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32 Posts
I feel like I have a problem with wanting to become friends with people who are emotionally unavailable (focus more on "rationality" and reject feelings in thinking.)
I was once friends with an ENTP who did not understand others' feelings and thought they were dumb. She would often do small things that hurt me, like forgetting my birthday, or forgetting small details I had told her many times when I never forgot the things she's told me just once, telling me she didn't consider me a "friend" yet, etc. She didn't know it hurt me so I couldn't blame her. When we first started talking all the time, I felt happy to be getting close to her, only to later realize that there was no way we could be close because she'd never care about me as much as I cared about her.
Now I've become friends with an INTP who seems to have little regard for my feelings. I've stayed up an extra hour some nights listening to her problems and talking to her, always careful to protect her feelings (which she keeps very hidden and buried so it's hard to know what affects her and what doesn't), and done my best to be there for her when she needs me. In return, I am slightly hurt when she simply replies "night" after a long conversation of me listening to her, or when she doesn't care about my problems in return, or when she doesn't care to be blunt when she knows it's a hit to my self-esteem.
I've always had some sort of giving/receiving dilemma where sometimes I feel like I give a lot to others but don't receive from them. I've learned to not expect to receive anything, but perhaps it is the type of friends I have that is the problem. Despite the fact that they hurt me just by being them, I am somehow attracted to the "rational" and analytical conversations we have where emotion doesn't get in the way. Do I have some type of problem by being attracted to having these kinds of friends?
I was once friends with an ENTP who did not understand others' feelings and thought they were dumb. She would often do small things that hurt me, like forgetting my birthday, or forgetting small details I had told her many times when I never forgot the things she's told me just once, telling me she didn't consider me a "friend" yet, etc. She didn't know it hurt me so I couldn't blame her. When we first started talking all the time, I felt happy to be getting close to her, only to later realize that there was no way we could be close because she'd never care about me as much as I cared about her.
Now I've become friends with an INTP who seems to have little regard for my feelings. I've stayed up an extra hour some nights listening to her problems and talking to her, always careful to protect her feelings (which she keeps very hidden and buried so it's hard to know what affects her and what doesn't), and done my best to be there for her when she needs me. In return, I am slightly hurt when she simply replies "night" after a long conversation of me listening to her, or when she doesn't care about my problems in return, or when she doesn't care to be blunt when she knows it's a hit to my self-esteem.
I've always had some sort of giving/receiving dilemma where sometimes I feel like I give a lot to others but don't receive from them. I've learned to not expect to receive anything, but perhaps it is the type of friends I have that is the problem. Despite the fact that they hurt me just by being them, I am somehow attracted to the "rational" and analytical conversations we have where emotion doesn't get in the way. Do I have some type of problem by being attracted to having these kinds of friends?