[Babieca]

Do you think the behavior of a narcissistic parent affects the children? In what ways? Has anyone else grown up with a narcissistic parent? Do you think it's affected certain behaviours in any way?

I was raised by a single mother, and respect her for that, I'm not trying to paint her as a bad person, but I think it had some influence on the way I relate to others. She was often negative, manipulative and controlling (with husbands and family). She interfered in my personal life and relationships several times, causing strain with friends and girlfriends. I do not introduce her to anyone I'm in a relationship with any more for that reason. She pitted my brother and I against each since we were little, making up lies to cause division. My brother and I haven't spoken to each other in a friendly manner since I was in elementary school. My mother told me that her mother was very manipulative and complains of the same things that she does herself.

 

[Inguz]

I think you should try to befriend your brother again, you probably have a lot of things to talk about.

 

[Impact Calculus]

Do you think the behavior of a narcissistic parent affects the children? In what ways? Has anyone else grown up with a narcissistic parent? Do you think it's affected certain behaviours in any way?

I was raised by a single mother, and respect her for that, I'm not trying to paint her as a bad person, but I think it had some influence on the way I relate to others. She was often negative, manipulative and controlling (with husbands and family). She interfered in my personal life and relationships several times, causing strain with friends and girlfriends. I do not introduce her to anyone I'm in a relationship with any more for that reason. She pitted my brother and I against each since we were little, making up lies to cause division. My brother and I haven't spoken to each other in a friendly manner since I was in elementary school. My mother told me that her mother was very manipulative and complains of the same things that she does herself.

I think the very conscious social preferences that we make are a lot of time most impacted by the people we meet and the environment we're in.
However, if you view that narcissism as a bad thing, your lead Fi will probably be yelling at you not to be involved in it.

Furthermore, there are little and conscious things we can all do to prevent narcissism and lower narcissism well after it has already developed.

 

[LeelaWho]

Heck yeah, it affects the children. :angry:

My Dad is an extreme narcissist. He takes everything personally, everything is about him. I can't even have a regular conversation with him because it's all about how HE learned it, what HE didn't know, what HE didn't realize, etc.

The symptoms listed here is about basically how he is all the time. I think it's so bad because he went through some extreme emotional abuse growing up.

I also grew up in a cult which was a magnet for narcissists. On a normal spectrum my Dad's behavior is pretty atrocious but compared to a lot of men in the cult it wasn't that bad.

 

[Steel Magnolia]

An actual *cult*?! I'm so sorry to hear that.

 

[MonogamyIsNice]

It has definitely effected some people I know

 

[Pete The Lich]

Uhh
They generally teach you from a young age...

 

[Master Mind]

Do you think the behavior of a narcissistic parent affects the children?

Absolutely.

In what ways?

Negatively. I'll leave it at that.

Has anyone else grown up with a narcissistic parent?

Yes, I have.

Do you think it's affected certain behaviours in any way?

Yes, it has. For myself, I adapted ways of dealing with it that enabled my survival to adulthood without scarring from emotional abuse, but those same adaptations turned out to be maladaptive outside of that situation, such as in relationships. I also learned how to stay a step ahead and out-manipulate the manipulator in order to avoid negative consequences. As a result, I am capable of being manipulative myself if I so desired (which I don't, as I generally adhere to the principle of non-maleficence), and I also have a radar for manipulation so that I am sensitive to attempts at manipulation. I also have trust issues.

It also provided a model of what not to be, so that the man that I am now is the complete opposite of what I saw while I was growing up. Which is why I don't believe that one is doomed when one doesn't have a positive male role model, as I'm living proof that you're not. While there was certainly a possibility I could have become a less than upstanding citizen, I made a choice not to go down that path.

 

[Steel Magnolia]

It has affected me seriously. Father is a paranoid narcissist who has a superiority complex that he wants validated every stinking moment of the day. That shit screwed up my childhood, and has caused me to lapse into severe depression.

 

[dilletante]

Young children learn the thinking style of their parents, and if you were raised by one narcissistic parent in particular you with probably face challenges with a lot of irrational thinking styles. I was raised by my Mother who was/is in complete denial of her personality disorder, so I can relate on some level. I think your awareness of the situation gives you an opportunity to break the cycle.

