Personality Cafe banner
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
270 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know there's no easy answer to this problem, but I've been always prone to all kinds of addictions ever since I was a kid. It never got too far, so it never really ruined my life or anything but it's brought pretty bad psychological discomfort into my life.

Right now my biggest issues are alcohol and cigarettes. I've been drinking regularly for the past 10 years and in the last 3 it's gotten pretty bad. It used to be a social thing but then I found myself filling a glass of wine in the evenings just by myself. I've managed to stop doing that and felt really better about my life, but the past week was so hard again.
A friend of mine had a birthday party, so I got a little drunk there. Right the next day my friend called me to hang out and brought wine. Yesterday another one of my friends had her birthday and we ended up drinking again. Tomorrow I'm going to another party that will involve drinking for sure, and I have no idea how to get out it. I mean...it's crazy.

As soon as I get myself out of the drinking alone thing, I end up overwhelmed by birthdays, parties, celebrations and old friends get togethers and find myself socially drinking basically every day. I can't live like this. I just can't. But I really don't know what to do. The easy answer would be, just don't drink, but I don't know how. I mean, even when I tell my friends to do something else, they always talk me into drinking anyway and I'm really crappy at fighting peer pressure. Tomorrow I'm going to my grandma's 'cause it was her birthday too and she always serves wine and takes it awfully personally if people don't want to drink it.

Plus, we have alcoholism in the family. My grandma herself was an alcoholic, so when I tell her I don't want to drink whatever she'll figure out what's going on really quickly and I don't want her to worry about me. Ah, I'm desperate here.
 

·
Registered
INTP
Joined
·
7,891 Posts
I don't have a drinking problem, but I have other addictions. If you think you're an alcoholic, going to AA meetings can become your new social life (aside from all the other benefits).

You can change your life in small ways, e.g., don't answer your phone; let it go to message so you can take the time to formulate a response or ignore the message. If people invite you or pressure you in person, practice a stock phrase such as, "Let me think about it" or "Thanks, but I have to go home now." Don't explain, just repeat yourself until they give up.

Or, attend celebrations for just a few minutes, and leave before the wine is served. Bring a nice bouquet of flowers or other showy gift, so your presence will be felt and they'll know you care.

Good luck!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
546 Posts
I know there's no easy answer to this problem, but I've been always prone to all kinds of addictions ever since I was a kid. It never got too far, so it never really ruined my life or anything but it's brought pretty bad psychological discomfort into my life.

Right now my biggest issues are alcohol and cigarettes. I've been drinking regularly for the past 10 years and in the last 3 it's gotten pretty bad. It used to be a social thing but then I found myself filling a glass of wine in the evenings just by myself. I've managed to stop doing that and felt really better about my life, but the past week was so hard again.
A friend of mine had a birthday party, so I got a little drunk there. Right the next day my friend called me to hang out and brought wine. Yesterday another one of my friends had her birthday and we ended up drinking again. Tomorrow I'm going to another party that will involve drinking for sure, and I have no idea how to get out it. I mean...it's crazy.

As soon as I get myself out of the drinking alone thing, I end up overwhelmed by birthdays, parties, celebrations and old friends get togethers and find myself socially drinking basically every day. I can't live like this. I just can't. But I really don't know what to do. The easy answer would be, just don't drink, but I don't know how. I mean, even when I tell my friends to do something else, they always talk me into drinking anyway and I'm really crappy at fighting peer pressure. Tomorrow I'm going to my grandma's 'cause it was her birthday too and she always serves wine and takes it awfully personally if people don't want to drink it.

Plus, we have alcoholism in the family. My grandma herself was an alcoholic, so when I tell her I don't want to drink whatever she'll figure out what's going on really quickly and I don't want her to worry about me. Ah, I'm desperate here.
If you have hereditary inclination to alcoholism, then it's not easy to defeat.
For starters you need to understand that the reason you are drawn to drinking is not just or at all related to any of your lifestyle choices. The reason this happens is because you have a genetically disbalanced "reward system" in your brain. In short, your brain is programmed to seek the alcoholic "kick" and rewards you for it far more, than it rewards people who aren't genetically prone to such addictions.

The presumption you need to live with, is that you will always fall into addiction faster and easier than other people. There is no "cure" that will make you bio-chemically "less interested" in alcohol than you are now.

