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Do these hurt and tax you guys as well?
Every time I have to banhammer someone, I feel a massive heartache and pain.
My emotional state drops a couple notches and I feel like crap.
I don't like this feeling, but its been all to necessary as of late (lots of people trying to screw me over and doing their damndest to make my life hell).
And no, I'm not using it to excess, these people have broken several of my moral and ethical codes, some of which I do not carry lightly.

I just had to doorslam another a few minutes ago and was just curious if it screws you up for the next day or so. Because all of this hell I've been dealing with has had me completely off-kilter for the last month.

Twitch
 

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I have never done this, I am beginning to wonder about that. It seems contrary to my nature honestly. And I have had people downright manipulate and abuse me, and I separated from them but never slammed them. If they called me in pain, I know I would answer.

I can see how doorslamming certain people could be healthy. Am I too forgiving, or just value my time/energy that little?
 

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I doorslamed my former girlfriend the third and definitive time yesterday. The first time, it was because I still liked her, but a myriad of problems and hurtings were harming me so much that I had just to leave.

I went after her one year and half after this, not for a romantic relationship, but to make things clear and see if we could work as friends. I cut communication sometime after again, when I felt something was draining me again.

Some months after I unblocked her from social media again, and things were flowing fine, we were getting along and I managed to forgive her from what she did to me. However, lately I could finally see through her disguise, that she plays with other's lives just to be in a relationship, and her belief she's the all-righteous, that everyone else is wrong and she's a victim.

I'm done with people like that.
 

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I've never really door slammed permanently. Thought I did years ago, but realized I just needed time to forgive and I guess forget why I did it, lol. I always let people back in hoping they've changed or learned from the experience. Unfortunately the one who I feel dealt with the most pain after the act was myself. They do say that when you hate the only person who hurts is the one doing the hating. You're spending your time and energy being upset about something that the other person likely forgot about and is now moving on with their life. This is likely because it's a decision you made, not them, and they don't have to deal with it.

In short, yes, I worry about if it was the right decision for a while and with the right amount of time, I forgive.
 

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I’m curious about the whole “door slam” term. I totally understand what’s meant, but it just sounds so negative to me. Whenever I think of a door slamming, I get tense thinking of the amount of anger, distrust, havoc etc... There are times when everyone shuts out someone who is just bad news in our lives (that’s my perception).

Nothing is ever permanent and neither are bad feelings. I’m not going to throw out a bunch of analogies, but getting pissed off and then moving on is part of life. We decide for ourselves what we’re going to do about it and how long it takes.
 

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I've cut a couple of people out of my life; however, I wouldn't call it doorslam because to me doorslam implies being closed in. I prefer calling it like it is: completely moving on from the relationship. I felt bad about it both times but knew it was the best thing for me (and in one case, the best thing for them as well, even though he didn't see it). And overall, though I felt bad, I knew and still know I was doing the right thing; I was free to grow more without both of these people than I ever was with them.

These people will not be welcome back in my life; I am very forgiving until I have had enough, and then I'm VERY unforgiving. Plus, I value my health and sanity.
 

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No. I recognize before I shut someone out how harmful and toxic they are to me. It does not weigh heavy on my heart to take care of myself.
 

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I have little tolerance for those who wrong my friends, family or coworkers (the ones I like). There are only two I shut out completely and both for doing something terrible to my friends. I'll go out of my way to ignore people if I don't like them but there are only two who made it onto my "hate" list. I feel no remorse whatsoever for doing so. I do however feel bad that I don't feel bad about it. If that even makes sense.
 
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It depends on the situation. Sometimes it hurts because the doorslam comes from being betrayed by someone you trusted to let into your world, and that hurts no matter what, so there is going to be left over emotion from that. And of course, there's always the "am I being too harsh?" period that comes with it.

Other times, I have felt completely and utterly relieved.
 

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I'm planning to doorslam my mother when I've finally moved out. She has a personality disorder and she drives me crazy, we totally utterly clash to the point that I have to gather all my faith that she is the 'bad' person, not me (she believes that she is right so this is extra difficult), or I'll hate myself even. Her words are poison, and like Nietzsche said: "Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster." I know she will never change, so it's a choice between 1) wounding her by the doorslam and bringing guilt on myself, and 2) wounding her by all the rows and discussions and tormenting myself by her presence.

