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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
So... Does it annoy you when people complain about stupid things?

I usually have a lot of empathy for the real problems in life - losing loved ones, getting a divorce, needing surgery, etc. However, I find when people complain about things that aren't *really* problems, that I don't care and get increasingly angry if they continue to be dramatic about it.

An example:
Friend X is newly engaged to a wonderful man. Friend X's fiancee must go out of town on a business trip for three days. Friend X is angry, sad, and complains to everyone she sees. This in spite of the fact that her life is completely great, she is engaged and really has a life that everyone else admires.

Is it simply human nature to complain? Even if your life in the eyes of others is great?

Does it annoy you when people complain about stupid things? Or are you skilled at being empathetic even in situations where you may not agree with the complainer?
 

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I know people who complain to *deflect the evil eye*. They don't want their happiness or whatever to be envied. But I never really got it, they spread this negativity.. :sad:
 
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So... Does it annoying you when people complain about stupid things?

I usually have a lot of empathy for the real problems in life - losing loved ones, getting a divorce, needing surgery, etc. However, I find when people complain about things that aren't *really* problems, that I don't care and get increasingly angry if they continue to be dramatic about it.

An example:
Friend X is newly engaged to a wonderful man. Friend X's fiancee must go out of town on a business trip for three days. Friend X is angry, sad, and complains to everyone she sees. This in spite of the fact that her life is completely great, she is engaged and really has a life that everyone else admires.

Is it simply human nature to complain? Even if your life in the eyes of others is great?

Does it annoy you when people complain about stupid things? Or are you skilled at being empathetic even in situations where you may not agree with the complainer?
Definitely....

Examples:
With my ISFJ mother...... my dad just remodeled the kitchen and within a month after it being completed she now complains about wanting another room remodeled or to get a new house.
One that happened today -- she's taking a computer class and she was complaining about how her teacher is giving the class the option to retake the last exam again. Not only do I find it ridiculous because of how often she would get on my case and my brother's case during school for how many years but simply the fact that retaking it is not going to hurt her grade and its just a way to help improve.


With certain types I think it is more natural to complain because they don't naturally look to different perspectives and look ahead to the future outcomes. However, that is not saying that N types never do because everyone has bad days.
 

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Yes, it does. But instead of getting annoyed about it myself, I tend to just laugh at them for making such a big deal of things when it isn't necessary. Which sometimes doesn't go down too well, but whatever. Most people know how chilled I am and how I don't sweat the small stuff, so it's not as if I'm being hypocritical.

I have an ESFJ colleague that complains so much. I give it a listen but if it starts to repeat I just tell her that I don't want to hear about it anymore - she should either do something about it or stop complaining. If she continues to harp on about it and it is a work matter then I end up complaining on her behalf, secretly, to whoever is in a position to do something about it just so I don't have to hear her moaning about it anymore.

Another colleague gets all in a tizz about petty little things. I just ignore it and stay out of her way until the storm is over, as usually the issue she is complaining about isn't really what she is complaining about, it's just a manifestation of the stress she has in some other part of her life that she doesn't want to talk about.

My mum tends to moan about stuff to me as well, but I take it on because usually it is family stuff that she can't really talk about to anyone else...my Dad isn't very patient with listening to that kind of thing. Other than that I'm lucky that the people who surround me aren't the complaining types on the whole.
 

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I was just about to ask you what the hell 10char means, but as I was typing it dawned on me :happy:

If it is human nature to complain, then we are all wasting our gift of being human imho.
 

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Yes, it does. But instead of getting annoyed about it myself, I tend to just laugh at them for making such a big deal of things when it isn't necessary. Which sometimes doesn't go down too well, but whatever. Most people know how chilled I am and how I don't sweat the small stuff, so it's not as if I'm being hypocritical.

I have an ESFJ colleague that complains so much. I give it a listen but if it starts to repeat I just tell her that I don't want to hear about it anymore - she should either do something about it or stop complaining. If she continues to harp on about it and it is a work matter then I end up complaining on her behalf, secretly, to whoever is in a position to do something about it just so I don't have to hear her moaning about it anymore.

Another colleague gets all in a tizz about petty little things. I just ignore it and stay out of her way until the storm is over, as usually the issue she is complaining about isn't really what she is complaining about, it's just a manifestation of the stress she has in some other part of her life that she doesn't want to talk about.

