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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone,
This is a question regarding a male INFP that won't let me move forward with my life. I'm wondering how I should live my life if he won't stop with this emotional torment.

Back-story: He and I connected instantly when we met, he pursued me and I played hard to get. It seemed like the infatuation wore off soon after we lost our virginity's to one another and it became a purely physical relationship. Right off the bat he told me he wasn't going to be emotionally available to me and I respected this because I, being the INTJ I am, didn't really need it, or so I thought. I allowed him to end things there and was thankful because I hadn't developed too many feelings for him.

HOWEVER, he continued to initiate contact and make phone calls to me at times of the night many INFP's are up, the wee small hours of the morning. I was initially quite flattered and thought I'd be getting another chance. Turns out I was used on many occasions for sex - I thought there was potential for an intellectual relationship or friendship but neither of those ever came. 8 months later I'm trying to put the pieces of me back together, he opened emotional floodgates in my that I didn't know I was capable of possessing.

I've been firm with him, letting him know that I've been hurt deeply by him and I'd like very much if he'd give me the space I desire to move forward with my life. He is very smart and caring, he treats me with respect but doesn't listen to anything I say. He has his own set of rules.

PRESENTLY: I have made numerous attempts to reason with the boy and ask for space to live my life. My thoughts are tied to him and whenever he pops in to be annoying or say hello - whatever it is - I have to make an umpteen amount of efforts to get back on track. It's two steps forward, one step back with him.

MY QUESTIONS ARE
1) Why won't he just let me go, is he just an immature INFP?
2) Is he still emotionally tied to me in some way but just won't say it?
3) Is he confused?
4) It seems out of character for an INFP to emotionally manipulative - what is this about?

Thank you all in advance. I'm very confused and have trouble reading him because he's so inconsistent.
 

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MY QUESTIONS ARE
1) Why won't he just let me go, is he just an immature INFP?
Speaking as an INFP myself, I can safely say that many of us value our close relationships. If he felt close to you, that may explain his behavior at least in part. He could be afraid of losing someone he values.

The only thing that makes me question if that's true or not is the fact that he's been using you for sex...but you say he treats you with respect. I'd have to argue that. If a guy used me for sex, I could never say he respects me...at least not as a woman...especially if I developed feelings for him.

2) Is he still emotionally tied to me in some way but just won't say it?
It's possible. How old are you guys out of curiosity?

If he is indeed INFP, then when we love someone we love very deeply. So I wouldn't dismiss the possibility that he's emotionally tied to you. He may have very deep feelings for you, but just not know how to deal with them properly. It may also scare him if he's never felt like this before.
3) Is he confused?
The only reasons I can see him being confused is if he doesn't understand his own feelings, doesn't know how to deal with them, or something along those lines. It sounds like you've been fairly straightforward and direct with him so he should have no confusion over what you want/need right now.
4) It seems out of character for an INFP to be emotionally manipulative - what is this about?
Possibly unhealthy, emotionally immature, or something else.

Every type can be emotionally manipulative...unfortunately.

he's so inconsistent.
I feel your pain...really, I do.

 
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1) Why won't he just let me go, is he just an immature INFP?
An immature INFP especially an INFP male is not likely to follow his own set of rules. I've had to deal with a similar person in life, and he was quite the sociopath. Defnitely not INFP. We as INFP treasure our emotional and intellectual connections and would never go for just the physical in most cases.

My advice would be to get out. If he doesn't listen and he starts manipulating you again get a third party involved.


2) Is he still emotionally tied to me in some way but just won't say it?
If he said he is not interested in an emotional connection yet still contacts you and manipulates you for a physical connection then there is clearly something wrong somewhere.

3) Is he confused?
Clearly he is quite confused, its possible that maybe he was damaged in the past and now he is acting it out in the opposite way. But a confused INFP is likely to just withdraw completely and not try and maintain contact or hurt people intentionally.

4) It seems out of character for an INFP to emotionally manipulative - what is this about?
I still don't understand how you seem to think hes an INFP. But every single person has the capacity to be emotionally manipulative regardless of type.

Going back to my first point, just get out, cut all connection to him. When you retain a small level of connection it is very likely he will manipulate you again.

Just to reiterate its your life. But going by what you said clearly he is of no benefit to it and is causing more harm than good.
 
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While I am not even sure if the male in question is even an INFP or not, immature behavior and mentality is still immature no matter what type a person is. You did right to leave him alone and move on from him. That being said, here are my answers to your questions.

1) Why won't he just let me go, is he just an immature INFP?
He won't let go because he still sees that you keeping up any sort of contact with him, no matter how small, is a sliver of hope for getting you back as his 'option' or fallback girl for when things don't pan out for whoever he's with now. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.


2) Is he still emotionally tied to me in some way but just won't say it?
He is only giving you the illusion that he is, again, because he wants to keep you on standby. People have a way of making clear what they do and don't want through their actions(or lack of them). It's just a matter of their intent and if we notice those signs.


3) Is he confused?
No, he's playing around with your emotions and being manipulative.


4) It seems out of character for an INFP to emotionally manipulative - what is this about?
Again, not sure if he is even INFP, but this is classic immature behavior from an emotionally unavailable and unhealthy person. Frankly, it's time to go no contact with him, no replying to any contact he attempts to make with you, block him any way needed. Cut him off for good and let him figure out it's time for him to keep it moving away from you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm still learning how to navigate a forum so please bear with me.

Thank you all for your responses, they are tremendously helpful and have confirmed my suspicions. Yes he's an INFP with a lot of emotional devastation in his life; family issues, existential, and so forth. He told me he couldn't be emotionally available to/for me and I being the immature INTJ that I am didn't really understand or respect what that meant. Anyways - I know better now and can more effectively decide who I choose to associate with in the future.

He and I are both 18 and learning a lot about how to survive in our environment. He's been very sheltered for much of his life while I've had a lot of exposure. I don't resent him for doing what he did because I know it's not personal.

If you have anything else to add it'd be greatly appreciated. Thanks all, take care.
 
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