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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i am inhibited by competition and i realized why today. I feel like when there is competition (not sports), but in social or academic setting, i feel like i get drowned out by everything. when i am alone, i know the visions/values/goals/ideals that inspire and motivate me and i can hear my voice clearly , but once i'm placed in a competition where EVERYONE else seems to have great accomplishments that are similar to mine, i feel like my uniqueness is drowned out and i have a hard time hearing my conscience/my voice. and even when i remind myself of my vision and values that motivate me in the first place, i still feel drowned out and then feel incompetent to pursue those goals.

So i need your advice.... how can i hold onto my voice and hear it clearly, when i am being overloaded by the new sensory information and all the voices of other people? have any of you guys had similar experiences and if so , how did you regain your sense of self and voice?
 

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I have been actively disentangling myself from any and all forms of social competition that I can.

Some of it is inevitable, of course, e.g. business, but we 'compete' in so much mundane bullshit that it's mind-boggling, and what's even more mind-boggling is how worked up people will get over the mundane.

The only person I compete with, ideally, is myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
sorry i should've been more specific - its specifically in applying to grad. schools. I'm in a post bacc program and it's SUPER competitive here, with everyone trying to get one professor's recommendation letter. he would write one for me and a few others , but i feel like everything ive done is drowned out. and i feel kinda like my work has been mediocre. on its own (like in my family or friends from h/s), the things i do stand out, but when i'm with this cohort, i feel like everyone has so many similar experiences and ajdkaj;
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
ideally i would want to compete with myself only, too, but in reality, i am in a situation where i will be compared and assessed within a competitive pool of applicants
 

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if you don't get into the grad school of your first choice, what will happen? maybe thinking about other plans will give you some relief and security, that you don't put all your 'eggs in one basket'
 

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The only person I compete with, ideally, is myself.
Yep, I try and be like that too. Unfortunatly, I am not always succesful.

Most of my early school life involved me being weighted and measured against other childern, and everytime I came last. I was always found wanting, deficient...I hated it.

In time I discovered I did have talents and there were ways I could win at things. I liked that feeling, no, actually I love it. I love to win and achieve and to validate myself. I need to validate and prove myself, because I was always told I would never amount to anything.

I take great pleasure in being good at things I shouldn't be good at, and beating the people who should be.

However I create compitions on my terms. I never verbally aknowledge them, they exist only in my head. I used to find the person who was slightly better than me in a class, and make it my mission to do better than them, then do the same with the next person. I wouldn't always reach the top of the class, but it was a good way of motivating myself and it gave excellent results.

I do not enter into other people's games or competions. I know what is importaint to me and what I value, I do not bend or concent to engadge in competions based on what other people value. It anoys them greatly, but I simply do not care. I find following other people's value systems distructive, and what lead me to my issues with self-esteam and an insatibale hunger for success and vindication.

I have managed to chanel all that in a possitive way, by altering how I percive both sucess and vindication. I see it more as achieving happyness, and things that matter to me dispite my difficulties, or what others have done to get in my way.

I always want to be better than I am, I need challenges and things to strive for, so I need to set myself little competitions. The importaint thing is if I do not "win" I do not let it affect my self worth. In my system, if I have tried my best then I have already won.

I set optemistic goals, but I am realistic, and I am prepaired to fail. I am used to failing so it does not scare me, it's more a chance to learn and to do better. I know failing one thing is not the end, as I have failed rather spectaculary at many things, and still come out on top in the end. There are many roads to the some destination, some are simply shorter and less difficult than others.

If I really want something I do not give up until it is mine. I belive very much in will power, and with the right motivation (and a little imagination), I think people can do almost anything.
 

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I got the same problem, and I like that competing with myself idea. Gonna try:happy:
 

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When I was applying to grad schools I came to be associated with three ENTPs in one way or another - one bf and two bosses at work. This was before I knew about cognitive functions, or MBTI, or Socionics, etc. But basically Socionics predicts that ENTPs will see us INFJs as very admirable but a bit confusing to them people. I did feel like I received a lot of admiration from them in this period of time. In fact it was so much that I could not just dismiss it and instead absorbed it and used it to build up my own ego. I now see their more ego-centric approach to life more clearly, not to the point of fully subscribing to it but to the point of being able to make a better presentation of myself when situation calls for it. I came to realize that it was all in my own point of view. Who is really saying that your accomplishments are so little? It is only yourself.

I think types that are most comfortable with over expressions of competition are the Te types. I read of some salary statistics and according to study of 7+ million people reporting their MBTI type and salary ExTJs are quite ahead of everyone else on the workplace. This can be attributed to the ease they have with being outwardly competitive due to their Te.

INFJs have very little sense of Te. We do have Ti that kicks in once in a while, mostly as that little self-critical voice when we are introverting. This prompts us to compete once in a while, but often it is drowned out by cooperative voice of Fe which really comes into full bloom when we are around people. So only way you will hear "your voice" is basically by disengaging from others. When you are alone build a strategy for yourself the follow it through.
 

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However I create compitions on my terms. [...]

I do not enter into other people's games or competions. [...]
damnit, why do I always let other people define me...

This is so important! Thanks for reminding me!
 
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