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Discussion Starter #1
I – like most of you I believe – have a strong sensitivity to the opinions and feelings others hold, but I'm especially sensitive to the ones I feel they hold about me.

As a result, I strive, occasionally to my disadvantage, to maintain a positive image in the eyes of others - often viewing myself through their eyes. Though I’ve learned to recognize when I do this and thus have some degree of control over it, I still can't help this tendency. Most often it works as something positive. However, sometimes it is also a source of great irritation; there are times when I just want to see the world through my eyes not theirs. But, alas, I must also see through the eyes of others'.

Do any of you also find you do this often?
If so, how do you feel about it?
Have you learned to recognize it?
Have you learned anything from it?

I’m curious to see if this is common among INFPs.

 

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I like to understand how people think, but I don't put much stock in it.
 

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Looking through others' eyes always helps me greatly in understanding them. In fact, it's probably the one method that works best for me when trying to understand people.

I don't think I've ever looked at myself, though, through others' eyes. I guess I don't really care what people think of me.
That's what you think. ;) Man is a social animal. And unless you live alone in the desert - you care about what others think of you. Otherwise you'd be in a fight pretty much every time you'd meet another person.

I hate when people write statements like these because they are a lie.

I probably put to much emphasis on the very last part of your post. Anyway it had to be said.

Regarding the original question. Yes kinda. I just recently found a way to do what I feel is right compared to do what the commonly accepted ISTJ response would be. (follow the rules) Because following the rules means you don't have to care about others just about the rules. And when they are violated somebody else (court, police, etc.) is there to care and take care of a violation. Basically deferring responsibility.
 

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That's what you think. ;) Man is a social animal. And unless you live alone in the desert - you care about what others think of you. Otherwise you'd be in a fight pretty much every time you'd meet another person.

I hate when people write statements like these because they are a lie.

I probably put to much emphasis on the very last part of your post. Anyway it had to be said.
I suppose I could reply to this post with a statement like, "No, I really don't care. Why do you think I'm lying?", but then that would be me caring, right?
 

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I suppose I could reply to this post with a statement like, "No, I really don't care. Why do you think I'm lying?", but then that would be me caring, right?
If you really did not care you would not bother to respond ;) You are an INFP after all aren't you?

Maybe lying is too strong of a word. I'd say delusion would be better. A defensive mechanism. The people that really don't care in my opinion are not the ones saying I don't care but maybe the opposite. But that is painting things in black and white. All I want to say is I don't care just means I care but I think I'm gonna get hurt if I show it. And that I'd say is bad for an INFP because I think our power and strength comes from caring!
 

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Ok, maybe I do care what certain people think of me in certain situations. Perhaps my justification of why I don't look at myself through the eyes of others is wrong. As for why I don't look at myself through the eyes of others, I don't really know. The thought of doing that has never crossed my mind. As for why it has never crossed my mind, I'd say it was because I didn't care, but then I do, right?:confused:
 

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I like to see what others are thinking *occasionally* but everything is viewed through my lens, my mind. I think what I might be trying to say is.. I'm not really that interested in others. Sometimes, but mostly I like what I'm viewing and thinking.
 

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Totally have this tendency. And mostly to my detriment I'm sorry to say. The tendency ofter causes me do things I don't want to and gets me stuck in situations I should not be in. It also causes me to to have trouble getting out of relationships that I shouldnt be in, because no matter how much I may feel I need out I still don't want to hurt the other person and i don't want them to have a slighted view of me.:frustrating:
 

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I don't think I've ever looked at myself, though, through others' eyes. I guess I don't really care what people think of me.
That's an insight to envy.
 

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Yea, usually I'll just ask myself hmm I wonder what they thought of me, or that, or this. And then I'll just dive deep into this loop where I keep making up outcomes for how this or these persons thought of me or something I or others did.
 

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I try and see myself through the eyes of others, its informative but I can't say it does wonders for my self-esteem. But empathy is not guaranteed to be accurate and my perceptions may just be a bit flawed.

I also try and see the world through the eyes of other people but this often tends to translate less into "why do {enter religion/people} think or see things the way they do" and more into "don't worry about it, you can't do anything for the world. Come out and get drunk with us instead."
 

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It is extremely helpful, yet becomes annoying if done too much for too long.
I haven't tried to actually "turn it off" if that's possible, but whenever I'm overwhelmed, I run off somewhere far away so traces of others' existance no longer pelt me with their various conflicting ideas and values.
It's still bothering me though.
Argh.
 

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You know, I kind of tried this for a while. I just tried to see myself externally, not from any one person's viewpoint, because I was always surprised at how a lot of people seem completely unaware of their baaaad behavioral habits and I thought I could learn a thing or two about my own. I have no idea if it did any good because I forgot about it before long. Honestly, it was exhausting being dug that deep in my head for so long. :| I def feel for you if that's where you are. General self-awareness and empathy are alright for me tho; that's been far more informative.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Totally have this tendency. And mostly to my detriment I'm sorry to say. The tendency ofter causes me do things I don't want to and gets me stuck in situations I should not be in. It also causes me to to have trouble getting out of relationships that I shouldnt be in, because no matter how much I may feel I need out I still don't want to hurt the other person and i don't want them to have a slighted view of me.:frustrating:
You speak of many struggles I've been through and sometimes still go through. Though this can be a frustrating tendency, it's nice to know I'm not alone in it. Thanks for your eloquent and open response :happy:
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I like to believe I am empathetic to others, but I am not persuaded that I am actually seeing the world as they see it. Over time I've learned there can be a great disparity between how I view myself and how others view me. So how can I presume to know how they are seeing the world?
I agree with you. I don't mean literally; I cannot 'know' how another views either myself or the world. However, this does not prevent the tendency to try and relate, understand, and intuit another’s feelings and viewpoint, however flawed such an analysis truly may be. But you raise an important point on this topic - no one can truly understand us, only we can do that ourselves. Thanks for bringing this up, as it should not be ignored when talking about empathy or understanding another! :happy:
 

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i do feel this way alot of the time. it's werid i can see their mindset and there reasons but sometimes i still feel like i"don't understand"like i can see the motive but i just feel it's unjustifed. the way i was raised iwas taught the world is a far from perfect place so i don't judge really. The main way it helps me is in arguments, i can see the have their mindset and that there jutas unlikely to change it as i am.
 
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I don't really care much what other people think about me. I care to a certain extent, but not enough to allow it to be something I think much consciously of. Anyway, that means i don't look at myself through other eyes. I try to imagine what other peoples viewpoints are, but that's more curiosity than anything else...
 
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