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Hello ENFJs, INFJ female here! I've been quite confused about the behavior of my ENFJ friend and I have no idea how to interpret how he's acting which is why I'm hoping y'all would be able to offer some insight. To give some background information, this ENFJ dude and I have been friends for about a year. A mutual friend introduced us and we've been friends ever since. However, for a good few months, he was in a very unhealthy relationship that directly affected how he treated his other friends. Because of this, the two of us almost stopped being friends.

Since he broke off the unhealthy relationship, however, him and I have been closer than ever. For the last 4 months or so, we've been texting pretty much every day without fail and he's usually the one who initiates the conversations (I used to initiate more of the conversations, but its gotten to the point where he texts me so much that I don't have a chance to text him first XD). Anyways, these last few months we've become closer friends than we ever were before and he tells me almost everything. He tells me every little thing that excites him or saddens him. He tells me a lot of personal things about himself that I never knew about him before, and I have the impression that this is stuff that he doesn't really tell anyone about. He's always been encouraging to me and kind, but not overbearing to the point where I'd suspect that he likes me more than a friend.

However, just this past week, he's been acting quite different and giving me reason to believe that he may have some hidden feelings for me. My suspicions began when I invited him to a ceremony that I would be singing at. Although he knows that this is very important to me, I figured that he wouldn't be able to fit it into his schedule. He's a very busy person and he lives 2+ hours a way. In addition to this, he's always had trouble making plans when myself and other friends have wanted to get together in the past. Because of this, I was shocked when he basically told me (in his own ENFJ way) that he would do everything he can to make sure he can come and he'll prioritize this event over everything else going on in his life. Now, I thought this was really really sweet because I've never had a friend prioritize me like this before. However, I still suspected he was just being his friendly ENFJ self. Well, I started questioning his feelings when he asked me about how an event was going that I briefly mentioned to him in conversation weeks prior. Now, as an INFJ, i remember almost everything that people tell me, but even I wouldn't remember to ask a friend how something went that was mentioned so casually in conversation. This tells me that I was obviously on his mind.

The following evening I really started to think about his behavior towards me. I was quite insistent that there was no way he had feelings for me, but still thought his behavior was quite odd. So, I started reading forums on here to try to figure out what this meant. Sure enough, I read that all these things are signs that an ENFJ likes you. So, I started doing research on more signs that they like you. He does nearly every single one to me. He opens up to me, prioritizes me, seems to want to share his whole life with me, and he's insanely overly protective of me. When I though about the situation more, I realized that over the past week or so, he's been about ten times more kind and encouraging towards me and he's gone out of his way to help me way more than he usually would.

Now, here's what I'm confused about. He's the type of guy who will develop a crush on pretty much any kind girl who shows him interest. Because of this, it seemed pretty strange to me that he's never liked me in the past as I'm an almost perfect example of the type of girls he usually goes for. However, at the time that I met him, he was interested in two different girls, so I figured it was just because of the timing of everything that he never saw me as more than a friend. Since I also read somewhere that if an ENFJ doesn't like someone romantically when they first meet them, they most likely will never feel that way, I'm very confused as to why it seems as if this ENFJ friend could be developing feelings for me now. Like I said, we've been friends for a year, and although we've just recently gotten much closer, it still doesn't make much sense as to why he may like me now, but never did in the past. The other thing that I'm confused about is the fact that there is, technically, another girl in the picture. It's neither of the two girls that he liked when he first met me, but he does seem to be developing feelings for her. He does talk to me about her occasionally, but it seems as if he hasn't gotten to the point where he's really interested in her yet. However, a very similar situation occurred when he liked our mutual friend and another girl.

I'm just very confused because he seems to be sending signals that he likes me, but yet I have reason to believe otherwise. He's also being pretty hot and cold with me. The best way that I can explain his actions is that he's being 10x more overly sweet and encouraging towards me, but yet sometimes he doesn't seem as interested in talking to me as he used to. But then again, he has mentioned that he's been very busy so it could just be that. I'd just really like to understand better what his behavior means and if it's possible that he does have some feelings for me. But, if he does like me, he seems to not want to be obvious about it, although he's not doing a very good job. Although I'm not quite sure how I feel about him, I can guarantee you that he doesn't think I like him that way and probably believes that he wouldn't have a chance with me.

