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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Does 'just friends' actually mean just friends?

Me and my ISTP boyfriend are traveling together for 2 month (our first big trip), right now in Thailand. It was going all very well until we decided to spend NYE separately: him meditating with the monks and me partying on one of the islands (with some other friends, some of which (guy friends) he doesn't really like/trust).
Right before the NYE he sent me an e-mail saying "i think it's better if we go back to being just friends, don't you think so?" and adding something like he doesn't want to worry about me having too much fun, going skinny dipping (as if I would anyway) and doing other "stupid stuff". There is no connection with him until 10th and I'm slightly freaking out that he actually meant it.

So the question is: when ISTP says that he wants to be 'just friends' does he really want to be just friends or there are other options there?
 

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I guess he's intensely uncomfortable with the idea of you spending time with guys he doesn't really like/trust

but i don't think ISTPs are the type to mince their words.
 

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The word boyfriend, and spending separate NYE just doesn't add up. Maybe you were just friends all along. If i was on holidays with my BF, i wouldn't be spending NYE with anyone but , my BF. If you spent your holidays apart, there was issues to begin with.
 

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Silly rules like you're a couple if you spend holidays together does not apply to anyone who is an independent thinker. People can spend holidays with you and still not be vested in a relationship with you. And, I have found ISTPs to be very independent in their thinking.

So, I would venture to say all those bullshit rules that society uses to determine if he's into you, he loves you, he cares for you, yada yada yada can really be thrown out the window because I find ISTP march to the beat of their own drum. And, I personally believe taking time to understand them and their own unique way of being in a relationship is the only way to gauge where you stand with them. In my opinion being in a relationship with an ISTP is no cookie cutter experience so the cookie cutter can't tell you what type of relationship you have with them.

But to answer the question in your OP, from my experience with an ISTP a lot of things can be said that are not meant especially when something happens that makes them conscious of their feelings and how much they have let someone in.

It's possible the event triggered some feelings that he is having a difficult time processing and is having a knee jerk reaction and as a result is subconsciously creating some psychological distance to regain balance of sorts. My advice would be .... don't panic. You spoke your truth in that just friends is not the option you see that is best for the two of you. Give him a chance to process it and I believe he'll come to the same conclusion.
 

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He was stressing about your spending time with scumbags but doesn't want to control you. So to save his sanity, he's trying to friend-zone you.

Pretty immature, but that's exactly what it looks like.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
But to answer the question in your OP, from my experience with an ISTP a lot of things can be said that are not meant especially when something happens that makes them conscious of their feelings and how much they have let someone in.

It's possible the event triggered some feelings that he is having a difficult time processing and is having a knee jerk reaction and as a result is subconsciously creating some psychological distance to regain balance of sorts. My advice would be .... don't panic. You spoke your truth in that just friends is not the option you see that is best for the two of you. Give him a chance to process it and I believe he'll come to the same conclusion.
Thank you n2freedom, it cheers me up a little bit already. We've been dating for a couple of month before the trip and he was calling it "dating" even before I admitted it. But definitely started having second thoughts about it once we started traveling together. On the beginning of the trip he told me that I'm taking up way to much space in his brain now and it makes him too emotional, which is uncomfortable (or something like that). I thought he was joking. Apparently not.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
@ DustyDrill: not very mature indeed. And yes, he doesn't like that "I like everyone". May be friend zone was meant for his absence time only. Now have to wait and see how he feels (meaning thinks) about it once he's done meditating.
 

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As a female perspective on females: I would hate to date or be married to ANY of the woman ENFPs I know. Why? Because they are too high-energy (I get the feeling you wouldn't want to meditate with him and the monks), outgoing (interacts with EVERYone) <-----I've seen this happen so many times, with the ENFP girl having a blast with 5 people at once and her IXXX boyfriend standing there, looking at the ground.

Do you make him feel like he is your one and only S.O.? And that he is different (and better!) than all the other guys you interact with? If I were him, and I felt like I was not particularly more interesting than any of the other men you know (and perhaps more "boring", in that I don't want to socialize as much as you do), I would suggest the "just friends" option as well. In fact, I would declare it.
 

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@ Starfish, dear, that wasn't my question and I didn't really ask your opinion on all ENFPs. But thanks anyway.

Back to you question - yes my man gets much more attention and affection from me than all other people in the world collected together. So don't worry, its not a case. Just I'm not the clingy one, that's for sure ;)
 

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He was stressing about your spending time with scumbags but doesn't want to control you. So to save his sanity, he's trying to friend-zone you.

Pretty immature, but that's exactly what it looks like.
While I agree with the sentiment in itself passing judgment shouldn't be ours to make, as I'm certain we've all at least once done the same in our lives to preserve ourselves :tongue:

Plus it's heavily dependent on the individual connection / relationship to begin with through which means we decide to express ourselves.

It's easy to say he's uncomfortable with the situation, or unfamiliar. Possibly both. Simply took the route that appeared to be the easiest / most diplomatic, can't blame him. All or nothing isn't the game of choice for me, either. Although at times there's just no way around it.
 
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