Four of my best friends are ENFJs. They surround me and approach me. It's weird. We make wonderful friends. But they do like to problem solve. So if you just want to complain, tell them that you just want to complain. They will appreciate it, otherwise they will knock themselves out trying to come up with a solution to your problem. Warn them in advance that you didn't want answers. Haha.
My ex husband was an ENFJ. We were married for 8 years. I believe him to be a very dark example of an ENFJ. But in the beginning, I married him because he was incredible flexible and appeared to like me for who I am. ENFJs tend to like being the position of "helper". I think he saw me as a sweet docile woman. Hahaha. I am a lot stronger now. He inspired me to go beyond and outside of the box. But I also found him suffocating. I felt he nearly strangled me. I needed him to have his own life too.
Eventually he turned violent and domestic violence ensued the last couple of years. I am currently in a very stressful and complex court battle against this man. We have been divorced for 4 years, separated for 7, and he still wants control over my life. He is a very passionate man. He is quite emotional. He also uses emotional words to manipulate people. He says what he thinks the people want to hear, he will bring them food, put on your coat, and give you a tissue. He is refined and elegant. But if you are the opposite sex and don't like him, he will destroy you by any means possible and sometimes do it with a smile still on his face. He is very used to manipulating women and people.
Right now my ENFJ ex husband is currently harrassing my ENFJ best friend. It is interesting to hear her translate his motives. This woman will fight fire for me and use her emotions and knowledge of people to help them. He is using his understanding of people to get anything he wants.
One thing I would really say to do often for an ENFJ, is to remind them about how much their gestures mean to you. Or point out how they have helped you in some way. I know my girlfriend likes to hear that she was the one who first discovered something important that I needed to do. She likes to know she has made an impact in a positive way on my life or other people's. She wants that validation.
Also, I believe ENFJs get hurt so much more easily than I do. I don't really care about social conventions. But they really want to be treated well and talked to politely. If you were to change your tone or tell them something blunt be very careful. Some can take it, some can't.
I see the relationship with my ENFJs as me being their counselor. I help them see a different perspective and figure out the reasons why other's behave to way they do. I help them to put their mental energies back on themselves and how powerful they are. There is no doubt that they are "good inside". They often take my advice and my ideas right away. It's exciting to see.
ENFJs help me problem solve and put things into action. Practical things. Yes, the focus on the "hear and now" and sometimes it splits my head apart. But I ned to get there anyway, so thank God for ENFJs. They also network a lot. I do too, but my ENFJ friends to do what I call "sell out" more than me. Meaning, if I don't like someone, I don't care to play "nice" due to social conventions or where that connection can get me. But my ENFJ friends tend to connect with socially because of where it could get them. But then they also set themselves up when they realize these people aren't worthy of their time or efforts.
ENFJs confide in me. They really can and do tell me everything. I find my ENFJ friends EXTREMELY chatty. Hahaha. They also like to be around people way more than me.
In regards to ENFPs, I have had a romantic relationship with an ENFP who is still a very good friend. I also have one ENFP girlfriend. It's weird when we are in a group together. It's like there is this struggle to be the ENFP of the group. Lol. But one on one, they give me POWERFUL advice. It usually makes a deep impact on me and they respect me as a person. I KNOW they believe in me and my strength. I trust them whole heartedly with their answer. It's usually in line with my own belief system.
I don't like romantic relationships with ENFP/ENFP, it's a little sexier to have slight difference. But it was a blast when I was with ENFP. It was like fairy tale land. But it did fizzle out. Well actually, we are still friends 17 years later so I shouldn't say "fizzle". ENFPs are very respectful people. But they also pull back once they've made a connection. I do that too. I'll be there for you deeply, but it's hard to integrate you everywhere in my life. In contrast, ENFJs can and will integrate you everywhere if they like you.
I don't think my ENFP friends are flaky. But consider the source. :tongue: I happen to enjoy it when people cancel. It lets me know I can cancel and they won't take it personally. But I do think I'm flaky. :tongue:
