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Discussion Starter #1
So I have a problem, Im sure it just may be a problem to me, but its a problem none the less. So... I really like this INFP, he is not really sure what type he is, but in socionics he is an IEI, which is the same as an INFP, and he has mentioned before that he may be an INFP....
So I dont know how he feels about me, we talk alot, he is like the missing puzzle piece to my life... he sends alot of mixed signals. which are very hard to read. one of the things that is very hard for me to get past, is his tendency to not respond to a message or a text, ill ask a question and never get a response. of course that seems like a dead give away that he is not that interested. but other days, we will just have awesome chemistry and talk the whole day.
we try to hang out often, but its difficult, because we live so far from each other. :(
Ive recently learned that his "selective" responses is an INFP trait, since their introverted, they need to recharge. I know this..

so the problem must stem from me then.. sooo....
I am usually hesitant about deciding how somebody internally feels about me if Im not receiving expression from the person. If contact dwindles between myself and another, then I frequently doubt that our relationship is positive; since this person matters enough to me, I become overly consumed in trying to "solve the problem", and as a result tend to be quite overbearing.

so I dont know if this is a me problem.. or an ENFJ problem.. I hope someone has coping methods to help me deal with not getting enough attention from this INFP..

HELP a Needy ENFJ...

.. also.. Damn you INFPs and your control over me!!!:dry:
 

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I'm going to be so bold and suggest that you outright tell him that it hurts you he doesn't respond to your messages. Put on a bit of your famous puppy eyes to really make the point clear. ^^ If he cares about you enough, he will improve. He might simply be afraid to get closer to you, and consciously "cools down" your relation a bit until he feels ready to devote himself to it. I think us INFPs sense quickly that you ENFJs are quite... eh... intense people, so we want to be sure we can handle you before we throw ourselves in your arms.

Best of luck!

EDIT: Just make sure, if you tell him, that it doesn't sound like you demand of him to answer. That might backfire and make him doubt whether he can live up to your standards. The key is to make him understand you like him very much, and want to get closer to him and build a relationship that lasts.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
oh the pressure! lol..

I will tell him. soon. once he responds to the message I just sent him. lol.

and I always apologize to him, when I sense that I have been a little too intense. but I wish he knew how much he makes me feel. I would give him the world if I could.

and I think he does care for me, to a degree, he always apologizes after certain introverted situations, and he tells me that he just needs time to recharge, im trying to be patient, but I just need something to preoccupy my mind while he recharges,
because at this point, I pretty much think about him often.
 

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well here's the thing about INFPs. we're very moody for no apparent reason. i have a thing for an ENFJ and i'll do the same thing with texting, and i don't even know why. I'll want to keep texting her but for some reason i think too much about what i should reply and then i give up and wait to see if she'll text me and just say something random to get a different subject going.
also, one day i'll feel like telling her all my feelings for her and how much she means to me, and then i will and i'll be happy about it. then the next day i'll be brief with conversation, one word answers ,nothing interesting, not carrying on the conversation etc. for no reason except for moods, i'll be afraid that i just revealed a lot about myself so by being distant it might subtract all i said and hide my feelings.
we're guarded and impossible, i'm not sure about our signals... if we even send any
so i rambled and used incorrect grammar, but hey, it's past my bed time... i guess
 

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Discussion Starter #5
dude(avaadore), I am so relieved to hear that... I mean it kinda sucks, but im glad it has nothing to do with me.. and you just explained his behavior to a T. he even expressed himself in like a 1 page essay, describing his feelings and what not, and now, he is being extremely distant. not even acknowledging his existence. lol! awwwwww that just makes me want him more!!!

so... now that I know that its a norm for him, how do I get him to like me more? what do I say or do, to let him know that I dont mind that he is like that. I already told him before that I am extremely patient and would wait eons for him (regardless of how chessy that sounds). what can I do to bring him more out of his shell? its hard for me to deal with his introverted ways.. everytime he goes in to seclusion, my thought go into being neglected, I start thinking that he doesnt like me anymore (for some unknown reason) then randomly, ill get a text, or message on some random topic from him, and the cycle repeats.

