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Discussion Starter #1
I'm sure most of us can relate to holding back our feelings out of feeling vulnerable, worrying what might happen-- maybe we give someone a way in to manipulate us, or we might scare someone off, or we may be seen as creepy, clingy or some other negative thing..

But- How often have those fears actually come to pass? Ever find that letting your feelings go has positive benefits instead?
 

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黐線 ~Chiseen~
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Can you imagine most of us robots with our emotion chips on all the time? You'd see steam coming out our necks and our face turn to funny colors from red to blue to purple to green and maybe black... depending on the situation and condition.

It's like overclocking without sufficient heat venting from heatpipes and fans. We'd shutdown as a precautionary before we melt down! That is, even if circumstances are forthwith.
 

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Ever find that letting your feelings go has positive benefits instead?
Not so much letting them go as just relaxing a bit and not worrying if something slips through my emotional blockers once in a while.
So while I prefer, still, to hold back, it's no longer imperative that I do so.
 

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  • I'm to old now to hang around people who frequently say hurtful things on purpose, but when it happens it's nice to just honestly not giving a fuck.
  • When people are emotional in a discussion it can be nice to enter the ring without emotion and pounding ass with logical objectivity.
  • When it's a life-and-death crisis and people are panicking and emotional it's good to keep a leveled head free of emotions to sort out the situation. (<- does not happen so often though)
 

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I don't really hold them back but I don't have ton of emotions.

I don't know if most people just have too many emotions and that's why I feel like I lack them or if I actually do.

I've been told I was cold-hearted which I don't think is true, I do feel deeply for people who are going through what I consider to be significant pain.

That said I don't know if my pain detector is actually dysfunctional or if other people are just pretending to be more sympathetic than they really are.

I apply it to myself as well though, I don't believe my problems are worse than anyone else's and I think my life is easy in comparison to many people who have "real" probelms.
 
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Discussion Starter #7
maybe I should be more specific.

So many times we say that when we are interested in someone, we ignore them.
Same may come with friendships, potential friendships- we don't get close to people we may wish to because we appear aloof
Or maybe we hold back controversial opinions, not wanting to disrupt social harmony.
 

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Well... it's generally pretty doubtful that most people I encounter are going to be capable of understanding where I coming from... then there's the complications of my magnificent ego and assumptions in presuming that I have to attempt to bridge the gaps or otherwise translate it with the attempts to bring it to a more neutral place or a common ground for mutual understanding... and then there's the backlash from the various communities, cultures, groups, social identities dare I speak up of my own experiences and become the spokesperson for the cause... when I'm not too keen on being the host for this kind of after school special... which usually leaves me feeling marginalized by those various groups I exist in... minorities within minorities within minorities and the pressured frenzy political cults demanding my papers to prove I have a right to be there, to be here rather than some hipster, faux, exotic, fashion hag, wannabe. I'd rather carry the facade that I don't give a fuck.... which to a fair extent I don't... but it's hard standing alone. And when it comes out... for me... then it's a mess of references tied to everything trying to find some narrow path across rickety bridge for destination so far off into the horizon it remains unseen (simply as there's too many solid walls or divides between my various communities... each one pitted against the other, proclaiming a hierarchy must be maintained to illustrate (social and political) loyalty when they come to head for which gets listed first at the start of my id or description/stats.)

although keeping to the topic's call or the theme of this section overall... it's a bit more obvious, I'd suspect, when it comes to their mates, their friends, the good ones at least. Perhaps even for myself... though I'd suggest in my case it is a bit of a question if it's more territorial behavior or a protective sense, concern for such friends... that could probably handle the enemies or obstacles they face on their own. Or maybe it's just to let my little demons out on those rare occasions when I seem less inclined to do it for myself.
 

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maybe I should be more specific.

So many times we say that when we are interested in someone, we ignore them.
Same may come with friendships, potential friendships- we don't get close to people we may wish to because we appear aloof
Or maybe we hold back controversial opinions, not wanting to disrupt social harmony.
I don't know about that. If what I've observed on the forum is any indication, many NT's don't appear to give a shit about "social harmony." Personally, I would withhold a controversial opinion when I conclude that stirring the pot is simply more trouble than it's worth (which is pretty much all the time). I don't have interest in or excess energy worth devoting to unnecessary conflict.
 

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maybe I should be more specific.

So many times we say that when we are interested in someone, we ignore them.
Same may come with friendships, potential friendships- we don't get close to people we may wish to because we appear aloof
Or maybe we hold back controversial opinions, not wanting to disrupt social harmony.

I don't get the ignoring thing. If I'm interested in someone I try to engage with them so I may reach a level of comfortability with them. Doing the opposite would make no sense. I figure if they look past my weird tendencies good, that's one aspect of the type of person I would want to be friends with. If they can't accept me for the way I act than it was never meant to be.

As for opinions, at this point in my life I do not hold them back. That doesn't necessarily mean I'll bud into a conversation whenever I have an opinion on the subject at hand, but when I have the stage in a conversation I will not omit my beliefs in fear of judgement.
 

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Depends on the situation. In public, they stay put in their cage. No one needs to see them. In private, who cares? My experiences with emotions have not been good. If they would not eventually force their way out, I would let them rot in there forever.

