ENFJ and ISTP relationships? anyone?
[ENFJ]
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me too! 
They've got the wittiest humor ever!! They're caring too, even though they show it with actions. They aren't the ones who will warmly give you advice, but that just adds to their charm. They are most attached to people who have the same tastes as them, like music, sports, etc, etc...
They've got the wittiest humor ever!! They're caring too, even though they show it with actions. They aren't the ones who will warmly give you advice, but that just adds to their charm. They are most attached to people who have the same tastes as them, like music, sports, etc, etc...My partner is an ISTP. There have been VERY difficult communication breakdowns from time to time - on account of he simply isnt good at it!(and i must admit - i take everything to heart!)
but when its good, its oh so good. some people claim that ISTP & ENFJ relationships simply do not work because we are too different. I choose to believe that the ability to understand another person is not relative simply to a personality type, but rather to their individual competencies. If individuals take the time to try to understand eachother in times of indifference, whether they be family, friends, lovers, coleagues etc, there is always hope.
but when its good, its oh so good. some people claim that ISTP & ENFJ relationships simply do not work because we are too different. I choose to believe that the ability to understand another person is not relative simply to a personality type, but rather to their individual competencies. If individuals take the time to try to understand eachother in times of indifference, whether they be family, friends, lovers, coleagues etc, there is always hope.
ENFJs seem to be draw to IxTPs and vice versa. The reason that these relations might not work is that at times people might get overly focused on each other's negative points instead of trying to understand each other. Being around your 'shadow' personality can also stress the inferior function too much.
These are types of relationships that offer the maximum personal growth to each partner, but that are also the most stressful to maintain (require more input of time and energy).
These are types of relationships that offer the maximum personal growth to each partner, but that are also the most stressful to maintain (require more input of time and energy).
you are spot on there! very hard work when you are more or less on opposite ends of the scale as to how you think & feel & react!
They say the best things in life dont come easy. One can only hope this could be true from where i stand too! Oh well, cant hide from how you feel forever just coz you might get hurt!
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I agree that it is a lot of work - but I feel like it is sooo rewarding. I really enjoy the work that goes into relationships, learning about someone and growing. It's exciting and creates an environment where change is accepted and encouraged. I know in my past relationships I felt stuck and unable to grow and it really frustrated me. My friend once said that "a relationship is like a job. Love is like getting a paycheck" and I really agree with that. Although, it's important to like your job. :wink:
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I had an ENFJ notice me from far away. I was skeptical that she was just super flirty at first. But She got really nervous around me, blushed, lots of things like that. I could tell there was some kind of distress going on, and at one point I think she made a comment that I later realized said, "you don't care about anything I have to say do you?" It was a confusing, frustrating, and sad way to go when she just started ignoring me when I wanted to ask her wtf was going on between us. My guess is this is the typical problem for relationships between our two personalities; they are just really hard to initiate. But I still have faith that once understanding is reached between partners it can work out. We're the two least confrontational personalities, no wonder shit doesn't get done!
I'm a little frustrated that I have to learn myers briggs and become a "reader" in order to understand who I'm dealing with. But what little bits of the relationship I experienced were really exciting, and found myself saying "she's what I'd like to become." I found it really intimidating, yet exhilarating because she was so ridiculously outgoing, and invited me to all these different parties and stuff. It was another world for me, which I thought was awesome.
I'm a little frustrated that I have to learn myers briggs and become a "reader" in order to understand who I'm dealing with. But what little bits of the relationship I experienced were really exciting, and found myself saying "she's what I'd like to become." I found it really intimidating, yet exhilarating because she was so ridiculously outgoing, and invited me to all these different parties and stuff. It was another world for me, which I thought was awesome.
I don't know why y'all but I really think it can work. Honestly I think the ENFJ is one of the most flexible of the Juding types because we have feeling that makes us want to see things from other's perspectives and genuinely understand people, then our intuition takes over and we can easily empathize with them. ENFJ's and ISTP's often have fun doing stupid things together. ENFJ's often mock the quietness of the ISTP, so that the ISTP often feels at home. The ENFJ also uses their intuition to realize that many of the things the ISTP says that may seem rude or irritating are just silly and blows them off. Though when we're extra tired we kind of blow, but then again so does everyone so it's just a matter of knowing when the ENFJ (as many say is one of the most introverted of the extraverted personalities) needs their space. Lord knows as an ENFJ, when I want my space I get catty when ppl invade, so does the ISTP who many say can be as inflexible as many judgers. In the end it evens out. ENFJ is a more flexible judger, and the ISTP a more inflexible perceiver. The ENFJ is a more introverted extravert, and I haven't actually read this but I have certainly found that the ISTP can be very out going and even loud and obnoxious. Also both personalities have the same functions reversed. And both enjoy learning, especially I've noticed that ENFJ's are at the top 2 most likely to enjoy school. In fact surprisingly my favorite subject was always science, and I always found math to be easy. So I think they even out more than other opposite personality combos.
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Actually, one of my 4 very dear friends would fit into the ISTP category (the others fit into ISFP, ENTP, and ENFP).
He is outwardly grumpy, but knowing him very well I know he is a softie inside. I enjoy when I am able to inadvertently make him happy or draw him out of his shell. I admire his skill with his hands and tools and vehicles. I appreciate the lack of BS. I enjoy talking politics, current events, and music/movies with him. He is just a good guy and probably misunderstood/lonely a lot of the time.
I think it definitely works- who cares what the theory says. This is people we're talking about
He is outwardly grumpy, but knowing him very well I know he is a softie inside. I enjoy when I am able to inadvertently make him happy or draw him out of his shell. I admire his skill with his hands and tools and vehicles. I appreciate the lack of BS. I enjoy talking politics, current events, and music/movies with him. He is just a good guy and probably misunderstood/lonely a lot of the time.