I need an INFPs perspective on what to do, or what to say.
 

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well sometimes i'll stop talking to her and become distant because i don't believe she has as strong of feelings for me as i do for her.
i guess i kind of test her to see if she feels the need to initiate conversations, and she does. the more time i spend in thought, the more time i convince myself no matter what she has said, that she doesn't have feelings for me.
i never realized how much i torture myself mentally.. haha
i don't know if there's much you can do besides just let time make him get over all his inward problems and thoughts.
i think it would help if you expressed your feelings, not in a really detailed way, but just a little way every day or at least every time you talk to each other, even if he is being distant.
i think if you're consistently honest about your feelings, he'll open up easier and more often.
 

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well sometimes i'll stop talking to her and become distant because i don't believe she has as strong of feelings for me as i do for her.
i guess i kind of test her to see if she feels the need to initiate conversations, and she does. the more time i spend in thought, the more time i convince myself no matter what she has said, that she doesn't have feelings for me.

i never realized how much i torture myself mentally.. haha
i don't know if there's much you can do besides just let time make him get over all his inward problems and thoughts.
i think it would help if you expressed your feelings, not in a really detailed way, but just a little way every day or at least every time you talk to each other, even if he is being distant.
i think if you're consistently honest about your feelings, he'll open up easier and more often.
I strongly agree with everything he said, especially the not believing they have strong feelings like i do and the pulling away to "test".
 

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true indeed. We do that sometimes, especially when we are scared that the feelings are not mutual or as intense. But I also do it when the feelings are not as mutual or intense and I just want to get out from time to time, when I am get that need to meet people after not socialising for a while. However, in the latter case, my behaviour is also different when I go out, I don't interact very much, joke around or have deep conversations like I would do with someone I really like. There are some differences in how I behave and how open I can get. I don't think this is the case here though, from what you are saying. The best soulution would be to open up a bit,talk to him about what he means to you.

In any case, it is not your fault for whatever, in anything that may happen to you in life, if you don't pretend to be someone yo uare not and just be yourself, you cannot really go wrong with that.:happy:
 

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thoughts

coming from experience with an INFP best friend though this whole feeling needy is a sign. Listen to yourself. I had the same experience and in the beginning it is exciting and a mystery but a few months down the road you may be fed up. I got fed up and ended up moving on to someone who reciprocated in a way I deem appropriate and respectful. All the while you can looove an INFP but this will not change about them and you may end up like me feeling like you do all the work/initiating/wondering/being left with silence.

I am much happier with friends who are more equal in contact and understand stepping out of bad moods and having general friend etiquette that I expect. Totally EJ thing but it makes a HUGE difference and I feel appreciated much much more with them not having to try to be someone they are not.

My Op is don't continue when you notice yourself getting needy-RED flag for lacking in your form of appreciation and you will feel needy the whole time, end up hurt when you give and give and still feel needy from their withdrawal. Also what I learned is I need expressed information, feelings to be happy. So anyone who keeps those hidden, no matter how sweet/awesome/compassionate will not get along with me in the long run.

I wished someone would have told me this. So talk to your INFP and ask for what you need and hopefully you can get it.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
true indeed. We do that sometimes, especially when we are scared that the feelings are not mutual or as intense. But I also do it when the feelings are not as mutual or intense and I just want to get out from time to time, when I am get that need to meet people after not socialising for a while. However, in the latter case, my behaviour is also different when I go out, I don't interact very much, joke around or have deep conversations like I would do with someone I really like. There are some differences in how I behave and how open I can get. I don't think this is the case here though, from what you are saying. The best soulution would be to open up a bit,talk to him about what he means to you.

