[Tad Cooper]

Do you ever find that if people around you are emotional (anything from alot of stress/tension to depression to happiness) that you yourself get overwhelmed and even panic?
I was wondering how Te reacts to overwhelming emotions. Can you put it aside or does it consume/exhaust/terrify you?

 

[SnowFairy]

Depends on how and why they're being emotional. If they have a legitimate reason for it, I try my best to be understanding. Yes, it still drains me because it really does not come naturally to me. However, the exhaustion is worth it if a good friend/family member just needs someone to listen. Strong negative emotions are the only ones that have that sort of effect on me. Strong positive emotions are fine.

I generally only panic if:
#1 - The other person's emotions are irrational and unjustified, and...
#2 - It looks like they are going to try to drag me into their mess.
If those two things are in the mix, then we might have a problem...a big problem.

 

[MuChApArAdOx]

Strong negative emotions totally burn me out. When people say things like " I'm not good, i will amount to nothing, i can't do anything right...that mixed with expanding on why they are convinced this. My Te wants to naturally have empathy, not sympathy. Te wants to focus on trying to make them see it from a total different angle , or perspective. Not wallow in the realm they have created for themselves. I don't seen how expanding on the negative will resolve anything. If i can sense they are trying to bring me down and participate in that sympathy with a negative mind set, i make a quick exit, i don't want to be part of that.

 

[Yardiff Bey]

If it's someone I care about: Put it aside for the moment, once it's dealt with go and process it in private for a few days.

If it's someone I don't care about: Leave 'em to it, I'm not getting sucked into someone else's emotional drama.

 

[kuropuu]

I tend to go the route of the honey badger.
kuropuu don't care, kuropuu don't give a-, well, you know how the honey badger is.

I do have to admit that that's not always the case though. When overwhelming emotions do get to me, I get really detached to avoid that nasty panic. It does not always work in my favor, because I do it with positive emotions too, but hey, you win some, you lose some.

The worst thing for me is crying, I am almost totally incapable of handling tears. Of course, the person that's actually doing the crying is always really, really offended by this, unless they know me well enough, but even then, you know?

 

[Tad Cooper]

If it's someone I care about: Put it aside for the moment, once it's dealt with go and process it in private for a few days.

If it's someone I don't care about: Leave 'em to it, I'm not getting sucked into someone else's emotional drama.

I can understand that. A girl I barely knew phoned me up in tears and I ended up saying I was really busy so couldn't go over (partly from being scared and also because she wasn't one of my inner circle so I didn't care that much). Do you find people you don't care about annoy you when they're like that?

I tend to go the route of the honey badger.
kuropuu don't care, kuropuu don't give a-, well, you know how the honey badger is.

I do have to admit that that's not always the case though. When overwhelming emotions do get to me, I get really detached to avoid that nasty panic. It does not always work in my favor, because I do it with positive emotions too, but hey, you win some, you lose some.

The worst thing for me is crying, I am almost totally incapable of handling tears. Of course, the person that's actually doing the crying is always really, really offended by this, unless they know me well enough, but even then, you know?

No, I think that's quite normal! Tears freak me out and my INFJ sister. My friend burst into tears and I had no idea what to do so I sat there looking awkward instead of doing the right thing and giving her a hug or comforting words >>;

 

[Andrew Wilson]

'oh, your sad.. there there, lets buy you a coca-cola'

 

[Rhee]

Do you ever find that if people around you are emotional (anything from alot of stress/tension to depression to happiness) that you yourself get overwhelmed and even panic?
I was wondering how Te reacts to overwhelming emotions. Can you put it aside or does it consume/exhaust/terrify you?

At the risk of sounding like an asshole, no. Other people's emotional displays seldom have much impact on me.

I issue appropriate statements or gestures because it's the right thing to do, all the while remaining somewhat detached. I used to think I was a bad person because I didn't immediately share grief or sadness with someone who was grieving or sad. My own gestures often felt empty and mechanical to me.

What I've discovered recently is that I need to sympathize with my head first in order to empathize with my heart. That momentary delay in between seems to be the cause of my emotional detachment. I'm hoping this is something that might improve with time.

 

[niss]

Do you ever find that if people around you are emotional (anything from alot of stress/tension to depression to happiness) that you yourself get overwhelmed and even panic?
I was wondering how Te reacts to overwhelming emotions. Can you put it aside or does it consume/exhaust/terrify you?

Not typical behavior for ISTJs. We tend to calm, cool, and collected when under fire. If we feel the need to go to pieces, there'll be time enough for that, later.

However, if you are asking us about our response to other people's unnecessary drama, then our response is distance. If you're crazy with drama, I'm walking and I won't be back voluntarily.

And necessary is in the eye of the beholder - IMO, there is not a lot of need for an outpouring of emotion in most circumstances. If I'm talking to someone and they are "feeling" this, or "feeling" that, then I'm "feeling" my way for the door.

 

[Yardiff Bey]

I can understand that. A girl I barely knew phoned me up in tears and I ended up saying I was really busy so couldn't go over (partly from being scared and also because she wasn't one of my inner circle so I didn't care that much). Do you find people you don't care about annoy you when they're like that?

Sounds like she was trying to suck you into being an orbiter. Meh. <turned off by that kind of emotional manipulative bullshit>

 

[Tad Cooper]

Not typical behavior for ISTJs. We tend to calm, cool, and collected when under fire. If we feel the need to go to pieces, there'll be time enough for that, later.

