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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
So I'm an INTJ myself. But I'm one that is exceptionally clumsy, awkward and in my own world.

I got on a train with a bunch of people from my school (we had to travel to this faraway destination in which we had to transfer onto different trains four times)

I was listening to music with two ears on because everyone was noisy and I didn't want to socialise, while he had them on on one ear because he's the more attentive INTJ (or maybe he's an ISTJ, idk, but definitely IxTJ) Anyway, I had a sudden thought that all we had to get off the train (cause I'm just that terrible with directions and I was so zoned out I thought we had travelled for a very long time) and so I didn't scream but swore loudly and started panicking, some people almost got off the train until this one person said "dude, it's not the right stop" And I had to apologise incessantly afterwards to everyone. The IxTJ guy was watching me with an inscrutable look but I think he thinks I am an idiot. Being an INTJ myself, I know we all hate idiots. I'm just not road or street smart, I'm very book smart.

I know everyone make mistakes but do you think we'd have any chance after this? It's not really a first impression (he read an article I wrote for the school newspaper about how Nietzsche is very misunderstood and praised me through email for my 'original contribution' to the school newspaper and said that it was 'great work'. He usually doesn't respond to these sort of emails (he's the editor in chief so everyone sends him their articles) or maybe he does, but I know for sure that IxTJs don't make compliments lightly.) but I'm scared that he thinks less of me now. I'm also much more panicky and turbulent than your usual INTJ (I have mild anxiety), I mean what a turn on, right? Oh right, I just realised that you guys can tell from my overthinking here.
 

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Oh right, I just realised that you guys can tell from my overthinking here.
i'm not a maybe-istj chief editor of a school paper, but i don't think even back in high school i would have thought you were an idiot for something like that. a look like that from me would have been nothing but info-gathering, no kind of judgement implied. and to be honest, anyone who wrote a paper/article that got my attention would become a person of definite interest to me.

mostly the people i form a conscious contempt for are the ones who are boorish or selfish or otherwise socially offensive to me. i can get frustrated by communication gaps with other people, but most of my actual judgments tend to be for things i believe a person could keep under better control if they wanted to. stuff like zoning out and being briefly disoriented don't really fall into that group for me.
 

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I do think you're over thinking..everyone has those moments every now and then. In moments where we may feel embarrassed or have attention on us, I think there's more room to misinterpret looks and think people are thinking things they're not as well. I promise you, it's really unlikely to be a big deal at all.

if it helps, I'm a bumbling-clumsy-absent minded-dork INTJ in a relationship with a more with-it INTJ. He may shake his head and facepalm at me, but also just thinks it's really cute and "adorkable". YMMV. :p
 

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Discussion Starter #5
i'm not a maybe-istj chief editor of a school paper, but i don't think even back in high school i would have thought you were an idiot for something like that. a look like that from me would have been nothing but info-gathering, no kind of judgement implied. and to be honest, anyone who wrote a paper/article that got my attention would become a person of definite interest to me.

mostly the people i form a conscious contempt for are the ones who are boorish or selfish or otherwise socially offensive to me. i can get frustrated by communication gaps with other people, but most of my actual judgments tend to be for things i believe a person could keep under better control if they wanted to. stuff like zoning out and being briefly disoriented don't really fall into that group for me.
What would you count as socially offensive?
 

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What would you count as socially offensive?
gratuitous unkindness, bullying, selfishness, one-upmanship, status-jostling . . . that kind of thing. pointless judgeyness just for the kick of having someone to judge. people who don't know how to mind their own business. deliberate lack of emotional imagination. it's a long list, once i get started on it. i just dislike people who are interpersonally greedy or lazy, i guess.

you didn't cause any harm. you didn't intend any harm. i can't see how you even owed an apology to anyone else; you just made a mistake.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
gratuitous unkindness, bullying, selfishness, one-upmanship, status-jostling . . . that kind of thing. pointless judgeyness just for the kick of having someone to judge. people who don't know how to mind their own business. deliberate lack of emotional imagination. it's a long list, once i get started on it. i just dislike people who are interpersonally greedy or lazy, i guess.

you didn't cause any harm. you didn't intend any harm. i can't see how you even owed an apology to anyone else; you just made a mistake.
Well I was apologizing for burdening them with my wrong judgement call.

