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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We're married and have a kid. I'm 20 he's 21. We do not get along at all! Steadily getting worse. We can't get past the fact that I'm outgoing and need/want lots of friends where as he would rather it just be me and him all the time he had a rough childhood too so he's aggressive, judgemental, biased, jealous, always in a bad mood, never satisfied... What can I do to make this better?

He is okay with my ENFJ female friend my isfp male friend and my INTJ male friend although the INTJ male friend irritates him. He HATES my entp friend, though he's never really met him he's just heard bad things. There's where that judgemental art comes in.the entp and isfp are brothers and the entp is my downstairs neighbor, so he's always thinking I'm up to no good when he's not home. Ugh, help me make him understand me!
 

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Re-read your post and look at what you're saying. If you want to make it better, start by changing your attitude about your husband. You'll reap what you sew. Come up with reasons why you love him and things you respect about him. Show him you appreciate him. You can't solve the problem when you're at the viewpoint of, "He's judgmental and jealous and he doesn't understand me." If you want to him to understand you, first make an effort to REALLY understand him and see things from his point of view. I've been in a relationship with an ISTJ for over a year now, we live together, pay bills; the whole nine-yards, and what I've found is they're really NOT that high maintenance. Try and figure out why it is that you're going outside of your relationship for companionship and affirmation. Figure out what your needs are, how they can be met by your husband, and how you can meet his. When your needs are met in your relationship, you wont need as much time out with friends; you wont WANT that. Which will make him happy, and you happy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I get support from my friends as well as fun times. My ISTJ is all about money and material items instead of memories that can be made he wants to buy expensive things. I'm very tied down. I want a little bit of freedom. Not from him, I want him to be a part of the freedom. We have talked several times and our values and morals and viewpoints always headbutt each other full speed. I have tried to understand him. That is what sparked my interest months ago in the profiles. His profile breaks him down almost to a T. So I tried to read into it hoping it would better my understanding of how he functions and thinks.
 

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I know it might be hard to hear but I agree.. you are seeing him as the enemy a bit at the moment and understandably, things are frustrating between two different types of people. I will double confirm, you have to find what you loved about him in the first place, what brought you two together.

The ideal is you are both on the same team, making a life together and find your common ground. Maybe a hobby you have in common or something like that. I know in my past when a bf/husband/etc upset me I'd flirt with my male friends because it made me feel desirable and I didn't feel that at home. I felt guilty about it but it also made me feel wanted which I didn't feel at home.

If you are doing something similar, he may just be picking up on it. The best thing to think of is what makes you feel secure and happy and listen to what makes him feel secure and happy. Compromise doesn't mean one person giving something up and sacrificing, it means finding a true middle ground. That might be necessary. *hug*
 
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