I'm new to this forum but I'm glad to have found it! A few weeks ago I took the MBTI for work and discovered that it's actually not the pile of un-validated crap I thought it was! I've been cruising all over past threads on the ENFJ forum for help and insight on a few topics. I'm noticing a theme that's making me oddly uncomfortable and I'd like to throw it out here to see what y'all think.
Almost all my life people have told me how awesome I am, how "refreshing" it is that "you are so YOU," and how I make other people happy. I've noticed other non-ENFJs start threads to compliment us in these same ways, and it seems that other ENFJs accept those compliments without a problem, and seem to believe them. I mean, I accept compliments with a "thank you" as well, don't get me wrong. My mother raised me right! But I feel extremely uncomfortable when people say that so I shut down for a while and hope that no one else thinks that I was trying to beg for compliments just by doing/saying something that comes naturally.
I don't see how what I do or say makes me particularly awesome, compared to anyone else. For that matter, I don't see how "you are so YOU" is supposed to make any sense whatsoever, unless the person saying it surrounds themself in a community of posers, and if that's the case, that says more about them than it does about me, wouldn't you say? The worst part is that I have an uncanny ability to make large groups of people laugh until they cry, and this tends to make me feel like shit since I often wasn't trying to be funny, which means that people apparently think my natural presence is something of a joke.
Fortunately, I've had a lot of therapy so I don't really dwell on these things very often. I can put them in the proper emotional context and not worry about it as much as I used to. Since learning about ENFJ traits, I'm even starting to appreciate why people say these things and recognize them as strengths. That said, I don't understand how I could score so high on all of the letters, and yet feel like I have so little in common with the rest of you! Any thoughts? Experiences? Stories?
Edited to add that along the same lines of not having much in common with ENFJs, I hate being hugged by people. I think it stems from my same belief that compliments aren't particularly sincere. As genuinely and heartfelt as my affection for people is, I don't want them hugging me unless we know each other well enough to appreciate holding each other. Not to sound all pro-abstinence here, but if you're going around hugging people left and right, why should I bother? Am I alone on this one?
Almost all my life people have told me how awesome I am, how "refreshing" it is that "you are so YOU," and how I make other people happy. I've noticed other non-ENFJs start threads to compliment us in these same ways, and it seems that other ENFJs accept those compliments without a problem, and seem to believe them. I mean, I accept compliments with a "thank you" as well, don't get me wrong. My mother raised me right! But I feel extremely uncomfortable when people say that so I shut down for a while and hope that no one else thinks that I was trying to beg for compliments just by doing/saying something that comes naturally.
I don't see how what I do or say makes me particularly awesome, compared to anyone else. For that matter, I don't see how "you are so YOU" is supposed to make any sense whatsoever, unless the person saying it surrounds themself in a community of posers, and if that's the case, that says more about them than it does about me, wouldn't you say? The worst part is that I have an uncanny ability to make large groups of people laugh until they cry, and this tends to make me feel like shit since I often wasn't trying to be funny, which means that people apparently think my natural presence is something of a joke.
Fortunately, I've had a lot of therapy so I don't really dwell on these things very often. I can put them in the proper emotional context and not worry about it as much as I used to. Since learning about ENFJ traits, I'm even starting to appreciate why people say these things and recognize them as strengths. That said, I don't understand how I could score so high on all of the letters, and yet feel like I have so little in common with the rest of you! Any thoughts? Experiences? Stories?
Edited to add that along the same lines of not having much in common with ENFJs, I hate being hugged by people. I think it stems from my same belief that compliments aren't particularly sincere. As genuinely and heartfelt as my affection for people is, I don't want them hugging me unless we know each other well enough to appreciate holding each other. Not to sound all pro-abstinence here, but if you're going around hugging people left and right, why should I bother? Am I alone on this one?