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Discussion Starter #1
Do you think there is a correlation between type and divorce? I could see there being one... with certain types being at least slightly more likely. But yet, it would also depend on the type they are married to as well.
 

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yeah. i read in an mbti book that when a survey of married couples was done, S-N matching was the most crucial factor in a happy marriage. also people married to an F are on average more likely to be happier than someone married to a T.

makes sense i spose. obviously these are statistics and it's possible to defy them.. although tbh i couldn't imagine being happy with a sensor.
 

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I guess what I'm thinking of is that if you did research based on certain types being married and the quality of their relationship...

So, for example and ISFP with an ENFJ... better chances of working or not? What is the stats of a ISFP with a ENTP?

Could turn out interesting.... but I guess what I'm looking at is more of pairings and not necessarily that "ESFJs are more likely to get divorced. Period."

I could see an N with N or S with S dynamic working best though.... because otherwise the N with the S will always yearn for more depth that the S may not fully be able to provide.
 

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I think SJs married to each other would have the highest rate of success in marriage. And I have read somewhere that the mates of male INTPs are the least satisfied.
 

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Absolutely

I was married for 13 years. It took me years to finally get married and when I did... it never seemed quite right. I felt like I was alone in my thoughts most of the time. I felt like I was trying to go along with the "fun", even tho I felt it was uninteresting and shallow. At first, I thought it was fun to be with an ESFP. He was lighthearted - unselfconscious - lived for the moment. It was such a different outlook on lilfe that I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame!! Unfortunately, when "life" came into focus - I mean daily life, babies, bills, meals, priorities, responsibilities.... I was all alone. Very very alone. I had the weight of the world on myself and any time I wanted to talk about things, or try to plan things, I was made to feel like a "stick in the mud" - like a prude with standards. It was an aweful time in my life. I knew that every time I tried to make myself understood it was like planting a rose in a sandlot; there was nothing inherent to the environment of the soul I was speaking to that would ever allow it to take root and blossom. I gave up a year ago. We had two kids who I have guarded with my life against anything negative, and here I submitted them to a divorce.... What I know now, without a doubt, is that I am so much happier that I can't even explain it. I feel like a real person again. My daughter has stopped feeling anxious, my son has commented on how "peaceful" our new home feels when we walk in at the end of the day.... I will never forgive myself for making such a selfish decision to marry the wrong person in the first place however - and i do NOT blame him for who he is - I am absolutely positive that he will be happier too, when he finds the right match somewhere along the line.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I was married for 13 years. It took me years to finally get married and when I did... it never seemed quite right. I felt like I was alone in my thoughts most of the time. I felt like I was trying to go along with the "fun", even tho I felt it was uninteresting and shallow. At first, I thought it was fun to be with an ESFP. He was lighthearted - unselfconscious - lived for the moment. It was such a different outlook on lilfe that I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame!! Unfortunately, when "life" came into focus - I mean daily life, babies, bills, meals, priorities, responsibilities.... I was all alone. Very very alone. I had the weight of the world on myself and any time I wanted to talk about things, or try to plan things, I was made to feel like a "stick in the mud" - like a prude with standards. It was an aweful time in my life. I knew that every time I tried to make myself understood it was like planting a rose in a sandlot; there was nothing inherent to the environment of the soul I was speaking to that would ever allow it to take root and blossom. I gave up a year ago. We had two kids who I have guarded with my life against anything negative, and here I submitted them to a divorce.... What I know now, without a doubt, is that I am so much happier that I can't even explain it. I feel like a real person again. My daughter has stopped feeling anxious, my son has commented on how "peaceful" our new home feels when we walk in at the end of the day.... I will never forgive myself for making such a selfish decision to marry the wrong person in the first place however - and i do NOT blame him for who he is - I am absolutely positive that he will be happier too, when he finds the right match somewhere along the line.
I can see that's about how I would be if I ended up with my ESFP guy friend....... or if I would have stayed with my ISFP ex or ESTJ ex. I'd always be longing for that deeper level of understanding.
 

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There are too many variables to tell for sure. I would assume that extraverted types dominant in Ne, Se, Te would be most comfortable with making a new move, moving out of an old relationship, meeting a new person and developing a new relationship.