However, if you are asking us about our response to other people's unnecessary drama, then our response is distance. If you're crazy with drama, I'm walking and I won't be back voluntarily.

And necessary is in the eye of the beholder - IMO, there is not a lot of need for an outpouring of emotion in most circumstances. If I'm talking to someone and they are "feeling" this, or "feeling" that, then I'm "feeling" my way for the door.

Haha that sounds like a good idea over all. Too many times people can suck you into a whole world of trouble.

At the risk of sounding like an asshole, no. Other people's emotional displays seldom have much impact on me.

I issue appropriate statements or gestures because it's the right thing to do, all the while remaining somewhat detached. I used to think I was a bad person because I didn't immediately share grief or sadness with someone who was grieving or sad. My own gestures often felt empty and mechanical to me.

What I've discovered recently is that I need to sympathize with my head first in order to empathize with my heart. That momentary delay in between seems to be the cause of my emotional detachment. I'm hoping this is something that might improve with time.

So is it that you have to imagine yourself in that place/emotional state to relate to it in order to feel empathy? By it 'being right' is that being taught that you SHOULD act a certain way?

Sounds like she was trying to suck you into being an orbiter. Meh. <turned off by that kind of emotional manipulative bullshit>

Haha she really was. I ran for the hills until she found another 'best friend' and then we were friends again (she lessened the emotional crazy. She was an emotional ESFJ, but she's very nice now she's calmed down).

 

[Yardiff Bey]

Haha she really was. I ran for the hills until she found another 'best friend' and then we were friends again (she lessened the emotional crazy. She was an emotional ESFJ, but she's very nice now she's calmed down).

Emotional crazy *wince* holy shit, what is wrong with people...

Do they really truly expect others to treat them special, when they're just acting like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum...

 

[Tad Cooper]

Emotional crazy *wince* holy shit, what is wrong with people...

Do they really truly expect others to treat them special, when they're just acting like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum...

Exactly! I ignore her phone calls alot unless I know she wont be phoning up to stress about things (mean I know, but at university I have my own problems to deal with and she doesn't need me for help, she could ask a lecturer).

How do you deal with things that stress you out? If you feel overwhelmed with a situation/work etc what do you do? (ESFJ talks to people, INFJ sorts it in their head and retreats or talks etc)

 

[Yardiff Bey]

Exactly! I ignore her phone calls alot unless I know she wont be phoning up to stress about things (mean I know, but at university I have my own problems to deal with and she doesn't need me for help, she could ask a lecturer).

How do you deal with things that stress you out? If you feel overwhelmed with a situation/work etc what do you do? (ESFJ talks to people, INFJ sorts it in their head and retreats or talks etc)

Generally take lots of time to myself. Ignoring her phone calls sounds like a good solution to a difficult problem. You are not her emotional kleenex - nobody should be.

 

[SnowFairy]

However, if you are asking us about our response to other people's unnecessary drama, then our response is distance. If you're crazy with drama, I'm walking and I won't be back voluntarily.

YES! I have had to do this many times.

 

[Rhee]

So is it that you have to imagine yourself in that place/emotional state to relate to it in order to feel empathy? By it 'being right' is that being taught that you SHOULD act a certain way?

Yes. Sadly my reaction time here is sometimes longer than I would like it to be.

No, no one ever really taught me how to act around another person's distress. The idea of leaving someone to suffer by him/herself just seems wrong, though. I'd usually offer some awkward words of comfort and then feel even more awkward as a result. My ineptitude here bothers me to no end.

 

[niss]

Yes. Sadly my reaction time here is sometimes longer than I would like it to be.

No, no one ever really taught me how to act around another person's distress. The idea of leaving someone to suffer by him/herself just seems wrong, though. I'd usually offer some awkward words of comfort and then feel even more awkward as a result. My ineptitude here bothers me to no end.

If I may put a bug in your ear ...

Eliminate the factual side of your logic and understand that people in distress don't always mean what they say. We ISTJs tend to withdraw at the first sign of being rebuffed in such a situation. Instead, comfort in a non-judgmental and non-confrontational manner, understanding that "leave me alone" does not mean abandon me, but very likely means that I need a little space. So back up and wait for the crash, and then come back and be there for them.

This is similar to someone that is choking. Often if you ask them if they want help, they will push you away. The appropriate response is to remain nearby, but to acquiesce to their wishes. After they collapse, then you can proceed to clear their airway and provide assistance.

 

[Tad Cooper]

Generally take lots of time to myself. Ignoring her phone calls sounds like a good solution to a difficult problem. You are not her emotional kleenex - nobody should be.

Thanks, yeah it seemed the best solution. I've had needy people stick to me before and never enjoyed it...

Thanks for all the replies! Also wondering, how to you react to affection (like hugging etc)? I mean from anyone (friends, family, partners etc).

 

[Yardiff Bey]

Thanks for all the replies! Also wondering, how to you react to affection (like hugging etc)? I mean from anyone (friends, family, partners etc).

Depends. Don't expect it from friends so it can shock me, until I get used to it. Family, a little uncomfortable sometimes. Partners, expected. (My primary love-language is physical touch.)

 

[CataclysmSolace]

I tend to get generally exhausted around people throwing emotions around, sometimes even withdrawing from the situation till the people stop… I only panic when I get overloaded with too much stuff/emotions at one time…