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Ok, if no-one else has experianced this I may seem a little bit (read; massively) insane, but if I don't try I'll never know.
I feel as though my mind has been fractured into two seperate personalities. For the most part I only have to deal with the ISTP part of me. It is nearly always dominant, and is what people see of me. However, whenever I need to look deep inside me there is this completely different part of me, with its own internal monologue, that is based soley on emotions.
I'm asking because as of late I'm trying to get better at feeling, however that keeps dragging this seperate mind up and it is... difficult to deal with. It is deeply cynical, will not listen to reason, and is almost always contrary to everything I value. In addition because it is based on emotion it has the ability to completely swamp my natural thought process, allowing it to take control, which almost always ends in those I was trying to connect with getting confused and insulted.
I do have a few abstract theories on what may have caused it but I thought I would check to see if it was a traditional ISTP thing resulting from our dislike of emotion clouding our judgement.
 
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I thought you were talking about a different kind of duality, but you are talking about the dual nature of your own mind, am I right?

Well, we all have compensatory functions running in our subconscious. If you use Te or Ti consciously, then you will have Fi or Fe working away in your subconscious, balancing it out. It's that little voice in the back of your mind telling you, you did wrong.

Lets say a Te type man meets a Fi type lady. Te does something to upset Fi. Fi responds by telling him what an asshole he is. The Te man wasn't consciously aware, at the time, that he did something wrong. But when he gives it some thought, he allows his subconscious Fi to be heard, and it agrees, what he did was wrong. So he goes back to his Fi lady to tell her she was right, he was being an asshole.

Obviously this works the other way round also. The Fi lady will be acting illogical sometimes and the Te man will have to take her in hand and teach her a few lessons. The Te that runs in her subconscious will soon realise that the Te man was right. The more these two functions interact with each other, the more balanced they become. Supressing the unconscious in favour of conscious functions is a one way ticket to neurosis.
 
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No, its not that. I mean I do have that little voice that tells me I'm being inconsiderate, or that I really should be paying attention to what someone is saying, but this is different. When it emerges (as I said, most of the time it is buried) it has concrete beliefs with no room for doubt, and is just as... prominent(?) within my head as my main personality. They directly conflict over pretty much everything, leading to me (as the whole) believing feverently in two mutually exclusive ideas which I also don't believe are true in the slightest. Its kind of hard to explain, which is why I came here to other people who think the same way to see if they understood.

Edit: Have just noticed you are an ENFP. I had this discussion with one about a week ago and I honestly believe he is incapable of understanding the idea (which isn't to say he is superior or inferior, just that he thinks in a different way).
 
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Ok, back to the theory that it is my repressed rage at my childhood, manifesting itself as a different persona, in order to avoid me hating myself for wishing to destroy, or otherwise enslave, the human race.
 

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Firstly I would like to know what made you decide to try and look deep and pull out your feeling side. Maybe that is the root to why your emotions are taking over and making you doubt your normally logical natural thought process. You have to remember that dealing with your emotional side is exactly that, an emotional jumble, personally I feel trying to make feelings logical makes you feel crazy. perhaps you are trying to force your logic on your emotions. Its like milk and oil. They dont mix. Which is why the conclusions are completely different and seemingly both incorrect. I think you need to learn when to use your feeling side and when to stick with the thinking side. Dont try and use them both at the same time. Swap between them, back and forth. Then see where you end up.


PS: it is 2.30am, sorry if this is not well written
 

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I agree with @MissFixit You're feeling functions are weak, so the conclusions you come to with regard to feelings will more often than not be wrong. Our weaker functions are like retarded versions of the real thing.

If you want to sort out and make sense of these feelings and beliefs, it would be a good idea to talk about them with someone who is strong in those areas. They can help you to see where you might be getting things wrong.

Have you been under a lot of stress lately?

Edit- I'm thinking maybe the trauma of your childhood has put your psyche out of balance. You may have relied too heavily on your T function and that put it out of whack. It got too big for it's boots so to speak.

Now your feeling side is trying to compensate for this by shouting inside your head, trying to be heard. But because your feeling side is a little dumb (sorry, no offence meant here, my T side is dumb) and weak, it is giving a skewed version of feeling to you.

So when you are looking at both sides of your mind, they both seem wrong.

Does that make sense?
 
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In the nicest possible way (aka prepare to be insulted but I don't really mean it to, I just can't phrase it well) I don't think you can help. Bearing in mind 8 different mental health proffesionals have tried and failed, as well as numerous friends. Like I said, the second I get down into the core of me you will stop understanding, partially because of who you are, and mostly because I cannot explain. I will end up feeling that you are either deliberately making fun of me, or that you just cannot understand it. We shall leave on bad terms and I will be desperately resisting the shivering that comes of me as a consequence of the internal struggle.