Overall I would say that types that are most likely to divorce would also be those that are least happy in the relationship. This depends on their partner as well. As far as MBTI goes here are some statistics. I'm not going to re-type this so I'll just post up a picture. Nitou is right in that two SJs together report higher satisfaction. NF-NF pairing is not far behind and next best choice for NFs is NTs. Seems NTs report to be happiest when paired with NFs and next best choice is other NTs. Both NFs and NTs don't seem to be so happy when in relationships with SJs. Lowest mutual satisfaction in relationships was reported between STJ and NFP partners. This is all on average of course.



 

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I think it would matter what kind of N or T, etc. Also compatibility could also depend on where each individual is at in their development and use of less dominant functions.

Also, I am an ENFP. I love growth and am inspired by change. It is very hard for me to want a long term relationship with another NF. I get rather bored. I have had relationships with other NFs, but they did not have the depth or spark that I've had with an SP or NT.

Also, my most recent ex is an ESFJ. He gets very jumpy in relationships. His "traditional" values allowed him to divorce three times. I know he had an affair on his second wife. After his 3rd divorce, he then lived with a 4th woman for 3 years and then he broke it off with her. He literally just took off one day just because she called him a "pussy". Then he met me. He bailed after a baby scare. So much for SJs and commitment.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
There are too many variables to tell for sure. I would assume that extraverted types dominant in Ne, Se, Te would be most comfortable with making a new move, moving out of an old relationship, meeting a new person and developing a new relationship.

Overall I would say that types that are most likely to divorce would also be those that are least happy in the relationship. This depends on their partner as well. As far as MBTI goes here are some statistics. I'm not going to re-type this so I'll just post up a picture. Nitou is right in that two SJs together report higher satisfaction. NF-NF pairing is not far behind and next best choice for NFs is NTs. Seems NTs report to be happiest when paired with NFs and next best choice is other NTs. Both NFs and NTs don't seem to be so happy when in relationships with SJs. Lowest mutual satisfaction in relationships was reported between STJ and NFP partners. This is all on average of course.



Where did you get that info from???
 

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I think it would matter what kind of N or T, etc. Also compatibility could also depend on where each individual is at in their development and use of less dominant functions.

Also, I am an ENFP. I love growth and am inspired by change. It is very hard for me to want a long term relationship with another NF. I get rather bored. I have had relationships with other NFs, but they did not have the depth or spark that I've had with an SP or NT.

Also, my most recent ex is an ESFJ. He gets very jumpy in relationships. His "traditional" values allowed him to divorce three times. I know he had an affair on his second wife. After his 3rd divorce, he then lived with a 4th woman for 3 years and then he broke it off with her. He literally just took off one day just because she called him a "pussy". Then he met me. He bailed after a baby scare. So much for SJs and commitment.
I would like to submit that maturity matters most of all in romance, and by maturity I mean selflessness. An immature SJ may have more problems in a relationship than someone of a stereotypically flighty or critical temperament who is highly motivated to remain committed. I think that romantic relationships are a crucible in which temperament is refined...there is a feeling that we "shouldn't have to change," but we all start life in a pretty selfish state, regardless of temperament.
 

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I think understanding and acceptance are more important than type differences. My Dad is an INTJ and my mum an ISFJ and they have been successfully married for almost 22 years. The longest they've ever been mad at each other for is like 6 hours... I thought they were going to divorce because I've never seen my Mum that mad at my Dad before or since.
 

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There are too many variables to tell for sure. I would assume that extraverted types dominant in Ne, Se, Te would be most comfortable with making a new move, moving out of an old relationship, meeting a new person and developing a new relationship.

Overall I would say that types that are most likely to divorce would also be those that are least happy in the relationship. This depends on their partner as well. As far as MBTI goes here are some statistics. I'm not going to re-type this so I'll just post up a picture. Nitou is right in that two SJs together report higher satisfaction. NF-NF pairing is not far behind and next best choice for NFs is NTs. Seems NTs report to be happiest when paired with NFs and next best choice is other NTs. Both NFs and NTs don't seem to be so happy when in relationships with SJs. Lowest mutual satisfaction in relationships was reported between STJ and NFP partners. This is all on average of course.



An NFP and an SFJ. So, you're telling me 86% of SFJs are satisfied while 53% of NFPs are. LOL!
 

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Of course everything depends on individuals and their maturity, but just thinking about concepts trends and generalizations, here are some thoughts. Naturally you should take my following speculations with a big grain of salt, and feel free to contradict them.

