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chronic sadness, depression, intense feelings and emotions, suicidal thoughts, feeling physically tired and week, feeling worn and old...of course I'm an INFP.
What goes on inside is so intense and abstract, it's hard to get it out, even on paper. And it feels unnatural to try and talk to anyone around me, because deep down I somehow know that it's pointless. I know I'm the only one that would understand whats going on...and I don't even understand whats going on.

Even when I act happy and around people I hear it

"who are you trying to fool"

So...I want someway to heal...I can't talk to my family, because they are all concerned with my brother's heroine addiction. And it's simply selfish to bother them with something like my feelings. I even feel ashamed and selfish that I'm feeling this way, but I can't help it.

Are there others that are going through something like this? How do you cope?
I'd like to hear your stories...
 

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I'll share with you my story on why I decided to seek professional help.

I'm a very shy guy. I've been shy for as long as I can remember. It's not a chronic shyness that could be identified as social phobia, but it has prevented me from doing a lot of stuff that I wanted to do in my life, for the fear of being judged wrong, or the fear of bothering others, and a lot of other useless crap I made up in my head.

Being a total social failure made me fall into a mild depression that has done nothing but sabotage my life even more, in a neverending downward spiral: poor grades, loss of interest in everything, isolation, and many other scary words. I'm almost 30 years old and never had a real job or a relationship that lasted more than a couple months (and I never started those few and small relationships, it was always the girl doing the first move). I always refused to define myself "depressed", but the more I read about depression, the more I identified with all the symptoms and the examples of a typical person suffering from that condition.

So, after a lot of useless self help books and a dumb therapist who did nothing but nod as I panicked in front of her, I decided to give chemicals a try. I met this psychiatrist who, after a short chat, told me that I didn't need antidepressants in her opinion, and redirected me to a colleague of hers, a psychologist who works with her in the same studio. I told her I had tried therapy already, so she gave me a bland antidepressant just to make me feel safer. I never took it, tho.

I started meeting this other therapist and things have been going well so far. Little by little I'm talking to her about all the stuff that troubles me. Her general attitude towards me is something on the lines of "if you think THOSE are problems, you've seen nothing yet". She's kinda aggressive, but in a funny way. Trying to explain my feelings to her has helped me give them shape and form, so we could both identify what is wrong with me and work on it. We're working on all those little things that are preventing me to live life the way I want it. There's still a lot of work to do, but at least now I can wake up every day with a purpose, and believe me, it's already a big change from what I used to be.

Should you seek professional help? My advice would be yes. Everything I'm doing with my therapist so far is nothing that I couldn't have figured out on my own, and in fact sometimes what she tells me sounds so obvious that I wonder why I went there in the first place, but talking to her speeds things up. Receiving someone else's feedback and making the mess in your head shut up can give you a more clear view on what's troubling you. When you're talking to yourself, you're biased by all the beliefs you already have and all the distorted considerations about yourself, but someone external can help you understand who you really are and what others see in you.

My opinion is that if you wanna fight something, you have to give it a name first. A professional is trained to do that, so I say give it a try: maybe it can help you make sense of what is going on in your head. ;)
 

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I like how we're all fighters. I too found my way through self therapy but if you're having suicidal thoughts, having that trained outside support might be best.

I coped through music and was able to pull myself out by figuring out why I was feeling the way I did and what was making me feel the way I did. Then, every time I had a negative thought towards myself I would try to understand it and see the positive side of things. Basically, training my conscious to be more positive and I've now began accepting all my flaws and perfections. Still have my anxious/depressed moments but it's def a lot better than before.
 

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thats my problem too...what do you do for self therapy?
I think some of is simply being an introverted intuitive. As such, I think we have a good grip on how we operate. Our ability to empathize with those around us causes us to have a natural ability to see how we might be able to "fix" things in ourselves.

Anyway, I tend to read a lot.. I have a series of forums and blogs I go to, books. I try to spend time listening to what's stirring in me. I pay attention to my dreams. I write a lot. I should ask more questions from people, but it's a difficult thing for me to admit vulnerability. I hate it, actually. *L*

Hopefully this helps.. if you'd like me to go into more detail, I'd be happy to. Just wanted to lay out the general approach, first.
 

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I cant help but notice that you have sort of created a bad outcome in your mind of what would happen if you talked to your family...they shoudlnt have to deal with you having problems at the same time as your brother, or "nobody would understand". You've basically talked yourself out of doing something that you probably aren't real comfortable doing anyway, talking about intimate things and feelings that are really bothering you. But are you sure about your reasoning? I think its very INFP (or very me) to be drowning and not want to inconvenienc those nice people on the shore to throw you a life preserver that might take them all of a few minutes. If you have a caring family (and it sounds like you might), they might not mind helping. Just a thought.
 
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