their children to behave in the manner they wish, withholding approval and validation when their children don't meet their subjective expectations.
thats not true. you never gave love without expecting any in return?
 

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@Artgirl

Are you saying unconditional love is cold love? That’s the way I’m reading it.

Also, what book are you talking about?

Welcome to the forum.
 

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I read a passage from a book that was written the same phrase as this. It almost went straight to my heart because I know what it's like to live with someone who does not give emotional support under the same roof as I do. There are a lot of things I've learned so far. Someone you love whether it would be a family member, a spouse, or a friend you are close with, they'll love you no matter what. Unconditionally. Yet not everyone receives this love or affection. They do perhaps love you, but not the warm feeling of love. Not empty either. Just cold and distant. The good thing that comes out of cold love is that you grow out of it and you find out that you don't need to rely on anyone on this earth. You become detached from it and independent instead of seeking validation or affirmation. Of course, dreaming about someone who will love you in return is the most wonderful thing anyone could ask for. Platonic or romantic, it doesn't matter. I realized if you have high expectations of someone, you will get disappointed in the end.

Anyway,

I wanted to know anyone's thoughts on this? Do you think a cold's love is the most loveliest form of love?

Edit: I'm new to this forum and just joined today
I think it would depend on the person. For me, cold and distant love = no love. For me love is equivalent to warmth and affection but that is from my vantage point. Some may thrive on such love. I'm not sure how you are mixing unconditional love into it. Of course there are many ways to show love. Support in different ways, a listening ear, a smile, etc...
It doesnt necessarily have to be warm and affectionate to be recognized, but i'm thinking in a romantic or familial partnership.
 

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I read a passage from a book that was written the same phrase as this. It almost went straight to my heart because I know what it's like to live with someone who does not give emotional support under the same roof as I do. There are a lot of things I've learned so far. Someone you love whether it would be a family member, a spouse, or a friend you are close with, they'll love you no matter what. Unconditionally. Yet not everyone receives this love or affection. They do perhaps love you, but not the warm feeling of love. Not empty either. Just cold and distant. The good thing that comes out of cold love is that you grow out of it and you find out that you don't need to rely on anyone on this earth. You become detached from it and independent instead of seeking validation or affirmation. Of course, dreaming about someone who will love you in return is the most wonderful thing anyone could ask for. Platonic or romantic, it doesn't matter. I realized if you have high expectations of someone, you will get disappointed in the end.

Anyway,

I wanted to know anyone's thoughts on this? Do you think a cold's love is the most loveliest form of love?

Edit: I'm new to this forum and just joined today

You're probably talking about people's different approaches to how they express love. Some people are more expressive with their love and speak the same love language as you while others are more reserved. This looks more like a compatibility thing than anything else.

Of course, dreaming about someone who will love you in return is the most wonderful thing anyone could ask for
I absolutely disagree with this, I hate falling for someone who doesn't reciprocate or imagining some perfect non existent person to fall for, I rather never have loved at all than deal with that shit. It's like the epitome of wanting what u can't have, I like to achieve my goals and make progress, rather than chasing a rainbow that has no end to.

The best feeling for me is when we're stable and I know I can trust the person I love, I know that person isn't going to betray me or go anywhere, I know that person has my best interests and we don't have this constant push/pull rollercoaster b.s.
 

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What you're describing sounds more like apathy than love. Of course, there is something to be said for a healthy type of detachment in love, as opposed to unhealthy attachment/codependency which is born out of fear and not love. But what you described sounds more like emotional withdrawal to me.

"Cold" is just about the last word I think of when I think about the attributes of love. Granted, I didn't read the passage, so I have no idea how it was conveyed. Maybe it's just a poor choice of words, but I find it rather confusing.

I also don't consider expecting the bare minimum in human interaction (reciprocation) to be "high expectations." It's both healthy and reasonable to want to be treated fairly by someone. That's just loving yourself. No need to be a martyr for "love." If you're not finding that, you're simply barking up the wrong tree, because it exists.
 

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I read a passage from a book that was written the same phrase as this. It almost went straight to my heart because I know what it's like to live with someone who does not give emotional support under the same roof as I do. There are a lot of things I've learned so far. Someone you love whether it would be a family member, a spouse, or a friend you are close with, they'll love you no matter what. Unconditionally. Yet not everyone receives this love or affection. They do perhaps love you, but not the warm feeling of love. Not empty either. Just cold and distant. The good thing that comes out of cold love is that you grow out of it and you find out that you don't need to rely on anyone on this earth. You become detached from it and independent instead of seeking validation or affirmation. Of course, dreaming about someone who will love you in return is the most wonderful thing anyone could ask for. Platonic or romantic, it doesn't matter. I realized if you have high expectations of someone, you will get disappointed in the end.

Anyway,

I wanted to know anyone's thoughts on this? Do you think a cold's love is the most loveliest form of love?

Edit: I'm new to this forum and just joined today
Depends, from who?
I'm pretty sure that isn't cold love though. Cold love is someone who doesn't want to show love and care but still will do everything he/she can when sees you in a situation, emotional problem or whatever... These might not be emotional support but still something that you can consider as a help. (The best example is an stoic but supporting father)
If someone is in the position of "giver of love" in your mind but is apathetic just like what you said, then you must change your view on them, both in your mind and reality to the extent possible.
I repeat, it isn't love. If you fool yourself, you will only get hurt longer.
And welcome 🙂
 

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I read a passage from a book that was written the same phrase as this. It almost went straight to my heart because I know what it's like to live with someone who does not give emotional support under the same roof as I do. There are a lot of things I've learned so far. Someone you love whether it would be a family member, a spouse, or a friend you are close with, they'll love you no matter what. Unconditionally. Yet not everyone receives this love or affection. They do perhaps love you, but not the warm feeling of love. Not empty either. Just cold and distant. The good thing that comes out of cold love is that you grow out of it and you find out that you don't need to rely on anyone on this earth. You become detached from it and independent instead of seeking validation or affirmation. Of course, dreaming about someone who will love you in return is the most wonderful thing anyone could ask for. Platonic or romantic, it doesn't matter. I realized if you have high expectations of someone, you will get disappointed in the end.

Anyway,

I wanted to know anyone's thoughts on this? Do you think a cold's love is the most loveliest form of love?

Edit: I'm new to this forum and just joined today
Which book? Whose Cold? Context please? I'm so confused. :confused:
 

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How is it cold love if you're describing a detached attitude/state of mind? Genuinely curious, so please elaborate.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
How is it cold love if you're describing a detached attitude/state of mind? Genuinely curious, so please elaborate.
What I meant I become detached I meant "emotionally independent" because I have struggled with being clingy to those I love. I become detached from emotional support from someone if they are distant. Of course, aloof people do not mean they don't care about my well being which is why I think cold love isn't entirely bad for me.
 

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What I meant I become detached I meant "emotionally independent" because I have struggled with being clingy to those I love. I become detached from emotional support from someone if they are distant. Of course, aloof people do not mean they don't care about my well being which is why I think cold love isn't entirely bad for me.
I think this has to do with hormones such as Dopamine, Oxytocin and Serotonin. Dopamine is a reward hormone, Oxytocin an addiction and attachment hormone and Serotonin a calming hormone. These are involved when people fall in love. Dopamine rewards you to want your partner, Oxytocin makes you attached to them and the terrible despair when they are not there is related to a drop in Serotonin.
 
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