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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I need to run this by people who might have insight. I'm an INTP. There's this ENTP. It's the same old story. I've always felt like he just "gets" me and I developed a massive infatuation with him years ago. I confessed it to him after things got a little physical one night (Not sex). He basically told me he didn't want a relationship with anyone at the time. He wouldn't say he wasn't interested in me in that way, just that he wasn't interested in a relationship.

Due to me moving away, we saw less of each other after that, but still kept in touch. All this time, I'm telling myself that he must be aware of how I feel and that if he wanted a relationship with me, he would make it happen. So I continued on as "friends" and tried not to demand much of his time.

At one point, I realized I'd been pining after him for four years. I decided that for my own sanity, I needed to stop contacting him. So I did. And he didn't contact me. End of story.

Except of course, I did end up emailing him after a year or so. He got married, so did I. For the next year or two we emailed occasionally. Sometimes he'd initiate, but usually I did. Eventually the emails tapered off and we both got Facebook. Once every six/eight months or so, we (usually me, but not always) would send a check in message. Sometimes we chatted more, sometimes less. Usually he'd be the one to taper off the conversation. Sometimes he'd throw out a "we should get together" comment, but neither of us followed up on it.

We did eventually meet up recently. Conversation flowed but I think it was polite and friendly, but neither of us broached anything overly personal. I read too much into everything though and I just want to know what his feelings toward me were. I'm such a coward. It took everything I had to tell him how I felt that first time and I never worked up the courage to ask again. I think it must be clear that he didn't ever want to be with me. But I still wonder... He must have liked me in some form. Or was I just so desperate that those few physical encounters were simply because I was there? Or was he slowly working up to something and by ghosting him, I ruined any chance? But no, he could have contacted me at any time and he didn't. That is clear.

What say you, ENTPs?
 

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He must have liked me in some form. Or was I just so desperate that those few physical encounters were simply because I was there? Or was he slowly working up to something and by ghosting him, I ruined any chance? But no, he could have contacted me at any time and he didn't. That is clear.

What say you, ENTPs?
I can only speak from my experience:

As an ENTP, I really like to spend my time with people I like, and I mean, REALLY like. But I'm also not into committed relationships.
ENXP's (and some INXP's) love to do things they really like without worrying about what'll happen next, and this includes people, but the problem with that is that doing what one likes with people can have long lasting consequences, maybe not for them, but for the people they "toy" with (no, they don't intentionally toy with them, but in the end, that's what is done).
In school, this translated to me having a girl I'd interact with in every class period.
This is, by the way, a BAD habit of immature ENTP's. It's cruel. It plays with people's feelings, and just reading everything you typed made me feel terrible!!

I don't doubt that guy liked you. But I also don't doubt that he was liking someone else at the time he was liking you.
No, you weren't being desperate, you are a human being and wanted to go after something you really liked, unlike him. ENTP's, even at later ages, don't really know what they want unless they learn to mature (and maturing may take a LOT of work that they're not really motivated to put effort into since life will reward their extroversion rather unfairly).
I cannot begin to describe how his behavior is pretty stereotypical. I have seen it in myself. It's inexcusable.



I'm very sorry this happened to you.
My best counsel is to think of him as a human that did like you and still does but doesn't have the maturity or guts to commit and needs help still.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
In school, this translated to me having a girl I'd interact with in every class period.
This is, by the way, a BAD habit of immature ENTP's. It's cruel. It plays with people's feelings, and just reading everything you typed made me feel terrible!!
He was very honest about his habit of doing things like this and that he was trying NOT to do it. But I, being besotted, couldn't stay away even when I knew the interest he showed for me was probably not unique. His ability to cut through my facade was intoxicating and I enjoyed his teasing way of encouraging me to step outside my comfort zone.

So I was a willing victim, I suppose.

I always felt like he really liked me, but was trying to stay away and not lead me on because he knew a relationship would never work (for reasons I did not go into in my OP).
 

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@Intpcoa

Sounds like Stockholm syndrome to me. In as far as you falling for him.

He was emotionally retarded when he was young.
He may now regret the missed opportunity but knows
damn well that ship has sailed. And/or he may feel guilt/shame
about doing it and never had intention to move it forward.
Could also be that he is getting bored and reaching out for some
what might have been's. ENTP get restless. The more normal
and routine life becomes the more we tend to want to fuck it up.

I mean think about it. If the guy wants to spread his wings in his new world.
The best option for emotional contact at this point is not to find new. Why? How even?
His new life is set up around a family. It is at this point it would be easier
to go back to a known constant. Such as yourself. No leg work involved.
No guessing. He knows it can happen.

Every women in my life when I was younger was and very well could have been a
sexual relationship. I had issues from childhood that drove this. This may be the
case with him. Even gals I thought "well I would never make a life with this person"
but in a dark room with no one around the play fighting would turn into a boob rub
and then a slow caress.. you get the idea. I did that a lot. It wasn't right and I was just
hormonal and very emotionally unstable.

Be careful. This reeks of emotional instability on both fronts.
 

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I need to run this by people who might have insight. I'm an INTP. There's this ENTP. It's the same old story. I've always felt like he just "gets" me and I developed a massive infatuation with him years ago. I confessed it to him after things got a little physical one night (Not sex). He basically told me he didn't want a relationship with anyone at the time. He wouldn't say he wasn't interested in me in that way, just that he wasn't interested in a relationship.

Due to me moving away, we saw less of each other after that, but still kept in touch. We hung out a few times and got on well. He occasionally would get a little touchy (laying his head in my lap, etc.), but he never broached the subject of my feelings and I never brought it up again. Another year or so went by and one night things got kind of physical again (again, not sex, but heavier than the previous time).

