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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ISFJ's can get so caught up in their own internal worlds and fantasies. Does anyone else ever feel like no one will truly understand you? I have several friends, but I wouldn't trust anyone but my closest (my two brothers) with my deepest darkest secrets and likes, heheh. Even then, sometimes I feel like I feel things or see things in such a way that even if I tried to explain it to somebody else, they would never understand. Maybe that's a bad assumption on my part, as I should let my true self be out to others more often (especially my friends) but most of the time I find that people just...don't get it the way I do. Are we cursed this way?

It's like...this wall that separates you from everyone else. I sometimes feel like I'm faking out my life (not true, obviously) to everyone I meet and nobody will ever know what it's like to come in. It's true.

When it comes to potential romantic partners, if I ever do meet somebody who does understand and clicks...well, then, I'm hooked. ;)

Another feeling I get...does anyone ever feel like ISFJ's can get a bit narcissistic? I had a mean person tell me that one, and it has always puzzled me. I've learned the value of taking care of yourself these past few months (recovering from an anxiety disorder) but sometimes I feel like I think about myself too much, or it might be a misinterpretation of our type. What do you guys think?
 

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I definitely experience periods where I feel isolated from everyone else and I can get a little narcissistic at times.

My Asperger's has always made me feel a bit isolated from people. A good metaphor that I've heard before is that I feel like I'm running DOS while everyone is running OS X, which can make navigating through social norms stressful. I do have friends that cherish and appreciate me and I feel the same about them, but I know that a lot of them just don't entirely get what I experience.

Sometimes I get narcissistic too. I let my self-righteousness get to my head and I convince myself that I'm better than some people. I snap out of those episodes pretty quickly though.

But I wouldn't be too harsh on yourself for prioritizing yourself and your well-being when you're recovering from a bad period of anxiety. I have trouble with anxiety too, and I understand the need to take care of yourself. You've got to take care of yourself before you can properly take care of other people, you know? It's a hard lesson for us ISFJs to learn. There is a point, however, where it's important to focus less on coping and more on stepping away from your period of anxiety, but you will know when you can make that transition.
 

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In this sense, I think ISFJs and INTJs are very similar.
I used to hide a lot of myself from people, thinking they'd never understand...

Then something happened to me in my mid 20s. I learned to socialize and be me.
Maybe it was easier for me as an INTJ.
I feel so much freer just being me. I am odd, quirky, nerdy, twisted... and what's odd... is that more people like me.
If i had a dark thought before, I'd just keep it to myself, now I let out with some dark humor.
Everyone knows I'm weird, but they love me for it, rather than me hating myself for it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I'm kind of learning to do the same thing, and that's one of the greatest thing recovering from my anxiety has taught me. And, it's true! People do like you for just you. Even if you think you're "weird" or "nerdy". What's normal, anyway? That's boring! That happens to me too, I usually kept all the weird, dark thoughts to myself but I let some of them out with friends and I find they like them anyway, hahaha. I guess, it's just that there are some things that I'm afraid people will judge me for...but who cares? If they do, then they just will never be a true friend. 95% of the time they don't, and I'm just appreciated for it. :)

I think it's an introverted problem, and ISFJ's have that extra element where they feel everything so deeply that they put a lot of value to it, and so they are more afraid of being rejected for it.

You're right, candiedViolet, there is nothing more imporant than your own health and wellbeing, for without it, you can't take care of anyone else. You're absolutely right too in the sense that there will come a time when I can start letting go on just myself to stretch out to others and that's already happening little by litte, but it will take its time. I try not to think about things too much or plan them out as most pleasant (and unpleasant) things in life just...happen. We just have to learn to accept them and cherish what we do have. :)

Thanks for the encouragement, guys!
 

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I hold back so many of my thoughts, opinions, etc. with practically everyone in my life, even those closest to me. I always have this overwhelming fear of rejection, or that they wouldn't understand anything that I'm trying to say. I can get so lost in my head and had a clear understanding of a concept, but I never tell anyone, for the sake of them just not knowing what I'm saying at all haha. Most of the time, I don't feel like I'm myself, or as you said "faking" my life. Because who I am and what I say definitely doesn't reflect who I am and what I think on the inside.

As for the narcissism, I've never had anyone tell me that I am. Although, I've always feared that people may think I am. I have a extreme anxiety disorder and whenever it gets really bad, I feel like I shut the entire world off just for like survival kicking in. And I always worry that because I'm normally helping people and always being kind and caring, that because I'm suddenly on edge and need to exclude myself from the world, everyone will think I'm being selfish or narcissistic. So i would understand why someone would think that I'm narcissistic, but I've never been actually called one.

Although someone may think you're narcissistic, try not to get too worked up about me (unlike me haha). It's always better to know who you are and accept yourself that way, despite what others think. So I think you (and myself included :p) should try stepping outside of our comfort zone and expressing our thoughts, feelings, and opinions of more things, letting others know of our weird internal worlds. I think you'd be surprised what their reactions will be :)
 

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I'm curious to know about what kind of thoughts you ISFJs are having that you consider weird. I mean, you don't have to tell specifically what you're thinking about, but what is the general nature of these "dark" thoughts? Are they violent fantasies, or fantasies about expressing your anger/irritation about something that you think is inappropriate?

I'm an INFP and I screen my thoughts a lot too. I'm obsessed with Harry Potter, but I almost never talk about Harry Potter in public because, I suppose, it's generally considered "uncool." Moreover, I don't want to be selfish or bore people with my endless ramblings (because I could pretty much just talk about it all day). I remember one time at work, I jokingly called an instruction manual "my book of spells." My manager, who's probably an ESFP, looked at me like I was crazy. On the other hand, I also told another co-worker that, when she was stirring a pot of beans that she looked like a witch at Hogwarts stirring her cauldron, she laughed. Later, it turns out that she's a self-admitted Harry Potter fan too, although you would never know from just talking with her day to day. I would also type her as an ENFP.

The thing is though, things like that don't really bother me much.

As far as negative or "dark" thoughts I find myself theorizing a lot about how life/reality is actually horrible. When I try to express these thoughts, people are generally sympathetic, but they do also look at me as if I'm being overly-dramatic. I think this has a lot to with Introverted Feeling (and in maybe in your cases Introverted Sensation) relying heavily on individual experience. I think as an INFP, I tend to use Extraverted Intuition come of with grand theories about human nature, the state of the world, good and evil, politics, religion, the meaning of life, etc that mostly stem from some profound personal Feeling or experience that I've had. For other people, it can be a little hard to follow my train of thought--and even more difficult to understand why I take it so personally. SFP types, in particular, are always telling me not to take myself so seriously. I think this might just be an unfortunate consequence of having a dominate function that's highly subjective like Fi or Si.
 

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I recently had two people inform me that I don't show interest in other people, which surprised me because I feel like I go above and beyond for others. But after hearing examples, I understood more. I realized I'm a lot more likely to do nice things than to say them, and when I do things for others it's not always in a way that makes it obvious to them. So I need to be more mindful that some people value words more than I do.

Also, I know I tend to be self-centered but it really comes from a place of low self-esteem. I worry so much about what other people think of me that I get consumed with people's opinions of me, and it takes away from the time I could be fostering positive relationships with them. Then they end up feeling like I don't care, which isn't always true. So not necessarily narcissism, but I do focus on myself a lot.
 
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