As for confronting that I lost 2 years of my life and gained addition mental and physical scars because of it. So thanks for the offer but no. You cannot help with this.
 
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In the nicest possible way (aka prepare to be insulted but I don't really mean it to, I just can't phrase it well) I don't think you can help. Bearing in mind 8 different mental health proffesionals have tried and failed, as well as numerous friends. Like I said, the second I get down into the core of me you will stop understanding, partially because of who you are, and mostly because I cannot explain. I will end up feeling that you are either deliberately making fun of me, or that you just cannot understand it. We shall leave on bad terms and I will be desperately resisting the shivering that comes of me as a consequence of the internal struggle.

As for confronting that I lost 2 years of my life and gained addition mental and physical scars because of it. So thanks for the offer but no. You cannot help with this.
That's ok. I understand. I don't feel insulted.
 
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Ok, if no-one else has experianced this I may seem a little bit (read; massively) insane, but if I don't try I'll never know.
I feel as though my mind has been fractured into two seperate personalities. For the most part I only have to deal with the ISTP part of me. It is nearly always dominant, and is what people see of me. However, whenever I need to look deep inside me there is this completely different part of me, with its own internal monologue, that is based soley on emotions.
I'm asking because as of late I'm trying to get better at feeling, however that keeps dragging this seperate mind up and it is... difficult to deal with. It is deeply cynical, will not listen to reason, and is almost always contrary to everything I value. In addition because it is based on emotion it has the ability to completely swamp my natural thought process, allowing it to take control, which almost always ends in those I was trying to connect with getting confused and insulted.
I do have a few abstract theories on what may have caused it but I thought I would check to see if it was a traditional ISTP thing resulting from our dislike of emotion clouding our judgement.
sounds like PTSD with some Dissociative tendencies. PM me if you want to talk more about it.
 
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Well if we're talking about socionics duality, this could also tie into what you're talking about.

In short, 2 partners of opposite poles on the same spectrum meet and are perfect matches for one another. They "dualize" when means their personalities sort of meet one another halfway and the essentially become the same person.

So if you hang out with your dual long enough you'll actually become comfortable with the other half of your persona. For example I've had a lot of experience with INFp's (sometimes INFJ's and sometimes INFP's) and my taste in music has gone from ballistic aggression as a teen, to dreamy and emotional. So often times I'll express myself and someone will tell me I'm not an ESTP. I know how to consciously stirr up these emotions and deep emotional worlds inside of me. It takes some time but I can do it.

It sounds to me as if you are experiencing this same thing, with or without meeting your "dual partner." The theory of duality says that most people live as "half the person they could be" until they interact with their dual and experience the other half of life they're completely missing out on.

Does that sound like what you're talking about? Or is what you experience a lot more negative than that?
 

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A whole lot more negative. I believe that Khys may be correct with her assessment, as it is primarily based around negative thoughts and feelings.
 

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I also think what Khys said - its the first thing I thought. I was waiting though to see if any ISTPS have anything like this, in case its a milder thing, like a different way that an ISTP might think. Maybe some ISTPs will have more to say on it.

But if you communicate with Khys and decide you might have PTSD, you may be interested, and Khys, too, in the following.

I recieved a powerful healing from a ministry called Freedom Encounters in October. It really was powerfully life-changing for me. I dumped a lot of mind-filling stuff like PTSD all at once. I truly did receive a major encounter with freedom. I was not expecting to, or really seeking help, Because I have made a whole lot of progress in getting over past issues; I have had other healings on a less grand scale, and felt I was pretty much fine and on track with, over time, getting through any residual issues I may have missed "fixing" over the years.

I arranged this healing for a friend who has the worst kind of PTSD I ever saw or heard of. This ministry takes the very hardest PTSD cases that other ministries find too hard to fix. When my friend panicked, bailed and landed in the hospital after hurting herself, I took her place, because, I found, they also deal with lesser kinds of PTSD, and I felt the Lord quite clearly and unexpectedly call me to go alone, be healed, and "become whole".

The ministry is more along the lines of Evangelical Christianity. I am not that; I am Roman Catholic, and I am aware of the differences in our faith practices (being a convert from the former), but this was not a problem for me. Its a solid ministry originated from truth-seeking people (Ken and Sylvia Thornberg) who worked with broken people a long time and sought the Lord's leading in how to help the hardest cases. God says in His Word that if anyone seeks wisdom He will give it in great measure. Clearly they sought it, and they sought it fervently and single-mindedly for this problem of PTSD, and clearly they got it, in great measure.

