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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Fellow ESTP's I need help. Im finding myself in this stage of life where all my friends found girlfriends or are too busy to do anything. Im seriously going mentally crazy here. I've been forced to take myself to the movies and going to eat some fast foods just to get out of the house. But im getting more and more lazy. I stopped playing video games, and I stopped trying to phone friends ( because what the use if the answer is always no ).

How do I get out this rut ? I've tried making new friends but the same concept, everyone has SOMEBODY. And im the third wheel.

Now I also tried finding a love interest, but so far everyone is so boring. I just end up going to their house and fooling around a bit. But it gets boring so fast. What to do !? I'm so bored of life its not even funny !

And I know I have a friendship issue, because when my friends DO MANAGE to drag themselves out to do something. I feel wonderful and mt brain starts powering up to think of off the cool work I want to do at home. But nowadays I get depressed as I walk into the door as I know...damn Ill see em again in a few months.
 

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I know this will sound very hard, but try not to focus on the fact that your friends have significant others and you don't. It will only depress you more.

Making new friends can help, but again it all boils down to if you can get rid of that everyone has that special someone. If you can, you'll find that there's a lot of things people can do that are not even romantic in the slightest. Games, attending a sports event, going to the pool, etc. All good fun.

If you're feeling like you need to accomplish something, maybe try and learn a new language or take up a new hobby. Something to keep your mind busy.

I hope you feel better soon, and know that you will find love someday...it just might hit you when you aren't expecting it. :)
 

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For what ever reason, never get yourself in a situation where you are by yourself. I did this during depression and lost most of the people out of my life. Also as ESTPs, we are killed at our cores when we aren't having fun and joking around. Meet other people through clubs and other people.
 

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@Sayonara
As far as I understood his problem isn't that he can't find 'love', he's just pissed off that when trying to hang out with his old friends he's somewhat not welcome, because they spend time together.
And extrovert can't just stand life without long term interaction with people like you do.
Also, I don't think ESTPs look for love so intensly like you do (can't speak for everyone though). Sure, hooking up, going sexual and stuff is good entertainment but not essence of life. Personally even if I like certain girl a lot I can't stand to meet more than 2 or 3 times a week (by our self), have to talk with other people too and do my things...

@Tenshi_rdk
It looks to me like you are somewhat addicted to your friends. Apart from fact how stupid people are to hang out ONLY with their SO for a time period and then be suprised why they are bored of eachother, you should .et over them a little. Don't be so clingy and stop acting like you can't live without them.
Second thing to do is get out and start doing whatever interests you, you will meet tons of new people soon enought and instead of chity-chatty wussing around you can actually talk about this thing you do together. I hope you have something that interests you or you wanted to do: hit the gym, start training something, go to language school - whatever it is just don't do it home but with other people who like it too. From experience, it's huge change on your perspective.
Once you do this and still want to hang out with your old friends make a meeting organized by you. Invite few friends, let them bring their gfs if they must and also invite new met people, then you won't feel like being third wheel but like being all four at the time.
 

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ask a random girl out to the movies. You don't have to do anything special. Just "hey, do you want to see <movie>?" If they say no it's no big deal, ask another random person. It'll score you at least a friend.

You can do the same to guys too. Myself I've never been comfortable around other males so I don't usually do that.
 

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@Adventure
I read over his post again, yeah I partially misinterpreted it, so point taken. :3 Oh, and just a small note though. I'm not sure of my ISFP brethren, but this one doesn't look for love lol. It just tends to find me. xD
@Tenshi, if I offended you I didn't mean to. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
@Sayonara
As far as I understood his problem isn't that he can't find 'love', he's just pissed off that when trying to hang out with his old friends he's somewhat not welcome, because they spend time together.
And extrovert can't just stand life without long term interaction with people like you do.
Also, I don't think ESTPs look for love so intensly like you do (can't speak for everyone though). Sure, hooking up, going sexual and stuff is good entertainment but not essence of life. Personally even if I like certain girl a lot I can't stand to meet more than 2 or 3 times a week (by our self), have to talk with other people too and do my things...

@Tenshi_rdk
It looks to me like you are somewhat addicted to your friends. Apart from fact how stupid people are to hang out ONLY with their SO for a time period and then be suprised why they are bored of eachother, you should .et over them a little. Don't be so clingy and stop acting like you can't live without them.
Second thing to do is get out and start doing whatever interests you, you will meet tons of new people soon enought and instead of chity-chatty wussing around you can actually talk about this thing you do together. I hope you have something that interests you or you wanted to do: hit the gym, start training something, go to language school - whatever it is just don't do it home but with other people who like it too. From experience, it's huge change on your perspective.
Once you do this and still want to hang out with your old friends make a meeting organized by you. Invite few friends, let them bring their gfs if they must and also invite new met people, then you won't feel like being third wheel but like being all four at the time.
You are right with finding love. Just "being" with someone isn't enough. I want to find someone that has some of my interests. And I've had a long thought about it, and come to the conclusion that I don't want LOVE now, I want a buddy. Because I want someone to play video games with, go to movies with, and gym with. So yes I do go to gym, and Im trying to make friends, however its slow. I do not want to force myself upon people. I have started to make a buddy, started talking , but then he moved away. So now Im starting over again. But like its also hard in the gym, because one tends to go at a timeframe and the change of the other person pitching at the same time frame is kinda rare. So I might see the same person only every 2 weeks. But I'll just be patient.