It seems to me that commitment and communication are the most important things in making in long term relationships work - so I find it no wonder that SJ-SJ and NF-NF relationships appear to be the most satisfied as those things seem to be very characteristic of them each respectively.

Looking at that table I would think that the best relationships would be the ones where both parties share a high level of satisfaction, or at the least have a similar rate of satisfaction so that one person doesn't feel unhappy while the other is oblivious to the problem. If both are relatively at the same place I would immagine they'd either both be consciously trying to make it better, or both equally interested in ending it - which would make things less messy either way.

SJ (71) - SP (63) difference of 8
SJ (62) - NT (52) difference of 10
SJ (58) - NF (46) difference of 12
SP (54) - NF (51) difference of 3
SP (73) - NT (54) difference of 19
NT (65) - NF (64) difference of 1

SJs - 71, 62, 58 & SPs - 73, 63, 54 - Appear to have slightly higher relationship satisfaction
NTs - 65, 54, 52 & NFs - 64, 51, 46 - Appear to have slightly lower relationship satisfaction
(I wonder if this could have something to do with being stuck in our heads a lot?)

SJ - SJ (79) - higher than with any other type
NF - NF (73) - higher than with any other type
NT - NT (59) - less than with NFs
SP - SP (59) - less than with SJs or NFs

This goes with my inclination to say that SPs would be likely to like someone who is different. It feels to me like they enjoy new and different experiences and appreciate someone bringing variety. I think they are also likely to just accept people for whatever they are.

I think NTs seem likely to be a little less interested in romance, and a bit more interested in being independant, perhaps valuing independance more than companionship or security.

It seems to me like SJs and NFs seem to have more 'boundary' problems, needing others to be on the same page with them and being more relationship oriented, in a sense, rather than independant. SJs seem to expect others to be responcible in a practical way, but this doesn't lead exactly to independance: they still seem to take responcibility for others and expect others to have a sense of duty to them as well. NFs get emotionally invested in people, feeling responcible for tending other's feelings and expecting others to look after theirs. In both these types it seems they expect and want others to be concerned with and driven by what they are. It seems to me that these types tend to take it just a little more 'personal', or find it more frustrating when others clash with them. They seem to have a bit more conviction that how they are should be shared by others. Others should be more responcible, others should be more tactfull/empathetic. Even when they understand that others are different and accept that, they still seem to wish they were the same.

In contrast, SPs and NTs strike me as being much more independant in their approach to others, expecting others to be separate from themselves. They may want others to enjoy the same things with them, but if they aren't interested they seem more willing to just part ways. They don't seem to be bothered as much by people not being like them, taking an atitude of that's just the way they are, and move on. They seem less likely to try to make it work when it isn't.

I think this comes down to the idea of cooperative vs. utilitarian.

I also wonder if the apparent 'opposites attract' thing between ESTX and INFX types is that they are rather stereotypically 'male' and 'female' and may just assume at first that that's what all males or females are like and that they are just supposed to deal with it, rather than looking for someone who is more like themselves.
 

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Very very insightful, and actually very sad too. It means that statistically, an NF is less likely to find a life long suitable partner too.
Cos the chances are really stacked against us ? No wonder I felt this kind of prophecy within me that I either will stay alone, or I will find someone so much later in my life. It is indeed pretty hard to find a good match actually. Really !
 

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I don't believe there is. Too many variables are associated with divorce, type is probably at the bottom of the list. Even though there is a correlation, most likely it doesn't tell us anything.
i agree to this to this, it could be that it is a factor or a part of it but not as a whole reason for divorce. There is money, values, cultural backgrounds, expectations, socio economic status, health, abuse that can affect a marraige. I think if two people want to make it work, they'll make it work but some are just too late to fix.
 

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One thing I can say for sure is ' S ' and ' N ' don't go hand in hand. Conflicting opinions and arguments everyday is by no means a pretty sight.
Hmmm...how can you be so sure of this. I have seen S and N relationships work. My mom is an ESFJ and my stepdad an ENTJ, 11 years their relationship works and they may have their moments and I mean my mum does most of the arguing but my stepdad has this magic power to dissolve any argument. Whereas my mum and i who are both Fs clash big time. Or it cld just be a mum and daughter thing. My partner is ISTP and I am iNFJ, 2 years
we hardly argue but we debate and we talk about things and i know we will never agree on some things. My partner's parents are ENFJ and ISTJ and they have been together 50 years. I think it depends if the two parties want to make it work or not.
 
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