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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I'm going to a memorial service today for my great uncle's wife. I'm wearing dark black jeans and a navy blue t-shirt with a brown leather jacket. My mom tells me I "need nicer pants on. See if you have a collared shirt. This is for other people, so dress up." Wtf?

I moved out when I was 18 and recently had to move back this year. Why do parents insist on treating their children as children.
 

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So I'm going to a memorial service today for my great uncle's wife. I'm wearing dark black jeans and a navy blue t-shirt with a brown leather jacket. My mom tells me I "need nicer pants on. See if you have a collared shirt. This is for other people, so dress up." Wtf?

I moved out when I was 18 and recently had to move back this year. Why do parents insist on treating their children as children.
Because if you show up to a formal memorial service dressed in the wrong attire, then other adults will see your mom as a bad parent. And I mean, come on, it's a memorial service for what, an hour or two? And how many times a year do you have to go to a memorial service in a year? Not many. What's it going to hurt to do this one thing they ask of you for not long at all? Saves a lot of unnecessary conflict. Just do what they say for formal public events but wear whatever you want on your own accord. You're still your mom's son regardless of what age you are. She wants the best for you, to teach you that there is a time and place for different attire. Dark black jeans and a navy blue t-shirt are good for the carnival but not for memorial services.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I though they were the same thing? I've been wrong all these years!

Anyway, I am the master of compromise. I threw a collared shirt over my t-shirt. Genius.
 

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When I was a high school junior (I was 16) 2 popular girls (You guys know, the dumb kind) confronted me and my friends and said we "dressed weird", and that we were losers.

I called them empty headed bitches and told them to run along. "Aren't there some barbies you're supposed to be playing with? What's the latest fashion? Go do that.".

They ran off to tell their boyfriends... the meathead boyfriends came back and said "So... Katie told us that you called her a bitch." They were looking for a fight.

So I said pretty plainly, "She was being a bitch. Do you disagree?". I wasn't the least bit intimidated. Thankfully, I was on the football team so I was a bit intimidating myself.

They shrugged it off and left. Apparently they didn't disagree. :crazy:
 

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When I was a high school junior (I was 16) 2 popular girls (You guys know, the dumb kind) confronted me and my friends and said we "dressed weird", and that we were losers.

I called them empty headed bitches and told them to run along. "Aren't there some barbies you're supposed to be playing with? What's the latest fashion? Go do that.".

They ran off to tell their boyfriends... the meathead boyfriends came back and said "So... Katie told us that you called her a bitch." They were looking for a fight.

So I said pretty plainly, "She was being a bitch. Do you disagree?". I wasn't the least bit intimidated. Thankfully, I was on the football team so I was a bit intimidating myself.

They shrugged it off and left. Apparently they didn't disagree. :crazy:
Got to "love" Highschool / Junior high so many people who I would rather not have to interact with again.
 

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Being a girl this as never been a problem for me. I certainly don't wear the fashions, but I always look "right" for the occasion... What I hate most is being the most dressed up person in the room... Yeah, that sucks. I just want to crawl under the carpet on those occasions.
 
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Yes, it's for this reason that I still wear black on Easter to make my grandma angry. (she is NOT a nice person.)
 

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I would have to agree with your mother. Going to a memorial service dressed like that would be tactless. Now, if she commented that she did not like the color of my dress clothes I would tell her to screw off.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I threw a black collared shirt on and my grandma says, "Don't you look nice?" in total seriousness. lol That's how you can tell I never dress up to shit.
 

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I feel the need to quote Chinese philosophy at you all again. My apologies in advance.

"Zhuang-zi's wife died, so Hui-zi came to console him, but when he arrived he saw that Zhuang-zi was squatting [by the way, people in that day in age didn't have underwear], playing music and singing. Hui-zi said: "If you live with someone, raise children together and care for each other as you age, it's one thing not to cry when they pass, but to squat there and sing? That's a bit much!" Zhuang-zi said: "Not at all. She just died, why should I have a mournful expression!? Before her birth, she had no life, but not only that, she had no physical form, but not only that, she had no energy. From nothing, she then had energy, which then changed into physical form, and then changed into life. Her dying now is like the passing of the four seasons. Her body sleeps now in the living room, and I mournfully wept. Once I realized that the reason for my tears was that I didn't understand the nature of life itself [i.e., the passing of which is as natural as the passing of the seasons], I stopped."

~

Back on topic, you are required by unwritten norms of society to act and behave a certain way. That is your 'role' in life, and it is not easy to disentangle yourself from it, because doing so would most likely earn the scorn of those who have accepted the norms of society.