About being clingy, yes I was very clingy with one of my buddies - and eventually lost the friend :( This hit me very hard. But I have learned my lesson. But now its the sense of feeling hopeless, because i just have to "let it go" when my friends tell me "no". But now its also easier for them to get away with it. Because I let them. Hmmm.

A few years ago I did start to learn Japanese, however in my country the possibility of taking classes is a fantasy. There are no classes. So I seeked out people on internet to chat too. But that's also rare. I'll have to see if I can actually find other hobbies where im forced to be in a team or something.

I have for now decided that Im going to stop worrying and wondering whats wrong with me, and just try and do things. I have made a list of 11 things I can do and hopefully I will feel in the mood to do something on the list. Just to get my mind through this weekend.

Gosh...I hope this is just a phase...but its been 5 years now :(
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
@Adventure
I read over his post again, yeah I partially misinterpreted it, so point taken. :3 Oh, and just a small note though. I'm not sure of my ISFP brethren, but this one doesn't look for love lol. It just tends to find me. xD
@Tenshi, if I offended you I didn't mean to. :)

No no no, don't worry. I never really get offended :p I really appreciate your reply. I do understand what you are saying. And I guess I do understand your point. I do talk with my best friend's girlfriend and she tries to explain to me everytime that I must just be content with the fact that, when someone has a SO, that you only see your friend every 2-3 months. This to me is a bit unfair. I only have a handful of friends, and being used to talk to my buddy a few times a week, and now only once every few months is killer. It makes me a bit angry, because I think she is controlling him a bit. She plans stuff to do with him weeks in advance so he is ALWAYS booked. I can't do that. I want to hang whenever. I can't "plan" on being in the mood to hang out in 4 weeks.

But yes its a very hard pill to swallow as I don't get it. There are 6 billion people on earth and you just brush off the WHOLE earth when you find your SO?? If I look at a lot of married people they look very sad. They have no friends ( looking at parents ) and their lives are so mundane. I do understand that you can love one person so much. But just like I have to respect that they want time together, the romantics must respect that people have friends too. Or am I wrong ?
 

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@Sayonara yeah, it's us who find you. :p

@Tenshi_rdk
When I do things that I like, especially involving other people I feel so much better and from what I've noticed people are much more drawn to you. If you just sit and wait to hang out with your friends then it's really bad. It's unatractive and pushes people away.
As I said, be the doer. Be busy with your hobbies, meet new people it opens your eyes a lot. Make it so that it's you who don't have time to hang out and once you will have a moment you'll want as many friends as possible. So throw a party / invite them somewhere (but not just one friend, as many as you can, also the best if you include new met people) and let them know upfront so they can plan it and stuff. Tell them : "you should come, because mike, john, alice and jenny are coming too. Also some people you don't know" instead of "could you hang out with me? I'm so lonely atm and I want to hang out with someone".

Also I've noticed that if I'm not out doing/socializing in anyway for too long once I get there I'm doing not so well: I'm bitter, want attention all the usual fun jokes may be even insultive . In short I overdo things and this again push people away.

Last thing. I don't know how old are you but do you have a car? Or motorbike at least. You should have one. It's vital, you can just jump in and get anywhere you want anytime. If you live in small town then you can drive to big city to do stuff.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
@Sayonara yeah, it's us who find you. :p

@Tenshi_rdk
When I do things that I like, especially involving other people I feel so much better and from what I've noticed people are much more drawn to you. If you just sit and wait to hang out with your friends then it's really bad. It's unatractive and pushes people away.
As I said, be the doer. Be busy with your hobbies, meet new people it opens your eyes a lot. Make it so that it's you who don't have time to hang out and once you will have a moment you'll want as many friends as possible. So throw a party / invite them somewhere (but not just one friend, as many as you can, also the best if you include new met people) and let them know upfront so they can plan it and stuff. Tell them : "you should come, because mike, john, alice and jenny are coming too. Also some people you don't know" instead of "could you hang out with me? I'm so lonely atm and I want to hang out with someone".

Also I've noticed that if I'm not out doing/socializing in anyway for too long once I get there I'm doing not so well: I'm bitter, want attention all the usual fun jokes may be even insultive . In short I overdo things and this again push people away.

Last thing. I don't know how old are you but do you have a car? Or motorbike at least. You should have one. It's vital, you can just jump in and get anywhere you want anytime. If you live in small town then you can drive to big city to do stuff.
I'm 29. Which is also a bit embarrassing, because I should have learned how to handle this stuff by now. So yes I have a car. The problem is I live in South Africa. Stuff to do is well rare. Movies, rent a movie, gym, go out and drink ( which I dont like because you just sit there and don't do much ) , go eat something. I lived in UK for 2 years and THERE IS STUFF TO DO. Lots of it. Too bad I can't go back now.

But I hear ya man, I just asked my friend to lunch now IF HE HAPPENS TO BE FREE. ( so I am ALWAYS the initiator ) but he didn't respond on my text. So I'm being ignored yet again. And it's not like im smotherting the dude, its been exactly 2 months since we've done anything. And he told me yesterday that he wants to hang, but his girl was around so he couldn't yesterday.

But yes I also understand that I need to be the "busy" one so people will want to have some of that fun. Problem is I'm in a not-doing mode. It sucks bad. The only thing that gets me going is hanging out with some people. But I don't know yet how to maintain that.

Im gonna try throwing a mini party or something, or just get some friends to come hang out and play games. And not just stick to 1 friend. Because you are right, the MOST fun i have is when we are 4-6 people hanging out. Total bliss. But hmmm been like 4 years :(
 
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