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I agree with most of it. I just didn't like the description of procrastination because I play than work. Not a very J thing to do. But yeah I do it. And it makes me feel like I have some thing I can never live up to. It sounds like ENFJ's are supposed to be some very confident, charming, and super people person who can make friends everywhere and can delegate any problem that arises. Also very Altruistic.
And I try to be theses things but I see myself fall short and this description makes me feel like I'm bad at being an ENFJ and that's why I hate when they make the types sound so ideal and perfect. I feel like I could never live up to that. And that's part of what made typing myself a real bitch.
 

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MOTM July 2012
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Discussion Starter #8
I agree with most of it. I just didn't like the description of procrastination because I play than work. Not a very J thing to do. But yeah I do it. And it makes me feel like I have some thing I can never live up to. It sounds like ENFJ's are supposed to be some very confident, charming, and super people person who can make friends everywhere and can delegate any problem that arises. Also very Altruistic.
And I try to be theses things but I see myself fall short and this description makes me feel like I'm bad at being an ENFJ and that's why I hate when they make the types sound so ideal and perfect. I feel like I could never live up to that. And that's part of what made typing myself a real bitch.
don't cut yourself down! *hugs* hey others don't hold you to a standard of perfection...i know what you mean, though, because there are a lot of idealizations out there of the INFJ personality type, like we are angels or Mother Teresas or something, and we really aren't...i mean, there are INFJs who are like that, but there are also people of other personality types who are like that as well, so those things do not define a personality type as a whole. people are just people, no matter what the personality type, and no people are perfect.
 

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Thank you for posting this. I am not sure how exact the descriptions are of me, especially when it calls the ENFJ "confident." The positives of this type is something that I am still working on living up to.

However, thank you so much for posting it because the "stress" page was very insightful. I have been very stressed lately and when reading this page, I suddenly understood the different reasons why I get stressed. It was scary to see how accurate it was. Even the part of how stress affects the ENFJ is very me. I have recently been wanting to understand ways to reduce stress in a very personalized way, therefore the suggestions on how to do just that is what I desperately needed to read.

"Stress

An ENFJ will often experience stress when…
• Feeling that their values are challenged or violated
• Encountering situations where they feel demeaned, put down, or misinterpreted
• Working with difficult and uncooperative people
• Focusing solely on others and neglecting their own needs
• Feeling responsible for causing a problem or conflict
• Confronted with unexpected changes
• Receiving excessive criticism
• Required to complete a task within a limited timeline

When they are affected by stress, an ENFJ will often…
• Feel negative or cynical and become inflexible
• Doubt their abilities or intelligence
• Become unfriendly, inconsiderate, or aggressive towards others or themselves
• Minimize their contact with family or friends
• Rely solely on logic to form critical and judgmental opinions of others or themselves
• With significant stress, focus on the faults of others and become excessively critical

An ENFJ can reduce stress by…
• Addressing their personal needs
• Spending time resting and reflecting
• Participating in activities and interacting with friends
• Delegating some of their tasks
• Refocusing on their spiritual values
• Gaining insight into a situation by discussing their thoughts with others"

The procrastination part also described how I was in school very well. I now understand a little bit of why I may have procrastinated when doing my school work. Yet I do agree that I tend to play before work a lot of the time and only when I realize the deadline is approaching, do I start to think of the "relationship" issues surrounding the work and procrastinate even more because of the worry/uneasiness.

"Procrastination

ENFJs are often motivated to complete their work on time and may not experience significant procrastination. They tend to limit their procrastination to a specific situation that likely involves a relationship component. These situations may result from a fear of rejection, concern over meeting someone’s expectations, or a conflict with a friend. Procrastination may also result from disagreeing with an instructor or a discriminatory and unwelcoming classroom environment. The most effective way for ENFJs to overcome procrastination is to address the underlying relational issue. They may find it helpful to gain insight into the situation by discussing their concerns and feelings with an outside source."
 
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And I try to be theses things but I see myself fall short and this description makes me feel like I'm bad at being an ENFJ and that's why I hate when they make the types sound so ideal and perfect. I feel like I could never live up to that. And that's part of what made typing myself a real bitch.
Of course you're gonna fall short of these descriptions! Everyone does!

