For the most part, it's mostly unconscious to me and it's only something I'm aware of after the fact. It's an invisible force shaping and directing my actions and choices.
I remember the first time I realized that I program my behavior through a very conscious and definite decisions, and when I make decisions in the moment I always act in accordance to that decision. These decisions could come from anywhere, from an experience of someone else impacting me in such a way that I vowed I would never do it myself, or make making a choice that would hurt someone else, or by imagining and exploring a scenario in the depths of my mind acting and reacting as myself and other characters I created to different scenarios and options. I remember when I made that realization I it made me quite excited because it's cool how I can make a decision so profound that my life operates according to that decision, but it did leave me with a certain caution and fear that the ability needed to be protected. That fear that if someone knew how I worked and that if they could convince me to program myself to act in a way that was for their own purpose, then I would not be myself I would be a slave to that person. That fear is still present, but it's more subdued because I realize now that it actually is very hard to convince me to make that decision, that it has to be something that I can make universal and applicable to all situations at all times.
When I don't operate according to one of those decisions, Si loves to come back and tortures me by going, "Hey, remember this decision you made here and sum of experiences that led you to make that decision, well, you just failed." When I do operate according to one of those decisions, Si comes back and says, "Do you remember when you experienced this and this decision you made? You did good." This is what I mean by it's something I'm aware of after the fact, I generally don't recall it in the moment since my attention is usually on the outer world, but later when I get back to my inner world, that's when it usually comes up.