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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hopefully this is the last time I have to fill out one of these questionnaires :tongue: I've considered 4w5 and 5w4 as possible core types but 9w1 seems to fit me the most and I just want to be sure. I should mention that when I take online tests I almost always get 5 or 9 as my result. I'm pretty sure my tri-type is 459 or 469 in some order. Also if you could tell me what you think my instinctual variants are as well that'd be cool. I'm pretty sure I'm Sp and Sx but not sure which goes first.

Main Questions

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
I think I mentioned this in another questionnaire but I really don't know what my drive is so at the moment I'm just living life day by day. I guess if I really think about it, my drive is to just absorb life, absorb people and their quirks and their unique stories, find out what this world has to offer. I'm looking for my purpose, but I'm hoping that I'll stumble upon that as I go about life.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I want to be, and know that I am, the most important person in someone's life, and vice-versa. I want to live comfortably. I want to master Japanese and live in Japan for a period of time. Ultimately I want to be happy.

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
I want to avoid losing control of myself and my life. I also hope to avoid being fake, which is funny because I'm one of those people who changes depending on who I'm with, often adopting that person/group's traits. Sometimes I don't even know what it me being genuine is supposed to look like...
Open-mindedness is one of my most important values. I also highly value the ability to view things objectively (I struggle with this when my emotions are involved, but I try really hard to practice this).

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
I have this lingering fear in the back of my mind that I'm going to start developing schizophrenia or severe depression or I'm just going to dive off the deep end, completely lose it, do something illegal, and I'll be so far-gone that I can't be helped, and people will look at me with pity and say "what happened? She used to be so good and smart" and stuff. I tell myself that it's silly but there's not much I can do so I just deal with it. I think it stems from a huge lack of self-esteem, among other things. I think I almost want something extreme to happen in my life, or rather, I anticipate it. I'm kind of obsessed with diseases (another fear) and I worry about getting cancer a lot. My life is pretty conflict-free, so maybe it's like anxiety because I feel like the conflict-free period of my life is going to end.
I also fear that the people closest to me will forget about me, abandon me, but I tend to be numb or in denial when I realize I'm drifting apart from someone. Also, the thought of dying alone is frightening. Death is frightening.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want them to see that I'm fashionable I guess. I also would like it if people saw that I'm creative and a fun person to be around when I come out of my shell, but I'm not overt about my talents or accomplishments so that's kind of a tall order. I go through extremes in how I see myself; sometimes in my head I'm super cocky and see myself as better than other people, and sometimes I just see myself as a loser. It depends. Usually I have a neutral opinion of myself though.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
masturbating lol
Actually if you had asked me this a few months ago I would've answered differently, because it wasn't until college that I suddenly became so darn sexual. Last term I started hooking up with a guy and I had my first sexual experiences. I slept over at his place the first time and he fell asleep holding me with his face tucked in my neck (this is sounding cheesy af sorry) and he was breathing steadily against my skin and at that moment I was so outrageously happy, I felt giddy. I'd never felt something like that before, that level of companionship, and I couldn't sleep for two hours after that, I couldn't stop smiling. Feeling attractive and confident and able to let myself go makes me feel good too. Feeling confident in general really.
Those moments where I feel like I'm not good at anything are awful. Also being rejected or ignored. Being wrong about something that I previously thought I was right about. Not being able to understand something even though I'm trying my best to.

7. Describe how you experience:
anger - depends on what/whom I'm experiencing it toward. If it's a close friend or relative, I'm less likely to hold back my feelings, though I'm pretty good at keeping a level head while I'm angry and offering logical explanations for things. If it's someone I'm less close to then I have more tact. Anyway the way I experience anger is kind of like a pot of boiling water. It simmers and I know immediately that I'm feeling it, so I turn down the stove heat, but the water will still be hot anywhere from a few minutes to an hour.
shame - I tend to not experience shame a lot. Maybe like a hint of it when I've done something wrong and someone is disappointed with me, but it dissipates pretty quickly. When I do experience it, I usually feel an automated pull to figure out how to apologize, but this isn't until I've groaned at how stupid I am and smacked my forehead a few times.
anxiety - either I just deal with it, do some deep breathing or rigorous foot-tapping, or try to tell myself there's nothing to be nervous about, explain it away. I do a lot of planning when I'm anxious, saying this is what I'll do and this is how I'll act, etc. a lot of thinking before acting (though sometimes I'll improvise something totally unplanned).

8. Describe how you respond to each of:
stress - I don't usually experience heavy stress since I'm so abnormally chill about everything but when I do I don't like to show it. When other people talk to me while stressed I try to be my usual self, but afterward I'm back to being stressed. Sometimes I wallow in my stress, other times I try to do things to relieve it, like exercising or drawing or writing.
unexpected change - feel a bit of annoyance if it's a change that requires extra work from me, sometimes I'll ask the person responsible why the change happened, then just deal with it and adapt. I'm usually easy-going about unexpected changes.
conflict - definitely conflict-averse, if it doesn't involve me then I like to stay uninvolved. I had an argument with my friend over the phone the other day and I just hung up on him, which was both absolutely stupid and really telling, because I explicitly thought to myself, "I don't want to deal with this right now". And going along with that, I don't understand people who like to create unnecessary drama in their lives. It makes no sense to me.

9. Describe your orientation to:
authority - I have a weird tendency to almost suck up to people I assume to have more authority than me, like adults especially. I smile a lot more and act more social than I really am. But inside I don't think of them higher or lower than anyone else. I find authority to be fascinating especially as I'm learning about Japan and its emphasis on age hierarchy, but as long as authority isn't abused or used to hurt other people then cool.
power - As long as it isn't abused or used to hurt other people then cool. I don't know I could probably talk more about both of these topics but I'm not really concerned with them at all.

10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
I guess I tend toward optimism, but I mostly have a neutral view of humanity, kind of observational. When I read about something online or in the news, I don't feel an immediate emotional reaction. It's more like "that's interesting", or "that's kind of creepy", and I'll read more about it and/or read what other people are saying about it. I would rather just observe how humanity and society changes than take stances on things.

Optional Questions

11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
Hooking up with that guy for awhile was really significant, unfortunately. I already kind of touched on it earlier and for various reasons I had to call it off and I've been trying to get over it for the past few weeks to no avail. It's really bogging down my mood and I'm feeling a sense of longing I've never really felt before. I've been trying to look for ways to fill the void (without getting into a relationship) but I'm also really reluctant that I'll end up catching feelings like I did the first time.

12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
On the surface I'm very overly trusting of people, but subconsciously I'm always questioning the motives of people I talk to, especially of the "does he like me?" nature, but also of the "is she using me?" or "is he really telling the truth?" nature. But in the end I usually just suppress these doubts and pretend to assume good intentions. Weird contradictory responses.
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