[KJ Always]

Hey, I am just curious to know does Nines like receiving nurture as much as they give nurture? I know Twos and Nines are the known as nurturing and merging types, so I am curious to know if they are attracted to each other in romantic relationships? Or as best friends? What is your take on this?

 

[Allonsy]

Yes. The reason people become 9's is because they've been nurtured.

 

[lauradee]

2s and 9s are both caring types, but for different reasons.. both are showing empathy but 2s are doing it to affirm themselves, needing their gestures to be recognised and appreciated, while 9s are most likely procrastinating dealing with their own stuff, it's easier to help someone else than work for themselves.

9s are generally very independent - they like people but always have their foot out the door, and so they don't show their needs, which means they generally show up on a 2s helper radar. They can however, be a safe place for a 2 to take off their superhero cloak and still be accepted.

So I think 9s appreciate nurture but don't expect it from people.

Allonsy can you explain this more? From what I've read/experienced, most 9s were neglected, giving them a sense that they don't really matter which is partly why they are self-forgetting.

 

[KJ Always]

Yes. The reason people become 9's is because they've been nurtured.

Hmm...my mother was not very nurturing towards me. She was an Enneatype 8... workaholic.

2s and 9s are both caring types, but for different reasons.. both are showing empathy but 2s are doing it to affirm themselves, needing their gestures to be recognised and appreciated, while 9s are most likely procrastinating dealing with their own stuff, it's easier to help someone else than work for themselves. {/QUOTE] This can be very true! I have been guilty of that, especially in the past!

9s are generally very independent - they like people but always have their foot out the door, and so they don't show their needs, which means they generally show up on a 2s helper radar. They can however, be a safe place for a 2 to take off their superhero cloak and still be accepted.

If Nines are independent with their foot out of the door, why would us Nines be on a Two's radar who usually look for people who needs them and would be more dependent on them. Twos gets angry with me because they feel rejected by me. :-(

So I think 9s appreciate nurture but don't expect it from people.

YES!!!!!!!!! Hell yea!

Allonsy can you explain this more? From what I've read/experienced, most 9s were neglected, giving them a sense that they don't really matter which is partly why they are self-forgetting.

This is an interesting question. I am looking forward to reading the answer. I felt neglected of my needs to be nurtured by my Eight mother. Yea, I guess, I did feel like I did not really matter and put myself aside and focus on others instead. Now, I am more of a win-win person... focus on my own happiness as well as those of others because I do matter too!

 

[lauradee]

If Nines are independent with their foot out of the door, why would us Nines be on a Two's radar who usually look for people who needs them and would be more dependent on them. Twos gets angry with me because they feel rejected by me. :-([/COLOR]

Sorry typo there - it was meant to say we /don't/ show up on their radar. Ooo I haven't had a two get angry at me, but I've had two's be really flakey and a bad friend because they 'feel safe to do so'. Makes sense that they feel rejected, given their identity hinges on helping people. They would feel veryyyy out of their comfort zone not being able to help you.

Ooo my Mum is an 8 too! Interesting time right?

 

[sometimes]

No, not if I feel like they will start to have any expectations of me. So this is the reason I'm wary of 2's to be honest. I just make sure I refuse any of their offers to do anything for me whatsoever. As I absolutely cannot stand feeling indebted to anyone or like they expect something from me. That's not how I think of things. I avoid people doing things for me, looking after me, even listening to my problems or talk about my self, even the littlest things etc. whether I think they're 2's (or ESFJ's) or not. It makes me uncomfortable.

However deep down yeah I guess I would like someone to look after me a bit maybe but it would have to be someone I trust (and I don't really trust anyone) and it would have to be in the same way I do, i.e. never expecting anything back but just doing it because they want to (so maybe another 9 in a close friendship). I'm very sensitive in this regard, it feels like a psychological intrusion otherwise (or like smothering, feeling attention - which I don't like, emotional expectations, vulnerable, loss of independence/self sufficiency and just very uncomfortable letting anyone get too close which is what that can feel like in a way but we're not actually close). I think it could be my strong 5 fix too.

 

[Marvin the Dendroid]

 

[cookie123]

I have a type 2 friend, really nice person and very affectionate. I've upset her in the past over little things, mostly me being flaky. She really notices the little things and does things to make people happy e.g. giving people gifts. Tbh I feel like a bit of a shit friend in comparison to her lol. I think everyone likes affection but I sometimes feel like I have to give it back and even though I try to be polite I hate having to fake smile or pretend to be interested in others when I'm not. I still do it anyway, but it feels fake. My type 2 friend is genuinely affectionate and kind toward everyone.

 

[Sonny]

To be clear: I am not overtly nurturing. I am NT, hear me rawr... and also run away from soppy things!

The primary thing that attracts a 2 and a 9 specifically will be how accepting both are.

My experience with a Sp 2:

The primary thing my 2 needs is to be loved for [key part here] who they truly they are.

As a 9 I seek to see who people really are and without condition accept them for it.

My 2 appreciates that and in return will show me that I am wanted and appreciated.

Which fulfills my need for affirmation that I matter, am important, and am lovable.

The shared an optimistic outlook on things also keeps things pleasant, as with the shared desire to be nice and caring towards others.

If you're noticing that 2s are usually ending up angry with you then I suspect you may find a pattern to the subtypes of 2s you're interacting with. They each seek slightly different things from their environment (inc people), it sounds like you may be interacting with Sx dom 2s, I speculate that they would be least likely to be satisfied with 9s due to how unreactive and uninvolved we can be;

• A Sx 2 needs to be desired, they'll do anything for you but they expect you to be there when the time comes if they need. It's a strategic helpful and they will need. Picture Carmen, the classic seductress.
• A So 2 needs to be 'somebody'. They're more likely to want to have influence and be a leader. They're the more 'adult' 2s who seduce through being intelligent in groups.
• A Sp 2 needs to be loved for being themselves. They're the childlike 2. It's a naked need for love and appears more 4ish, they're less trusting, more fearful, playful and irresponsible. They want others to take care of them.