As for the whole interested subject, I may try to talk with them or start a conversation (which I am terrible at). But my talking is just a placeholder and I am trying to read them the entire time. I think I am being subtle about it unless I just happen to point out body language for a particular reason.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I don't know about that. If what I've observed on the forum is any indication, many NT's don't appear to give a shit about "social harmony." Personally, I would withhold a controversial opinion when I conclude that stirring the pot is simply more trouble than it's worth (which is pretty much all the time). I don't have interest in or excess energy worth devoting to unnecessary conflict.
It shows up in the inferior Fe description for our type. Maybe other NTs care about it less because they are better at dealing with the reprocussions (ENTP) or use Fi and aren't as naturally concerned about such things (xNTJ)
 

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I hold back my feelings when I'm mad. I have varying levels of anger.
Sometimes I just want to punch someone.
Other times I plan their murder and it usually begins with me stabbing them in the eyes... not really though, it's just the first thing that comes to mind when I threaten people (jokingly!).

And I mean... I have to. Because I'm 5"2' and not that strong. Most of my 'friends' tower over me -- or have had experience in the bullying career.

The other times I hold back my emotions are when I feel attracted to someone and the feelings aren't mutual.... so I make the effort to get over them.

So, yea. I'd say it helps. It's not healthy, but it helps.
 

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maybe I should be more specific.

So many times we say that when we are interested in someone, we ignore them.
Same may come with friendships, potential friendships- we don't get close to people we may wish to because we appear aloof
Or maybe we hold back controversial opinions, not wanting to disrupt social harmony.
I'm usually shy around a person I'm attracted to.

Social harmony I value but the funny thing is I don't know that I'm going to piss people off with a lot of things I say.

I learn after I've been around those people for awhile, I usually say things that piss people off and then just end up agreeing with or telling them they're right because I want them to go away. And then after I know what types I'm dealing with I can gauge myself.

My closest friends have never been offended by anything I've said, and vice versa.

Friendship, though, if I really like someone I just jump right in. I'm more of an extrovert in that area.

If we clique I'm not shy at all.
 
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It helps me all the time; I'm usually the grown-up in most conversations with people older and younger. Most people don't want to know what I feel. They rarely want to know what I really think.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I'm usually shy around a person I'm attracted to.

Social harmony I value but the funny thing is I don't know that I'm going to piss people off with a lot of things I say.

I learn after I've been around those people for awhile, I usually say things that piss people off and then just end up agreeing with or telling them they're right because I want them to go away. And then after I know what types I'm dealing with I can gauge myself.

My closest friends have never been offended by anything I've said, and vice versa.

Friendship, though, if I really like someone I just jump right in. I'm more of an extrovert in that area.

If we clique I'm not shy at all.
I relate to the 'if we click' part. But do you ever feel like you've missed out on good friendships because you haven't displayed interest, and you haven't detected interest in the other person? And it may not be disinterest so much as lack of effort on both parts?
 

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No.
The feelings basically just get pushed to a back burner set on low heat, it will take longer for the pot to boil over, but having forgotten about the boiling feelings, it'll just boil over and scare the crap out of me.

Yay analogies!

Personally, I'm very scared by feelings occurring in myself, because I don't know what to do with them. So I usually ignore them, until they "boil over" later.
 

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I relate to the 'if we click' part. But do you ever feel like you've missed out on good friendships because you haven't displayed interest, and you haven't detected interest in the other person? And it may not be disinterest so much as lack of effort on both parts?
Eh, I don't make friends the way most people do. I think a lot of people make an effort to show interest in other people who are "nice" just "because".

I've never tried to make friends with everyone, only people I genuinely find interesting.

I've come out with less friends than most people in the end because of this but honestly I've never been reserved with people I really like. So I'll show some interest, if they don't show any interest back I won't force it but most of the people I like are really similar to me (at least in one way, they don't have to be clones) so they usually want to be my friend.

Sometimes I wish I had more of the casual friendships people have with others, lots of acquaintances, etc but when I was the most extroverted I've ever been I had a lot of "friends' I didn't like at all and I know it's the same way for other people. At some point they usually get tired of maintaining the less important friendships.
 

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You hear many people talk about holding back feelings to a point where they explode (or at least feel like it) with a "DAMMIT JOE, I LOVE YOU!!"
I don't experience that at all. My feelings will cause me confusion and be subjected to tough analysis, but they are well-trained in that they never try to push out. When I hold back my feelings for someone, I face no inner urge to let them loose.
To put it another way, the act of holding back my real feelings for someone does not cause disharmony with any personal values.
 

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the act of holding back my real feelings for someone does not cause disharmony with any personal values.
It is not causing disharmony with personal values, it is simply emotions want to do one thing....and they are very loud, pestering, and move the mind in odd ways while logic just sits there with a 'are you retarded?' look on its face. It does not matter how hard I have rationalized WHY something is a bad idea, emotions always have this annoying knack of overriding logic on occasion and doing their own thing, hell breaks loose, and I am left with the old fashioned, "I told you so". Except....I knew it was a mistake the entire time....which is worse.
 
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