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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
A little help, please? A while back my mother took the test. We think her result was ENFP or ENFJ. She keeps saying she wants to know what her type is, but she hasn't taken the test again.... so I've been researching it myself. I don't want to ramble too much, so I'll just post a few quick traits about her that immediately come to mind:

- People, even strangers, feel comfortable around her. They'll tell her their life story immediately.

- Mom loves giving little gifts to people. (Mainly if she knows that person appreciates it, and her).

- She's always saying she has a lot of love to give, if only they'd let her.

- My mother is VERY focused on how other people treat her. Not a day goes by that she doesn't gripe to me about that. (FYI: I understand where she's coming from - because she is right - but it's tiring to hear all the time, and annoying that she can't see it for herself. A while back my brother - an outspoken INTJ - outright told her she plays the victim.... something I've always thought as well but never dared tell her. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Since that day she has not let that go. But as I said... I unfortunately agree with my brother, and I hear her complaints even more than he does. She truly doesn't see it that way though). I read the other day that this is typical of an ESFJ?

- Very sensitive and feels things deeply.

- Psychic/Mediumistic Abilities. (Which she blocks).

- Not very organized. Even avoids housework like the plague, although she acts like that's not the case. (It's me that is always cleaning up after her... not that I ever bring it up or anything).

- Hates it when people try to politely offer advice on letting go of any anger, etc so that she can move on and bring forth the happiness she deserves... even if it's just through a hobby or making new friends.

- Mom has a lot of issues from childhood. (Abandonment. She was always going from one family member's home to another, and her Mom is a major - yet clueless - narcissist that pretends her kids were brought up well. The truth is my mother was the one that raised herself, and her siblings).

- Likes to keep busy.

- She has a big temper, and a lot of the times I think she's overreacting to little things and making them bigger. She expects the worst from certain people because, quite frankly, they have done wrong before and will continue to do so. I just think that that clouds EVERY single thing they say or do. She automatically assumes they're guilty of every little thing. (Like with my father for instance. Now, my father is not a good match for my mother. Mom used to be like Pollyanna, but over the years his negativity has definitely changed her personality and health. There's no question about that, but at the same time... he isn't all bad. She knows this, too, yet in my mind she doesn't like him at all. Whenever I tell her that I think she hates him, she gets defensive and says she doesn't. But what else am I to think when every single day she complains about him, and even I have heard - on many, many occasions - her saying that she hates him).

So I guess that's where my trouble lies. How do you draw the line between a person's true personality type, and then their personality changing due to the circumstances and people in their life?

For the record, I consider my mother a soulmate. I love her like no other, so please don't take what I've written above as me not liking her. I'm pretty uncomfortable writing this post, but I really wish to gain further insight on what her personality type might be, so..... I thought I'd give it a shot.
 

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Hello!

Do you know the concepts of function and functional stack? The page Personality Junkie has some good info on the topic. I'm asking this because ENFJ corresponds to the functional stack Fe-Ni-Se-Ti, while ENFP corresponds to Ne-Fi-Te-Si. So, by looking at the functions, we can see that actually the two types are very different, since they don't share any function. I believe the MBTI types can only be fully explained through the functions.

That being said, it seems tricky to type your mother, because lots of things you mentioned could be seen in both ENFJ and ENFP, depending on the person's context. What strikes me is the 1st point: "People, even strangers, feel comfortable around her". This is very characteristic of ENFJ. It corresponds very well to the function Fe, the strongest point of an ENFJ. The psychic abilities also push more towards ENFJ than ENFP, it's an example of how intuition could manifest in an ENFJ.

However, ENFP could apply too. The strongest point of an ENFP (function Ne) would be its drive to explore ideas, learn about ideas, learn about the world, in general. An ENFP that encounters obstacles to follow this freedom of exploration and discovery, especially if these obstacles are brought by other people around the ENFP, during her life, could well become bitter, resentful and hyper-sensitive towards these people.

So, I'll end the post with some questions. You say your mother complains a lot to you and your brother, but also hides things. But do you think that, in general, your mother is better at avoiding conflicts and at hiding her feelings, maybe even acting a bit, trying to masquerade what she really thinks? Also, would she prefer to "give her love" to everybody, regardless of the person, a "love to the masses" style, or is she more constrained with her love, selecting only certain people, or a special group of people?
 

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A few thoughts--it might help to know your father's type. My mom is an INFP and dad's an ESTJ and a lot of their issues stem from his difficulty verbalizing things (he has difficulty handling speculation and lack of concrete timeframes and has strong ideas about what is normal and appropriate. This makes mom less confident about her desires to explore and do things--he brings out the dark side of Ne for her).