In any case, it is not your fault for whatever, in anything that may happen to you in life, if you don't pretend to be someone yo uare not and just be yourself, you cannot really go wrong with that.:happy:

well sometimes i'll stop talking to her and become distant because i don't believe she has as strong of feelings for me as i do for her.
i guess i kind of test her to see if she feels the need to initiate conversations, and she does. the more time i spend in thought, the more time i convince myself no matter what she has said, that she doesn't have feelings for me.
i never realized how much i torture myself mentally.. haha
i don't know if there's much you can do besides just let time make him get over all his inward problems and thoughts.
i think it would help if you expressed your feelings, not in a really detailed way, but just a little way every day or at least every time you talk to each other, even if he is being distant.
i think if you're consistently honest about your feelings, he'll open up easier and more often.
awesome, damn.. why do you guys gotto make me work... I dont mind these test of love.. but damn.. lol if i didnt think he was worth it, i would have stopped talking to him ages ago... but the problem is that I FIRMLY believe this guy is "the one" or my soulmate.

but because of my Ni I see a pattern, and that pattern can only start with me telling him how i feel in a detailed way, then let it flow after that if he wants it to be..

ive gone through all his tests.. and i think I failed most of them, mainly because I have a fear of rejection, so didnt wanna play his game, and now.. i regret doing that.. I may have lost him, but I will tell him how i feel.. hopefully my Ni is developed enough to produce the results i see... but regardless he will see...

Hopefully this doesnt make things worse.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
coming from experience with an INFP best friend though this whole feeling needy is a sign. Listen to yourself. I had the same experience and in the beginning it is exciting and a mystery but a few months down the road you may be fed up. I got fed up and ended up moving on to someone who reciprocated in a way I deem appropriate and respectful. All the while you can looove an INFP but this will not change about them and you may end up like me feeling like you do all the work/initiating/wondering/being left with silence.

I am much happier with friends who are more equal in contact and understand stepping out of bad moods and having general friend etiquette that I expect. Totally EJ thing but it makes a HUGE difference and I feel appreciated much much more with them not having to try to be someone they are not.

My Op is don't continue when you notice yourself getting needy-RED flag for lacking in your form of appreciation and you will feel needy the whole time, end up hurt when you give and give and still feel needy from their withdrawal. Also what I learned is I need expressed information, feelings to be happy. So anyone who keeps those hidden, no matter how sweet/awesome/compassionate will not get along with me in the long run.

I wished someone would have told me this. So talk to your INFP and ask for what you need and hopefully you can get it.
yeah in the begining it was fun, it was exciting... but thats what got me hooked... now i just want him.. I would raise hell and erase mankind from this planet if thats what was required to be with him.. lol.. XD

I do agree that its a pain to always consistently deal with these text, and that has caused me to be needy, even overbearing.. something that i think all of us ENFJs deal with,

but regardless. my mind is set. and I want this one.. lol. and I TOO wished someone would have given me a heads up.. but ima go right now and write him a long ass message telling him how I feel about him! yay for the possibility of being rejected.. LOL
 

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coming from experience with an INFP best friend though this whole feeling needy is a sign. Listen to yourself. I had the same experience and in the beginning it is exciting and a mystery but a few months down the road you may be fed up. I got fed up and ended up moving on to someone who reciprocated in a way I deem appropriate and respectful. All the while you can looove an INFP but this will not change about them and you may end up like me feeling like you do all the work/initiating/wondering/being left with silence.

I am much happier with friends who are more equal in contact and understand stepping out of bad moods and having general friend etiquette that I expect. Totally EJ thing but it makes a HUGE difference and I feel appreciated much much more with them not having to try to be someone they are not.

My Op is don't continue when you notice yourself getting needy-RED flag for lacking in your form of appreciation and you will feel needy the whole time, end up hurt when you give and give and still feel needy from their withdrawal. Also what I learned is I need expressed information, feelings to be happy. So anyone who keeps those hidden, no matter how sweet/awesome/compassionate will not get along with me in the long run.

I wished someone would have told me this. So talk to your INFP and ask for what you need and hopefully you can get it.
I've noticed this in my life as well; actually, I was just thinking of it this morning. I completely agree with you. I've spent years being hurt by friends who didn't have the "general friend etiquette" that I expect or needed which made/makes me needy.

Very good advice. If someone makes you feel needy there's usually a very good reason (maybe intuition telling you they're just not that into you?) and it's worth paying attention to that feeling and asking why. You can make up all the excuses for them in the world, but in the end, the answer usually is just that they don't care for you that much.
 

