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Discussion Starter #1
I can't figure out whether my friend is ENFP or ENFJ. She is insightful, fun, and intelligent, and has been a supportive friend to me.

For the past year she's had workplace issues that have affected her financially and in other ways. I've been happy to listen to her troubles, and I've spent many hours helping her write letters to the company and union.

Lately I've been thinking it's time she moved on with her life instead of getting bogged down in what is probably a losing battle.

Yesterday I said I'd help her with a letter at a certain time. Just as I arrived, a third person showed up with problems of her own, and my friend decided to listen to her. I waited for 20 minutes and then left, but I did go back in the evening.

Today was the deadline for the letter. This morning I texted to let her know I was available to help. She said she had to make a few changes to the letter and have breakfast. I thought this meant she would text me when she was ready for me to come over.

She texted me in the afternoon, saying, "I guess you couldn't make it." I said I'd been waiting all day to hear from her. She said she figured I'd come over without prompting because I knew she needed help, and now she was panicking.

It seems to me that it's all gotten too weird. I don't want to kick her when she's down, but I feel my willingness to help is getting lost in the craziness of it all. I don't know whether to tell her I can't continue helping, or can't continue the friendship, or what.

I feel I've failed at this friendship, even though I didn't do anything wrong.

Any ideas? Thank you.
 

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Hello there! Super sorry to hear this has been causing you stress. But dont worry, im sure it can be fixed, you're friends after all πŸ’—
I believe that you two will need to talk it out. What I suggest to do is to approach her as calmly as possible, and talk about it over coffee or some tea. Super chill. As friends you'll need to be transparent to each other and speak up if something has troubled your mind.
I don't know if this has to do with mbti, but I'm an ENFP and I can be quite sensitive to confrontation. So if i noticed someone's really really showing their anger I might actually end up crying hahahaha (sorry it's childish aaaaa). But I truly appreciate it when someone musters the courage to talk to me about things they're bottling up!! It makes us understand and appreciate each other more. One calm and chill discussion can clear the situation out.
 
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Discussion Starter #3
Thank you, @passionate. My friend cries sometimes, yikes! I hate confrontation too. I cried when I was young (I'm in my 60s), but now I just walk away.

We did talk a bit about it yesterday. But today just added to the problem. I'm not a mindreader and didn't know what she actually needed help with today (e.g., writing, scanning documents, or emailing). So I needed her to tell me when she was ready for me to come over.

Now my thinking is this: If she wants me to help her with her game (fighting the company), she needs to play my game a bit too--that is, schedule a time and stick to it. I understand that she's stressed and not thinking clearly, but I don't want it to mess up my life too.

As an INTP I really only have one friend (her), but maybe it's time for a new friend.
 

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My two cents on future prevention is to double check and confirm she didnt need to come over and help in the morning (which you assumed) something like.

"ok, did you still need my help?" after she said she was going to make a few changes to the letter and eat breakfast. This to me seems like a classic case of two Ns infering and filling in the gaps of what was said and causing miscommunication. in particular two P types. (she seems like an ENFP to me, not a J type)



I personally find that stuff tedious (the constant confirming and feeling like i have to manage someone) and those types tend to not last long around me.
 

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Thank you, @passionate. My friend cries sometimes, yikes! I hate confrontation too. I cried when I was young (I'm in my 60s), but now I just walk away.

We did talk a bit about it yesterday. But today just added to the problem. I'm not a mindreader and didn't know what she actually needed help with today (e.g., writing, scanning documents, or emailing). So I needed her to tell me when she was ready for me to come over.

Now my thinking is this: If she wants me to help her with her game (fighting the company), she needs to play my game a bit too--that is, schedule a time and stick to it. I understand that she's stressed and not thinking clearly, but I don't want it to mess up my life too.

As an INTP I really only have one friend (her), but maybe it's time for a new friend.
Honestly you're such a great friend for supporting her the way you do. Very kind hearted!! She's lucky and blessed to have such a supportive person she can rely on. I believe she'll at least need to respect your time and space.
What you're feeling is totally valid.
As long as the message has been clearly sent to her, your part would be done. All what'll be left is for her to realize the situation and start scheduling her meetings with you (rather than random last minute calls).
I hope things will go well with you ❀ ☁
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I think it will be up to me to say something like, "If I don't hear from you by noon, I'll assume you have it covered," or "I need to plan my day. What time do you need me?"
 

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yes, i believe that sounds good~ ✨
 
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