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INFJ's, what are your views on marriage? I'm getting pestered by my family that I should be thinking in getting married soon(I'm 23), but I just loathe at that idea of being tied down by a person. I have many ambitions of traveling around the world, staying in cottages on the green emerald fields of Ireland, eating sushi in Japan and mediating deeply in the mountains of Tibet. I'll probably die alone, and that's ok. I'm not really interested in love and in family.

But what about you, what are your reasons for or against marriage?
 

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Honestly? I'm with you there. For a long time, I just didn't get the appeal of marriage and didn't want to be tied down to one person, either. Obviously, take that with a pinch of salt because I'm 16, but I was never really one to take relationships seriously. In no way am I family oriented, nor would I ever let my life pursuits revolve around someone. More power to the people who would, but that's not me.

And I know that I'm not supposed to say that because I'm in a relationship, but ugh... I have my doubts. :unsure:

On the other hand, it's obviously a promise you make to someone and it's a huge part of society's expectations of a member.
 

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Yes I'd like to get married; However, I've never been in a relationship before so I don't know if I'd be any good at it! I sometimes wonder if I've become so used to being independent that being in a relationship might feel like too much effort! :crazy:
 

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I think what you're talking about, Seeker, has more to do with being in your early 20's and wanting to explore the world without hinderence, including a serious relationship/marriage. I understand that totally--I feel like I don't want to be tied down to a normal (and boring) position and place for the rest of my life. I want to see all the world has to hold (in some respects).

However, when I really think about it, I really don't think there's anything better than having someone that you can share everything with, and, in a sense, become two people in one. That sounds amazing. I would love someone to share every part of my being, even if that means I can't do everything I want to do. I would be willing to make that sacrifice.

So yes, I would like to get married someday.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Honestly? I'm with you there. For a long time, I just didn't get the appeal of marriage and didn't want to be tied down to one person, either. Obviously, take that with a pinch of salt because I'm 16, but I was never really one to take relationships seriously. In no way am I family oriented, nor would I ever let my life pursuits revolve around someone. More power to the people who would, but that's not me.

And I know that I'm not supposed to say that because I'm in a relationship, but ugh... I have my doubts. :unsure:

On the other hand, it's obviously a promise you make to someone and it's a huge part of society's expectations of a member.
I definitely understand that socially, it is expected for individuals to get some settling down and getting married at some point in their lives. Right now, most of my cousins who are the same age as I am already have children and are married. So now the family is looking at my direction of why I'm not doing the same, when they should know better that I'm a weird duckling lol

I think what you're talking about, Seeker, has more to do with being in your early 20's and wanting to explore the world without hinderence, including a serious relationship/marriage. I understand that totally--I feel like I don't want to be tied down to a normal (and boring) position and place for the rest of my life. I want to see all the world has to hold (in some respects).

However, when I really think about it, I really don't think there's anything better than having someone that you can share everything with, and, in a sense, become two people in one. That sounds amazing. I would love someone to share every part of my being, even if that means I can't do everything I want to do. I would be willing to make that sacrifice.

So yes, I would like to get married someday.
Many people tell me it's because of the age as well. Maybe you're right, maybe I'm still too young to actually be in the need of a permanent relationship. But before I even contemplate in spending my life with another person, I need to know what love is first. I've been in various relationships, and so far, I haven't known what that's like.

I'll keep an open mind about it though, thanks for your insight.
 

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My stance is that marriage is for that time that you are ready to build a family together. It is a form of commitment to each other that you will put in the effort and work out your problems with the other person, not just run away when bad times come along or when your partner is under a lot of stress, not hop on the next opportunity that seems to be easier or more novel and more exciting. It is your responsibility that you create best environment possible before bringing new people into this world. Marriage is commitment to do exactly that.

So when you feel that time has come and you are ready to do this, that's the time to marry or start seeking a partner for marriage. But before you reach that point you probably need to find yourself as a person first. I think late teens to early 20s is when people are just kind of discovering themselves, so it is not the best age to start a family then.

But don't wait too long for this time obviously. First of all, both men and women have a biological clock. After 40 risk of fathering children with genetic disorders and infertility significantly rises. Second, into middle age more health issues start popping up. And third, I think kids would like to have younger looking parents, rather than parents who look and act like grandparents :p
 

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I'm 22 and married (only about 2 months though). The reason why I did it is because ever since I was a child I've a very deep longing to be completely devoted to someone, which is why short relationships turn me off and I've never had any "flings" (my wife is the first and only woman I've kissed, let alone have had sex with). On an emotional level I find it very difficult to live without such a commitment. It made me feel very lonely. The problem during my teenage years was finding someone who wasn't over 30 years old with the same longing. I actually really enjoy working on my relationship when there's some sort of dispute so I can make the relationship even stronger and better.