Thanks in advance for the insight!
 

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My suspicions began when I invited him to a ceremony that I would be singing at. Although he knows that this is very important to me, I figured that he wouldn't be able to fit it into his schedule. He's a very busy person and he lives 4+ hours a way. In addition to this, he's always had trouble making plans when myself and other friends have wanted to get together in the past. Because of this, I was shocked when he basically told me (in his own ENFJ way) that he would do everything he can to make sure he can come and he'll prioritize this event over everything else going on in his life. Now, I thought this was really really sweet because I've never had a friend prioritize me like this before. However, I still suspected he was just being his friendly ENFJ self.
Okay, that's pretty crazy. Either he is super lonely and has practically no friends, feels bad that he hasn't made it to get-togethers in the past and wants to make it up to you to preserve your friendship, or he reeeeeeeally likes you.

I love my friends like crazy, but I wouldn't drive 4+ hours to go to an event unless it was their wedding, funeral, or they were near death in a hospital (unless they bought me airline tickets to and from said event, in which case I'd gladly go). If I had a friend that was singing in an event, I'd be excited, sure, but I'd just encourage them and ask them to have someone record it so I could watch it later. Maybe that's just me, but that kind of dedication seems very atypical.

Since I also read somewhere that if an ENFJ doesn't like someone romantically when they first meet them, they most likely will never feel that way, I'm very confused as to why it seems as if this ENFJ friend could be developing feelings for me now. Like I said, we've been friends for a year, and although we've just recently gotten much closer, it still doesn't make much sense as to why he may like me now, but never did in the past.
This is not necessarily true. I've discovered new things about friends that I didn't romantically like at first, but felt a romantic attraction to later on. It just depends, but it's definitely not impossible for him to develop feelings for you later on in your friendship.

I don't know, maybe he realized he was pursuing the wrong girls all this time, and now he has feelings for you, the friend that was there this whole time.

Not sure why he's sometimes hot and cold with you, but maybe he's trying to sort through his feelings as well. Or maybe he feels like he's being too obvious, so he's attempting to back off. I don't know. Maybe he's gradually trying to woo you and is waiting for a sign that he has a chance with you.

It's hard to tell what he's feeling, but you could always just be sincere & direct with him and talk to him about it.

Hope this helps!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hello! Thank you so much for your response; it helped a lot!

I'm sorry, the 4+ hours was a typo! I meant to write that he lives about 2 hours away. I mean, it's still quite a considerable distance, but not as big of a deal as I made it sound! Being an extravert, he has a ton of friends, but I don't think he has very many close friends who really appreciate him and that he can tell anything too.

But yeah, I have absolute no idea what he's feeling. I'm gonna try not to worry about it, though, and just let the cards fall as they may.

Thanks again!
 

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I'm sorry, the 4+ hours was a typo! I meant to write that he lives about 2 hours away. I mean, it's still quite a considerable distance, but not as big of a deal as I made it sound! Being an extravert, he has a ton of friends, but I don't think he has very many close friends who really appreciate him and that he can tell anything too.

But yeah, I have absolute no idea what he's feeling. I'm gonna try not to worry about it, though, and just let the cards fall as they may.

Thanks again!
Well, that makes a bit of a difference. I'd probably go to a friend's thing if it was only 2 hours away (provided I'm free when the event takes place).

I'd say your game plan of not worrying about it is a good one. Whatever happens happens.

And I'm glad I could help! :proud:
 

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You INFJ always think people are secretly in love with you haha. A good way to tell if he likes you is to pay attention to the kinds of questions he asks you. If he asks you questions about your future plans, what you want out of relationships, personal stuff like that, it means hes trying to figure out if he likes u or wants to date you. He might kind of like u or just like u as a friend.
 

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You INFJ always think people are secretly in love with you haha. A good way to tell if he likes you is to pay attention to the kinds of questions he asks you. If he asks you questions about your future plans, what you want out of relationships, personal stuff like that, it means hes trying to figure out if he likes u or wants to date you. He might kind of like u or just like u as a friend.
This is so helpful! Don't mean to hijack the thread, but the guy you helped me with literally asked me what kind of gifts I liked, what my love language is, and basically interrogated me on our first date lol.
 
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