Personality Cafe banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
684 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey there, fellow ENFJs!

I'm curious to know what you were like as teenagers, and how your introverted intuition started to come into the picture.

The reason I ask is because I'm trying to type my younger sister, who seems like an ENFJ to me, but we're both not sure. At first I thought she was an ESFJ, but then I realized she really doesn't have any introverted sensing at all. Then again, I'm not even sure she has introverted intuition either, but I'm certain (also confirmed by her) that her dominant function is extroverted feeling, so it's got to be one or the other.

To me, introverted intuition is just THE trickiest function to try to understand, especially since I don't have it :confused:

Help? ^^;
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
334 Posts
As an ENFJ teenager I believe I was exceptionally good at sensing other's emotives. How I weighed those signals depended heavily on how much I related and/or respected a person. To peers, I was the life of the party, the clown, the patient friend, the supportive fellow enthusiast. Whatever the situation required. But I had issues with older "authority" figures who would try to exercise authority after completely misreading me. And in those cases I would act as though their worst impressions of me were, in fact, a reality. I had lost respect for them because they had not shown respect to me. This may have had more to do with my own unique flavor of personality, but I'm putting it out there in case there is relevance to your situation.

Everyone one is different. Even still, there are litmus tests. An ENFJ will almost always listen to criticism and reflexively try to close the gap. Say to an ENFJ, "When you did this, it hurt my feelings" and they'll reach out and apologize for how their actions made you feel hurt before explaining their own motivations. By contrast, an intuitive feeler would more likely first explain their motivations and, for better or worse, not then empathize with your differing experience. It's not that the intuitive feeler is blind to your reaction. It's just that their fallback would be "I didn't mean what you thought I meant, ergo, your experience was based purely on misinterpretation". Notice how there is good intentions from both scenarios; except one validates and clarifies while the other simply clarifies.

I would say that in our teens, and often into our twenties, we lack the wisdom both to understand ourselves and also for others to gain an accurate read on us. We're so much in flux that it's hard to tell what about ourselves is innate what is forced upon us by our environment.

I'm not sure if I was helpful but perhaps I can help continue your journey of understanding.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,980 Posts
My teenage experience is probably going to sound a whole lot different than most ENFJ's experiences.

I'm still a teenager (17) but throughout my teenage years I've been lonely and depressed and shy. There have been times when my ENFJ traits have shown through though, I remember a time in my early teenage years, when I was around 14 in 8th grade, when I was like the leader of the entire class (I went to a small private school with small class sizes). Whenever someone wanted to win an argument, they would come to me for help. I'm very charismatic when I need to be. At that time, I also had quite a few friends (not really friends, more like a ton of acquaintances). Things kind of started to get worse from there, because that is when my depression really started. I became withdrawn from everyone and everything, even my own family. That's pretty much what my life has been for the past couple of years, except that now I think things are getting a little better. I go to a community college now, and I get along much better with the adults than I ever did with the teenagers. I've made quite a few friends too. If it hadn't been for my depression, I think I would probably have been very well-liked and popular during the middle part of my teenage years, like I was in the early part and am becoming now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,636 Posts
I have a younger sister (age 14) who is also ENFJ...she is very bright, fiery and feisty, active, observant about people and organised...a true leader and alpha personality, though sometimes too aggressive and bossy. The good side of that, however, is that she has a very kind heart and loves helping her friends :)

Her Fe is still very unbalanced, so she cares too much about the opinions of others and completely bases her sense of self-worth on them...she is obsessed with being "popular" and knowing a lot of people. I hope it's just a normal teen thing and that she will grow out of it :)

I was similar to her when it comes to general temperament, but I was much "weirder" and had absolutely no desire to conform...though I did want to be popular in my own circle of weirdos. In my late teens I was very ESTP-ish..,rebellious, thrill-seeking, life of the party :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
280 Posts
I'm eighteen, so I still consider myself a teenager. I think that will hardly ever go away from my personality. But whilst growing up, I went through major phases in my life, both darker and lighter but I matured a lot. I think being an ENFJ makes you see people in some sort of a pedestal and now that I'm older I've acknowledged how many mistakes I've made by simply putting too much faith on people. And I've become a lot more independent and feisty, although that little flame was always there, I think you learn how to stand up for yourself and be less submissive about things. My mom likes to point her finger at me for being sort of rebellious, but I won't change that. It's hard to say no, but you eventually learn to do it, once you realize you've been a scared and shy teenager that simply let people drain the energy out of you. I had pretty rough moments going through adolescence, mostly because I wanted to do good and I didn't know how. And I was pretty naive, I accepted just about everything was told to me. I think I wanted too badly to please people and that ruined it. I was sensitive to the point of crying for others and whilst I still am, I've matured enough to comprehend that saying no, standing up for yourself and being a little selfish at times can be just as good as doing the opposite. It was pretty rough from the moment I joined high school, mostly because you're so focused on being an adult that you forget that you're also supposed to have a lot of fun too.. So, uhm, I guess it was just what I needed somehow.

(And sorry for that cheesy piece of emotional story!!!!)
 
  • Like
Reactions: CupcakesRDaBestBruv

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,180 Posts
Eh... I am always troubled in school, especially from years 4-10 (I'm in year 10.) I am always pushed in a corner and I feel horrified just to watch everyone else enjoy all the fun what's to offer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
I just finished High School. I was very cheerful ad bubbly in High School, was very friendly and was on good terms with most people. I got voted "happiest" in my year book etc.
I did have a really hard time in my last few years when I had a falling out with one of my girls and then felt like I lost the authenticity of all of my friendships. That was awful. I used to base all of my self worth on how many people adored me, so it was difficult learning to seperate myself from that (im still learning!).
But overall, I was very talkative and friendly and I got along with anyone I decided I wanted to. I always enjoyed being able to walk into a room and have everyone turn around and smile at me (I dont mean to sound cocky or anything this was genuinely the main way I got satisfaction out of my relationships, if you werent adoring me I got really down). I used to invest a lot of time into making sure everybody liked me.
Anyway thats it :laughing:
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top