I understand the superficial reasons governing what attire to wear to a funeral, but I don't really agree with them, and I certainly know the person who's died doesn't really care at all.
 

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I feel the need to quote Chinese philosophy at you all again. My apologies in advance.

"Zhuang-zi's wife died, so Hui-zi came to console him, but when he arrived he saw that Zhuang-zi was squatting [by the way, people in that day in age didn't have underwear], playing music and singing. Hui-zi said: "If you live with someone, raise children together and care for each other as you age, it's one thing not to cry when they pass, but to squat there and sing? That's a bit much!" Zhuang-zi said: "Not at all. She just died, why should I have a mournful expression!? Before her birth, she had no life, but not only that, she had no physical form, but not only that, she had no energy. From nothing, she then had energy, which then changed into physical form, and then changed into life. Her dying now is like the passing of the four seasons. Her body sleeps now in the living room, and I mournfully wept. Once I realized that the reason for my tears was that I didn't understand the nature of life itself [i.e., the passing of which is as natural as the passing of the seasons], I stopped."

The fact that it is natural does not mean it can't hurt for those left behind, who now have to deal with someone missing in their life. Even if acknowledging nature for what it is can work for Zhuang-zi, this bit of philosophy is by no means applicable to the general population. Their pain is natural too. It seems to me that Zhuang-zi tried to rationalize his pain away, and it wouldn't surprise me if he had a breakdown some years later when something triggered him. Simply because he is human.

My hand is on fire. I'm not going to yell because it's natural for my hand to be on fire when I stick it into the fireplace.
 
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and it wouldn't surprise me if he had a breakdown some years later when something triggered him
He turned into a butterfly later on.

The fact that it is natural does not mean it can't hurt for those left behind, who now have to deal with someone missing in their life. Even if acknowledging nature for what it is can work for Zhuang-zi, this bit of philosophy is by no means applicable to the general population. Their pain is natural too. It seems to me that Zhuang-zi tried to rationalize his pain away, and it wouldn't surprise me if he had a breakdown some years later when something triggered him. Simply because he is human.

My hand is on fire. I'm not going to yell because it's natural for my hand to be on fire when I stick it into the fireplace.
That's a good take on it. One of the common Chinese phrases derived from this story is 鼓盆而歌, literally 'playing an instrument while singing' and can be used to either describe someone who is in tune with nature, or a simpleton who doesn't understand the ways of man.

Maybe the two are one and the same?

Zhuang-zi's general philosophical bent is that man is very out of tune with nature and the workings of the world, much to his own detriment.

What of a person who feels the loss of a loved one so deeply that they literally never recover from it? Is that natural and healthy?
 

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I dislike "society norms" I will dress appropiately but fail to understand why anyone *needs* to dress certain ways for certain occasions, shouldn't everyone just be happy you are alive and able to make it to these occasions? Will a collarded shirt make me feel any more or less horrible that someone close to me or close to someone else died, I don't think so, the clothes have nothing to do with it. "Society" has made all this up and do it now because they are worried about (what the other people think of their clothing) and they can't be outdone by them, it's just like wearing the nice clothes for Church on Sunday, If I feel like wearing jeans and a t-shirt who cares, God still loves me, and I don't see why he would love me more if I was wearing a suit I couldn't afford or just didn't feel like putting on. Though I'm an INFJ I never understood the *need* for social materialism.
 

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Yes, I try to leave the house in my sweat pants all the time but my mother will not let me. If the outfit looks nice to me; I'm happy. I don't really care what think me but I care about how people think of me on the inside.
 

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I had to go to my G. Grandma's funeral a while back.

At the time I had a bright green mohawk (granted, I didn't stand it up) and piercings (nothing extreme, just snakebites and earrings).

To cover the hair, I put on my fedora. As for the rest, I wore a black dress shirt and black dress pants. I had black sneakers on that looked like dress shoes.

I took my hat off for the service and a few of my relatives were horrified. Next thing you know, I'm being plucked out of my seat. Surprise! I have to carry the coffin now.

Later on I got berated for not changing my hair and taking my piercings out.

Okay, yeah. That's completely reasonable. And you know what? Next time, why don't you wear a blue powder tux? I told him he could go f*ck himself.

G. Grandma would have scolded me for not having the mohawk up in the first place. She loved that sh*t.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
So the whole time we were driving there all I hear my mom saying is, "It just sucks that we have to do this today. It's such a pain. I'm tired. Blah blah blah." Really? You get mad at me for wearing clothes not to your standard, but you are completely disrespectful to the dead? I will never understand this world...
 

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

My first order in this world, was coming to peace with myself.
 
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