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Discussion Starter #1
You know, I have a seriously interesting memory. I generally remember stuff that evokes strong emotions. I generally remember analogies or symbolism.

I don't tend to remember concrete facts and figures unless it is somehow emotionally connected to my soul in some meaningful way.

Anyway, recently I was asked to recall some detailed things and I just seem unable to recall any of it and so this prompted me to consider why I remember some things and seem unable to remember others.

:sun-smiley:My friends, if you want to effectively communicate with me, speak to my passionate-nature. Also, using analogies is a first-rate way to help me understand what you are striving to communicate.

I thought I'd write this tid-bit for INFJs who very much want to effectively-communicate with those they love, and for those who love INFJs and want to create, cultivate, and keep meaningful relationships.
 

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Kind of a double-edge blade.

You feel like there's a certain people need to talk to you in order to connect and communicate.

However, there's a certain way they need to be talked to in order to connect and communicate.

Who does the changing?
 

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Discussion Starter #3 (Edited)
I feel the initiator of the conversation needs to communicate with the other person in their 'language' and if the other person wishes to reply, maybe he or she will need to do so in the initiator's 'language.'

That is usually how I choose to do it.

If the recipient of what I initiate doesn't know how to communicate in my language, I tend to share some possible solutions (i.e. the way to link my communication preference with theirs and vice versa).
 

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I think both sides need to flex to the other in both relaying & receiving.

The thing with driving cars is that everyone learns the rules. A governing body decides those rules so there are no arguments at the intersection, and no pushes to change the rules & confuse everyone.
We drive on the right in the U.S. (left elsewhere). In a 2+ lane road, the leftmost lane is for passing. At a 4-way stop, you go in order of arrival.
Point being here: in the social sphere, everyone has their own individual formula for conversating, and few of them will exactly agree. Which can lead to wrecks.

The best way to achieve a decent agreement rate is to set one's own standards somewhere in the middle. Unlike many other factors, conversation style doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, unless we make it one. Some exceptions for really out-there people apply (like those who monopolize the whole thing).


If we may add communication tips to this conversation?

My advice for fellow INFJs, especially younger ones, would be to spend a good chunk of one's pondering time figuring out more of the things you align with or don't align with. Find more of those preferences and limitations. Then learn to be bold and speak up about those things in more situations (maybe not totally out of the blue, but it doesn't have to be completely relevant allll of the time).

I say this because I have noticed one of my, and other INFJs, main flaws is to be too absorbent of what the other person is / wants / dislikes / ect. It can leave an impression of flavorlessness, it can leave us feeling more utterly alone... and importantly, it can really confuse people who care about us when they can never figure out that fluctuating part of who we are, when out of nowhere there is suddenly a great shift in our opinions & outlook but we haven't kept them in the loop.
So knowing who, what, and where you are (currently) is an important part of communicating - if we ever want to be more than the empty malleable receiving side.
 

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I normally communicate through analogies, metaphors and sarcasm misunderstood by the sensors in my circles. I get tired of Nsplaining, and make a stronger effort to either be more direct or provide a link to the urban dictionary with my texts and emails.
 

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I've found that getting more in touch with Se has made me better at recalling details at relevant moments, which helps me be more engaged in the world around me. Improving your Sensing overall is likely to be a great benefit for INFJs. Since Sensors are in the majority, it's worth it to adapt to how they communicate, rather than waiting for them to adapt to us.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Rebecca,

You said: "I think both sides need to flex to the other in both relaying & receiving."

My reply: Yes, my kind sister, that's exactly what I was saying. :smile:
 

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Charlie,

My Ni is so important to me, that I'm not that interested in cultivating my Se.
That makes sense. In my experience, though, I found that paying attention to Se made my life much richer and more fun. And, if anything, it improved my Ni. (Remember that Se is the "feeder" of Ni-- you're always doing it, it's just usually subconscious). You won't stop being an Intuitive, you'll just be more effective at what you do and be able to get out of your head a little :)
 
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