I swear sometimes it feels like MBTI descriptions were written keeping Greek Gods in mind - and even they were more flawed than some of the MBTI archetypes.

I think what needs to be done in self-analysis is to separate the existing individual [the one that exists in the here and now with the flaws and the abilities] from the ideal individual [the one that is expected to be] and judge yourself based on how "good" you are as opposed to how "bad" you are.

I know it's hard when you're looking to be something that you feel you are not. But therein lies a potential stumbling block in self-growth because inadvertently in longing to be someone better you run the risk of ignoring all the good that you already are.

The idea of building upon yourself in my opinion is to make who you are right now a foundation of who you will be. And that's what Cognitive Functions and MBTI are really all about. They give a very basic skeletal drawing. But the idea is not to fit yourself into the skeleton, but to build upon that skeleton --- doing what you feel is best for you to be the best that you can be. It's individual self-analysis.

The good is already there. Just recognize it and build on it. Don't obsess over the perceived short-comings in comparison to others, or the descriptions themselves ... see which parts fit you and appreciate them ... and if there are other parts that don't fit you, then trust in yourself that you'll grow to fit them, or even grow beyond what's written --- and even if you don't, that still doesn't mean you've failed at something, but that in making the attempt to get there, you already learnt something through experience - and you're still a better person for it.
 

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Of course you're gonna fall short of these descriptions! Everyone does!

I swear sometimes it feels like MBTI descriptions were written keeping Greek Gods in mind - and even they were more flawed than some of the MBTI archetypes.

I think what needs to be done in self-analysis is to separate the existing individual [the one that exists in the here and now with the flaws and the abilities] from the ideal individual [the one that is expected to be] and judge yourself based on how "good" you are as opposed to how "bad" you are.

I know it's hard when you're looking to be something that you feel you are not. But therein lies a potential stumbling block in self-growth because inadvertently in longing to be someone better you run the risk of ignoring all the good that you already are.

The idea of building upon yourself in my opinion is to make who you are right now a foundation of who you will be. And that's what Cognitive Functions and MBTI are really all about. They give a very basic skeletal drawing. But the idea is not to fit yourself into the skeleton, but to build upon that skeleton --- doing what you feel is best for you to be the best that you can be. It's individual self-analysis.

The good is already there. Just recognize it and build on it. Don't obsess over the perceived short-comings in comparison to others, or the descriptions themselves ... see which parts fit you and appreciate them ... and if there are other parts that don't fit you, then trust in yourself that you'll grow to fit them, or even grow beyond what's written --- and even if you don't, that still doesn't mean you've failed at something, but that in making the attempt to get there, you already learnt something through experience - and you're still a better person for it.
don't cut yourself down! *hugs* hey others don't hold you to a standard of perfection...i know what you mean, though, because there are a lot of idealizations out there of the INFJ personality type, like we are angels or Mother Teresas or something, and we really aren't...i mean, there are INFJs who are like that, but there are also people of other personality types who are like that as well, so those things do not define a personality type as a whole. people are just people, no matter what the personality type, and no people are perfect.
Thanks you two:) I know I have to grow and mature. It's just annoying because when I was trying to type myself it made me feel like I wasn't an ENFJ which I now know I am. I like studying this stuff but it can lead to more self hate than self growth if your not careful. And I ran into that when I started with this. It's like the day I got ENFJ my friends said they thought I should be a P. Not because they were being mean or trying to be, but because I acted a lot like a P. But I was and still am at time like it says a "social Chameleon" I would act more like a P because my best friend at the time was a P. And I knew plans bugged him so I made as little as possible. Also I suck at time management. Basically my Jness is mostly in the realm of making plans that change constantly and half the time I don't follow through on them. I like my time organized while my stuff usually falls to the waste side. And sometimes work I have to do falls to the waste side to because I plan on doing it but my plans usually change to allow more procrastination. But I now know I'm a J. Not very strong in some of the J areas, but one none the less. It was just hard because than I had another person tell me they had no doubt I was a J. But that initial comment threw me off, and made me question all of it. So I kept testing and never got consistent answers because I realized how to test and sometimes I'd unintentionally do that. Yeah it was annoying and I'm over it now. But it sucked. And Thanks again you two:)
 
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