You don't neccesarily have to travel far to it becasue they have trained people everywhere and are/have been training people in Europe. I went for my healing to a minister trained by them just one state away.

There are several DVDs of learning as a pre-requisite for the healing, and it depends on you how fast you can get through them. They reccommend not rushing through the DVDs but taking what time you need to digest the info. When you are done with the DVDs you can go to the healing session. Having gone through the DVDs, there are no "surprises" in the healing session. The healing session itself takes only 4 hours!!! Its truly a miracle to have this much healing in such a short time. And its permanent!!! The session is one-on-one with the minister in a relaxed setting. Its thorough and complete. You go back for a follow-up about a week later to see if anything has been missed.

You can Google it and read about it on their website. One of the most interesting things is that those with PTSD have multiple personalities, and, their belief that most of us have some kind of trauma and we all have some kind of multiples for dealing with it. I don't quite understand it, but it makes sense to me that those with severe PTSD and many multiple personalities are only an amped-up version of what we all do in response to trauma.

Any multiple personalities are integrated in the session, whether you have one or two (as they say almost all of us do) or thousands, as is the case of severe PTSD. All of them are healed and integrated into one whole person. So all of "you" you have always known is there, just healed, one, and whole. This is the major thing I felt after, besides amazingly free and light and like I could do anything, I felt truly WHOLE. I still feel it. It feels like my life was one thing before October, and another thing now. I was never explicitly conscious that I had multiples, but I accept their theory that we almost all do, and I certainly feel lighter, more whole, less divided, less troubled, simpler, easier, freer. Its sort of like night and day.

So if you have PTSD, and if you have even the tiniest amount of faith (I like to say, compared to your entire body, you only need the amount the size of a mustard seed - so not much! And even agnostics have this much, in my opinion) then you can be healed with this ministries able help.

The ministry in one short 4 hour session heals the entire person, including all the personalities, and gathers together back into one whole person - no more multiples. This is so even for the most severe cases, like a Sybil-type case. And the milder ones. I could only vaguely see where I might have multiples but did not focus on that, jsut followed the healing protocol, watching the DVDs and attending the session. The session is very calm, no shouting, no drama, but what happens to you, the healing, is quite dramatic.

No one is getting rich on this ministry. You buy the DVDs at a reasonable price and pay a nominal fee to the minister (because who can work for free day in and day out?) but it is a fraction of what you would pay four hours with a therapist -- and the therapist would only be getting started after 4 sessions! - they need you for 24! Or 50! By that time you can't remeber whether you made any progress or not...).

So believe me, there is no faster cheaper way to heal PTSD, which most people deal with with a lifetime of constant expensive therapy appointments for a snails progress on a giant problem they barely make a dent in, and drugs to help them forget how bad they feel. But Jesus came to make people whole, and this ministry (there are others) is one way He does it.

I wish my freind had gone but she stated to me after she hurt herself, "I want to go on living as before". She has become quite an expert at living with her PTSD/paranoia and has a huge support network of family, her Mormons and friends (I was a huge support to her as her friend) and has had many and continual intense therapies totally thousands of dollars and much, much time... but she shut down for this. Perhaps she was afraid to give up the PTSD which is so much a part of her identity. I don't know. But she knows where to get healing when she is ready.

If what you read on the website raises more questions, you could call them and/or email them. They will get back to you and answer any questions. If you describe to them what you described here they will have some knowledgeable insight on it to offer you, and will let you know more about how they can help. Anyone is welcome to PM me on this, too, and I will answer best I can, though I am no expert.
 

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Hmm, interesting concept.

Fractured mind... different personality for each level (1-3) with the main personality acting as a tour guide.


Anyways, perhaps it is a combination of your Enneagram and PTSD?
 
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Hmm, interesting concept.

Fractured mind... different personality for each level (1-3) with the main personality acting as a tour guide.


Anyways, perhaps it is a combination of your Enneagram and PTSD?
Potentially. I still don't fully understand the Enneagram (or get consistant results for that matter) so it will require a bit more looking into, but everything is worth considering.
 

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Potentially. I still don't fully understand the Enneagram (or get consistant results for that matter) so it will require a bit more looking into, but everything is worth considering.
I highly recommend looking into Enneagram. I completely brushed it off and half heartily labeled myself a 6 because some test told me so. Then I talked to @n2freedom and she said I was a 5 wing 4. I looked at that type and it accounted for some clashes I had within myself that ISTP simply didn't explain. Then I learned more about it and found out 8 was also in my type which completed the other element that ISTP didn't explain.
 
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