I'm probably just too hard on myself.
 

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I could have a field day with your insecurities. Honestly, you're just waiting to be toyed with.
But let's cut the bullshit for a minute since you're not actually next to me to tease. Do you actually like this dude you keep talking about? It sounds to me like you're more worried about your image than you are what he thinks of you. It's almost a little narcissistic (god are all INTJs like this?). Anyway, do answer this question honestly, because I may or may not solve this little problem for you.
 

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I could have a field day with your insecurities. Honestly, you're just waiting to be toyed with.
But let's cut the bullshit for a minute since you're not actually next to me to tease. Do you actually like this dude you keep talking about? It sounds to me like you're more worried about your image than you are what he thinks of you. It's almost a little narcissistic (god are all INTJs like this?). Anyway, do answer this question honestly, because I may or may not solve this little problem for you.


Doesn't sound that way at all to me. Sounds like a normal insecure teenager that had a moment of embarrassment and thought someone she likes may have been judging her. That is far from being image conscious or narcissistic.
 
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Discussion Starter #13
I could have a field day with your insecurities. Honestly, you're just waiting to be toyed with.
But let's cut the bullshit for a minute since you're not actually next to me to tease. Do you actually like this dude you keep talking about? It sounds to me like you're more worried about your image than you are what he thinks of you. It's almost a little narcissistic (god are all INTJs like this?). Anyway, do answer this question honestly, because I may or may not solve this little problem for you.
No.. It has nothing to do with image. I usually don't give a fuck about how I appear to people. Perception will always be warped in the eyes of a different person so there's no point caring what people think of me. It's just that I sense common interest with him and I don't wanna make a bad first impression because I know how much it matters (I'm into psychology and I read a lot into that kind of stuff) Also, my ENFP friend (who I rely on solely when it comes to these sort of things) told me that our chances definitely decreased by 20% because he'll think I'm an incompetent idiot. I'm usually skeptical of other people's judgement but I know nothing about dating and stuff so I guess subconsciously, I put a lot of trust in her words. She's dated like 5 times and I haven't even been on a date LOL
 

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Let's put it this way: If you two date, there are far more embarrassing things that he could see than you getting disoriented and panicking over a train stop.

If this triviality is enough to get him to think less of you he probably is completely out of touch with reality and people, so would you really want to partner up with someone like this?

Another way to see it is like this: His expression was inscrutable, no way for you to know what he thought, so don't fret over it. Just wait for time to wash it away then try to establish contact.

You're a kid anyway so it's not like it's likely that you'll get married to this dude.
 
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No.. It has nothing to do with image. I usually don't give a fuck about how I appear to people. Perception will always be warped in the eyes of a different person so there's no point caring what people think of me. It's just that I sense common interest with him and I don't wanna make a bad first impression because I know how much it matters (I'm into psychology and I read a lot into that kind of stuff) Also, my ENFP friend (who I rely on solely when it comes to these sort of things) told me that our chances definitely decreased by 20% because he'll think I'm an incompetent idiot. I'm usually skeptical of other people's judgement but I know nothing about dating and stuff so I guess subconsciously, I put a lot of trust in her words. She's dated like 5 times and I haven't even been on a date LOL


Erm..well, 1) that's a number she just pulled out of her butt that means nothing; 2) INTJs are different a lot of the time anyway than whatever she may be basing that on. Again, highly doubt he cares or that it cast a negative opinion on you. Additionally, as others said - if that's all it took for him to think "nope"..then why would you want to be with/around someone who can't handle a very very small error...basically a normal occurrence that happens sometimes in life?
 