I think it definitely works- who cares what the theory says. This is people we're talking about
I've been with my ISTP boyfriend for 2,5 years now and it's great! He might be a pretty outspoken ISTP and that's helping, and I'm used to the whole introverted thinker thing, so I know how to deal with it. Maybe we're an extra good ISTP/ENFJ match, but I don't really agree that it has to be the hardest thing ever. I was with an INTP for three years and that was way harder.
ISTP and ENFJ are in relations of duality which is one of the best matches possible going by types. Of course a lot still depends on the individuals involved
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I want an ISTP sooooo much!!! so hard to find I feel. I need a workout partner and want a dual to help me complete my goals.
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I'm happy that @Falling Leaves is here...
Yeah, have an ISTP best friend, but it was ages since I last heard from him. He can be that way sometimes.
Yeah, have an ISTP best friend, but it was ages since I last heard from him. He can be that way sometimes.
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...and I'm happy to be here ^_^
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I'm an ENFJ with an ISTP brother. We do get along quite well, even though we are almost complete opposites.
I often have these crazy ideas, and he'll put them into the right practical perspective. He often has concepts and asks me if they would be theoretically possible. We enjoy talking about politics, science, people etc. because we have the same beliefs.
I think it works really well because the holes in our knowledge is often filled by the others' knowledge.
But we do often have disagreements. As ISTPs are fiercely independent and ENFJs are very sensitive to the traditions and social norms we often have a conflict of interest. My brother will try to do something one way, because it seems to be logical. And I really want to do it the way I've always done it, because that's 'the right way to do it'.
And he often doesn't show a lot of tact in certain situations which really bugs me.
So, I think it could work, if you put the effort in. And as for a romantic relationship, I think it would be extremely difficult as our core motivations are at odds with one another. Although we tend to do similar things, it's because of very different motives and that could cause a lot of problems.
But then again, it depends on the individuals involved and whether or not they are willing to put the effort in.
I often have these crazy ideas, and he'll put them into the right practical perspective. He often has concepts and asks me if they would be theoretically possible. We enjoy talking about politics, science, people etc. because we have the same beliefs.
I think it works really well because the holes in our knowledge is often filled by the others' knowledge.
But we do often have disagreements. As ISTPs are fiercely independent and ENFJs are very sensitive to the traditions and social norms we often have a conflict of interest. My brother will try to do something one way, because it seems to be logical. And I really want to do it the way I've always done it, because that's 'the right way to do it'.
And he often doesn't show a lot of tact in certain situations which really bugs me.
So, I think it could work, if you put the effort in. And as for a romantic relationship, I think it would be extremely difficult as our core motivations are at odds with one another. Although we tend to do similar things, it's because of very different motives and that could cause a lot of problems.
But then again, it depends on the individuals involved and whether or not they are willing to put the effort in.
ENFJ - ISTP Relationship
I'm recently discovering my boyfriend is an ISTP. For a while there I thought he was an ESFJ...but it's always harder for me to pick out types for people who are very close to me. The differences in his personality are that he has that flexible/inflexible thing going on (almost halfway between P and J), he THINKS he's an extrovert since he's very outgoing (alone time is part of his regular routine, and not something he has to create boundaries to get), and his perception of the feelings of others is pretty developed.
He had an A-ho reputation for a while, but learned to take feelings into account. He's a good confidant and takes that role for a lot of his friends. His style tends to be listener/sounding wall, "that's the way it is", and practical advice. My dad is also an ST (ESTJ), and when you can get his attention from his full time duties he's an excellent counselor. ST's are not the Vulcans personality pages sometimes hint them to be.
And again...that's where my ENFJ-ness balances it out. I'm a pretty typical ENFJ (perhaps scoring higher on the introversion side than some I know?), so I don't think I need to explain that.
I'm interested in the stress of shadow function part that has been mentioned. I've definitely felt internal stress with my relationship, but haven't been sure how to identify it. I've also been going through a stressful time in life as of recent, so it could also be due to that (me revering to my shadow self).
Any elaboration would be great.
Yes, yes and yes!
I'm recently discovering my boyfriend is an ISTP. For a while there I thought he was an ESFJ...but it's always harder for me to pick out types for people who are very close to me. The differences in his personality are that he has that flexible/inflexible thing going on (almost halfway between P and J), he THINKS he's an extrovert since he's very outgoing (alone time is part of his regular routine, and not something he has to create boundaries to get), and his perception of the feelings of others is pretty developed.
He had an A-ho reputation for a while, but learned to take feelings into account. He's a good confidant and takes that role for a lot of his friends. His style tends to be listener/sounding wall, "that's the way it is", and practical advice. My dad is also an ST (ESTJ), and when you can get his attention from his full time duties he's an excellent counselor. ST's are not the Vulcans personality pages sometimes hint them to be.
And again...that's where my ENFJ-ness balances it out. I'm a pretty typical ENFJ (perhaps scoring higher on the introversion side than some I know?), so I don't think I need to explain that.
I'm interested in the stress of shadow function part that has been mentioned. I've definitely felt internal stress with my relationship, but haven't been sure how to identify it. I've also been going through a stressful time in life as of recent, so it could also be due to that (me revering to my shadow self).
Any elaboration would be great.
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Can definitely be very rewarding. I forget all my troubles when I'm around ISTPs, and that's priceless. ^^ ESTPs are also nice. ;p
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I agree. I can just sit next to this ISTP and say nothing at all and I am in heaven. We talk about how to do something and when the conversation is finished, we're done and just stand there side by side comfortably. No need for fake chit chat. So nice.
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