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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am fifteen years old and my mother is thirty five. She is more emotionally unstable and mentally immature than I am, I believe.

Why? Here's a little of what she does:

Cries a lot if someone doesn't agree with her.
Has completely shut down and will ignore me most of the time for her TV shows.
Will do what she wants and uses "being the parent" as an excuse to hit me, scream in my face, etc. :crazy:
Ignores you if it doesn't have to do with herself.
Will actually talk like a child.
Stomps, cries, screams, slams doors, etc. I think you see where this is all going.

I want to do something about this. I can't sit here and let this happen any longer. I just don't think there is anything I CAN do... She has bipolar disorder and numerous other problems and has had not the best past, but she has shut down and it is just her way of dealing with it. I think she's depressed and that there is a lot more to this.

I just want some thoughts on this or some advice. It's late and I will probably regret posting this tomorrow because I never ask for advice. What do you think I can do? If there is anything to do.
It isn't THAT big of a deal, but I just feel like I can't even have a normal conversation with my mom at all.
 

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My mom used to be immature and emotional, and had/has occasional depression. Around your age, I started to have problems with her, and then she went to the worst phase she ever was as my brother had school problems and she was almost going crazy. A mother that almost went crazy, would faint at times and thought about suicide, was emotional and abusive to you yet had you to become the supporter for her, is not easy I guess, specially when I was just a teenager having my own existencial stuffs to deal with.
But through the years, she got better and our relationship also got better, we became friends and the mother authority card ceased.

I'm not sure what's the best way to deal with this, but in my situation, I tried to be strong and endure it, while tried to be the counselor for her. Eventually she got over my brother's situation as she stopped worrying too much and adopted a more relaxed view on things.

How I see it is while I wished that she could have been the mother figure I needed and idealized, I see her as a human being that is imperfect and was the way she was coz she made some wrong choices and felt depressed by how things became. She was immature coz she was young and no one was there to guide her anyways. So I guess that by feeling empathetic, I ended up forgiving her and being understanding towards her.
Now she's more mature and less depressed, she can still be selfish or get deppressed but there is some growth.

Maybe your mom deserves to hear some harsh truths and grow up, maybe she needs to stop being so selfish and abusive to her own child. But if you truly want to help her, to give her a chance to see if she can get better by time, then try to be empathetic and don't be too harsh. Being too harsh does no good, it mostly gets people too hurt and defensive to the point of breaking them. But if you begin to show understanding, the other person might trust you more and begin to be open to you and even receptive to your opinions.
Also, try to tell her how you feel, you need to do it calmly and focusing more with "I feel hurt when you say those harsh things to me, as I don't feel loved..." rather than "you shouldn't do this or that and it's wrong".
Also, how is the relationship with your mom when things are not bad? Do you do anything together? Or things that makes her feel that you care for her as a daughter? Family times can help developing friendship, trivial things like sharing some talks during meal times, shopping together, or seeing TV together, and so on. If your relationship doesn't have much friendship, it might be hard for her to listen to you.


Anyways, I hope that your situation will get better. I guess that if things won't improve, then maybe you can find your own place when you become financially independent.
 

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It is possible that you are more mature than her. There is no rule, that states that a parent is more mature than their offspring. I know this, because my parents were always very immature, and I also had an assumption, the older you get, the wiser you become - not the case with everyone. If you stop growing, and get stuck into a habitual routine, than you can get lost in your ways, crazy or not.

My parents won't change, nor will they ever, they are who they are. Fact of the matter, is that I can't talk to them. I was also stuck during a period of my life - the answer is to avoid them at all costs, and not to tolerate their inappropriate behavior. Well, that was my answer at least. And it wasn't the easiest to accomplish this task.
 

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It does seem like you recognize that none of this is your fault. Good. Be sure to maintain that knowledge regardless of what happens. It will serve you well.

We don't get to choose our parents and often they're going through things that we can't help them with. Sometimes they're completely broken and no one can put them back together. It's a sad truth, but quite often no one in our society can really help those with serious mental problems ever recover.

If I were you, I would try to spend less time in the house. Go out, explore doing safe, productive things. Joining clubs, making friends--provide yourself with a good structure of decent people around you, if only just to remind youself of how the sane world works. They'll also be able to better advise you on what you can/should do better than anyone can online.

Make plans for the future and what you'll do when you're finally able to leave the house. Dream, keep your Heart alive.

Finally, if you feel that you are in real physical danger from your mother tell another adult.
 

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I am fifteen years old and my mother is thirty five. She is more emotionally unstable and mentally immature than I am, I believe.

Why? Here's a little of what she does:

Cries a lot if someone doesn't agree with her.
Has completely shut down and will ignore me most of the time for her TV shows.
Will do what she wants and uses "being the parent" as an excuse to hit me, scream in my face, etc. :crazy:
Ignores you if it doesn't have to do with herself.
Will actually talk like a child.
Stomps, cries, screams, slams doors, etc. I think you see where this is all going.

I want to do something about this. I can't sit here and let this happen any longer. I just don't think there is anything I CAN do... She has bipolar disorder and numerous other problems and has had not the best past, but she has shut down and it is just her way of dealing with it. I think she's depressed and that there is a lot more to this.

I just want some thoughts on this or some advice. It's late and I will probably regret posting this tomorrow because I never ask for advice. What do you think I can do? If there is anything to do.
It isn't THAT big of a deal, but I just feel like I can't even have a normal conversation with my mom at all.
I just wanna say that Im so sorry, and please don't feel bad about saying how you feel or whatever, because as a child of someone with a personality disorder, you probably need to vent more than the average person, and I'm speaking from experience. But your range of control over your situation will broaden with age. If you've graduated from high school, you can just get a job, and move. But before that, I'm not sure what you could do or would want to do. That would depend on your needs and how you perceive your situation. But all in all, I just wanna say that I'm sorry because I know what it's like to have a parent with a personality disorder. If I could offer any advice, I'd just say that you are probably desensitized to just how bad of a situation you're in which is the worst part of the situation, because that's what enables you to take abusive behavior and thats not a good thing. With maturity, you may begin to realize this and just stop interacting with the person dishing the abuse- its what I did, and ever since my life just got better and better.

If the physical abuse is bad though, I'm thinking CPS is an option, but that'd be up to you.
Good luck dear, and keep your hope.
 

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@Keani
I am 27, I have bipolar and I have some things in my past too.
I understand how hard it can be for your mother, bipolar is an extremely difficult illness. Reality bends on you.
That being said, there has to be a separation of these three things:

1. Your mother is sick, she has been hurt she is blah blah blah... Does it make her guilty for the things she does?
--- Most people say no to this part so I will pretend that you do to.

Now this part is completely separate from part 1.
2. Your mother hurts you. Emotionally, physically, verbally. She hurts you. This is separate. No matter for what reason she is doing it, it is happening. Nothing takes away the fact that it is happening.
with me still?


Separate from both 1 and 2, but caused by both.
3. You are hurt.
You are hurt. You, separate from your mother, and her whole world, by yourself are hurt from the things that have happened to you. Whether she is guilty or not? Doesn't matter. This is it's own thing. She hurt you, you are hurt. You not being hurt wouldn't take away her hurt or guilt etc.


All of that above is to get you to think about separating all of those parts. I'll give you the most recent example of my friend who has a really nasty critical boyfriend who had an abusive childhood. She was excusing his behavior because that is how he was raised, but it was still hurting her, but she didn't think it should hurt her because it wasn't his fault he had an abusive childhood, but then he kept doing it and he kept hurting her. The cycle keeps going.


Okay now sweet heart. I have Bipolar I. It is not a pretty case either. I have rapid cycling (ultradian which means I can cycle several times a day!). If I am not medicated I will have visions - all nine yards. I would lose my family, I would be a bag lady on a bus.
Right now? I am a soccer mom, not really soccer but I have two girls and they are my world. I would never hurt them, and you deserve the same. You should not be in this situation.
So this means that your mom needs to get her act together because her behavior is not alright. She is not okay. Just from the bit you described, I can tell. So it's a little young, but it's hard to say that this is the time in your life that you need to start setting those boundaries.
You shouldn't be taking care of her. Is your dad around? Do you have other siblings?
She has to get healthy or she will lose you. This is the truth, because you will not do that to yourself. I wouldn't want my children to. I would die if I thought they were.
Sweetheart, You message me. If you need anything at all okay?
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I felt a little bad after posting this, but I did need to vent a little. I have never done that before. It did help, so thank you all who commented.
 

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I know how it is dealing with very emotionally unstable people. You're 15. Start making plans to move out, go away to college, and create a life of your own. Time flies by. Focus on yourself, school, your education. Get a job, establish yourself. Try to ignore her when she gets like that. Find ways to cope. Distract yourself. Above all else, knowing that she is like this, do not take how she treats you personally. It may hurt, yes, but realize that she has some issues that she needs to work out on her own. You're right. There is nothing you can do about her problems. Just focus on you. I know that it is a lot to handle, but you'll be alright. You seem bright.
In the mean time, if her behavior towards you gets progressively worse, and you feel that your safety is being threatened, please do speak to a school counselor (assuming that you are not homeschooled).
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Yeah, that is what I do already. I understand why and I know that I can't do anything about it. In time, I'll be out fine. She will maybe even get better. Who knows! Point is, I'm just going to have to deal with it, and this is what I knew when I posted it. I guess posting things at 6am with little sleep brings out my TINY percentage of F I have for wanting some sort of comfort. Ha.
 

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See a therapist. This hits too close to home. I wrote a long reply but deleted it. Don't want to hijack this thread. But yeah, just I had personal experience with this (not bipolar mom, but a personality disorder) and you're young, you may need help from a caring adult to help you navigate this.
 
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds awful! :(
Please find a trusted adult to turn to. Your mom needs help and perhaps someone can help you get her the help she needs. You do not deserve the abuse she dishes your way. It's not your fault.
**hugs**
 
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My mom used to be immature and emotional, and had/has occasional depression. Around your age, I started to have problems with her, and then she went to the worst phase she ever was as my brother had school problems and she was almost going crazy. A mother that almost went crazy, would faint at times and thought about suicide, was emotional and abusive to you yet had you to become the supporter for her, is not easy I guess, specially when I was just a teenager having my own existencial stuffs to deal with.
But through the years, she got better and our relationship also got better, we became friends and the mother authority card ceased.
That's virtually how things were with me and my mother when i was in my early teens. But now our relationship is better than ever. :happy: I forgave her a long time ago, my eldest sister always scoffs at that and brings things up that happened years ago but i think depression changes people in a big way and i can't hold her responsible for her behavior at that time.
 

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Just the same guardian as mine, I have a step mom and ugh... shes more immature than you think. I always ends up arguing with her but then I always forgot that she is irrational. My goodness I guess there is no such thing as cure about these things. It is all up to them though it is such a pain.
 
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