Some people liken marriage to a cage, but for me it's more like a 5 star hotel room with free room service. Being married (and even the relationship leading up to that point) is awesome. :cool: I haven't regretted my decission for even a second.
 

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Until some time in the last six months, I felt the same way you do. The world's a big place, and I wanted to explore. Having another person along would just be a hindrance. With another person comes his or her opinions, needs, problems, etc.

Not sure what happened, but I feel quite differently now. I want the sympathy, companionship, and support of a good relationship. The idea of marriage appeals to me because of the life-long commitment it represents, and that's what I want - someone to spend a lifetime with. However, I realize we live in a world full of ideals, but not an ideal world, and sometimes stuff happens. A wedding with a white dress and lots of cake doesn't mean you'll be happy, or that the relationship will last forever. But there's still a part of me that wants someone to at least attempt to make that commitment. :blushed:
 

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I'm putting off my exploring phase of life until I find someone to share it with. I live enough in my mind and going and doing more alone without having someone else who has experienced the same things but has a different perspective to discuss when inevitably the fun runs out and life becomes mundane again seems kinda pointless. I see marriage as more of a legal requirement than anything else so I will do it, but the pleasure will be in finding someone I actually want to spend time with.

Seeker of Truth said:
I'm getting pestered by my family that I should be thinking in getting married soon(I'm 23)
Is laughing at them not an option? "sure, I'll go find a girl - you call the church and see if they have a space tomorrow" :crazy: How can they expect you to get married without having a steady partner?! They could at least be realistic and pressure you to find a girlfriend first :tongue:
 

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I could date anyone (if I so chose), but marrying is something entirely different. I would only ever go down that route if someone caught a hold of my life and I knew there was no way I would ever want to live without them.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Is laughing at them not an option? "sure, I'll go find a girl - you call the church and see if they have a space tomorrow" :crazy: How can they expect you to get married without having a steady partner?! They could at least be realistic and pressure you to find a girlfriend first :tongue:
I think they're worried about me that I have only had 2 relationships in my life and that I've never properly introduced anyone that I've dated.

Is laughing at them not an option?
I laugh at them, so sure, it is an option :laughing:
 
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I like the idea of having a partner to grow with and experience things with. However, I don't think that's what is going to happen. I think I will be alone for a long time and my family knows this. This is why their questions of me have died down. I think they accept me as the anti-social/lonely family member they don't really know.

But I have always taken a less conventional path. I think I would have to improve my self eteem and my social skills. Mainly, my self-esteem/worth. I don't know if this will ever happen, tbh.
 

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what i feel right now in my present state is this: i want to be in a longterm, serious relationship, but i dont know about marriage. ..

this view is influenced by some things i wonder about: who can ever love me? or be patient enough with me to understand everything about who i am? who can i ever open up to completely? who can ever make me feel completely accepted and wanted and like i belong there, by their side?
With 6 billion + people in the world, Curious, I'm sure there's quite a number of people who would love you in exactly the way you want. Odds are, there's someone pining for just your type right now. ;)
 

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You just made me think of something. I don't think I wonder if someone could love me. I wonder if I deserve to be loved. Sometimes, I feel I don't.
 

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im 25, and still single.

im usually single (rather than usually in a relationship), so it wouldn't surprise me if i didnt get married until my 30's or 40's. im finding my way pretty slowly in the romantic realm.

i dont know about anyone else but i dont really have trouble finding someone willing to date me... but usually i dont like them in a serious way so i dont date them. i dont want to lead people on... i think i probably have a highly idealized version of love that most people dont fall into. ive never had physical requirements for mates, but a lot of times i find i just dont *click* with most people, despite them liking me.

so yes, i would like to get married. but only to someone i love. and it wouldn't surprise me if i married later in life either.
 

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You just made me think of something. I don't think I wonder if someone could love me. I wonder if I deserve to be loved. Sometimes, I feel I don't.
while we are having a pity party, i will join in :)

i think it's sometimes difficult to be different than the rest of the world. the other day i was in the elevator and 3 college-age girls got on, and started jabbering away about something (boyfriend this, text message that, sorority blah blah blah) and while i was listening it occurred to me that this is the depth of conversation that they probably reach all day. they were using so so many words, and so much energy, to describe made-up problems and superficial topics.

i dunno. in some weird way, i felt left out. i feel like i operate on a completely different plane or existence.

sometimes i feel like that in society. everyone else is doing one thing. and im marching to the beat of a different drummer.

so yes, you deserve to be loved. we all do. it's just a matter of finding someone who understands and accepts you for who you are. and when you are different (and introverted) sometimes that isn't an easy process.
 

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I think I have a problem in finding someone who is interested in dating me. I've only gotten the hint/vibe/whatever that a girl liked me once, that was in high school. But then again, maybe it's that I am a guy or maybe it's that I am absolutely horrible at picking up whether someone might be interested in dating me. Probably both hah.


Above- Thanks for saying that, I really appreciate it.
 
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