All this time, I'm telling myself that he must be aware of how I feel and that if he wanted a relationship with me, he would make it happen. So I continued on as "friends" and tried not to demand much of his time.

At one point, I realized I'd been pining after him for four years, I'd told him two years prior how I felt and lately he seemed to initiate contact less often. I decided that for my own sanity, I needed to stop contacting him. So I did. And he didn't contact me. End of story.

Except of course, I did end up emailing him after a year or so. He got married, so did I. For the next year or two we emailed occasionally. Sometimes he'd initiate, but usually I did. Eventually the emails tapered off and we both got Facebook. Once every six/eight months or so, we (usually me, but not always) would send a check in message. Sometimes we chatted more, sometimes less. Usually he'd be the one to taper off the conversation. Sometimes he'd throw out a "we should get together" comment, but neither of us followed up on it.

A few months ago I had drunkenly messaged him a picture of an event I was attending. He asked to see a picture of me, so I obliged. It wasn't anything scandalous. He complimented me and I kind of ignored it, blew it off. We chatted a bit more frequently after that and a few weeks later he asked what I was doing the next day. We ended up meeting for lunch. My husband knows about it, but he doesn't know how I used to feel about ENTP. I don't know if his wife knows and I didn't ask.

By this time we hadn't seen or actually spoken for over 10 years. Anyway, the conversation flowed but did not venture into anything inappropriate. Once, I did see him look down at my feet and a moment later his foot brushed mine. He also touched my arm twice. Haha this is so pathetic.

Anyway, we didn't hug upon parting. I think we were both polite and friendly but somewhat reserved. We've chatted a little since, usually still at my initiation, but he doesn't really make an attempt to continue a conversation beyond a few exchanges. Obviously, he's married and so am I and that is a very good reason not to have long in depth conversations. He did message me once at a moment that I was distressed and he ended up calling me (I didn't ask him to) and talking to me for 45 minutes or so and calmed me down. I found it interesting that he called me while he was driving somewhere alone. I don't know if his wife knows that he called me.

So all of this to say I just want to know what his feelings toward me were. I'm such a coward. It took everything I had to tell him how I felt that first time and I never worked up the courage to ask again. I think it must be clear that he didn't ever want to be with me. But I still wonder... He must have liked me in some form. Or was I just so desperate that those few physical encounters were simply because I was there? Or was he slowly working up to something and by ghosting him, I ruined any chance? But no, he could have contacted me at any time and he didn't. That is clear.

What say you, ENTPs?
Maybe he didn't want a relationship with you on the off chance that once you were married, you might eventually start calling/messaging/thinking about/sending photos to guys from your past. That Ne can be a killer for this sort of thing.
 

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Maybe he didn't want a relationship with you on the off chance that once you were married, you might eventually start calling/messaging/thinking about/sending photos to guys from your past. That Ne can be a killer for this sort of thing.
Yeah, I know. I need to stop. Thanks for pointing that out in a lovely way.
 

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All I can say is that if he was seriously interested in you, you would probably know it. Sounds like he liked you, possibly could have moved forward, but there wasn't attraction enough there for him.

A agree with the other comment about "having a girl I'd interact with in every class period." That's an easy thing for me to do, but I have to have someone that really connects to move anything forward. But when I do, it's intense.
 

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I have done this exact thing and I know how terrible it is of us.
Funny enough, it was an almost identical situation.
There was an INTP guy in my grade. We had mutual friends in my home city, where I was moving back to for senior year. We started chatting a week or two before I moved back. We had a very immediate connection. At a beginning of the year, we both went to a bonfire, where I hoped to see my past crush - who I had also recently got back into contact with. However, my crush didn't show; the INTP did. We ended up kissing at the end of the night. We only got closer, but I at that time was very unhealthy (mentally), and didn't know commitment. Like, at all. But he stuck by my side. Time after time of me finding someone new; someone more momentarily interesting - he was there for me. I really, really hurt him. After about the third time, I realized that my feelings for him had kinda stuck to me like a thorn in someone's foot. I apologized one night and wound up telling him I loved him and wanted us to work things out. But here was the issue; I was all in, he was a little wary. Which I do not blame him for. He also was very busy. But every single time I would try, or set up plans, he never followed through with them. Literally ever. I realize now that it was a mix of things; him being busy, but him also not wanting to be hurt.
And then, I found someone else. And it happened all over again. I remember at one point, we were both in the library with a couple friends. Our friends left; he and I remained. We sat there, across from each other, and for the first time in the span of a half year, we were both completely silent. It ripped me apart. It really hurt.
I waited months. I stopped messing around with other people. I stayed loyal to my feelings for him. And then, one night, I more or less forced him to meet me in person (not physically forced. my fellow ENTP friend, who knew how much it was torturing me, managed to convince him to meet me.). I spilled all of my thoughts and feelings. I told him exactly how I felt. I told him how I loved him, still, and that I needed another chance.
But it was too late. He had found someone else.
I remember crying for days. We completely avoided eachother after that. Life hated me - everywhere I went, I saw him. I was completely torn apart because I had been to scared to love someone the way they loved me.
I ended up moving that summer. We didn't talk for half a year, no matter how much I wanted to reach out to him. I just recently did, and now it is very much me saying I want to see him again.
And it's weird; even though him and his girlfriend have been together for almost a year now, he never posts about her. No photos. Nothing like that. No comments unless she posts something. Nobody would be able to see that he was in a relationship by just looking at his social medias.
Anyways. I'm getting off topic...
Basically, he probably wanted to reach out. He probably wanted to send you a forty page long message saying he messed up and did like you but just didn't see how much he did until it was too late. That's how we are. We don't realize what we have until it's too late.
 
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