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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
*edit: I think I am ENFJ ;)

Hi everyone!

I have changed so much the last couple of days. It's like I am my true self now and the guy I was before was just some stupid mask.

I have had an extremely emotional week and I have been crying like a little bitch. And holy shit it feels good, haha!

So, let me tell you some of my story. I have always liked to be creative and do things like drawing, painting, music, singing, acting. I got selected for a semi-lead in a school musical in primary. I remembered feeling so puzzled that I got it because some friends always teased me for my less than average singing voice. Nothing bad, just playful teasing and these were (and are still) some of my best friends, but I knew they didn't know how much it got to me... Anyway, what I might not have in singing skills I made up for in pure enthusiasm! I remember being sooo proud when performing that play and everyone loved it and complimented me :D

I have just started really getting into the MBTI types, so I am no expert, but I read that this kind of love for acting is typical for the ENFJ. For me it's like when I act I get to see another viewpoint and kind of "fake" some emotions. This gives me so much insight to how others might feel when I "sense" these emotions in them with my "extraverted feeling". Haha, felt so stupid writing that .

Anyways, fast forward some years, I'm making friends with all kinds of people. I have one group of friends and we are gamers with incredibly dark humor and totally over-the-line unfiltered banter, but we are really good friends at the core and also express this often! It always feels good blowing off steam this way, however, I admit I have gotten actually hurt in this setting :p Not lately tho, we have all matured a lot (and gotten more boring? Hmmm).

At this time I also have another group of friends, we are a trio and kind of "the cool people" in my class. One of them is a total ISFP (my guess only), which I love to be with when he is having fun as he really shows me how to live in the moment, but when he is bored (which he easily is) it is just dreadful as he shares none of the kind of base level happiness I have for just being alive! The other one have tested ESTJ, but I doubt it. To me, he is ISTP as he is so exploring and just naturally good at things! He is also the funniest person I know! Anyway I have read that being around your opposite will draw focus to your negative points and a lot of misunderstanding and I have definitely felt this way many times with him. Nevertheless, he is basically my best friend!

Now, up to this point I had kind of just floated through life on a big carefree cloud. I knew I wanted to do a lot with my life and be very pro-active, but I had never made a real, major decision. All my "success" came from just being me, and I was in a good place! However, what I would learn, all too late, is that sometimes you need to make very conscious decisions to direct your life to go where you want it to go. I am going to write that out one more time for myself. Sometimes you need to make very conscious decisions to direct your life to go where you want it to go.

In the last year of high school I was the leader of the musicians for my schools annual theater play. Now, how did I get this position you might ask? Did I go hunt for it as it basically fits all my traits, being creative, kind of a leader, love for music, like being on stage, love mentoring and teaching? No. I basically got offered the role out of thin air because the leader of the play liked me. And guess what, the play is one of my fondest memories! I remember helping people with stage fright, solving communication problems between the musicians, creating costumes, recruiting the musicians and leading. It was a blast and it made me feel so empowered! I was good at it!

Ok, where I am going with this? I think I really wanted to spell it out, if just once, and I'm coming back to the "my true self" thing! If you're still reading, thanks :)

My family is a bit of a case. First of all, I look so much up to my mother. My guess is ESFJ as she loves inviting family and friends for dinner, and is always ready to help other people even when she is tired. She is a hard worker and basically the provider of the family. The most disciplined person I know! This is what I admire so much, her capability to do the things she decides to do and care for others. I think we are pretty similar in productiveness and love for others, however, I do see her as a bit naive. She has a hard time seeing other peoples intentions and persuade people, something which comes so naturally to me.

I have come to like my dad more and more in my adult years, but I could never really stomach him as I was younger. The thing I really can't tolerate from him is his negative and cynical energy. I just want to scream when he drags me, my brother or mom into his abyss of worries and limits. If I tell him about something I want to do, I loose all desire to do that thing when he is done spilling his two words on it. I think it comes from some fear of change, he would rather that everything is like it is, so that at least nothing worse will happen! Omg it drives me mad! I don't really know what type he is..

My older brother is kind of special, and I think he might be ISTJ. He has Asperger or something similar and is kind of stuck in his life. He is super intelligent, but spends all his energy being hung up in details and is also a bit delusional at times. He always bases his talk and arguments in facts, but are sometimes just plain wrong about a fact being true. It can be hard to watch... This has taken its toll on my family as my dad blames himself for my brothers short comings (no reason why really...) and my mother tries to sweep all our problems under a rug. She especially hides our family problems from outside viewers, like friends and other family, and I think this comes from her being worried about her social status, which I read is typical for ESFJs. The problems frequently reemerge as huge arguments with my brother were everyone is left hurt. I see the whole picture so clearly, and can easily spot every miscommunication as they fold out with my extroverted feeling. If it is true I am good at sensing intentions, none in my family has any bad ones, they all just feel so hurt, and it is just plain bad communication.