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So I'm an INTJ myself. But I'm one that is exceptionally clumsy, awkward and in my own world.

I got on a train with a bunch of people from my school (we had to travel to this faraway destination in which we had to transfer onto different trains four times)

I was listening to music with two ears on because everyone was noisy and I didn't want to socialise, while he had them on on one ear because he's the more attentive INTJ (or maybe he's an ISTJ, idk, but definitely IxTJ) Anyway, I had a sudden thought that all we had to get off the train (cause I'm just that terrible with directions and I was so zoned out I thought we had travelled for a very long time) and so I didn't scream but swore loudly and started panicking, some people almost got off the train until this one person said "dude, it's not the right stop" And I had to apologise incessantly afterwards to everyone. The IxTJ guy was watching me with an inscrutable look but I think he thinks I am an idiot. Being an INTJ myself, I know we all hate idiots. I'm just not road or street smart, I'm very book smart.

I know everyone make mistakes but do you think we'd have any chance after this? It's not really a first impression (he read an article I wrote for the school newspaper about how Nietzsche is very misunderstood and praised me through email for my 'original contribution' to the school newspaper and said that it was 'great work'. He usually doesn't respond to these sort of emails (he's the editor in chief so everyone sends him their articles) or maybe he does, but I know for sure that IxTJs don't make compliments lightly.) but I'm scared that he thinks less of me now. I'm also much more panicky and turbulent than your usual INTJ (I have mild anxiety), I mean what a turn on, right? Oh right, I just realised that you guys can tell from my overthinking here.
What people tend to do is: When they like you, it's cute. When they dislike you, it's stupid.

So it doesn't change anything. It's irrelevant.
 

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So I'm an INTJ myself. But I'm one that is exceptionally clumsy, awkward and in my own world.

I got on a train with a bunch of people from my school (we had to travel to this faraway destination in which we had to transfer onto different trains four times)

I was listening to music with two ears on because everyone was noisy and I didn't want to socialise, while he had them on on one ear because he's the more attentive INTJ (or maybe he's an ISTJ, idk, but definitely IxTJ) Anyway, I had a sudden thought that all we had to get off the train (cause I'm just that terrible with directions and I was so zoned out I thought we had travelled for a very long time) and so I didn't scream but swore loudly and started panicking, some people almost got off the train until this one person said "dude, it's not the right stop" And I had to apologise incessantly afterwards to everyone. The IxTJ guy was watching me with an inscrutable look but I think he thinks I am an idiot. Being an INTJ myself, I know we all hate idiots. I'm just not road or street smart, I'm very book smart.

I know everyone make mistakes but do you think we'd have any chance after this? It's not really a first impression (he read an article I wrote for the school newspaper about how Nietzsche is very misunderstood and praised me through email for my 'original contribution' to the school newspaper and said that it was 'great work'. He usually doesn't respond to these sort of emails (he's the editor in chief so everyone sends him their articles) or maybe he does, but I know for sure that IxTJs don't make compliments lightly.) but I'm scared that he thinks less of me now. I'm also much more panicky and turbulent than your usual INTJ (I have mild anxiety), I mean what a turn on, right? Oh right, I just realised that you guys can tell from my overthinking here.
I respect people if they're book smart even if they make stupid mistakes. I think you should carry yourself more confidently. Either way, I assume you haven't spoken to this person at all. I think you should start by saying hello when you walk past him or something. Also, personally, and maybe other INTJs, love to see people who have their stuff together. This is especially true when I see them wearing sharp and elegant clothing, it's our inferior Se.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
What people tend to do is: When they like you, it's cute. When they dislike you, it's stupid.

So it doesn't change anything. It's irrelevant.
Well but I'm not sure if he really likes me lmao. I'm terrible at making first impressions so whadyaknow. But at least he can't hold me accountable for that because mostly everyone thinks he's stuck-up and he's terrible at making first impressions too lololol.
 
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