The guilt of course is awful, but I think I can live with it, because I know talking to her won't make her happy, even though not talking to her makes her unhappy. For me, I think it will be so liberating.
 

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Lol I wish!!

Im too much of a softy, if someone pushes me that far I will recognize why I don't like them, make plans to shut them out of life, and think of some real nasty things to say to them if things get ugly...

Then I go to sleep ready for war the next day. Then I wake up and seem to forget about my plans or have already cooled off and not really angry anymore. Forgiveness usually comes to me when I wake up, it sucks, because some people need to be doorslammed. I think im too forgiving to pull the trigger.

Idk hope it helps!
 
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I have slammed the door a few times in my life. I find it comes after I can no longer take being emotionally manipulated, used and stomped on. Yes, it hurts - but I know that I will do better without them. Sometimes it takes me a few days to move on, other times weeks. This is usually because of how emotionally attached I was to that person. Don't worry though, you will move on and grown into a better person without them.
 

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The more I think about it, it seems like a doorslam is closing out people out of one's life with an emotional emphasis attached. I've done that before. My personal reasons though may have anger and spite, but it's more about my own healing. Once I can truly let go of what happen, I've grown from the situation and genuinely don't want to have anything to do with the person. At that point, the emotional emphasis is removed, and I just well stop caring about the situation and sometimes the person as well. Ultimately, whatever was done is not worth time, life is just way too short.
 

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I do not like or subscribe to the notion of the 'INFJ Doorslam,' not when applied exclusively to INFJs. I have known too many others, who where obviously not INFJ (displayed no INFJ traits), who had done the same to me or to others. This is not type specific behavior.
 

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I did it very few times because I was so confident it was the best way I didn't feel bad at all after doing it. Instead, it hurts me a lot when people door-slam me, even more when I am unable to understand the reasons.
 

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There's two things I can think of...

The aforementioned cutting someone out of your life because they're damaging to your mental health. This isn't an INFJ thing, it's a boundary thing.

The other is the INFJ "stress release valve", when we go into hermit mode and disappear for weeks or months to let the bad air inside ourselves clear. I think this sometimes get confused for the boundary thing, but (at least speaking for myself) it's not permanent or necessarily based around any one person, though the door will be very very solid until I'm ready to come out again.. THIS one seems to be more specifically applicable to INFJs, or at least introverts.
 

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I have only ever doorslamed one person, and I still feel bad about it. At the time, didn't have a term for completely shutting someone out like that, but I realized I had done it to her and felt bad about it. I still feel bad whenever I see that person, but you can only treat me and those around me so badly before I no longer want anything to with you.
 

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i don't know of any personality type that doesn't 'doorslam' when, after a long period of time patiently bearing with excessive emotional pain, intolerable behavior, or psychological harm from a relationship, it becomes too much and they close the door on it ever happening again. INFJs are no more or less likely to do this than any other type. we just may be patient and kind for a long time while being mistreated, because we are trying to be gracious/forgiving and not hurt others, that people take it for granted that they can walk all over our boundaries without consequence. they assume that they can continue mistreating us forever and that our attitude will never change, and then they are surprised to find that we have boundaries, when we finally decide to close the boundary door on all the abuse. people often underestimate how much they have hurt us, because we often (metaphorically speaking, but literally in some cases) weep alone and do not wear all our pain in public.

we often find ourselves pouring our emotional lifejuices into someone who is in emotional need, for whom we have compassion, and we love to do so. we feel most in our element and most fulfilled when we can help someone in this way. in those circumstances we often want to, or do, give of ourselves freely long-term, while our own needs are not being met, and it ends up being emotionally draining. we haven't stopped caring at all - sometimes we just can't give because we feel we have nothing left in us to give, we are suffering ourselves and feel a need for internal replenishment so we can have something of sustenance to give to others. sometimes we feel profoundly hurt that we are spending our lives comforting others but no one even notices us when we are sorely in need of comfort, and we need time alone to heal up our wounds ourselves. under any of those circumstances we may disappear for a while, like @Aizar said. this is not a doorslam, it is simply the emergence of an urgent need to recover inwardly, and we will return once we feel we have something to give again.