I have tried bringing it up in a very "peacemaker" manner. One time I did try to bring it up with my mom and dad, I felt like I was touching on some deep unstable roots, and my mom and dad just gave me this look of "don't expose us to these emotions again, we have been through it once and it was not pleasant, okay?!?" I was terrified of how sad they looked and had to stop then. I guess it was first then that I understood how hard it must be to be a parent in this situation... Anyways I am kind of scared of bringing it up again, but I think a lot of good things can come from me being a "translator" between my brother and my parents, as I feel like I get my brother pretty well. He says so too :)

So, this is turning into a nice wall of text. Anyone still there? :p

Let's head to my university years! I am currently on the 4th year of a 5 year master. I got introduced to the MBTI system through a neuro-psychologist who split us into groups for a project based on our result on his MBTI test. He got my type totally wrong at the time, but more on that later.

I study electronics. Suprise! All my male friends. All of them. Like except my ISFP friend who obviously hated school and another one that does music. All of them does engineering. Alllll of them. So I went with the flow and ended up somewhere I should never have stepped foot.

First of all, I am good at studying, I am just great at it. I get what I need to learn to get a good grade, and the rest I don't care for. So I took maths and physics in high school because I understood it. Then I started engineering and I was good at that too. I got depressed the first month.

Then I started changing, gradually I became more administrative and detail oriented, because I needed these abilities to survive in my studies of transistors, code and maths! I got bored, and distracted myself with video games. Days went by, and then months, and then years. I did think about changing studies, almost all the time, but my mind was locked down in chains. All that remained was the thinking part that dragged me, heroically if I may say, through exam after exam. I can almost feel how exhausted my brain is now, having gone through this.

The most interesting thing that has happened to me during my university years so far was the neuro-psychologist. Such an interesting human being! He talked for two hours straight with my group, about us and our personalities. And I was mesmerized! I loved it, how we would fit together, what we had to be aware of when criticizing this and this person and who would take on what roles and so on. Still, I didn't get it. I didn't get how much I love social interactions and studying them. I was in total chameleon mode.

I was reading about the ENFJ and came upon the so called chameleon ability of ours, where we mirror others to fit in. The neuro-psychologist labeled me ESTJ. Haha. That might actually have been what I was trying to be at the time. Someone who could cope with my studies, and being this person made me depressed.

Now I just know who I am, my interests, who I want to be, as it is something I know that I can't forget. Something so important that it is basically what defines me. What makes me me. And somehow I was blind to it for like 4 years. I have been on exchange the last couple of months, and the change of scenery is what did it for me I think. I feel so much more relaxed here and I started exploring a bit. I re-evaluated my choice of master and came to the conclusion that I wanted to do another master, even though that would take an extra year of school. Then I realized I hate engineering. Ops that escalated quickly. Anyways, that is basically how it felt.

I do not care for it, and that is okay. I am going to finish this degree and get a teacher license. That means in 2 more years I can teach math and physics in high school. I wish I could start again, obviously, and do something more along the lines of psychology, but I am only looking forward! I love my new self, so much. I look in the mirror and I see someone I have missed and that I love so much. I am tearing up while writing this now :p

My decision making is weak, I want others to make them for me. I read this is typical for ENFJ too. This is going to improve from now on! At least I have not been manipulative in my bad times, haha, have read some posts about ENFJs being manipulative when in a bad spot. At last I would like to say I loooooove playing mafia, the game where you have to guess who is having bad intentions and not, it is soooooooo stimulating for me! And being the bad guy and deceiving everyone!!

I just feel so relieved now. Haven't felt this good in years. Also, gonna look a lot at my possibilities besides being a teacher and make some damn good conscious choices in the future! I have sooo much to give and I know it!

Anyways, gonna stick around here, so see you around!
Peace!
 

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I'm glad you're figuring your life out! Your life sounds really interesting. I'm glad you have joined us, welcome!

I don't mind listening to your long story, you're an amazing writer and it was interesting to read! I actually struggle with writing a lot, how do you do it?

If you ever realize you're changing who you are in the future just remember, you're amazing just the way you are and you don't need to have a certain personality to do something that you want to do!

Hasta luego!:words:

P.S. I'm sorry about your family issues, I hope they get better soon!

P.P.S. Is there any way for your brother to lessen his Aspergers? Can he go to a therapist or something? I hope he achieves his dreams in the near future.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks! And thanks for the warm words!

I had a lot on my mind so it kind of just spilled out!

If you ever realize you're changing who you are in the future just remember, you're amazing just the way you are and you don't need to have a certain personality to do something that you want to do!
Thanks for saying that! I try to use the types more as a guide than something set in stone, but I definitely feel a kind of attachment to me being ENFJ now as it brought me happiness in a sense. My reading on the types was surely a big reason for my understanding of myself!

My brother has improved alot lately, thankfully! And he does therapy :) He has a lot of good friends too, it is mostly at home the problems arise as they are kind of connected to money, education and not having a job.
 
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