i don't know of any personality type that doesn't 'doorslam' when, after a
long period of time patiently bearing with excessive emotional pain, intolerable behavior, or psychological harm from a relationship, it becomes too much and they close the door on it ever happening again. INFJs are no more or less likely to do this than any other type. we just may be patient and kind for a long time while being mistreated, because we are trying to be gracious/forgiving and not hurt others, that people take it for granted that they can walk all over our boundaries without consequence. they assume that they can continue mistreating us forever and that our attitude will never change, and then they are surprised to find that we have boundaries, when we finally decide to close the boundary door on all the abuse. people often underestimate how much they have hurt us, because we often (metaphorically speaking, but literally in some cases) weep alone and do not wear all our pain in public.
we often find ourselves pouring our emotional lifejuices into someone who is in emotional need, for whom we have compassion, and we love to do so. we feel most in our element and most fulfilled when we can help someone in this way. in those circumstances we often want to, or do, give of ourselves freely long-term, while our own needs are not being met, and it ends up being emotionally draining. we haven't stopped caring at all - sometimes we just can't give because we feel we have nothing left in us to give, we are suffering ourselves and feel a need for internal replenishment so we can have something of sustenance to give to others. sometimes we feel profoundly hurt that we are spending our lives comforting others but no one even notices us when we are sorely in need of comfort, and we need time alone to heal up our wounds ourselves. under any of those circumstances we may disappear for a while, like @
Aizar said. this is not a doorslam, it is simply the emergence of an urgent need to recover inwardly, and we will return once we feel we have something to give again.
when we find that someone is milking us long-term without legitimate need, with a narcissistic sense of entitlement to our free time, such that those who do have genuine needs have no access to us, we may feel resentful at such demands. and we are prone to put an end to this just because we are not willing to be used where there is no actual
need, when there are those whose demands are needs rather than wants, who are being neglected.
personally, if someone gets too pushy with me (in a controlling, demanding, invasive/entitled, taking-without-permission, unhealthy way), i tend to distance myself from contact with them, because if you give in to the demands of a controlling person they either become excessively manipulative over your life in a forcible way (at best) or abusive (at worst). i've been a victim to this in the past and have set a non-negotiable boundary to avoid repeat experiences; it's a zero-tolerance policy for controlling behavior from any peer. i don't mind advice or persuasion from those who care - that is very different. but those who try to force me to do favors for them or get pushy by demanding favors, or demand that i violate my values to meet their desires or change into a person i don't want to become....i won't enable their tyranny and they will see my defiance, because they are feeling entitled to what no one owes them, and bullying their way into helping themselves to what is not theirs. generally i am accommodating and don't mind doing people favors. but if the requests turn to demands or people get pushy, that is indicative of lack of respect for my boundaries, which is a bad sign. i tell them i can't meet their expectations, pull away if they get invasive, or indicate that it's not okay for them to tell me what to do. if they keep being pushy or ordering me around, i have to ignore their demands and/or distance myself. don't feed the tyrants, don't feed the narcissists...or you will end up devoured/destroyed...i've learned that the hard way. no matter how nice it seems, it is not actually nice to enable unhealthy behavior...sometimes love has to make tough choices, like depriving an alcoholic of his alcohol or the like. the "drug" of controlling people is the ability to control and they must be deprived of it lest they destroy someone by it use. this may seem like a "doorslam" but it's not, it's just a protective measure, a refusal to enable unhealthy behavior...i've just removed their ability to exert force over me...and i never have any intent to hurt them in the process.
the whole "INFJ doorslam" idea hints at unexpected suddenness, mistreatment by the INFJ (while not taking into account the long-term abuse received by the INFJ in that event), and the faulty assumption that INFJs are unlike the rest of the world in that we have no boundaries or limits beyond which we allow no one to pass. doorslams would be able to be anticipated by others if those others didn't take our care for them for granted, take advantage of our kindness over a longer period of time than most people would ever tolerate, or view us as doormats because we show extraordinary patience or forgiveness towards them.
what anyone dealing with an INFJ must know is this: we have boundaries, even if you don't see them. and just like with any other person, we aren't amenable to having people cross them. our boundaries are probably just not set as close to the road as many people's, because we want to give people every chance possible, and extend kindness and patience to them even when they are mistreating us, for as long as we can stand to...
doorslamming feels cruel and i pity anyone on the receiving end of it. no one should be quick to doorslam and my heart goes out to anyone who has had the door slammed in their face over something minor (that is never acceptable). i don't condone how speedily some people "doorslam" and i think it should never be done impulsively or without any notice as to why, and if it's a long-term relationship the INFJ should make known to the person what is bothering them, how much it is bothering them, and wait for it to change first (unless it's so obvious that the other person would already know they are being abusive). however i also think many people are unaware of what they put the INFJ through, and minimize how much they hurt them, and may view long-term offenses as minor that were actually highly damaging to the INFJ. i also pity the INFJ who has borne up, long term, under excessively painful circumstances that, for most people, would be unbearable, just in order to be kind, before finally deciding to close the door so their soul will not be torn and ripped apart daily any longer.
it is not a type issue whether someone will stay in an abusive or damaging relationship, but people do vary in how long they will stay there before leaving. when something is a cancerous growth in your life that threatens to destroy you, you often feel no option but to cut it out. there are people who traumatize others then blame the victim of the trauma for being upset over it...and in some cases i think that is what happens when an INFJ (or any other personality type) doorslams ~ they get blamed for being upset over real abuse.