In your case, it feels like your mother's in some negative Fe-Ne territory. She's probably not Fe-dominant, but it's coming through in the way she talks around the problem instead of confronting it head on. Possibly ISFJ?
 

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ESFJ seems most likely based on what you've written.
Your username though -- it makes me wonder of the inspiration? I used to have a little legend on my writing desk "Beware of Italians" as a wee joke to keep me wary of italics) Any relation?)
 
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IEE
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Sounds like xSFJ. I'd go ISFJ tbh.
 
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Guys, why are all of you pointing to a S type? I couldn't see any traces of S in the description, but I saw two things she mentioned that make me think of N. 1st is the fact that she has "psychic" traits, 2nd is that she avoids housework like the plague! :D I know S types can be disorganized too, but I find it hard seeing them avoiding it like the plague, especially at an older age. :D

But I still think, as I mentioned before, that guessing which functions your mother is using is the way to go! You seem to understand her very well, so I think that, once you grasp the meaning of the functions, you'll surely be able to detect which ones your mother is using, and then find her type based on that. :)
 

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Guys, why are all of you pointing to a S type? I couldn't see any traces of S in the description, but I saw two things she mentioned that make me think of N. 1st is the fact that she has "psychic" traits, 2nd is that she avoids housework like the plague! :D I know S types can be disorganized too, but I find it hard seeing them avoiding it like the plague, especially at an older age. :D

But I still think, as I mentioned before, that guessing which functions your mother is using is the way to go! You seem to understand her very well, so I think that, once you grasp the meaning of the functions, you'll surely be able to detect which ones your mother is using, and then find her type based on that. :)
Because
- Psychic/Mediumistic Abilities. (Which she blocks)
sounds like


While this part
- She has a big temper, and a lot of the times I think she's overreacting to little things and making them bigger. She expects the worst from certain people because, quite frankly, they have done wrong before and will continue to do so. I just think that that clouds EVERY single thing they say or do. She automatically assumes they're guilty of every little thing. (Like with my father for instance. Now, my father is not a good match for my mother. Mom used to be like Pollyanna, but over the years his negativity has definitely changed her personality and health. There's no question about that, but at the same time... he isn't all bad. She knows this, too, yet in my mind she doesn't like him at all. Whenever I tell her that I think she hates him, she gets defensive and says she doesn't. But what else am I to think when every single day she complains about him, and even I have heard - on many, many occasions - her saying that she hates him).
Sounds like lower Ne.

As for avoiding house work, my parents are both SJs they don't love it either. Step-dad doesn't care he grew up in a village, mother goes through bouts of cleaning between stages of "I am too busy doing awesome things".
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
So, I'll end the post with some questions. You say your mother complains a lot to you and your brother, but also hides things. But do you think that, in general, your mother is better at avoiding conflicts and at hiding her feelings, maybe even acting a bit, trying to masquerade what she really thinks? Also, would she prefer to "give her love" to everybody, regardless of the person, a "love to the masses" style, or is she more constrained with her love, selecting only certain people, or a special group of people?
She really complains to me the most. (Probably because I listen and we have such a strong bond). My brother mentioned that to her the one time, but that's no surprise because his fuse is very short and he's brutally honest anyway. He really doesn't have a filter and is a textbook narcissist.

My mother is pretty honest. (I forgot to mention that she DETESTS liars). She does avoid conflict, except when it comes to my father. (Which is understandable). When it comes to other people that have hurt her, she only discusses it with me.... a lot. A time or two she did open up to her mother about little things, but that's very rare.

As for being constrained or not with her love... she is very quick to help someone. She's opened her home to family members. (My cousin's fiance even lived with us for a few months when finishing her degree). I would say that family is extremely important to her.

I really need to just get her to take the test again. I feel a little guilty for writing this post, but I felt it would help to know her type... to better communicate with her. So many times I want to say the right thing, but usually just listen because when I DO offer advice she takes it the wrong way. She feels like I'm disrespecting her. (Which quite honestly angers me because I'm not that kind of person).

-------------------------

- I don't know my father's type.

- My username is a quote from a YA novel by the classic author Lucy Maud Montgomery. (She was most popular for writing "Anne of Green Gables").
 

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Queen of Hearts
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- My username is a quote from a YA novel by the classic author Lucy Maud Montgomery. (She was most popular for writing "Anne of Green Gables").
Thought so) I love the Emily books) The scene with the Disappointed House, with Dean...makes me cry every time) Sorry, I got all excited when I saw your username))
I still think SFJ sounds right, by the way.
 
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I was not thinking about the validity or not of her psychic traits, my point is that someone that comes across as psychic seems more intuitive than sensitive to me. But I admit this is not a strong clue. But nice gif, Greyhart! :)

In the end, I guess that I agree on the FJ, and I don't know about the rest.
 
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