 

[Kintsugi]

I was raised by a narcissist and have been severely affected by the dysfunctional realtionship with my mother. I won't go into details - but I will say that this experience has left me with significant identity problems. I have a tendency to fall into codependent behaviour patterns as a result of having been 'controlled' most of my life by my mother. When I was a child there was not a lot I could do about this. However, as an adult I am still allowing her to do this to me because of codependency (or 'co-narcissism')

I'm currently working on breaking free and rebuilding my life. This is an interesting article that really hit home for me:

http://www.alanrappoport.com/pdf/Co-Narcissism Article.pdf

 

[Naama]

yes naturally, but in what way depends on the childs genes. if the child has inherited genes for narcissistic behavior, then the child will grow in the model which the parent provided. if the child havent inherited those genes, then he/she will probably grow in opposite direction or possibly start to imitate the parent in some particular things, but without developing full blown narcissistic personality disorder. naturally with any case, if the child doesent have other role models when growing up, he/she wont learn some things that other people learn when growing up

 

[Dark NiTe]

Absolutely.



Negatively. I'll leave it at that.



Yes, I have.



Yes, it has. For myself, I adapted ways of dealing with it that enabled my survival to adulthood without scarring from emotional abuse, but those same adaptations turned out to be maladaptive outside of that situation, such as in relationships. I also learned how to stay a step ahead and out-manipulate the manipulator in order to avoid negative consequences. As a result, I am capable of being manipulative myself if I so desired (which I don't, as I generally adhere to the principle of non-maleficence), and I also have a radar for manipulation so that I am sensitive to attempts at manipulation. I also have trust issues.

It also provided a model of what not to be, so that the man that I am now is the complete opposite of what I saw while I was growing up. Which is why I don't believe that one is doomed when one doesn't have a positive male role model, as I'm living proof that you're not. While there was certainly a possibility I could have become a less than upstanding citizen, I made a choice not to go down that path.

Absolutely perfect. I actually thanked my mother one time for showing me how to raise kids, by showing me how exactly not to raise kids. I have a feeling my mother is narcissistic and/or borderline, and it is a cycle starting with at least her father. I'm just the whipping boy for her bullshit, but I've sworn to stop the cycle of abuse, one way, or another. It's funny how my sister didn't receive tons of displacement from her, none at all, in fact, and she has a completely normal life. Which includes manipulating, being totally unfaithful (probably comes back to the father relationship), being totally selfish etc.

One time she actually told me she was going to "tell my grandparents I don't have time to spend with the family anymore" because I had just moved to a different city, and was working six nights a week and going to school all five weekdays. She knows that I know the grandparents are loaded, so in her inveterate need for as much attention as possible, she thinks she can blackmail me to do whatever she wants by hanging the fact that the grandparents may die soon, over her head. She doesn't have the ability to think that by actually being pleasant, instead of passive-aggressive and generally shitty to be around, people might actually want to be around her more than they need to. I have caught her blatantly lying to them about my sister, and she has also heard her blatantly lie about me behind my back. Knowing her, she has some deranged calculation wherein she increases her share of the assets in the will every time she libels her kids. :|

 

[Tulipgarden]

I was raised by a narcissist and have been severely affected by the dysfunctional realtionship with my mother. I won't go into details - but I will say that this experience has left me with significant identity problems. I have a tendency to fall into codependent behaviour patterns as a result of having been 'controlled' most of my life by my mother. When I was a child there was not a lot I could do about this. However, as an adult I am still allowing her to do this to me because of codependency (or 'co-narcissism')

I'm currently working on breaking free and rebuilding my life. This is an interesting article that really hit home for me:

http://www.alanrappoport.com/pdf/Co-Narcissism Article.pdf

Thank you for sharing this article, very informative.

 

[Le Beau Coeur]

I don't know the answer to that but I'm sure it has a very strong affect. I have known a few people possibly in that situation and they seemed very confident and self assured. But that is my very small experience.

 

[Perhaps]

I was also raised by a narcissist... who was raised by a narcissist. As a result, I have a lot of issues with low self-worth, and my personal relationships often reflect the toxic dynamic between me and my mother. Long story short, she put herself on a pedestal and I was conditioned to hold her up. Since I know better now, and have people who care for me in a healthy way, I've been working on rebuilding myself.