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Haven't read the other responses but yea I do the not texting back thing too.... frequently. It's really nothing personal at all..... I get busy sometimes and I guess honestly it's the P-ness. That's all I have to say really. But yea..... ummm.... I forgot what I was gonna say.
 

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I've noticed this in my life as well; actually, I was just thinking of it this morning. I completely agree with you. I've spent years being hurt by friends who didn't have the "general friend etiquette" that I expect or needed which made/makes me needy.

Very good advice. If someone makes you feel needy there's usually a very good reason (maybe intuition telling you they're just not that into you?) and it's worth paying attention to that feeling and asking why. You can make up all the excuses for them in the world, but in the end, the answer usually is just that they don't care for you that much.
It is not that they don't care and you don't. I have learned the hard way that my needs matter and I can loose that when with a few close friends and be giving to them and start to get exhausted. I think Fi is a great thing but it thinks of the self or self values first and not the social representation of what the action will be interpreted as to the other person. So for me the INFP is great for coffee and deep conversation, on their own time table, and I do miss it but it is only when they feel like it. So when it comes to important functions, for example I hosted a party and I invited my bffs but they don't see not showing as a sign of any kind where as to me I have 50 people who come to every party I throw and think it is great but an INFP says why does that matter? Also with my birthday they don't see social expectations and they add up, or like being there for you when you need them and they are in their self-reflection mode. And this is where if I meet a healthy INFP I probably marry them but I was there for the INFP and in return she wasn't some times. That rationale of I can't help you if I am withdrawing/helping myself working through something....well at the end of the day you just wern't there and everyone else in my "fan club" notices and would do that so I move to make one of them a close friend.

It isn't that you both don't care. I phased out the INFP and like never heard from her except one or two texts in the last year saying she missed me or thought of me. SO I thought wow how stupid she didn't even care...I was told by one of her roommates way after the fact that she was incredibly hurt by losing my friendship. Again that was never told to me and she kept it inside and was passive. This is where if she had put effort- just 1/2 that I put, she could have told me or been open.
 

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I think Fi is a great thing but it thinks of the self or self values first and not the social representation of what the action will be interpreted as to the other person. So for me the INFP is great for coffee and deep conversation, on their own time table, and I do miss it but it is only when they feel like it.
You'll be happy to hear this is not really true.:happy: In fact, I for one do come when friends call me, whatever the time. Night walk in the park to eat ice cream, or if somebody feels liek we should go to the seaside to have fun this weekend (happend in my college years), I'd just get up and drive them here and have fun, catch the sunrise on the beach...or even jus going out for a movie or talking about something that happenedto them recently. I love spontaneous acts of having fun, difference between me and you (introvert/extrovert), I only do it with friends and some only with really close friends. I don't have a timetable when it comes to friends, well, unless somebody more important comes first, like my ex, I missed a lo of fun things because she (being an INTJ) was not that much into socialising with people, like me (being a feeler) was. In fact I had to cut down a lot of my activities to focus more on her, some I still regret now (like mountain climbing and wall climbing, that was fun :sad:). That's the beauty of the P and being a feeler, if a friend calls me or texts me or wants to talk to me, I will be there for them, of course, depending onhow close they areto me. If they are really close, I will even drive/travel for hundreads of miles to be there for hem if I have to. Nothing stops me when I am on a mission.:happy: Oh, unless another friend calls, in which the P part will come in and be late for the initial mission. :laughing:

