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MOTM July 2012
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
People write, I delay replying but feel guilty. People call, I feel invaded and my voicemail box fills almost to its limit without response. This is all strange, I love people. And I love many of those people in particular. It's not them. I miss them when they're gone. All day long we ~ people and I ~ work together, elbow to elbow, talk, and interact. When others are around their company is delightful, I love their presence, yet feel it as a burden to interact, smile, and be pleasant, in order to be kind and keep the peace, when inwardly the emotional weariness approaches physical palpability. My body feels weakened by the drain, so worn down internally, I just don't want to talk to anyone. I joke around with different motives: the comic relief is a coping tactic. Irritation comes all too easily, when under ordinary circumstances people (inexplicably) believe me to be incapable of anger. The veil of introversion has descended.

There is no depression, no sorrow, just emotional fatigue...the fatigue of forced prolonged extroversion...without sufficient respite. Extended stress has this effect, always...and it is profoundly stressful when for long periods of time I cannot get away. When work is over for the day, people leave, and I bask in the balmy fleeting warmth of aloneness that, like a stream of smoke, vanishes all too quickly. Cold, muscles tight, craving the coziness of quiet, this longing is reaching desperation levels. Where is that warm blanket to enwrap and cuddle and shield away from the world for awhile? But it is not to be...

I just want to be alone, long enough to feel actually recovered...can picture that cabin in the wilderness, under the wing of a protective mountain, away from crowds, enveloped in the beauty of nature, smoke rising from its chimney to merge with the fog that hovers over the mountain peaks, with me inside its wood-paneled bedroom flooded with warm, radiant light, cuddled in a soft blanket....reading a book. Oh, to be there. The craving for solitude, the craving for rest, is getting to the point of urgency.

Anyone relate?
 

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Fu Dominant
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I just want to be alone, long enough to feel actually recovered...can picture that cabin in the wilderness, under the wing of a protective mountain, away from crowds, enveloped in the beauty of nature, smoke rising from its chimney to merge with the fog that hovers over the mountain peaks, with me inside its wood-paneled bedroom flooded with warm, radiant light, cuddled in a soft blanket....reading a book. oh, to be there. the craving for solitude is getting to the point of urgency.

Anyone relate?
That's literally my dream home. A log cabin, in the mountains, in a clearing surrounded by a forest, on the shore of a lake, so that I can sit on the dock and write or just soak in the atmosphere of the place. A bedroom loft, an open kitchen, a cozy den... Oh, I would love it. :eek:)

On a side note, as contrary as it probably seems, reading the OP I really wanted to give you a hug. I totally understand. I get it. I'm surrounded by people all day at work. It gets so draining that most free time is spent quietly at home just to recharge.

*sigh* If only I were rich and could afford that dream home... if only.
 

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I cannot match the poetic force of your mastery over language. I'll just resort to recounting a specific event.


I went for dinner with some friends. Well, mostly friends. A couple of just acquaintances. I was mildly anticipating a nice gathering together. I sat down at a table initially meant for twelve. More friends came in through the dimly lit front entrance, and I waved at them eagerly. They all sat down a little ways away from me. I was close to the end of the table now extended to accomodate four extra people. I felt a faint little prickle in my heart, but then haven't I always been on the perimeter? This is no different from all other large gatherings of classmates.

Then the droning conversations rolled out of their mouths. I could feel the excited breaths hovering around their heads. They asked about Spring Break. Did you have fun? Did you go anywhere? I listened very intently. I answered my share. I was being a conscientious partaker of social duties. But I found my hands reaching for the earbuds hanging around my neck when my lips stopped moving and my ears started aching for the missing pleasant sounds of a quiet evening at home.

A muffled voice broke through the music, asking, "--earphones?"

I looked up and saw her lopsided grin. "Are you trying to ignore us?"

"Yep."


I distinctly remember regretting going out that night. I really wanted to stay home and away from familiar faces, but I was guilt-tripped into participating in a mirthless communion. At least the food was delightful.
 

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That's literally my dream home. A log cabin, in the mountains, in a clearing surrounded by a forest, on the shore of a lake, so that I can sit on the dock and write or just soak in the atmosphere of the place. A bedroom loft, an open kitchen, a cozy den... Oh, I would love it. :eek:)
Sounds good, this appeals to me as well. But what about a fortnight on? a month on? Three months on and you've not seen anyone in all that time? Would you still feel the same?

Speaking for myself - i love and need solitude but sooner or later i start to get lonesome.
 

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Fu Dominant
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Sounds good, this appeals to me as well. But what about a fortnight on? a month on? Three months on and you've not seen anyone in all that time? Would you still feel the same?

Speaking for myself - i love and need solitude but sooner or later i start to get lonesome.
Oh, I'd still have the internet. Plenty of social stuff through that. And I imagine I'd have an SO, or I'd invite some close friends over now and then. I'd have to go into town to buy groceries and all that jazz. So I wouldn't be like a total hermit or whatever. ;o) I have a very low social quota, personally. I can get a lot out of simply being online or with one or a few people in person.
 

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Oh, I'd still have the internet. Plenty of social stuff through that. And I imagine I'd have an SO, or I'd invite some close friends over now and then. I'd have to go into town to buy groceries and all that jazz. So I wouldn't be like a total hermit or whatever. ;o) I have a very low social quota, personally. I can get a lot out of simply being online or with one or a few people in person.
That paints a very different picture then, especially if you have an SO there.

OP was talking about solitude and "dying to be alone".
 
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Fu Dominant
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*shrug* Seeing as how I've spent the last decade single, an SO is little more than wishful thinking on my part. :eek:P Regardless, if the only other person to be there is an SO, then I'd consider it solitary. SOs aren't usually all that troublesome to be around, especially if things are going well.

But point taken. Maybe I'd have a pet instead.
 

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I relate completely. Instead of the cabin(which is not a bad idea at all) I'd rather be on a deserted island instead. A little hut, a hammock between two gigantique palm trees and a book.




But, yeah. I know the feeling of wanting to be completely alone, especially when you have absorbed so much information throughout the day, added with the social interactions while at the same time being mindful of all that you say and think from your Fe keeping you in check when dealing with other people.
 

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Emerald sea, how elegantly you have posed the search many of us feel in the illusive balance of quiet and others. The love of people and the need for solitude, what absolute misery!

I have taken this week off from work just to be alone. My fear is I will use the time badly.
 

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Emerald sea, how elegantly you have posed the search many of us feel in the illusive balance of quiet and others. The love of people and the need for solitude, what absolute misery!

I have taken this week off from work just to be alone. My fear is I will use the time badly.
@Pjb
I was on leave last week. Spent a lot of time here at PCafe. I don't consider that time used badly - but I didn't spend as much time on my backlog of chores as I should have done!

Hope you find a good balance this week in how you spend your time.
 

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MOTM July 2012
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Discussion Starter #14
Speaking for myself - i love and need solitude but sooner or later i start to get lonesome.
i don't want to be alone for a long period of time - just long enough to actually feel recovered. these brief snatches of solitude that have been available lately aren't long enough to be refreshing. it would get lonely to be solitary for extended periods of time, i would miss people a lot. i don't want to live in a cabin in the mountains if there are no people around - can't live without other people!! - just dream of staying there alone temporarily (long enough to feel refreshed) when the nonstop interaction closes in around me...and no length of solitude is to be found.

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to everyone who posted in this thread: it's good to find others who understand, really understand.
@GoodOldDreamer , thank you for your kind sympathy. :)
@Pjb, i hope your week will be truly restful, deeply relaxing, and you will feel refreshed when it is over. :)
 

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Ahh.the cabin dream. Apparently I am not the only one that feels like this. My family is full of extroverts, most of my friends are extroverts so few understand that I need my alone time. It is like breath to me...interacting too much with people, drain me. Sometimes I don't even pick the telephone because that will probably let to a long conversation that at the time I don't want to have. I enjoy the company of others but in small doses. Too much of it and it becomes a source of stress, a poison to the self.

Eventually the cabin dream for me will stop being a dream and will become a reality. The past 2 years I have learned to be frugal and very simple. Now I will focus on learning self-sufficiency on all aspects. By doing that I could live off-the grid, raise almost all my food ,have almost zero preoccupations and will focus on doing what I truly enjoy. I will have the company of a SO and the two of us will get lost from the world for weeks. The phone definitely will be off, so we can enjoy each other and the simple things that life has to offer.Is a long shot from now lol but I will be there :p. Meanwhile I have to try to get people to understand that I need to be alone, that doesn't mean that I am depress and that introversion is as valid way of being.
 

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I don't know what part of the world you are in, but when I used to live in Tennessee, there were places in the Appalachian mountains that are almost as you describe. Cabins you can rent for a few nights or a week or whatever. They are breathtaking, and the views are amazing. Gatlinburg Cabins - Tennessee Chalets - Tennessee Cabins

Oh, I'd still have the internet. Plenty of social stuff through that. And I imagine I'd have an SO, or I'd invite some close friends over now and then. I'd have to go into town to buy groceries and all that jazz. So I wouldn't be like a total hermit or whatever. ;o) I have a very low social quota, personally. I can get a lot out of simply being online or with one or a few people in person.
"Low social quota." I am going to selfishly steal this simple yet brilliant explanation. Thanks!
 

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MOTM July 2012
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Discussion Starter #17
I don't know what part of the world you are in, but when I used to live in Tennessee, there were places in the Appalachian mountains that are almost as you describe. Cabins you can rent for a few nights or a week or whatever. They are breathtaking, and the views are amazing. Gatlinburg Cabins - Tennessee Chalets - Tennessee Cabins
the Appalachian mountains are beautiful!!!....used to go camping and hiking in Shenandoah National Park, in the Blue Ridge division of the Appalachians, when i lived in Virginia...but haven't ever been to Gatlinburg. thank you for the suggestion!! :)
 

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@emerald sea & @Zech , thank you, for your well wishes on this my week of solitude!!

I'm so fortunate to live on a beautiful piece of property which offers both nature and seclusion! I have a few projects planned and I'll spend more time on PerC than I'm usually able to do. I know it will go fast but...

Oh, the joy of a blank day!! :)
 

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The human body is resilient, what I mean by that is it doesn't take too long to recover from everything. Currently you may feel that you need a week off but in reality a day or two would be more than enough and after that the feeling of being disconnected will creep up.

There are loads of ways to be alone but quite a few require money :) if you are loaded, get on a plane and go to australia - there 12 hours of alone time or find a nice (darkened + deserted) place in a library and hang out there, or just go camping! tell your friends you'll be out of cell phone range and go in your car on a big long trip or even just go to your bedroom for the day and have your own mind adventure :)

Stay strong :D
 
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