 

[Babieca]

I was also raised by a narcissist... who was raised by a narcissist. As a result, I have a lot of issues with low self-worth, and my personal relationships often reflect the toxic dynamic between me and my mother. Long story short, she put herself on a pedestal and I was conditioned to hold her up. Since I know better now, and have people who care for me in a healthy way, I've been working on rebuilding myself.

Oh man, I know exactly how that unhealthy dynamic can spill over into relationships. My first relationship was VERY intense. A lot of arguing, jealousy, anger... it was either very good or very bad. I don't really get emotionally involved in relationships anymore and I think it's out of fear of fucking things up again. My last girlfriend said she felt like she didn't know me, and that made me feel awful.

 

[Perhaps]

Oh man, I know exactly how that unhealthy dynamic can spill over into relationships. My first relationship was VERY intense. A lot of arguing, jealousy, anger... it was either very good or very bad. I don't really get emotionally involved in relationships anymore and I think it's out of fear of fucking things up again. My last girlfriend said she felt like she didn't know me, and that made me feel awful.

Yeah, the spill-over is pretty much unavoidable. We're only a little more than the sum of our experiences, after all, and this is what we bring into all of our relationships. Including our baggage. It's impossible to have a healthy romantic relationship (or friendships, IME) if you're "checked out" emotionally. This is something that, after a while, I was able to discuss with my partners, who were baffled by the psychological distance I was keeping from them (in an effort to avoid the aforementioned toxic dynamic, no less. Ugh). Fucking up really sucks, but it's inevitable in things like this. Live and learn.

 

[sweetmay73]

Young children learn the thinking style of their parents, and if you were raised by one narcissistic parent in particular you with probably face challenges with a lot of irrational thinking styles. I was raised by my Mother who was/is in complete denial of her personality disorder, so I can relate on some level. I think your awareness of the situation gives you an opportunity to break the cycle.

I agree with this. I hate to think that we are "victims" of our parent's personality problems. My dad shows narcissistic tendencies- basically his main problem is that he expects everyone to go along with what he says- but I've realized that this is very wrong and have learned to become firm in dealing with him. The only thing that upsets me is how controlling he is over my mom - it's one of the things that pisses me off so much. She's not submissive towards him though, at least.

 

[sweetmay73]

Absolutely perfect. I actually thanked my mother one time for showing me how to raise kids, by showing me how exactly not to raise kids. I have a feeling my mother is narcissistic and/or borderline, and it is a cycle starting with at least her father. I'm just the whipping boy for her bullshit, but I've sworn to stop the cycle of abuse, one way, or another. It's funny how my sister didn't receive tons of displacement from her, none at all, in fact, and she has a completely normal life. Which includes manipulating, being totally unfaithful (probably comes back to the father relationship), being totally selfish etc.

One time she actually told me she was going to "tell my grandparents I don't have time to spend with the family anymore" because I had just moved to a different city, and was working six nights a week and going to school all five weekdays. She knows that I know the grandparents are loaded, so in her inveterate need for as much attention as possible, she thinks she can blackmail me to do whatever she wants by hanging the fact that the grandparents may die soon, over her head. She doesn't have the ability to think that by actually being pleasant, instead of passive-aggressive and generally shitty to be around, people might actually want to be around her more than they need to. I have caught her blatantly lying to them about my sister, and she has also heard her blatantly lie about me behind my back. Knowing her, she has some deranged calculation wherein she increases her share of the assets in the will every time she libels her kids. :|

That's the best way to look at it. I feel so embarrassed about my dad .. but he doesn't even understand that a lot of his behavior is wrong!!! It's sad because he doesn't intend to hurt other people, but that's what he does. And I feel sorry for my mom for marrying someone like that. But you can't change the past and have to work with what you have. *shrugs* It still hurts, but that doesn't mean I'm going to curl up in a ball and cry about it for the rest of my life. By knowing what's wrong, you know what's right.

Awareness can do wonders. Also, asking other people for help when you're not sure about something.
Now, though, there's a narcissistic guy in one of my classes who likes me..... and I almost fell into his damn trap. Currently, I'm in the process of deciding whether or not I want to be friends with him or just avoid him altogether. *sigh*