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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First, I would like to introduce myself. I am a male ENFJ and have always thought I was a little 'weird' compared to the social norms of males today. I learned of my personality type a few weeks ago and have been trying to dig and learn as much as I can. I have always been thought of by friends as very sociable, charismatic, and can get what I want for the most part by being a little charming. So, I am saying HI to all fellow peops out there!

Anyway, on to the meat of the discussion. I have been dating someone for a few weeks and she is an ESFJ. We really have a good time and it seems strange that we have so many things in common in terms of values. I always hear that opposites attract, and when looking at our compatibility based on the BmyS, it seems that this duo is not an ideal match.

Please give me any thoughts you might have on this duo. THANKS!
 

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@jaro

Go with what your heart tells you as far as the relationship goes.

Just use MBTI as a tool to discuss each other and come to your own conclusions about how much each of you relate to your type descriptions. Don't force traits on each other that you might not have - because not all individuals of any type can be truly boxed in.

Each individual within a type sub-group is just that, an "individual" ... These descriptions are scientific enough to hold merit for individuals, but leave far too much room when it comes to using them as a tool for judging relationships and predict the overall health of the relationship.

What you can do is use strengths and weaknesses you relate to and act accordingly.

Don't allow any doubts to creep in based on what you read on a website --- authenticate the source, question the reliability of author and finally come to your own conclusions about the subject material.
 

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The healthy ESFJs that I have met have been great. When I'm not giving advice, I look to ESFJs for my advice (practical advice which I absolutely need sometimes!). I haven't met your ESFJ, but what SilentScream said was completely right. So, in my opinion, if you have a good connection, go for it! There is nothing wrong with that.
 

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My brother is an ENFJ and he's been together with an ESFJ for over a year now. They're very happy. I think that the relationship can definitely work in the long-run if both groups are trying to make it work, and their core values are equal to the others.
 

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The MBTI is just a tool, not a definite.
I had a relationship withh an ESFJ, but it turned out she was a total bimbo (no offense to others) and it was purely physical. I couldn't hold a conversation at all!
But that's just my bad experience. If you can make it work, then make it work!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thankyou Very much for the replies. I am going to give the relationship my best effort and see where it takes me. Being an ENFJ, I take my relationships very seriously and want everything to always work out and nobody get hurt but we know most relationships dont work that way.....ugh.

A little background information. We met while she was in a 4 year relationship about a month ago. We discussed how she was unhappy with her current relationship along with the other trivial stuff. Us ENFJs like to get to the heart of good convos. The next day she tells me that she wants to hang out because she just ended her relationship with her previous BF. I was flattered at first and was willing to get to know who she was as a person. Anyway, she came on real strong in terms of the chase and that usually scares me off but like I said in an earlier post, we do have a lot of common values.

So we have been seeing eachother for a few weeks and she has been hinting about wanting to make things exclusive. I have my reservations since she just got out of such a long relationship. Last time I was in a multi year relationship and it ended, I was hurt for a long time. Another thing is she seems a little needy/clingy but it might be because it is early in the relationship and I have options which she is aware of but I do spend my free time with her.

Are you guys aware of any problems that typically arise from this duo? Its always good to know what I am getting myself into. Thanks again for the replies.
 

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@jaro Most relationships go reasonably well at first, I think it takes at least a few months to start to get indications of where things are really going to head. In all honesty, ENFJ/ESFJ I don't think it the most balanced typing ever, but it's really going to depend on the details of how you are as individuals. (Particularly since %s on letters can vary a lot, and other details as well).

Though I haven't really read up much on it, I think that the main point of contention between myself and ESFJs is that there's going to be disagreement between the social here and now, and the social potential/consequences of actions. (And this can lead to a very fundamental disagreement since you're both doing the same thing, but with totally different scopes and ideas of what's important over what terms, etc.)

The other potential problem is that there's not going to be enough of a spark from your differences to keep things going, but again, that depends on all the details.
 
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