The solution I can suggest for your problem consists of 3 steps, all of which are of course not easy to pull off, but you need to do them, and keep doing them for the rest of your life:
1) Physically isolate yourself from alcohol - Develop a lifestyle that makes it difficult to reach for the bottle. Doesn't matter if it's in small or large amounts. If you are prone to alcoholism, even 1 pint at the bar may cause you to trip over and fall into the addiction again. Don't listen to your friends if they think a shot or a pint can't do much harm. It won't do much harm to them, but it will do much harm to you.
2) Find new healthier addictions - Develop healthier addictions that reward you with dopamine kicks. You cannot reduce your attraction to alcohol, you can only mitigate it, or in this case, substitute it, by a different addiction that is less dangerous to your health. I don't know what kind of addiction that could be, whether it's sport, martial arts, sex, travel, gaming, whatever... anything that fills you with dopamine as result of practicing this activity, stick to it. And use it as a substitute to alcohol.
3) Always keep anxiety levels low - Find ways to keep your anxiety levels low, without relying on alcohol or smoking to calm you down. Drinking to pacify anxiety by itself is common for a lot of people, but those who aren't genetically prone to alcoholism will have better control over their drinking habits. But for you, anxiety can be a dangerous loophole into alcoholism so you need to minimize anxiety as much as you can using alternative methods.

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
270 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
If you have hereditary inclination to alcoholism, then it's not easy to defeat.
For starters you need to understand that the reason you are drawn to drinking is not just or at all related to any of your lifestyle choices. The reason this happens is because you have a genetically disbalanced "reward system" in your brain. In short, your brain is programmed to seek the alcoholic "kick" and rewards you for it far more, than it rewards people who aren't genetically prone to such addictions.

The presumption you need to live with, is that you will always fall into addiction faster and easier than other people. There is no "cure" that will make you bio-chemically "less interested" in alcohol than you are now.

The solution I can suggest for your problem consists of 3 steps, all of which are of course not easy to pull off, but you need to do them, and keep doing them for the rest of your life:
1) Physically isolate yourself from alcohol - Develop a lifestyle that makes it difficult to reach for the bottle. Doesn't matter if it's in small or large amounts. If you are prone to alcoholism, even 1 pint at the bar may cause you to trip over and fall into the addiction again. Don't listen to your friends if they think a shot or a pint can't do much harm. It won't do much harm to them, but it will do much harm to you.
2) Find new healthier addictions - Develop healthier addictions that reward you with dopamine kicks. You cannot reduce your attraction to alcohol, you can only mitigate it, or in this case, substitute it, by a different addiction that is less dangerous to your health. I don't know what kind of addiction that could be, whether it's sport, martial arts, sex, travel, gaming, whatever... anything that fills you with dopamine as result of practicing this activity, stick to it. And use it as a substitute to alcohol.
3) Always keep anxiety levels low - Find ways to keep your anxiety levels low, without relying on alcohol or smoking to calm you down. Drinking to pacify anxiety by itself is common for a lot of people, but those who aren't genetically prone to alcoholism will have better control over their drinking habits. But for you, anxiety can be a dangerous loophole into alcoholism so you need to minimize anxiety as much as you can using alternative methods.

Thank you, this was actually really insightful!
 

·
Registered
ENTP 2w1 sx/so
Joined
·
1,069 Posts
Google the Sinclair Method. It seems to do the trick for a lot of people.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 0wl

·
Registered
BEAR
Joined
·
2,077 Posts
I went pretty far down the addiction rabbit hole, and as of now "only" 2 months clean. What helped me in addition to treatment for undiagnosed/misdiagnosed mental illness (I was self medicating) was having a group to go to. There's AA, NA, SMART Recovery, Women for Sobriety, if you live in a city there's local programs like IOPs and shit, and probably a whole bunch more I'm missing. You can get an individual therapist if that's your thing. Avoid your "friends" that get you to drink like the plague, at least until you gain the strength to say "no" to their alcoholic offerings, and like already said, make new friends from whatever group you decide to join. Your health is more important than their parties. And idleness is the bane of every addicts existence, so fill your time with plenty of healthy activities.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,974 Posts
I could mildly relate to some of what you said.

As far as family members etc
There’s been times I made it a point to cut out alcohol at home etc

I will say I am not sure I entirely get your social pressure thing. You don’t have to go to everything you listed. Especially if it’s just people binge drinking and your trying to moderate and reduce it. Drop the friends of cards or gifts at home or ask them to meet for coffee or some crap so you can give them a gift. You’re still able to show thoughtfulness and evade undesirable settings.
 

·
Registered
ENFP, 7w6
Joined
·
2,161 Posts
Sober alcoholic here (since 2005). I can attend parties, but take my own unusual nonalcoholic drink, and drink only that. Once the other guests get their buzz on, they don’t worry about what’s in my glass so much as that I have one (and it’s not empty).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
I had a similar problem, preventing me from leading a normal life. I think you should realize that alcohol addiction is destroying you and your life and decide to get rid of this addiction. Your friends will support and understand you in this decision if they are your real friends. I recommend that you visit the online sobriety community website and chat with community members at least anonymously. On this site, you will receive support and useful recommendations on avoiding the temptation to drink a glass of beer with friends.
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top