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Discussion Starter #1
edit to add I meant to post this in the INTJ forum, so if there’s a way to move it and someone would help a newbie out, I’ll move it*

Yeah, I know that sounds weird but it’s true. I’m an ENTP female, he’s an INTJ (verified, he tested in grad school). We are online “friends,” both married. He COMPLETELY did that INTJ “hunting” behavior at first—he totally started the communication, we had great conversational chemistry, he complimented me in ways that only an ENTP can appreciate, he absolutely put me on a pedestal and I was positively hooked on the connection immediately. We both confessed to crushing on one another—but that was months ago. Since then he has steadily withdrawn and pulled the hot/cold act numerous times. We’ve never brought it up specifically again. But i think it may still be an issue. Sometimes he’ll warn me he’s out (no specifics but just “let’s not text anymore”) and just when I’ve accepted that we shouldn’t be friends, he reels me back in.

Honestly it’s making me insane. I waiver between wanting to just be his friend and having the crush feelings again. But I can’t figure him out. Did his crush just evaporate, so he feels comfortable reaching out again? Or is it still there and that’s why he’ll disappear when I feel like we’re getting on fine? Specifically, I know y’all are incredibly truthful but you don't repeat things—so if he’s never expressed a change of heart, should I assume he still has some sort of feeling?

I don’t want to have an affair with him. I want to quell my own anxieties but I don’t feel ready to actually ask him. He’d give me a real answer but would he stick around after? I doubt it and I want to hang onto my friend.

it’s a mind fuck. As an ENTP I am very blunt as well, but I dont do that hot/cold shit. If I decide I actually like you, we are kindred spirits.
 

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Sometimes he’ll warn me he’s out (no specifics but just “let’s not text anymore”) and just when I’ve accepted that we shouldn’t be friends, he reels me back in.
h'mmm. i don't believe i would do that. if i get intense with someone new, i do tend to collect a mass of input and then hit a point where i have to retire and process it all.

but i can't think that i've ever called something off in so many words, and then acted counter to that. if i ever did and just don't remember, i think the first thing i'd probably expect/want to do would be an accounting. i don't like discontinuity or discrepancies, so if i was going against something i'd said before i'd probably want to deal with that for my own purposes.

it could be that he's not wanting to do that part of it because doing that part of it might take him outside the boundaries he thinks are appropriate for an extra-marital friendship. but that's the best guess that i've got as a strict-intj kind of read. another possibility is that he's just a bit of a dick.
 
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Discussion Starter #3
Yeah, it’s hard to explain the calling off part without too much specifics, but to be honest I usually just assume it’s because of what you said—he feels like he’s pushing boundaries. The whole thing is confusing.
 

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You're both married. You have both admitted to having more than "friends" feelings for each other. Your communication has been on again/off again, but it is clear there are still feelings there.

IMO - walk away, block, whatever. If you have those kinds of feelings for someone, unless you and your spouse have an open relationship and they are completely okay with you having feelings for other people, do yourself a favor and move on/away. If your current relationship is bad/falling apart, go deal with that first.
 
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