I think Fi is a great thing but it thinks of the self or self values first and not the social representation of what the action will be interpreted as to the other person. So for me the INFP is great for coffee and deep conversation, on their own time table, and I do miss it but it is only when they feel like it.
You'll be happy to hear this is not really true.:happy: In fact, I for one do come when friends call me, whatever the time. Night walk in the park to eat ice cream, or if somebody feels liek we should go to the seaside to have fun this weekend (happend in my college years), I'd just get up and drive them here and have fun, catch the sunrise on the beach...or even jus going out for a movie or talking about something that happenedto them recently. I love spontaneous acts of having fun, difference between me and you (introvert/extrovert), I only do it with friends and some only with really close friends. I don't have a timetable when it comes to friends, well, unless somebody more important comes first, like my ex, I missed a lo of fun things because she (being an INTJ) was not that much into socialising with people, like me (being a feeler) was. In fact I had to cut down a lot of my activities to focus more on her, some I still regret now (like mountain climbing and wall climbing, that was fun :sad
. That's the beauty of the P and being a feeler, if a friend calls me or texts me or wants to talk to me, I will be there for them, of course, depending onhow close they areto me. If they are really close, I will even drive/travel for hundreads of miles to be there for hem if I have to. Nothing stops me when I am on a mission.:happy: Oh, unless another friend calls, in which the P part will come in and be late for the initial mission. :laughing:
So when it comes to important functions, for example I hosted a party and I invited my bffs but they don't see not showing as a sign of any kind where as to me I have 50 people who come to every party I throw and think it is great but an INFP says why does that matter?
Well, if itwas just a party, why does that matter?:laughing: Just kidding, I guess this were the difference between Fe and Fi shows, I mean, if there were already 50 people, in my view, you would not be lonely, you will be with people and me missing would not make such a bad impact. Don't get me wrong, I generally don't say no toa party unless something bad has happened and I have to do something else, I like parties where I will bewith close friends or with people. A party with 50 people could also be a bit scarry, if I don't know a few people with whom I know I will be able to talk to. I miss partying...:sad: had some reaaaaally crazy parties in highschool and college, for some, it took years to get over the effects.:laughing: (oh, crazy people...it's so good to be young and careless :tongue
Anyway, getting back to the subject (it's a P thing, I tend to ramble from time to time), to me, a party is not that important, what's important to me, in a friend, is that that person is there for me when life gets rough and life always gets tough in some periods in life. That's what really matters, in my opinion, not some parties where people come to have fun in that moment. I need to know that my friends will be there for meif I get in deep shit and maybe even help me get out. Maybe your friend was thinking the same thing. I don't know how Iwould have survived for example last year, when I broke up with my ex (a 5-6 year deep relationship) if I didn't have my family or a group ofreally close friends with me. One ofthem, I barely see, maybe lessthan once a month, but he knows he can count on me, I know i can count on him, that's what makes him a great friend. And you know what, I even invited him to my birthday party, but he couldn't come, he has a family, kids and all, it wasn't easy and I didn't mind.
I don't know if it's a P thing or an INFP thing, but we see other things as more important. I have another friend, been to all his birthday parties and he was one with whom I used to party all colelge years. Went almos weekly wih him to parties in clubs and to other people's parties (less often though)...never missed any ofhisbirthday pary or whatever. That mus have gone like this for 5 years. After that, I settled down, moved in with my ex, couldn't go out as often, at onepoint, I was calling him for his birthday to wish him happy birthday, he wouldn't answer, would respond to my texts and he did the same with other people too. I don't know what happened, 3-4 years later (I did text him every year to with him happy birthday anyway, ause I cared and he'sone of the only I actually remember his birthday, that's something for me, trust me...:laughing
he calls, he is getting married, invites me to his wedding...
I was suspecting the reason of his call, but anyway...point is...I prefer a friend who I know won't cut me out of his life like this and who will be there when I need someone to talk to or need help, than one who will just party with me and put a lot of value on those moments. I'll never forget those who were with me when I was "knocked down on the floor" and myheart was bleeding and I will inadvertly forget those I was partying with and kept only a shallow relationship. If it doesn't get deep, it's not important enough for me. (I know I wrote alot, but I gave you those examples from my life to realise why I for one don't think parties are that important and these are only small bits and pieces from what I lived to demonstrate that)
Also with my birthday they don't see social expectations and they add up, or like being there for you when you need them and they are in their self-reflection mode. And this is where if I meet a healthy INFP I probably marry them but I was there for the INFP and in return she wasn't some times. That rationale of I can't help you if I am withdrawing/helping myself working through something....well at the end of the day you just wern't there and everyone else in my "fan club" notices and would do that so I move to make one of them a close friend.
It isn't that you both don't care. I phased out the INFP and like never heard from her except one or two texts in the last year saying she missed me or thought of me. SO I thought wow how stupid she didn't even care...I was told by one of her roommates way after the fact that she was incredibly hurt by losing my friendship. Again that was never told to me and she kept it inside and was passive. This is where if she had put effort- just 1/2 that I put, she could have told me or been open.
See, the things is, it's never easy to express our emotions. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone who isignoring us, "stop that you idiot, I love you!" or something like that :laughing:, it just is like that for us. I don't know why your INFP friend did not give yo uthe attention you wanted, but I can assure you there are healthy INFPs out there who can be there for you and I am the living proof of it. And no, I am not saying that so I can marry you.:laughing: The best thing to do with an INFP (and any person for that matter) when something like this happens is to communicate and tell him exactly what is bothering you, in a friendly manner and how it hurt you what happened, explain why it was important, get them to open up. Some things that may be obvious to you, it may not be obvious to the other. Thing is, the personality type is not enough for a relationship to work, it helps a lot, but it's not enough. here also has to be some compatibility from other regards too.2 people who are suppose to be compatible even just as friends, can fight like hell for different reasons and could not see a middle ground. If life was reduced to 4 letters it would be just boring. My advice to you is to not generalise. I can gurantee you with 100% certainty that there are healthy outgoing INFPs out there, but you just have find one with more common grounds and that likes the things you like. Maybe she just did not like parties...I'm good at sports for example, so my idea of an interesting thing would be physical stuff, playing tennis, basketball, maybe dancing or running or whatever. Other like reading a lot and hate sports, you're very likely not to get one of those INFP to a party very often. We come in all shapes and sizes you know. :wink:
PS: Oh, not sureif I already said this : I think I could count on one hand the parties I missed because I did not want to be there in all my life.:happy:
