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Meh.
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I need one of these threads and I figure that there might be more PerCers who do. Not an advice thread. Maybe just an ED venting thread?

I’ll start.

I had an eating disorder as a teenager. If I’m honest, I probably still do. I still struggle with body image and weight loss. If I am honest then I have to admit that the only time I’m feeling on top of things is when I am treading that very fine line between healthy behaviour and relapsing into destructive behaviour. That very fine line between being a healthy bmi and underweight. Between eating barely 1200kcals or not making too big of a deal about the numbers.

I’ve had two babies since 2016 and being pregnant was hard. Especially in the first trimester when the weight first started coming on I had a full on panic attack with both of them. With my last pregnancy I would catch myself trying to eat as lightly as possible to influence the scales at midwife appointments. Fast forward to baby being nine months I just had a major slip up after noticing breastfeeding two kids made me lose all the baby weight and more and I started calorie counting again and it triggered some really bad diet choices. I’m in a position now where I physically have to eat a certain amount of calories in order to be able to nourish my kids but tbh; if that wasn’t the case I probably would be back to my old ways. I’m probably a little too excited being able to look forward to excessive exercise again once I am out of the baby stage.

I’m at a point where I can eat a brownie and enjoy it. .. until I sit down and try to figure out how much I should walk to burn it off.
 

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It is sad to hear. I hope you find a way to handle this. I have a different situation. I eat a lot, start to gain weight, it depresses me and I eat even more, until I start to sit on the most rigid diet to regain my weight. As soon as I am below my normal weight, I again begin to eat and gain weight. I was helped by a psychologist. He asked me to express my feelings, and not to bite them. But if I have stress, I return to this habit.
that could be sign of EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), with bingeing and anorexia (but normal weight) symptoms. ED's can evolve and i believe in a spectrum of eating disorders, not in: "you either have one or not"-ed's and labels.
 

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Meh.
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I guess there was zero need for this thread for others lol. Anyway. My own thread then.

Still losing weight. Still restricting calories and probably still over exercising but an injury put a temporary halt on that part. The anxiety and related obsessive actions have faded though and that is good. Maybe that is only because I don’t have to do much restricting in order to keep losing weight at the moment and I can imagine that it might return if/when my daily calorie needs become less again once I stop nursing at some point down the track.
 

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I guess there was zero need for this thread for others lol. Anyway. My own thread then.

Still losing weight. Still restricting calories and probably still over exercising but an injury put a temporary halt on that part. The anxiety and related obsessive actions have faded though and that is good. Maybe that is only because I don’t have to do much restricting in order to keep losing weight at the moment and I can imagine that it might return if/when my daily calorie needs become less again once I stop nursing at some point down the track.
There is a need for this thread. I might go in recovery soon... obligatory though.
 
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Meh.
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8,050 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I'm a bit nervous about completing my half marathon goal. Running and the half marathon training really forced me into a healthy pattern of nutrition again and I got to a place where I could almost feel relaxed about food. I'm 3 weeks out from my race and I don't know what comes after. I'd love to progress on to marathon training to keep going on this path but I simply can't put that kind of time aside. Not having any goals is when I easily slip back into u healthy habits and when anxiety slips back in my mind. The last few days SO has been late home from work and I have said I've eaten with the kids when in reality I've just picked at their leftovers. Not good. Also not sure where to go from here.
 

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Meh.
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Discussion Starter #6
Overall I think I'm doing ok. I have managed to stick to my resolution of no longer standing on the scales. Food still makes me anxious. We went out as a family today and because we had zero other options and screaming kids we ended up in a fast food place and my SO ordered food. It took a lot not to go to the bathroom and bring it all up. And because I didn't bring it up my head is stuck in a downwards spiral of strategies how to off set this junk food.

So that's not good.
 

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I struggle with just avoiding food altogether, food itself being the source of anxiety. based on a lot of childhood trauma.

i haven't been eating adequately for the past few months and lost a lot of weight, i weigh less than i did as a teenager now. i definitely need to start gaining weight but it's a huge struggle because i just get overwhelmed by food and don't really like thinking about it.

i'm planning on going to the shops today and just getting some really bare essential things, like bread cheese tomato avocado... nothing fancy, just enough to get some nutrition. hopefuly i can build my relationship with food and start eating more after that.

this is really hard.
 

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Meh.
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8,050 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I struggle with just avoiding food altogether, food itself being the source of anxiety. based on a lot of childhood trauma.

i haven't been eating adequately for the past few months and lost a lot of weight, i weigh less than i did as a teenager now. i definitely need to start gaining weight but it's a huge struggle because i just get overwhelmed by food and don't really like thinking about it.

i'm planning on going to the shops today and just getting some really bare essential things, like bread cheese tomato avocado... nothing fancy, just enough to get some nutrition. hopefuly i can build my relationship with food and start eating more after that.

this is really hard.
You will get through this. Its worth considering also working on your relationship with yourself. Hang in there.
 

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You will get through this. Its worth considering also working on your relationship with yourself. Hang in there.
Thank you. I’ve been working on that actually :) it’s a beautiful growing thing

But my relationship to my body is pure neglect atm. And that’s why she won’t sleep when I ask her to or just feels like garbage. We’re working on it 😔

Any tips? U seem to have some experience
 

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Meh.
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Discussion Starter #10
Thank you. I’ve been working on that actually :) it’s a beautiful growing thing

But my relationship to my body is pure neglect atm. And that’s why she won’t sleep when I ask her to or just feels like garbage. We’re working on it 😔

Any tips? U seem to have some experience
Too much to sum up in a few sentences but a good place to start is to stop seeing your body as a separate entity. Your body is you. Your body allows your mind to do all these great things. It deserves care and respect.

And then there's also the fact that all the thin in the world isn't going to fix your problems. I'm happier now at a healthyish weight than that I was while underweight.

Delete any and all body imagery from your social media. Or just cancel it altogether. It helps.

And most importantly; seek help.
 

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INFJ 6w5
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I need one of these threads and I figure that there might be more PerCers who do. Not an advice thread. Maybe just an ED venting thread?

I’ll start.

I had an eating disorder as a teenager. If I’m honest, I probably still do. I still struggle with body image and weight loss. If I am honest then I have to admit that the only time I’m feeling on top of things is when I am treading that very fine line between healthy behaviour and relapsing into destructive behaviour. That very fine line between being a healthy bmi and underweight. Between eating barely 1200kcals or not making too big of a deal about the numbers.

I’ve had two babies since 2016 and being pregnant was hard. Especially in the first trimester when the weight first started coming on I had a full on panic attack with both of them. With my last pregnancy I would catch myself trying to eat as lightly as possible to influence the scales at midwife appointments. Fast forward to baby being nine months I just had a major slip up after noticing breastfeeding two kids made me lose all the baby weight and more and I started calorie counting again and it triggered some really bad diet choices. I’m in a position now where I physically have to eat a certain amount of calories in order to be able to nourish my kids but tbh; if that wasn’t the case I probably would be back to my old ways. I’m probably a little too excited being able to look forward to excessive exercise again once I am out of the baby stage.

I’m at a point where I can eat a brownie and enjoy it. .. until I sit down and try to figure out how much I should walk to burn it off.
I just discovered this thread. I hope it's OK if I post here.

I have an ED too. Except instead of being underweight, my doctor's been on my case to lose weight ever since I met her when I was 30. Diets scare me. I can't handle the feeling of food being restricted. I make jokes about having a sweet tooth and loving junk food, but the truth is I also have destructive behavior around food. I'll eat until I feel sick and sometimes until I actually get sick. I usually arrange it so that I can eat alone.

I tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I didn't like the thought of reporting my daily food intake to a sponsor, and the thought of abstaining from sugar made me feel almost suicidal.

Several years ago I tried a course in mindful eating, and I liked it. I still have the materials, but I don't have any support system or buddies who understand, and I've fallen off that wagon.

Thank you to the previous posters who shared their experiences. I wish us all well.
 
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