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Alright, so I'm an ENFJ and I'm also a 4. I'm still on the fence on whether I have a 3 wing or a 5 wing, but anyways.

What I wanted to talk about are the almost impossible contradictions that comes with this.
4s are self-centered, withdrawn and enjoy being the outsider. The ENFJ on the other hand is people-focused, extroverted and love connecting with people. There's a large focus on "all the other people" and helping them out whereas the 4 usually likes receiving the help and needs time to focus on their own emotions more than the average person. In many ways, the 4 is very Fi while the ENFJ of course is very Fe and as a result this causes many contradictions.

As an ENFJ 4 I often experience these extreme contradictions. I want/I don't want to go to that party. I want to talk to you about your feelings/I want to talk to you about my feelings. Introversion/Extroversion. I care/I don't care.

These are just a few silly (and not very good) examples of what I mean.
The main difference here is that while the ENFJ is very in sync with the world, social politics and people in general. But once you mix a type 4 into the mix the picture changes dramatically. This is also very obvious in 4w3. The 3 is competitive whilst the 4 is not. These inherent paradoxes are only magnified when you're an ENFJ.

I wanted to share this and I wonder if you guys can relate to this at all. Thoughts? Put them below!
 

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the first time I took the test, I got a 4. I relate to this a lot. Yesterday I was wondering if I was developing an Fi more and more because I have been trying to notice and understand my own feelings and needs a lot in the past year. I am often torn between what I want to do, and what others want me to do. I really can feel a sense of conflict a lot. I am happy when I make others happy, yet I always seem to go inward towards myself and spend the day on my own problems and thoughts. I can often feel guilty from being so absorbed in my own world, but it is very natural.If I do find myself spending a little too much time in my own head, going out and talking to others and being more extraverted, is a relief. But after that is done, I can retreat into my own self again. I did find I am borderline between my E and I, so maybe being a 4 has done that?
 

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I have no idea if I'm introverted or extroverted, but I, too, find my personality often at odds with itself. I'm a 4w3 and have some conflict there, and I'm borderline ENFJ/INFJ (don't know whether Fe or Ni is more dominant), but I find the 3 wing combined with the relative balance of extroversion and introversion makes sense in my case.
 

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I want/I don't want to go to that party. I want to talk to you about your feelings/I want to talk to you about my feelings. Introversion/Extroversion. I care/I don't care.
I can definitely relate to these conflicts. And I have learned to follow how I feel physically, to tune into my body. I have gotten myself in relationships where I am such a good listener and ask nothing in return that when I feel like I want someone to hear what I have to say, I'm not sure who to go to. And so now I still hold space for these people. I can do it pretty easily, but I invest myself into more egalitarian relationships. I've been thinking about E4 and how it would make sense that we would end up feeling on the outside of our mbti type. I mean, even the E4 forum is full of people telling other people that others don't belong or expressing that they feel like they don't belong. Here we are as ENFJs figuring out all the differences and feeling self-consciously apart instead of noticing our own humanity and others humanity and our similarities as ENFJs.

There is beauty in ENFJ because they acknowledge that people desire love and belonging. I think sometimes they forget to express themselves and that they too need to be seen and to receive love and belonging... And there is beauty in E4 because they acknowledge the uniqueness of people, though 4s forget to notice all that we share in common. I believe this combination will allow us to be able to acknowledge and understand the uniqueness of individuals and also understand how important it is to be seen and loved and feel a connection to others even in our uniqueness. I believe this is the only way for people to truly feel love. ENFJ 4s can see the beauty in an individual and understanding how they can make offerings to the group. I also believe 4s bring a beautiful ability to allow for intense emotion in themselves, and that enfjs 4s could be very good at holding space for and allowing for strong emotions in others. Some of my thoughts on this morning.

Thanks for starting this thread!
 
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