So when it comes to important functions, for example I hosted a party and I invited my bffs but they don't see not showing as a sign of any kind where as to me I have 50 people who come to every party I throw and think it is great but an INFP says why does that matter?
Well, if itwas just a party, why does that matter?:laughing: Just kidding, I guess this were the difference between Fe and Fi shows, I mean, if there were already 50 people, in my view, you would not be lonely, you will be with people and me missing would not make such a bad impact. Don't get me wrong, I generally don't say no toa party unless something bad has happened and I have to do something else, I like parties where I will bewith close friends or with people. A party with 50 people could also be a bit scarry, if I don't know a few people with whom I know I will be able to talk to. I miss partying...:sad: had some reaaaaally crazy parties in highschool and college, for some, it took years to get over the effects.:laughing: (oh, crazy people...it's so good to be young and careless :tongue:) Anyway, getting back to the subject (it's a P thing, I tend to ramble from time to time), to me, a party is not that important, what's important to me, in a friend, is that that person is there for me when life gets rough and life always gets tough in some periods in life. That's what really matters, in my opinion, not some parties where people come to have fun in that moment. I need to know that my friends will be there for meif I get in deep shit and maybe even help me get out. Maybe your friend was thinking the same thing. I don't know how Iwould have survived for example last year, when I broke up with my ex (a 5-6 year deep relationship) if I didn't have my family or a group ofreally close friends with me. One ofthem, I barely see, maybe lessthan once a month, but he knows he can count on me, I know i can count on him, that's what makes him a great friend. And you know what, I even invited him to my birthday party, but he couldn't come, he has a family, kids and all, it wasn't easy and I didn't mind.
I don't know if it's a P thing or an INFP thing, but we see other things as more important. I have another friend, been to all his birthday parties and he was one with whom I used to party all colelge years. Went almos weekly wih him to parties in clubs and to other people's parties (less often though)...never missed any ofhisbirthday pary or whatever. That mus have gone like this for 5 years. After that, I settled down, moved in with my ex, couldn't go out as often, at onepoint, I was calling him for his birthday to wish him happy birthday, he wouldn't answer, would respond to my texts and he did the same with other people too. I don't know what happened, 3-4 years later (I did text him every year to with him happy birthday anyway, ause I cared and he'sone of the only I actually remember his birthday, that's something for me, trust me...:laughing:) he calls, he is getting married, invites me to his wedding...:unsure: I was suspecting the reason of his call, but anyway...point is...I prefer a friend who I know won't cut me out of his life like this and who will be there when I need someone to talk to or need help, than one who will just party with me and put a lot of value on those moments. I'll never forget those who were with me when I was "knocked down on the floor" and myheart was bleeding and I will inadvertly forget those I was partying with and kept only a shallow relationship. If it doesn't get deep, it's not important enough for me. (I know I wrote alot, but I gave you those examples from my life to realise why I for one don't think parties are that important and these are only small bits and pieces from what I lived to demonstrate that)


Also with my birthday they don't see social expectations and they add up, or like being there for you when you need them and they are in their self-reflection mode. And this is where if I meet a healthy INFP I probably marry them but I was there for the INFP and in return she wasn't some times. That rationale of I can't help you if I am withdrawing/helping myself working through something....well at the end of the day you just wern't there and everyone else in my "fan club" notices and would do that so I move to make one of them a close friend.

It isn't that you both don't care. I phased out the INFP and like never heard from her except one or two texts in the last year saying she missed me or thought of me. SO I thought wow how stupid she didn't even care...I was told by one of her roommates way after the fact that she was incredibly hurt by losing my friendship. Again that was never told to me and she kept it inside and was passive. This is where if she had put effort- just 1/2 that I put, she could have told me or been open.
See, the things is, it's never easy to express our emotions. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone who isignoring us, "stop that you idiot, I love you!" or something like that :laughing:, it just is like that for us. I don't know why your INFP friend did not give yo uthe attention you wanted, but I can assure you there are healthy INFPs out there who can be there for you and I am the living proof of it. And no, I am not saying that so I can marry you.:laughing: The best thing to do with an INFP (and any person for that matter) when something like this happens is to communicate and tell him exactly what is bothering you, in a friendly manner and how it hurt you what happened, explain why it was important, get them to open up. Some things that may be obvious to you, it may not be obvious to the other. Thing is, the personality type is not enough for a relationship to work, it helps a lot, but it's not enough. here also has to be some compatibility from other regards too.2 people who are suppose to be compatible even just as friends, can fight like hell for different reasons and could not see a middle ground. If life was reduced to 4 letters it would be just boring. My advice to you is to not generalise. I can gurantee you with 100% certainty that there are healthy outgoing INFPs out there, but you just have find one with more common grounds and that likes the things you like. Maybe she just did not like parties...I'm good at sports for example, so my idea of an interesting thing would be physical stuff, playing tennis, basketball, maybe dancing or running or whatever. Other like reading a lot and hate sports, you're very likely not to get one of those INFP to a party very often. We come in all shapes and sizes you know. :wink:

PS: Oh, not sureif I already said this : I think I could count on one hand the parties I missed because I did not want to be there in all my life.:happy:
 

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It is not that they don't care and you don't. I have learned the hard way that my needs matter and I can loose that when with a few close friends and be giving to them and start to get exhausted. I think Fi is a great thing but it thinks of the self or self values first and not the social representation of what the action will be interpreted as to the other person. So for me the INFP is great for coffee and deep conversation, on their own time table, and I do miss it but it is only when they feel like it. So when it comes to important functions, for example I hosted a party and I invited my bffs but they don't see not showing as a sign of any kind where as to me I have 50 people who come to every party I throw and think it is great but an INFP says why does that matter? Also with my birthday they don't see social expectations and they add up, or like being there for you when you need them and they are in their self-reflection mode. And this is where if I meet a healthy INFP I probably marry them but I was there for the INFP and in return she wasn't some times. That rationale of I can't help you if I am withdrawing/helping myself working through something....well at the end of the day you just wern't there and everyone else in my "fan club" notices and would do that so I move to make one of them a close friend.

It isn't that you both don't care. I phased out the INFP and like never heard from her except one or two texts in the last year saying she missed me or thought of me. SO I thought wow how stupid she didn't even care...I was told by one of her roommates way after the fact that she was incredibly hurt by losing my friendship. Again that was never told to me and she kept it inside and was passive. This is where if she had put effort- just 1/2 that I put, she could have told me or been open.
I think your INFP friends think that if you have 50 people showing up for your party, you don't need them there or it doesn't matter to you if they show up or not, because you have so many other friends and we often don't think we're important to begin with.
If you want your INFP friends to show up next time, tell them you want them to come and that it really matters to you. Then, they will show up. But the social anxiety, the feeling lonely in a crowd and the hurt of showing up for your friend and then being treated as though your showing up barely registered on anyone's radar -- hurts a lot. Not saying that you did that, but it's most likely been experienced by your INFP friends in the past. We can be insecure sucks.:crazy:
Not making excuses, just trying to explain things from my perspective to help a bit...

As for your friends not showing up when you needed them...did they know you needed them? If so, there's really no excuse for that unless it's a constant occurance (like a friend who's always having a crisis).
My guess would be that either your friend didn't realize you really needed them or the other option was that they were too selfish and/or depressed to care about your needs. I'm not an INFP expert but I can definitely say that if a friend I cared for needed me I would instantly cast aside whatever "reflective mode" I was in to help them out and be there for them. I would think it incredibly cruel not to.

I don't understand your friends behaviour, really. I have an ENFJ friend and she puts a lot into our friendship and is really open.
The only thing I can think is that your INFP friend has self-esteem issues; thinks you're popular with lots of friends and doesn't believe that you really care about her. But that is only a guess.
She might very well just be immature and selfish as well. IDK.
 

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I'm feeling that the worst thing that can happen to an INFP in a relation with an ENFJ is the INFP developing a bit of "inferiority complex." I'm actually sensing this in my own behavior. It took me a long time to muster up the courage to be more direct with my appreciation of her, but last time I saw her, that darn woman had let her hair free from the French braid she usually wears. My jaw just dropped to the floor. Two thoughts immediately started dancing around in my head. 1) "She's the most beautiful person on Earth", and 2) "She deserves someone waaayyy better than me." -__-

It's stupid because it borders on self-sabotage. The more I doubt my ability to please her, the less I can actually do so. It's difficult to get the thought out of my head though. I don't think it's uncommon for INFPs to feel like they're "way out of the league" with most ENFJs.

