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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I was just with my SO tonight and I am starting to think he may be a possible ESTJ, which is cool :)

Let me tell you about him..

Hi ESTJ community,

Someone mentiones that my SO may be an ESTJ. I am curious about that.
He isnt open to the MBTI or taking a test. He doesnt want to be psychanalyzed, but Im curious:cool:
On enneagram he is a so/sx counterphobic 6w5, possible 5w6

I guess I will tell you about him..

E vs I-he is energized by people, in fact I -as a strong E, need to sleep and end our time together before him! At work-hes very outgoing and friendly. He's the social switchboard of his high school class and prides himself on having a loyal, many and diverse group of friends. Is energized by being with people and likes parties, chats with many different people, for a few minutes each. Wants to understand the outside world and how to function in it. Likes attention-isnt so image oriented. Is quite talkative and congenial-very laid back and friendly, interested in others. Can be a good listener too, and can say "im talking to much, now you talk!". Enjoys a fast pace and is very approachable. He isnt shy. Sometimes he spits things out without thinking, sometimes he can think of how to put something. He isnt introspective, or interested in "discovering himself" and "getting to know himself"

However, he doesnt seem to spend all his time with people and can spend a whole weekend alone after a busy week and sleep...i dont know what he does in his free time as much-He works alot doing freelance jobs, or plays video games. Doesnt socialize as much after work (he works in a huge coporation). He is more private about his emotional side-doesnt feel comfortable talking about it. Shares personal info thats more "light" freely. Sometimes comes across as more quiet, especially when uncomfortable or tired. With me, he can -at times, mull things over in his head before saying it, mostly more sensitive topics.

N vs S-Im pretty sure S. He would tell me that a meeting started at 5:33 and ended at 6:54, when I asked how it was. Is detail oriented and notices his physical surroundings and pretty things. Likes concrete examples and facts. He needs things to be proven to be valid, and is practical. When asked questions, he wants them to be detailed and accurate and he says he is a "detail person". Though he does tell stories to prove points and is future oriented. He is also creative (in a technical way) and likes variety. He doesnt get deep. He "gets" other people pretty well.

T vs. F-This is the hardest! And the one Im curious the most about..

When hes with me, definitely comes across as more feeling. He can even use the word "in the mood" at times. However, he had therapy which opened up his heart more, and has a very feeling mom. He then blocked his heart to some extent and only lets people he trusts in. He makes decisions in a feeling way, at times-but however he does it, its in a logical process. (I care about her, and she wanted me to come, thats why I came). He is always asking what he can do to help in given situations, and his biggest strengths is giving objective," see all sides" advice, and from picking up hints, buying me presents according to what is something id really like. He can be romantic if I want that-usually through texts (good night sweeeet thing, or you are beautiful -SERIOUSLY!!!-which get me nervous, since he is more bantering and light when saying these things to me, not as sincere as Id like-since I think he feels awkward.) He tested as feeling in the do what you are book,but he knows I like feelers in intimate realtionships and I get the feeling he makes himself more feelerish than he really is-can a thinker do that? Is it possible for a thinker to think he is more emotional and feelers are more logical than is the case? He likes to see himself as intellectual, as a thinker, and isnt as in touch with his feelings or the feelings of others as he thinks. A few times he'd hurt me unintentionally (he would never hurt anyone on purpose or degrade people) and hed get me into a logical arguement of why i shouldnt feel hurt, before finally apologizing. He is wary of negative emotions and tries to switch back to happy when he feels them. He makes decisions, usually according to what makes the most sense and what is the most reliable, even when concerning people-but he will take them into account. I know he has a strong, caring and sensitive to other people side to him, even quite authentic but he will show it if hes comfortable and in a vulnerable moment. Usually hes scared of vulnerability, so although he is still warm and relaxed and smiley, at times he comes off as more forceful, unrefined and opinionated. He isnt sensitive to insults and takes them in stride and though he loves to help, (in more practical ways, he has a hard time relating to peoples emotions in a way, isnt comfy with being sympathetic or compassionate,but does if he thinks he has to. He loves to give me compliments and thinks I never believe him!) he doesnt need appreciation. He is tactful with me, sometimes will think before saying something sensitive and then will decide not to say it, but with others he is more direct, straighfoward and even blunt within reason. When he hurts people, he will make a joke, but if they really get upset, he will apologize. He LOVES to banter around, and push peoples buttons, and will even call his friends names like stupid and idiot-all in good spirit. He isnt deep or that emotionally intuitive-it takes some time for him to pick up on that.


J and P-He is dutiful, wants to be safe rather than sorry and tries to be prepared, but can adapt as well. Does work on time, meets deadlines, but still wants to have fun, and is very laid back and tolerant of me-anyting goes. Is somewhat judgemental and critical of other people, and argumentative. Hes good at making decisions, but only does so when he has all the information he can get. He has no desire to be a leader and tries to be assertive, but isnt naturally so. His car and room is a mess. He can procrastinate at times and wants to be seen as laid back and optimistic, not rigid and tough. He likes to play first and work later.

Any ideas, suggestions or throw outs?
Thank you for reading!!
 

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Yes it sounds like he is a healthy ESTJ - he is a keeper.

You could have described me there, I match that description 80%.

You seem pretty sussed in personality profiling....makes me wonder.
 

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Yes, ESTJ indeed. Aren't we fun like that? :tongue:
 
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Ya I agree.

Typically, we have a harder time with emotion, but if we trust you and you know us well we'll open up. My ENFP mom is ALWAYS telling me that I am an emotional person even if know one else can see it. In particular I open up to FP's really really easily. In fact, all FP's I know and am friends with are the people that know most of what I'm feeling. I dont know what it is, but you guys just make me feel soo comfortable.

I will say to be careful. I dont know about you, but my mom (ENFP) is an emotional pursuer sometimes and would literally pace outside my door waiting to see why I was upset. To me this is both intrusive and annoying. When I talk about something I am upset about its very rare so i have to feel completely comfortable. Being pressured into talking about something makes me want to talk to that person less. Also, I have no problem with alone time, I love being self sufficient and will do projects completely by myself a lot. I actually prefer doing housework when no one else is home. But sometimes if I am alone I'm thinking hard about something emotional and so that's when i really need space.
 
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