when we find that someone is milking us long-term without legitimate need, with a narcissistic sense of entitlement to our free time, such that those who do have genuine needs have no access to us, we may feel resentful at such demands. and we are prone to put an end to this just because we are not willing to be used where there is no actual need, when there are those whose demands are needs rather than wants, who are being neglected.

personally, if someone gets too pushy with me (in a controlling, demanding, invasive/entitled, taking-without-permission, unhealthy way), i tend to distance myself from contact with them, because if you give in to the demands of a controlling person they either become excessively manipulative over your life in a forcible way (at best) or abusive (at worst). i've been a victim to this in the past and have set a non-negotiable boundary to avoid repeat experiences; it's a zero-tolerance policy for controlling behavior from any peer. i don't mind advice or persuasion from those who care - that is very different. but those who try to force me to do favors for them or get pushy by demanding favors, or demand that i violate my values to meet their desires or change into a person i don't want to become....i won't enable their tyranny and they will see my defiance, because they are feeling entitled to what no one owes them, and bullying their way into helping themselves to what is not theirs. generally i am accommodating and don't mind doing people favors. but if the requests turn to demands or people get pushy, that is indicative of lack of respect for my boundaries, which is a bad sign. i tell them i can't meet their expectations, pull away if they get invasive, or indicate that it's not okay for them to tell me what to do. if they keep being pushy or ordering me around, i have to ignore their demands and/or distance myself. don't feed the tyrants, don't feed the narcissists...or you will end up devoured/destroyed...i've learned that the hard way. no matter how nice it seems, it is not actually nice to enable unhealthy behavior...sometimes love has to make tough choices, like depriving an alcoholic of his alcohol or the like. the "drug" of controlling people is the ability to control and they must be deprived of it lest they destroy someone by it use. this may seem like a "doorslam" but it's not, it's just a protective measure, a refusal to enable unhealthy behavior...i've just removed their ability to exert force over me...and i never have any intent to hurt them in the process.

the whole "INFJ doorslam" idea hints at unexpected suddenness, mistreatment by the INFJ (while not taking into account the long-term abuse received by the INFJ in that event), and the faulty assumption that INFJs are unlike the rest of the world in that we have no boundaries or limits beyond which we allow no one to pass. doorslams would be able to be anticipated by others if those others didn't take our care for them for granted, take advantage of our kindness over a longer period of time than most people would ever tolerate, or view us as doormats because we show extraordinary patience or forgiveness towards them.

what anyone dealing with an INFJ must know is this: we have boundaries, even if you don't see them. and just like with any other person, we aren't amenable to having people cross them. our boundaries are probably just not set as close to the road as many people's, because we want to give people every chance possible, and extend kindness and patience to them even when they are mistreating us, for as long as we can stand to...

doorslamming feels cruel and i pity anyone on the receiving end of it. no one should be quick to doorslam and my heart goes out to anyone who has had the door slammed in their face over something minor (that is never acceptable). i don't condone how speedily some people "doorslam" and i think it should never be done impulsively or without any notice as to why, and if it's a long-term relationship the INFJ should make known to the person what is bothering them, how much it is bothering them, and wait for it to change first (unless it's so obvious that the other person would already know they are being abusive). however i also think many people are unaware of what they put the INFJ through, and minimize how much they hurt them, and may view long-term offenses as minor that were actually highly damaging to the INFJ. i also pity the INFJ who has borne up, long term, under excessively painful circumstances that, for most people, would be unbearable, just in order to be kind, before finally deciding to close the door so their soul will not be torn and ripped apart daily any longer.

it is not a type issue whether someone will stay in an abusive or damaging relationship, but people do vary in how long they will stay there before leaving. when something is a cancerous growth in your life that threatens to destroy you, you often feel no option but to cut it out. there are people who traumatize others then blame the victim of the trauma for being upset over it...and in some cases i think that is what happens when an INFJ (or any other personality type) doorslams ~ they get blamed for being upset over real abuse.
 
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