How did it go with your message, Kalifornia310? Thinking good thoughts here. :happy:
 

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Deleted my message... I got a little too personal.
Let me tell you How much this made me laugh!!!! LMAO! this should be the INFP moto from now on lol.

I cannot mention how many times this has happened to me...

ill go on facebook.. see 3 notifications from my crush(INFP) when i click on them.. it shows nothing.. because HE DELETED IT... ugh..

lol.. I caught him one time though hahaha.. he posted something, very personal and meaningful, which pretty stated how he wanted to see me, and he was having a bad day.. but then he deleted it, and replaced it with some mundane, everyday comment.. it was really adorable, of course i didnt mention to him that i read it.. it was my own personal happy moment.. to realize that he actually felt that way. ::sigh::

I'm feeling that the worst thing that can happen to an INFP in a relation with an ENFJ is the INFP developing a bit of "inferiority complex." I'm actually sensing this in my own behavior. It took me a long time to muster up the courage to be more direct with my appreciation of her, but last time I saw her, that darn woman had let her hair free from the French braid she usually wears. My jaw just dropped to the floor. Two thoughts immediately started dancing around in my head. 1) "She's the most beautiful person on Earth", and 2) "She deserves someone waaayyy better than me." -__-

It's stupid because it borders on self-sabotage. The more I doubt my ability to please her, the less I can actually do so. It's difficult to get the thought out of my head though. I don't think it's uncommon for INFPs to feel like they're "way out of the league" with most ENFJs.

How did it go with your message, Kalifornia310? Thinking good thoughts here. :happy:
I do feel like he feels that way, he knows how outgoing I am, and he has mentioned on several occasions how much he thought I was on a different level from him.. of course I thought such things were nonsense, since I AM THE ONE feeling inadequate... damn you INFPs and your control over me! :/
and regardless, we're ENFJs, we would never have you feel left out or excluded from anything. the opposite is more realistic, we want you to be a part of EVERYTHING.

hahaha, make your move again on that ENFJ of yours.. we tend to value and appreciate forms of expression.. express yourself..
Dont have regret in the future.. it sux..

as for me and my situation.. i dont know.. I have a feeling of how he feels about me from patterns and behavior.. but he has not been direct with me about his feelings.. and me fearing rejection, I NEED a direct answer.. ::sigh:: but I not obssessing any longer. Ive psyched myself out with this one.. lol. I have changed my perspective to me not being good enough for him. so my need for his presence is reduced.

we still talk alot, right now, I would say we are good friends. (and as an ENFJ I am perfectly fine with hiim being just a friend at this time, as long as he stays in my life i wont worry that much) ill wait until he is ready to tell me how he feels before I continue. I have others to preoccupy my time while he gets his life in order..


OH I did write him a lil message on facebook telling him how I feel, and he gave me a vague response back..
his statements and actions are so contradictory.. it confuses me... but I am patient.. and Im willing to wait for him.. :/
 

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It's too bad your guy cannot seem to get his act together, especially if he really likes you, but that's one of the things that's difficult for us. I think I've gotten quite far in overcoming my bad sides (doubting my intuition, always fearing the worst, overthinking everything...) but earlier in my life it would have been very difficult for me to catch an ENFJ. Yeah, lower your expectations (but not your charm!) and wait for him. He knows how you feel for him, he's got the ball now. Even if he's really in love with you, which I think he is, he might not be mature enough to be your partner. You don't want to carry this vagueness with you into a relationship.

Oh, I already made my move. Of course, I chickened out and admitted it on email, haha, but it all went well. My ENFJ was *quote* very surprised, because I never thought you felt like that for me. *unquote*. And here I thought I was being quite obvious when I tell her I dream of her, want to touch her hair etc etc :p But in the end, if you can't muster up the strength to be honest with your feelings with the person you love, you're not ready for it yet. I suppose I'm half-ready then...

I'm still trying to get over my feelings of inadequacy. I mean, she's even 4 years older than me. But in the end, you ENFJs have this wonderful ability to give people confidence as well. She's taught me that no girl is really "out of your league", and gives me hope that we INFPs might have something good to offer that other types don't.
 
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