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Discussion Starter #1
Hello ESFJs!

I need a little/a lot of help interpreting the actions of an ESFJ friend of mine. She actually reminds me a lot of myself two or three years ago (back then, I also tested ESFJ), so it's I'm a little surprised that I'm having some trouble.

Disclaimer: there's a lot of somewhat corny, sappy anecdotes, and it's quite a long read.... oops.

We're both in high school (bear with me, haha). She's two years and some months younger than me, and we got to know each other from the number of extracurricular activities we share, especially the robotics team, which I lead.

Since a few months ago, she started calling me an older brother because at a fundraising event we were at I made sure my teammates, including her, didn't go without food while they were volunteering. Ever since, we've been really close, but in kind of a sibling way. A lot of witticisms and banter, which makes my day every day. :proud: According to the link below, this sibling relationship makes sense.

A few weeks after that, I got into her dream college (which is mine as well), so moreso than before I became a role model for her. As before, I kept talking to her on a regular basis. Come the holiday season, I made a ton of candy cane reindeer and handed it out to people, and she was super excited about it. The day after, she gave me a present, and on the envelope of the card she wrote "To Larry, the most stupid, un-inspirational senior ever. Lots of hate: [ESFJ name]." I told her wouldn't open it until the 25th.

A few days before Christmas, our team had another volunteer event, during which we packaged a ton of food (literally. We did 8700 lbs) for the needy at local food bank. We did an assembly line sort of thing, but I made sure to go around from job to job (there were 6 total) so that I got a chance to talk to a lot of people, since I lead the team. Each time I switched jobs, ESFJ followed me, and I ended up talking to her a lot that day.

On the 25th, I opened up the highly anticipated gift and card. The gift was a notebook of our dream college. At first, I was going to read the card in the vicinity of my mom and sister, but what I had assumed to be a normal greeting card based on the thickness of the nevelope (on card stock and stuff) turned out to be 2 letter-sized sheets of paper full of single-spaced text folded into quarters. I put it away quickly and read it afterwards.

I was totally taken aback by the letter. In addition, the post script of the letter said to open to the first page of the notebook. I did, and it was covered in a rainbow of sentences and drawings. All in all, what she typed and wrote must've taken an hour or two.

This was a bit of a shock to me, so I asked the only other senior that she had really gotten to know over the last few months (interestingly, also an ENFJ) if she had gotten anything from ESFJ. She did. I then asked her if she had gotten a card. She did. Finally, I asked her if she got a ton of writing to go with it. She asked me if "two sentences counts as a lot." Obviously, that's nowhere near what I received.

A few days later, we were talking online and she started referencing some of my college essays, which I had sent to her to look at. In my essay, I had mentioned that I am a hopeless romantic, and that I sing Taylor Swift songs in the shower. Suddenly, she sends me a link to this story titled "What I Did for Love". [spoiler!]Basically, it was about a girl and a boy who were in love with each other, but because of a misunderstanding the girl always thought the boy loved her only as a younger sister, so they never got married.[/spoiler!]

I totally didn't realize it at first, and I thought the story was wonderful so I shared it with some of my friends. One of them, though, was wholly convinced that ESFJ was trying to tell me something through subliminal messaging. She was the girl in the story and I was the guy. I honestly don't know.

Finally, a few days ago, we were both really tired after studying for a competition we were attending for DECA (a business competition). She wanted to show me a logo she designed, and she tried to tell me how to draw it verbally. It was supposed to be a running person, but mine looked like a cliff and a sunset, so I told her. She told me I was stupid :)tongue:), and then said she wanted to show me the logo she drew. She asked if I had a webcam, and I said yes.

So we got on Skype, and she showed me her logo, and I showed her my terrible excuse of a logo replica. That took all of about 3 minutes. Afterwards, we just started totally goofing off. She showed me her room and all the things she had on her walls, and I did the same. We then showcased our stuffed animals and quirky belongings to each other.

At the beginning, we wanted to try to get the microphones to work so we could talk to each other but couldn't, so we communicated on webcam by writing notes with Sharpie on paper and holding it up to the camera, the way it's done in the You Belong With Me music video, her favorite Taylor Swift song.

I don't know how we ended up spending like an hour and a half doing absolutely nothing, but it was honestly the most enjoyable hour and a half I've had in a while.

Right now, I get along pretty well (from the limited interaction I've had) with her younger brother who I'd like to conspire against ESFJ with, and apparently I'm a household name with her parents because I'm supposed to be someone ESFJ looks up to. I hear from her friends and brother that she talks about me a lot.

What should I make of this? ESFJ is one of the sweetest, cleverest, fake-meanest but actually nicest girls I've ever met, and I can't stand to break her heart. I'm leaving for college in less than 8 months from now while she's still a freshman in high school, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lead her on, but I enjoy her company so much and I definitely think this could work out. I couldn't care less what people think of me for being with a freshman, but the psychological barrier that does exist is the fear of lovesickness once we're physically separated.

Help! ><

380 Posts
Hmmmm. . . . well, it's possible she has feelings for you, and it's possible that she sees you simply as a really close friend/brother. . . . I'm going to have to say go with your gut on this. You're ENFJ which means you also have a lot of Fe, so you can also easily read what people are feeling. If you think she likes you and you like her back I'd say go for it.

And let me know how it turns out. ;)
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