My mum tends to moan about stuff to me as well, but I take it on because usually it is family stuff that she can't really talk about to anyone else...my Dad isn't very patient with listening to that kind of thing. Other than that I'm lucky that the people who surround me aren't the complaining types on the whole.
I've experienced this with ESFJs as well. My response has always been "if you don't like it, then do something about it" but that concept would never seem to sink in. The other thing with them I've noticed is that they will often think someone is mad at them when there are truly not. Common issue when you put a bunch of Fe people together. :dry:
 

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Does it annoy you when people complain about stupid things? Or are you skilled at being empathetic even in situations where you may not agree with the complainer?
If someone is complaining about really small and stupid things, I don't want to be empathetic; it can actually be counterproductive for that person's growth and ability to handle the bigger issues.

Sometimes people are not complaining because they have real problems, but just because it can be a very effective tool for getting some attention from others. Sorry if I sound grumpy, but I've seen how some people can use small stuff complaining and constant whining for manipulative causes...
 

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With my ISFJ mother...... my dad just remodeled the kitchen and within a month after it being completed she now complains about wanting another room remodeled or to get a new house.
Wow that sounds so familiar :crazy: My ISFJ mom also always wants to do some improvements to the house. Then when work is completed she complains it is not good enough and wants it redone. In past years she has always wanted to buy a new house. I guess this is inferior Ne is workings. My dad's Te blocked her attempts at it, so now she has switched her Ne to wanting to travel. Instead of planning more house improvements she is constantly planning trips for the family now, which goes down way better for all the Se and Ne in the rest of the family.

I must say I don't deal too well with people complaining. I remember at some informal group meeting a few people from work complained about something and it went on for several meetings until it just got under my skin so then I told them that they should do something about it. I think their types were ISFJ, ENTP, and ISTP. Of these three guys only the ISTP took my advice and actually took actions to correct the situation, which bumped up my respect for him afterwards. So I dunno, may be it has something to do with Se that I want people to do something rather than be discussing all the possible options or complaining about it ad infinitum.
 

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I know what you mean. I used to feel irritated when people complained about what I thought weren't really problems. As I've gotten older though (I'm not that old I know), i found myself learning to tolerate things like this more. Usually, I've also noticed that sometimes when they complain about something that isn't really a problem, it is a part of a larger problem or a series of things that have been building up for them to express it.

Regardless of whether I think the problem is legitimate or not though, I find myself unwillingly empathetic and being a good listener, but I am careful not to validate anything they are critical about. Usually, this causes them to go deeper and in my conversations with people, they often end up apologizing saying that this probably seems trivial or selfish, but then they start thinking more (maybe because of my lack of validation for them while I listen), and then they start getting at the deeper things and that's when the conversation starts getting at the root of problems they may be going through. At the same time, I've also had people just bitch about things that bother them, and they just keep talking about that one event or that one person (failing to see maybe the larger problem)- then I go on autopilot and just nod and give them a blank stare.

I don't think it's in human nature to complain. But I do think it is a part of human nature, even for introverts, to seek reassurance or some kind of feedback from other people when they are going through "problems"
 

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YES

I'm empathetic all the damn time, DON'T take advantage of it if you're going to be damn superficial. >____> <_____< >_____> <____<
 

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Guilty as charged.
I normally find myself sweating the small stuff and whining about it when I'm stressed, bored, or something nasty is afoot but I can't put my finger on it (possibly because it's on my foot, not my finger, appendages can be so confusing).

But seriously, I don't have much to complain about; but I complain.
I think it's human nature to strive towards an ideal, and it's easier to talk than do something about it.

Anyone else see the irony of complaining over people who complain over little things?
:crazy::tongue::crazy:
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Anyone else see the irony of complaining over people who complain over little things?
:crazy::tongue::crazy:
point well taken.

although it's no more ironic than you complaining about a little thing on a thread complaining about people who complain about little things.

yes, that makes sense in my head. :tongue:
 

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Let the energy flow! Ni is going to work people! :) Soooooooo....

Yes, this used to piss me off. Then I realized that we have such superfantastinomenderful interior monologues that we complain too, but we never bring that crap to the surface for the world to see.

For example:

I will share amazing depth with a few trusted people. I do NOT give that to anyone else. This includes everything! My bitching, my whining, my dreams, hopes, fears, thoughts, tendencies, aspirations, what screwed me royal in my day. Everything.

There are loads of people who share everything with everyone, and that makes them appear shallow to us because they give the things that we give importance to such little time and or investment in themselves.

If something happens to me I take it inward and I process it, I will experience it multiple times from multiple angles, I'll analyze and finally I will rule on whether or not this is something that should be one of three categories:

1) Common knowledge
2) Trusted person knowledge
3) Me and the creator of my choice knowledge

That's one hell of a filter on our systems! So the surface stays clean (because we like it that way), and the depths hold what we want them to because there are some things that are just plain trivial to us and we let that junk float downstream on the currents. It washes up somewhere and one person's garbage is another... You get the picture.

Many people do NOT have a filter to keep the surface free of junk. Something else I have noticed in the vast amount of types in my life is that these "filterless" people NEED to talk about the pointless crap because that is their way of shedding it. Once it's been voiced they can deal with it, but unless someone gives them the chance to discuss it then it FESTERS and the surface for them accumulates all KINDS of crap. Then they get emotionally and spiritually sick, and I don't want that for anyone.

So it really, really used to bother me and I used to heavily judge people who did this, and then I realized that the water from my stream is good for washing off all kinds of crap that other people can't seem to dislodge by themselves. I'm doing everyone a favor by providing a listening ear, it doesn't hurt me at all, and the other person comes away healthier (usually, I'm not saying this is always the case. I feel used and useless when it's not!)

Nice thread, thank you for posting it!
 

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Let the energy flow! Ni is going to work people! :) Soooooooo....


Many people do NOT have a filter to keep the surface free of junk. Something else I have noticed in the vast amount of types in my life is that these "filterless" people NEED to talk about the pointless crap because that is their way of shedding it. Once it's been voiced they can deal with it, but unless someone gives them the chance to discuss it then it FESTERS and the surface for them accumulates all KINDS of crap. Then they get emotionally and spiritually sick, and I don't want that for anyone.

So it really, really used to bother me and I used to heavily judge people who did this, and then I realized that the water from my stream is good for washing off all kinds of crap that other people can't seem to dislodge by themselves. I'm doing everyone a favor by providing a listening ear, it doesn't hurt me at all, and the other person comes away healthier (usually, I'm not saying this is always the case. I feel used and useless when it's not!)

Nice thread, thank you for posting it!
great concept! i love that idea! it really sums up me to a tee!!! i feel i am constantly internally washing away the crap and trying to give a junk free exterior to whomever i am there for.......others seem to have huge amounts on the surface!

great concept.......thanks :laughing:
 

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Wow that sounds so familiar :crazy: My ISFJ mom also always wants to do some improvements to the house. Then when work is completed she complains it is not good enough and wants it redone. In past years she has always wanted to buy a new house. I guess this is inferior Ne is workings. My dad's Te blocked her attempts at it, so now she has switched her Ne to wanting to travel. Instead of planning more house improvements she is constantly planning trips for the family now, which goes down way better for all the Se and Ne in the rest of the family.
How interesting. The exact same thing happens in my family (ISFJ mom, INTJ dad). My mom is always talking about how she wishes to someday live in a big house with no neighbors. She hears every sound the neighbors make. I have never heard them in my entire life. And she always has a new project, which could be anything. New tiles in the bathroom, new plants for the garden, new glass for the windows, a new kitchin, the list goes on. And I'm just wondering, why do you still want to move after putting in all that work in the past 20 years?! Her favorite TV show revolves around couples trying to find their dream house, too. She's always talking about it.

Just like in your family, my mom is constantly planning trips and vacations now. It's strange how similar the dynamics are. :shocked:
 
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Yes it feels like some people are complaining just for the sake of it, either that or they expect everybody to be just like them which is a whole other subject.

What mostly makes me sigh is when they complain about somebody else when it doesn't effect them in any way shape or form. Usually it's something they can't help too, its similar to bullying really.
 

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How interesting. The exact same thing happens in my family (ISFJ mom, INTJ dad). My mom is always talking about how she wishes to someday live in a big house with no neighbors. She hears every sound the neighbors make. I have never heard them in my entire life. And she always has a new project, which could be anything. New tiles in the bathroom, new plants for the garden, new glass for the windows, a new kitchin, the list goes on. And I'm just wondering, why do you still want to move after putting in all that work in the past 20 years?! Her favorite TV show revolves around couples trying to find their dream house, too. She's always talking about it.

Just like in your family, my mom is constantly planning trips and vacations now. It's strange how similar the dynamics are. :shocked:
Add one more to the list.
 
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